WEBVTT
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This whole idea of your mental disorders being caused by chemical imbalance, there's no science behind that.
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There's nothing.
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And all the tests will show that you're biologically normal.
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Your serotonin levels are normal.
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Your dopamine levels are completely within range.
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All the science shows that you're normal biologically.
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So then what's going on?
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Hello, everyone, and welcome to today's episode.
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When we think about the term bipolar disorder, we often think about the erratic mood swings, that people tend to have a perception about what that is, or you know, we tend to think about medications, we tend to look at that as we we know it as a depressive disorder.
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In the mental health world, especially, it is grouped under depressive disorders.
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And as we know it, most people who come to therapists who have bipolar disorder have a psychiatrist prescribe them medication to handle the mood swings.
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Today, we have a very special guest, Sean Blackwell, who is here to challenge our perceptions and any notions of bipolar disorder and instead reframe how we think about bipolar disorder so that we can look at it from a different lens and think about it differently to gain a better understanding not only for if perhaps any of us have bipolar dis, but for people whom we may know who may have bipolar disorder.
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So without further ado, let's please welcome here Sean.
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Thank you so much for being here, Sean.
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Hi, Songa.
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Thanks for having me.
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So, Sean, why bipolar disorder?
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What made you choose to go into that?
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Well, to a certain degree, it chose me.
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In 1996, so over 30 years ago, about 30 years ago, I had a experience in an intensive self-help seminar that during an meditation, I felt kind of an explosion of energy at my heart center.
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And I started intensive crying and I was feeling a lot of fear.
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It was part of this meditation to focus on our fears.
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And by the time that meditation was over, all my senses had sharpened.
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I could see detail in curtains that I couldn't see before.
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I had a sense of oneness with things.
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I had a feeling of like all-knowingness, like, well, not all-knowingness, but I finally knew things that I felt like I didn't know enough about before.
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There was a knowingness there.
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And after five days of being in that state, uh being very emotional with my family, bringing up issues from my childhood, was eventually eventually came to the conclusion that I had died.
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And I had died in a scuba diving accident that I had two months earlier.
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And that's what brought up the fear.
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Because when I was in that meditation, all of a sudden I was focused on fear, and then all of a sudden I saw my depth gauges in my hand.
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And I had lost my weight belt 90 feet below sea level.
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And there was one moment where I was just watching my depth gauges, wondering if I was going to die or not before I hit the surface.
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Because I had lost belt and my whole body was going up to the surface very quickly.
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But if you panic in that situation or you feel fear, you can die right away from an air embolism.
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I had been trained for my scuba train training to just relax.
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And so that's what I did, but I didn't know that it had traumatized me.
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And that trauma came up in this intensive self-help seminar, which led me to being thinking that I was dead.
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Now, from the very beginning, I felt like things had opened up for me.
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I had been in depression, in and out of depression for seven years, extremely frustrated with my career.
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And um what was your career?
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I was in advertising and it really wasn't going anywhere.
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You know, it was really stuck.
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And uh, so when I took the course, I felt this big opening.
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And so I felt like things were much better.
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And uh that was really the beginning.
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Well, because I was put to the psychiatric hospital.
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And there they were giving me a psychiatric diagnosis of perhaps bipolar or schizophrenia, or a one-time episode.
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But I always knew it was very good for me.
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And uh after that, my life got a lot better.
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I took a few months to integrate, but then when I went back to work, my salary tripled within three years.
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I went from$30,000 to$100,000 a year in Canadian dollars, you know.
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It was a big move.
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And uh, everything just got better.
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But I always knew it was a spiritual process that I was in, you know.
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I never had to go back to the psychiatric hospital, I never got medicated.
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It was just a big leap forward for me.
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And a year later, I discovered the work of Dr.
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Stan Groff, and he had coined what he termed a spiritual emergency.
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Now, for him, a spiritual emergency was a crisis that could be taken as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, but that it actually could be a breakthrough, like a really uh spiritual breakthrough for people could be very good.
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And so that's what happened to me.
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And I was like, oh, this is what happened to me.
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And I told my parents and I told them to read the book.
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Of course, they didn't.
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Anyways, so that went well and life went on.
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I eventually met a woman from Brazil, moved to Brazil, that's where I live now, and um, we were married.
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We recently divorced, but we were together 27 years and we're still friends.
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Um, 24 years actually.
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We're still friends.
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But then it was 10 years in Brazil that her nieces started to have episodes, and they were being diagnosed with bipolar and they were being given psychiatric medications, which I had medication when I was in the hospital, but never after that.
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And then I spent the next four months trying to figure out what was happening to them versus what happened to me.
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And that's when the whole journey started of exploring what I would call the spiritual dimension and healing potential of bipolar disorder.
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And that was 2007 when I started this work.
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So, when you were in the hospital, what medication did they give you?
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And what did you believe about when you were diagnosed with bipolar as a potential diagnosis for you?
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What did you feel like you could resonate with with that diagnosis?
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I couldn't resonate with anything, and I and I never did.
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I just thought this psychiatrists are making a big mistake, and I've got to get out of here.
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So I told them what they needed to hear, which was told them my name and that this is my family, and I think I had some sort of PTSD response to the scuba diving accident.
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I thought that would impress them.
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And I was very lucky, lucky, I was out in four days.
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I was out in four days.
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And so for me, I I never internalized the idea of a mental illness.
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And what broke my delusion of being dead was just the fact that two days later, when I finally woke up from the medications, and I don't know what they medicated me with.
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It was a forced injection.
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It felt like rape, it was horrible.
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And I thought, well, if I'm being, I thought I was being tested by God, but when they forcibly injected me, that kind of broke that delusion.
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I was like, well, God wouldn't be that mean, you know.
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And then I was still in the hospital two days later.
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I hadn't passed on to some other dimension.
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So I thought, well, I just I don't know what's going on, but I need to get out of here, you know.
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And so just the fact that I was in the hospital started to break down my delusions, you see.
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And so it wasn't that, it wasn't that bad for me.
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It was very like if you look at what happened, I mean, when the police arrested me, I was naked, I was down to my underwear in a five-star hotel ballroom, you know.
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That's where the course was taking place.
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And I was in the next room.
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I had taken everything off, I had peed on the carpet, I was waiting to be taken to heaven, you know.
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So I was having, from a psychiatric uh perspective, a quote, acute psychosis.
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There's no doubt.
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It was the acute psychosis that these days usually gets labeled as bipolar one, where you have mania going into psychosis.
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But back then, you could also get a schizophrenia label as well, you know.
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So that's what I did it.
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So I never internalized the diagnosis.
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It was never part of my reality.
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It only came because I thought like a spiritual experience and a mental illness were completely apart, you know, like far apart.
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And then even from my studies, I thought, well, these are completely different things.
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They just get confused.
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But then once I saw what happened to my wife's nieces, I was like, okay, what's going on here?
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And I realized that actually there's a big gray area.
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There's a big gray area between the breakdown and the breakthrough, you might say.
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When you got out of the hospital, you went on to go ahead and eventually write a book, Bipolar Awakenings.
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What have you learned throughout your journey in this awakening experience that you've had post-hospital?
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Well, the first book I wrote in 2011 was Am I Bipolar or Waking Up?
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And that's my story.
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That's where I tell the story of my family history, my hospitalization, my trip to Brazil, um, and starting to work with my nieces, okay, or my wife, my wife's nieces.
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That whole story I tell in Am I Bipolar or Waking Up?
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And uh that's basically what I've summarized for you right here in this first question of yours was that.
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And then working with my nieces, we actually had a lot of success.
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It was complicated, but the first niece who had these episodes episodes, when we brought her back to the psychiatrist, they had said that they had never seen someone bounce back so quickly from a period of psychosis as what we were able to do with her.
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But they still medicated her for apparently months.
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While I was studying the difference between what happened to her and what happened to me, I realized from the work of some pioneering psychologists in the 1970s and psychiatrists, that people like Artie Lang and Lauren Mosher, they felt that psychosis was an intended reorganization of the psyche.
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