Feb. 5, 2026
When Love Sees The Person, Not The Label with Christopher Carazas
Send us a text What if the story you were told about yourself was the wrong one—and the right words finally set you free? We sit down with Christopher Carrazas who was diagnosed autistic at 35, to unpack a life of masking, sensory overload, and the everyday math of trying to pass as “fine.” The moment his assessment named what he’d carried for decades, the static quieted. Relief wasn’t a cure; it was a compass. Chris talks candidly about stigma inside his marriage, how repeated contempt can ...
What if the story you were told about yourself was the wrong one—and the right words finally set you free? We sit down with Christopher Carrazas who was diagnosed autistic at 35, to unpack a life of masking, sensory overload, and the everyday math of trying to pass as “fine.” The moment his assessment named what he’d carried for decades, the static quieted. Relief wasn’t a cure; it was a compass.
Chris talks candidly about stigma inside his marriage, how repeated contempt can program shame that ultimately led him to believe that he didn't belong on Earth anymore. Chris's marriage eventually ended. Upon healing and reflection, Chris was able to understand and reason why “selfish” isn’t a useful frame for suicide. Most importantly, Chris was able to learn to embrace having autism and was able to find the love he always deserved. Chris spoke about meeting Katie who saw Chris FOR HIMSELF! Through Katie's unconditional acceptance of Chris, was it possible for Chris to finally see himself for the amazing individual he is.
That love, and the grief that followed, sparked his memoir, Now That I’m Still Here, a raw account of survival, recovery, and reclaiming self.
We also spotlight Chris’s other lane: building better ways to measure social impact. Tired of vanity metrics like “people reached,” he created models that translate outcomes into financial terms, making social return on investment tangible for education and inclusion programs. It’s a clear example of autistic strengths—pattern recognition, systems thinking, stubborn curiosity—turning complexity into clarity. He shares practical resources, his Substack on grief and masking, and a giving campaign that ties book sales to suicide prevention, autism advocacy, and eating disorder support in honor of Katie.
If you’ve ever felt reduced to a label, or if you work in education, mental health, or social impact and want better tools, this conversation is for you. Listen, share it with someone who needs hope, and leave a review so more people can find these stories. Subscribe to stay with us as we keep lifting up voices across the neurodiversity spectrum.
To learn more about Chris and his book, please see these links below:
https://chriscarazas.com/books/chris-carazas-dot-com/9999999999999
01:38 - Welcome And Guest Introduction
02:27 - Childhood Signs And Misdiagnosis
05:17 - Masking, Sensory Strain, And High School Anxiety
06:12 - The Push Toward Diagnosis And Stereotypes
07:20 - Testing, Diagnosis, And Naming The Experience
08:44 - Therapy, Tools, And Leveraging Strengths
08:44 - Family Rejection And Suicidal Ideation
12:26 - Finding Love And Being Seen Beyond A Label
14:25 - Dating, Gender Gaps, And Underdiagnosis
17:09 - Relief After Diagnosis And Reframing Creativity
20:37 - Family Reactions, Culture, And Support
22:55 - Shame, Coercion, And The Path Back
27:44 - Strengths In Focus: Languages And Problem Solving
28:35 - Measuring Social Impact In Finance Terms
30:53 - Memoir Born From Grief And Love
34:24 - Hope, Survival, And Reclaiming Self
37:06 - Book, Substack, And Giving Campaign
41:37 - Socials, Support, And Closing
WEBVTT
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Hello everyone and welcome to today's episode of On the Spectrum with Sonia.
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Today we have a very special guest with us, Christopher Carrazas.
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Chris was diagnosed late on the autism spectrum, and he is here today to share about his experiences with autism and how it influenced his memoir, his public speaking, and also some of the volunteer work he has done with the US government that was pertinent to helping neurodiversity.
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So without further ado, Chris, thank you so much for being here.
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Hey, thanks for having me.
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It's uh it's great to be on.
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So, Chris, why don't you start by telling us a little bit about your symptoms in terms of pre- and post-diagnosis of autism and how did it manifest for you earlier in your life?
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Yeah, so uh so uh I I got diagnosed when I was 35, uh back in 2020.
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And when when I was uh when I was a kid, I grew up overseas most of my life, right?
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Um it everyone suspected something was awry when I was younger, because like for instance, it seemed like every time we we moved to a new country, I became intolerable.
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I didn't have a language for it for it then, but like it meant new friends, new routines, new, new everything.
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There's a story that my parents tell I I don't remember this because I was I was really young, but I I got so upset and I didn't know how to verbalize how upset I was, so I I stuck a key in the electrical socket and zapped myself across the room, and that got everyone's attention that I was upset, you know.
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And as I as I grew older, uh well, I should say they took me to a uh psychologist because they thought like, you know, Chris gets up so upset easily, he he complains about the lights all the time and uh and or or he zaps himself across the room.
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Uh I it got sucked up to uh ADHD.
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Uh so I uh I I even got kicked out of three kindergartens because I was so like so disruptive.
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Uh and but as I grew older uh and be you know became more mature, I always felt a little different.
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I I couldn't ever put a finger on it, like why why I felt always so socially awkward, why why I couldn't I I would often get these this feedback about lack of eye contact.
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And I was like, I even though I tried so hard, I couldn't make it.
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And then I started forcing myself to make eye contact because like everyone said it was it was weird.
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Or I s I I stopped complaining about why the lights were so bright or why I felt awkward around strangers and new rooms.
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How old were you when you were first um brought when it was first brought to your attention about eye contact?
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Oof.
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Uh it wasn't till I was in I remember it was fourth grade.
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Um so about like nine or ten.
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In high school, let me back up.
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It it thing, even though I still felt awkward, especially awkward in school and with other I mostly passed off as fine.
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Like that's that's what the comments on the report cards would say, like despite his lack of eye contact, pleasure, like pleasure to have in class or always prepared.
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You know, I I was learning learning to mask, right?
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When I was in primary school and into middle school.
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In high school is when I things became uh I I just started high school in the United States and I moved back to Massachusetts where I'm from, and that's when I got like the social awkwardness and whatever I at the time, whatever I was feeling inside, it w felt worse and stronger.
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The the hallways were would give me so much anxiety, the slamming of the locker would make me flinch.
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Or the rowdiness and the rowdiness in the locker rooms at at gym for gym class, right?
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And I would often like hide myself in the bathroom to like calm myself down, right?
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Sure.
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Uh to bring the idea I had no idea what was going on, and I would practice being fine in front of the mirror.
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And I even I remember practicing the slang kids would use so that it would come across as unrehearsed and unforced.
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Fast forward to let's say 33, my my then wife started saying thing uh she she did a career change into special education.
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Okay.
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And her third or fourth day in school, she she came home and and she said, Hey Chris, you might be autistic.
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So this was in in in 2016.
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I was uh I had a good job.
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Uh I led an otherwise unremarkable life, right?
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Uh very, very air quotes normal, right?
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At least from societal's from society's perspective of job, pays the bills, you know, like self-functioning.
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She comes in and says, you know, you know, you might be autistic.
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And I looked at her and I said, You're so cute, right?
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Like third day in class and you're already diagnosing me with something.
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And I was ignorant at the time.
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My my frame of reference of autism was the rain man movie came to mind.
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I and I looked at her and I said, I'm I'm not the Rain Man, right?
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I I I have a finance job.
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Like I'm I'm I'm not autistic.
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And for for years she pushed until 2020.
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She brought home this autism quotient thing, uh, or test and said, just take this.
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And I scored uh like the first time I took it, I scored a 33, then a 37, a 36, and then I was like, okay, that's what convinced me, like, to get to get uh tested.
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And then I started so one of two things happened uh when I got diagnosed.
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Finally, like when I got finally everything I felt inside had a name and I knew what to do.
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Like I knew like I had the words for things like mas like it was a shoot, I was masking my entire life.
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And and now I understand why like the lights bothered me or certain noises drove me off the wall or what or why I got upset when my routines or plans changed.
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Like and I knew I knew the in quotes the monster I was dealing with now, so I can learn to live with it uh and and work with it.
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And so I did.
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I I got myself a therapist and uh so that I could learn learn to work uh with uh with autism so it didn't become a uh a crutch in my life.
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Like I wanted to I wanted to leverage it as a tool and an asset.
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Sure.
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Um the second thing that happened um after I got diagnosed was well you're you're an embarrassment to the family.
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My daughter should not be married to someone on the spectrum.
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That must have been very painful to hear.
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Yeah, and it became uh it was.
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It became a a daily occurrence with with her mom.
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And initially it was, well, listen, that what your mom is saying is not cool, right?
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Mm-hmm.
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You know, she being, you know, her her her dad was Malagasy, and so she's um and she her mom is like white from New York, blonde-haired, blue eyes.
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It I equated it to her saying, like, it would be the equivalent of my parents coming to me or coming to you and saying, Chris shouldn't be married to you because you're you're part African American, right?
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Um and well, she didn't like that.
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Uh and when it turned into uh attempt at self-advocacy, it became both of them saying I was an embarrassment, and even worse, you should kill yourself because you're autistic.
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Wow, that is just beyond extreme reasons.
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Yeah.
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And within I and I I wish I wish it was hubris when I said it was a daily occurrence.
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I wish I was wish it was an exaggeration, and then it like programmed itself in in me until I I what scared me was I I I'm a survivor of it, right?
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I I tried to uh tried twice after the second time I got help.
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Um and uh you know he is like we got divorced in 2024 as a be because of the prolonged abuse, and I got the help I needed.
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So when you were getting called those names, it's just like you know, it's just like what kind of strikes me here is the fact that the label in and of itself, they just couldn't push past a label because you had mentioned that you had a job in finance.
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Obviously, you educated yourself well, you worked a good paying job, but you have experience living in different countries growing up because of how your family was moving around, right?
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And there's a lot to you, but it just seemed like with that diagnosis, it was like their vision became so narrow that blocked off everything else, and the only thing they saw with you was just the diagnosis, not understanding that that's not everything of who you are.
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Absolutely.
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And like I remember one time saying it's ironic be in two ways.
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I I was telling my wife this, like, first of all, you asked me to get diagnosed, you pushed it for years, right?
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I didn't want to get diagnosed because I thought I was fine, right?
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Second, you're a special like you're a special educator now.
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If you're and you deal with kids with autism, if if you're if you're telling me this, what are you telling the kids?
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What are what are you telling your kids?
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Right.
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And I I remember I remember the judge saying that to her on the day of our divorce, judge judge kind of saying that to her, like, I would recommend a career change because I I'm fearful of what you're doing to our kids.
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Good for the judge.
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Glad that the judge said something.
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Yeah.
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Um, but I mean it's it's tak so it's taking me a while to embrace the fact that being autistic is a gift.
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It took uh not only getting help, but it took a girl that I met at the pool at my apartment complex to tell to show me what it meant to be loved no matter what.
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Like months after I I wasn't even ready to date, I was walking my my German Shepherd, and I saw a friend of mine hanging out with her one of her friends at the pool, and we started, I walked over because I thought you fancied her, she looked kind of cute.
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And I was like, let me go say hi, you know, like I I need someone to talk to anyway.
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We hit it off like no other.
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And when we started getting a little serious, you know, I told her, like, you may not want to, you may not want me because I'm autistic.
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And she was like, who cares?
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Like, my cousin is autistic.
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You want to go go-karting now?
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Like, it didn't phase her, right?
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To her, I was like, okay, I have autism, but it didn't, it didn't shape, it didn't become my entire identity.
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And it it's something that, and she taught me how how much of a gift it really is.
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And that's a beautiful thing that came out eventually of it.
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And the fact that you somebody saw you for you despite the autism, right?
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Like, you know, it's just they saw you for who you were and they loved you fully for who you are, right?
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And I feel like everybody, no matter whether you're on the spectrum or not, everybody deserves to be loved for who they are.
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And everybody has something to offer.
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And so this, even though, yes, the relationship may have started, the first relationship didn't work out, but it led you to a relationship that was beautiful.
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And, you know, and I'm so inspired by that because there are many people on the autism spectrum who struggle to find love, who struggle to date, who struggle in the intimate department, and people don't talk about it enough.
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And I feel like personally, you know, because I'm on the spectrum myself.
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I personally feel though, guys who are on the spectrum, and correct me if I'm wrong here, I think if you're a guy and you're on the spectrum, you have it a little bit better in the dating world than if you were a girl on the spectrum at times, I feel, because I feel like guys, right?
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I think a lot of women, you know, like they will look at a guy who's on the spectrum and they actually will respect what the guy has to offer because they know that the guy, like, there's a lot of components, right?
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And I'm not stereotyping or generalizing in any way.
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I'm not at least trying not to.
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I sometimes might not come across the right way.
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So I apologize to everybody listening to this in advance and apologizing to you too.
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But like, I mean, I feel like if you're a guy on the spectrum, girls are a little bit more lenient because they'll know, like, okay, they'll see something different.
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They'll see some more depth in a guy, and they'll be like, okay, I can get done with this.
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You know, the guy's not just after my body, right?
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This guy's, you know, has more to him that that's really interesting.
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They're not just there to sleep with me and leave.
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They're here for other things too.
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And so I feel like that personally, if you're a guy, like that's where it can come in better.
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Whereas I feel like if you're a girl, and this is by my experience though, too, when you're a girl on the spectrum, expect different things out of women.
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And if you haven't crossed certain milestones and intimacy, especially, I mean, without giving too much away here, there's a lot of lamb-basting that goes on with that as well, right?
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A lot of judgment, a lot of, well, what the hell is wrong with you?
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You know, kind of thing.
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I don't know.
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And I tend to agree with you.
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And I think, and it makes it makes me wonder what part of it is, is it because statistically women are underdiagnosed with autism, right?
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It seems for us guys that we have an easier time getting diagnosed with autism, but when it comes to women, it it has to be something, something else before it it it could be autism.
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I I think I think also it's a societal problem with us dudes.
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So just generally speaking, it's like, oh, you know, that girl's weird, and like there's there's probably something wrong with her, and then it isn't fair.
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Um right.
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And I think I I wonder, at least for the y younger folk, I wonder what part of it is uh a lack of understanding for neurodiversity.
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I think I think that there is a misalignment in understanding when it when it comes to neuro neurodiversity and neurodivergence in women than than than it is for men.
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It's more common for us, men to be diagnosed, right?
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And women, women don't get diagnosed anyway.
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It is proven in the studies that men get diagnosed quicker with being on the spectrum than women do, because a lot of times women are just looked at as shy or anxious, or you know, a lot of times they're diagnosed with like ADHD, even though ADHD and autism are first cousins.
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So there's like a think I believe like a 74% comorbidity of both.
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So a lot of times somebody with autism will also be have their cousin ADHD along.
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Likewise, when you look at depression and anxiety, those are cousins as well.
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So when when somebody says they have anxiety, it's common for us as therapists to ask, okay, do you also feel depressed?
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Because depression and anxiety are first cousins.
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When you were when you got diagnosed, now you were in your 30s when you got diagnosed.
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Did you find relief in that diagnosis?
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And did things start to make sense for you as to how thing why you were the way you were when you were younger?
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Did it kind of give you some kind of closure?
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It did.
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And absolutely.
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Like it was kind of one of those, it was that eureka moment of like, uh-huh.
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So I uh initially it was okay, I'm autistic.
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Initially I was a a little apprehensive of like looking too much into it uh before I got diagnosed because I didn't want to I wanted to go in there to the assessment kind of blind.
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I wanted uh I I wanted when the diagnosis came and I I was like, okay, so what does this mean?
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And I started doing my own research.
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It's like, oh, okay.
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So like I was masking eye contact is uh is a common or lack of eye contact is a is a common trait.
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Now it makes sense why I got so upset when my routines changed, right?
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Fuck.
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It's that's we have strict adherence to routines and sameness.
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I felt a lot, a lot of relief, right?
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And my second question then became all right, how how do I work with it?
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Because in my mind at T0, I looked at it as like, look at look at what I've achieved so far in my uh at 35, not knowing I was autistic.
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And I didn't want to risk um using as a using it as a crutch or becoming or uh or I didn't want to have this sense of like burned helplessness of I can't do this because I'm autistic, right?
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Sure.
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Started to realize like, oh, no wonder people call me uh like so creative, right?
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It in my mind at the time, I was like, uh like I I I've had to find solutions to things that seem so normal, and I have to like think outside the box all the time.
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And I think that's the common trend for people with with any kind of uh neuro uh neurodiverse disability, like they're very creative because they they've had to find workarounds in a world not built for them, right?
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Absolutely.
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Um I wanted to continue continue that progress.
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Unfortunately, I took a three, four-year hiatus because of the abuse.
00:19:27.340 --> 00:19:31.580
Once I got myself out of that, you know, it's not doing double duty.
00:19:31.660 --> 00:19:40.700
I'm still learning how to deprogram myself from from that lie of worthlessness and learning to to uh be one with my neurodivergent self.
00:19:41.100 --> 00:19:47.900
Now you spoke of your ex-wife from the prior marriage, the family not being supportive about your autism diagnosis.
00:19:48.060 --> 00:19:54.700
How did your own side of the family react to your diagnosis and did you f find any support or comfort from them?
00:19:55.019 --> 00:20:00.220
Initially, there was a a healthy dose of skepticism from my family.
00:20:00.380 --> 00:20:02.220
And I mean that in the best way.
00:20:02.460 --> 00:20:04.700
Their point was your wife's pushing it.
00:20:04.860 --> 00:20:08.460
Like, why does she want why does she want you to be autistic so bad?
00:20:09.500 --> 00:20:17.580
Um and then after I got diagnosed, you know, I I asked, my mom is a uh social worker by training.
00:20:17.660 --> 00:20:23.500
So she was she was a little bit more like empathetic and like understanding, so she she researched it.
00:20:23.660 --> 00:20:27.900
My my dad's a doctor, but my dad's also Latino, right?
00:20:28.060 --> 00:20:28.539
Mm-hmm.
00:20:29.019 --> 00:20:33.740
And like uh and he's old school Latino, right?
00:20:34.140 --> 00:20:45.580
So things like mental health, A, aren't talked about, B, neurodivergence is not talked about because that infers crazy, right?
00:20:47.420 --> 00:20:53.580
And so like we still haven't had a conversation about it till this day, and I got diagnosed in 2020, right?
00:20:53.740 --> 00:21:01.100
But I think he's warmed up to the to the idea because he's like he's mentioned it as like oh how she mentioned it like twice.
00:21:01.180 --> 00:21:03.100
Like, how does this affect your autism?
00:21:03.340 --> 00:21:06.860
He asked me two different times about it, it was about hugging.
00:21:07.019 --> 00:21:09.019
I don't like physical contact very much.
00:21:09.259 --> 00:21:11.340
So you know he asked, Can I hug you?
00:21:11.500 --> 00:21:13.500
And how does this affect your autism?
00:21:13.660 --> 00:21:15.580
So he's like warm warmed up to the idea.
00:21:15.820 --> 00:21:19.019
My sister, she's still she's like, You're still my brother.
00:21:19.100 --> 00:21:22.380
Like, you're still the same Chris I always knew.
00:21:22.460 --> 00:21:24.140
So she doesn't mind it so much.
00:21:24.380 --> 00:21:34.380
How did your family react then to what you've gone through with the trauma you had in your relationship prior and you being a survivor?
00:21:34.620 --> 00:21:45.340
That's this is a hard question because there is there is a lot of guilt there on their side because from their perspectives, they're like, well, we we should have noticed something.
00:21:45.660 --> 00:21:49.420
And I was like, notice what?
00:21:49.740 --> 00:21:51.500
Because I kept it hidden.
00:21:51.660 --> 00:22:01.100
I kept the abuse very close to my chest because I was like, it's like societally, men don't talk about being victims of abuse.
00:22:01.259 --> 00:22:04.700
It happens, but but we don't talk about it because of the of the shame.
00:22:05.259 --> 00:22:07.259
It's usually the the other way around, right?
00:22:07.420 --> 00:22:09.580
Women are the abuse victims, not men.
00:22:09.660 --> 00:22:11.420
And men are supposed to be tough.
00:22:11.980 --> 00:22:17.500
So my parents or my family feels really guilty, and I'm like, but you I didn't say anything.
00:22:17.660 --> 00:22:21.019
There was nothing to really address because I hid it.
00:22:21.180 --> 00:22:29.420
And and for a long time, and by a long time, I mean it's it's only been like two years, almost two years, since I've walked out of that relationship.
00:22:29.580 --> 00:22:34.220
But they were apprehensive of anyone and everyone I met, right?
00:22:35.100 --> 00:22:38.220
Um even even uh even Katie.
00:22:38.460 --> 00:22:40.140
I'd be like, Oh, I met someone today.
00:22:40.299 --> 00:22:42.140
Be no, do not talk to that people.
00:22:42.299 --> 00:22:44.460
That person might take advantage of you, right?
00:22:44.779 --> 00:22:47.580
They might they might uh they might hurt you again.
00:22:47.740 --> 00:22:58.620
So it became like It it took me a long time to muster up the courage and say, Guys, you guys are isolating me much in the same way that my wife was isolating me.
00:22:59.500 --> 00:23:09.259
Like she wouldn't let me go out outside and see my friends or play play soccer or or run my eight miles because she said I was autistic and I couldn't go out.
00:23:09.420 --> 00:23:15.100
And and now you guys are so fearful that anyone in my life is gonna is gonna hurt me.
00:23:15.340 --> 00:23:19.420
So like, you know, it's it's two extremes, right?
00:23:19.580 --> 00:23:26.380
One was one was done out of psychological abuse, the other one was was done out of love and protection, right?
00:23:27.420 --> 00:23:30.539
And both extremes were causing some sort of harm.
00:23:30.620 --> 00:23:33.980
It took them a long time to to kind of let go.
00:23:35.180 --> 00:23:35.900
So to speak.
00:23:36.060 --> 00:23:46.220
And I and I get it because it's you know, when you almost almost lose your son or your brother, like you're gonna get you're gonna get a little protective, right?
00:23:46.539 --> 00:23:47.100
Sure.
00:23:48.700 --> 00:23:51.500
But now it's more like back to normal.
00:23:51.660 --> 00:23:56.620
Like it's a lot more like hands-off stuff now, but I still need a little support here and there.
00:23:56.700 --> 00:23:59.340
I'm I'm still not fully reclaimed yet.
00:23:59.660 --> 00:23:59.980
Sure.
00:24:00.220 --> 00:24:09.900
And I mean, I feel like both extremes kind of ended up with you in a same, same or similar place where you felt very limited and restricted.
00:24:10.060 --> 00:24:20.620
But I have this one question you know, I've been really meaning to ask too is you know, what got you to that point when they were telling you to end your life because you're autistic?
00:24:20.860 --> 00:24:25.980
Did you truly believe that that was what you should be doing?
00:24:26.140 --> 00:24:32.140
Or were you feeling so ashamed in some ways about yourself that you felt like that was the answer?
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