Aug. 26, 2025

When Everything Changed: From Speaker to Award-Winning Songwriter

When Everything Changed: From Speaker to Award-Winning Songwriter

Send us a text Who believes one story has the power to change someone's life? I know I certainly do, and you know who else does? No other than the Wendy Babcock, Founder of WHEN stories. As we all are well aware, 2020 changed the world. Many of our work schedules changed, as we had to make that transition from going to a workplace to having to use our home as our office. Wendy Babcock's work was no different in that her public speaking opportunities during that time dwindled. However,...

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Season 2

Send us a text

Who believes one story has the power to change someone's life? I know I certainly do, and you know who else does? No other than the Wendy Babcock, Founder of WHEN stories. 

As we all are well aware, 2020 changed the world. Many of our work schedules changed, as we had to make that transition from going to a workplace to having to use our home as our office. Wendy Babcock's work was no different in that her public speaking opportunities during that time dwindled. However,  she coached speakers on getting paid gigs, and she noticed something fascinating – their most compelling material wasn't their achievements but those pivotal moments when everything changed. This realization sparked the creation of WHEN Stories, a platform dedicated for people to share their authentic story. 

What makes Wendy's journey particularly remarkable is how her personal revelations have fueled her professional evolution. During our conversation, she shares the profound impact of discovering her neurodivergence later in life – a revelation that helped her understand lifelong feelings of difference and ultimately connected her two passions: storytelling and songwriting. "I feel like both things came together... songwriting is storytelling," Wendy explains, describing how this realization made her feel whole for the first time.

Perhaps most moving is Wendy's insight into mental health communication, drawn from her relationship with her daughter who has borderline personality disorder. Her innovative approaches – like creating a color-coded heart system for text messaging during difficult periods – demonstrate how meeting people where they are can transform relationships. Having experienced both personally and with her daughter's challenge with mental health, Wendy wrote a compelling song called "Two-Sided Mirror" that discusses what's behind the scenes that people don't always see.

Apart from "Two-Sided Mirror" her song "She Was Here" that discusses the importance of all women's stories is what landed her to win an Independent Music Award in Hollywood, CA. 

Ready to discover how sharing your story might change someone else's life? Listen now and consider: what pivotal moment changed everything for you, and who might need to hear about it?

01:41 - Introduction to Wendy Babcock

03:19 - Birth of WEN Stories

08:59 - Marrying Songwriting with Storytelling

19:49 - Discovering Neurodivergence

30:09 - Vulnerability in Sharing Personal Stories

38:39 - Navigating Mental Health Communication

51:09 - Award-Winning Song "She Was Here"

01:00:19 - Closing and Contact Information

WEBVTT

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Hello everyone.

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Just imagine how much power it is when you open your mouth and you share your truth, you share your story.

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Imagine how inspired you got when you heard somebody else share their story and think about a time that you got helped simply by somebody being vulnerable and opening up With us.

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Today we have Wendy Babcock, who is the founder of WEN Stories, which is a platform for people to be vulnerable and share their stories, and, apart from being an amazing person overall and a founder of One Stories, she recently won the Independent Music Awards in Hollywood.

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So, without further ado, wendy, welcome here.

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Thank you so much.

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I'm just excited to be here and have this conversation with you.

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I love your podcast.

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Thank you, thank you, and I love you too, wendy.

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I love Wendt Stories as well.

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So tell us a little bit about your you know.

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How did this come to be that you were able to found such a big thing?

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You know that has, you know, increased in popularity over the years, has increased in visibility.

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You know, and you have, you know, even big time personnel, people coming into and sharing with you, um, or making appearances to be supporting your events.

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Um, how, how did this all come to be.

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So it's.

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It's been pieces at a time, honestly.

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So I've been a professional speaker since 2017.

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And I mainly spoke on the Complaint-Free World message, and so that's through Will Bowen.

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I was a certified speaker through his program and so I was sharing his message.

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And after the pandemic for most of us right our business models all changed.

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My speaking engagements were going away.

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You know I prefer in-person speaking over virtual.

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Virtual is fine, but I like in-person.

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So I was trying to kind of reinvent myself, like what do I want to be when I grow up if I'm not going to be out speaking so much?

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And so, push comes to shove, I started coaching other speakers on how to get on stages and get paid to speak, and in that process I have met some really incredible people.

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You know I worked with a former NFL player.

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I worked with a 1971 Miss America contestant.

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You know I've had a chance to really connect with some cool people.

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But their stories so, like the NFL player, his story is not about playing in the NFL.

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His story is about complex PTSD and his life's journey, and even with my other clients, it wasn't about the big things they've achieved, it's all the stuff that led up to it.

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And what I found was, as I was talking to them, most entrepreneurs are asked the question what's your why?

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Why do you do business?

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Why do you keep going that sort of thing?

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And I found I kept asking my clients well, when did everything change for you?

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I wanted to know that pivotal moment in their lives.

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When was the big change?

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When did you decide to get into business?

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When did your life shift?

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And you took a different path.

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And that just opens up more stories Like, oh, I've got several of those they would say and I kept thinking about this one.

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So that became kind of my thing.

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I always asked the one moment.

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But then clients would say things like oh, I really need to do a TEDx.

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Like, okay, a TEDx is great, I've done one myself.

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I love the platform about ideas worth sharing.

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And I would say, well, what's your idea worth sharing?

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They're I don't know, I'm not sure Like, okay, well, you need to have a good idea worth sharing first to do a TEDx.

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And I said I wish there was, you know, a platform around to tell your story, because your story is phenomenal.

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You have that all day long.

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And I would ask them well, why do you want to do a TEDx?

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And they, well, because of the credibility that comes with it.

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Right, being on that stage just levels you up.

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I'm like, of course.

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And so that's when I got the idea.

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I'm like, well, I wish that was how I said it.

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I wish somebody would create a TEDx stage for storytelling.

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And the more I said that, the more I'm like well, why don't I do that?

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I love creating events, you know, and I love storytelling.

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And so I had this idea pop up and I was working with a marketing coach at the time and I was building my coaching business, right, and I brought this idea to her, like, I think I want to do this.

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I want to create this TEDx stage.

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It's going to be really great for visibility.

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It's going to be a theater stage, not you know, just a step and repeat banner in a cold conference room.

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It's good, it's got to have like great optics.

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And she said that's a good idea.

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She's like but, wendy, I feel like you're going to split your audience with marketing.

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Of course you want to have a for sure audience because you're really building up your coaching business.

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You're doing well, I think this is the wrong path and I was crushed.

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I remember getting off that call and I knew she was giving me good advice.

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But I was also like I love this idea.

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There's something about this I'm drawn to.

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And so I sat on this idea for a year and it kept eating at me and I thought about what she said about splitting my audience.

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And so I I kept thinking, okay, well, how can I make this work for my audience, for my clients, right, what are they really wanting in their speaking careers?

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And so anyone who's listening, if you're a speaker, you know there's certain assets in the business that help you get seen more.

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Right, you get on podcasts, right, you write a book, that's, that's great leverage if you're getting paid to speak.

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And the 10 X right, the visibility, like in a big way.

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And so I thought, well, what if I just packaged all of that into one program?

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Right, I will coach people, because that's what I love to do.

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I love coaching story.

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That's like my.

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That lights me up.

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I love stories.

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And so I built this thing behind the scenes and I didn't tell my coach, I didn't tell my marketing coach and like I'm just, I'm going to, I'm going to launch this thing.

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I host a women's event annually.

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I'm like I'm going to, I'm going to launch this at my women's event.

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And so about a week before my event, my marketing coach and I were having a call and she's like, well, all right, what's your offer?

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From the stage Because that was what she had coached me on.

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I'm like you know, that thing you told me not to do.

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Well, I built it to this big old monster of a program and I'm launching it.

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And she, okay, tell me about it.

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You know.

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So I told her she's like, all right, okay, now this serves your audience.

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Yeah, and I filled the first cohort of one stories and it it's just been the thing that has really lit me up in my life and business.

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It's, it's been pretty, pretty amazing that's an incredible story and a journey in and of itself.

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And you know it's funny the way things work right, that you know sometimes you don't realize what your passion is or what your purpose is until something else comes in the way.

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And I feel like in your case, even though, yes, we were in a tumultuous time and it was, of course, a very bad situation for the world, but COVID really helped kick that in to play for you and help you know you, redirect and redefine your purpose.

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Yeah, 100%.

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And what's interesting about it is so, you know, you mentioned I got the award for songwriting and I've been a songwriter since I was probably 11 years old, right so.

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But it was always separate from everything I've ever done, whether I was working full time at the hospital or when I started speaking.

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I pretty much stopped 11 years old, right so, but it was always separate from everything I've ever done, whether I was working full time at the hospital or when I started speaking.

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I pretty much stopped writing, not on purpose, I just was too busy, and so I was never able to kind of marry the songwriting with what I was doing, because I didn't see the commonalities until One Stories, until I realized songwriting is storytelling, right, one Stories is storytelling.

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And so, as I was building One Stories, I had decided I was going to write the theme song for my women's event, and so that kind of kicked me back into gear with songwriting again, because I hadn't done it for probably six, seven years.

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And it's like both things, like the one big passion in my life was storytelling with songwriting.

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Right, that's my creative genius, right, that's what I love to do.

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But also I'm neurodivergent, right.

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So with me, someone tells me I have to walk one path and I can only serve this audience and do this one thing and be really niched down.

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I struggle because I am all over the place with brand new ideas and new shiny things and I can't sit still.

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And so when I started songwriting again, it was like that served my creative brain.

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It was like it was like being able to feed that, so I wasn't searching for the new shiny object anymore, so I could really focus on my business, you know, and it was like everything kind of fell into place and I'm like this makes one stories make sense to me, it's, it's storytelling, and now it goes with my songwriting, so I felt like it just married those two worlds.

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That I kind of feel whole now, if that makes sense, mm, hmm, yes, and you know, if you think about it, though, too, songwriting is just really another avenue for storytelling.

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Yeah, you know, if you think about it, it's just in a different form, and some of the greatest songs out there are songs that have a story, where you actually can clearly hear the story behind it.

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You can hear, like, the journey, the emotions, the events, right.

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Some of those greatest songs kind of convey those messages.

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Yeah, yeah, they convey those messages.

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Yeah, yeah, it sparks.

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They spark emotion, and when I write songs, what I like to do not in all of my songs, but a lot of times I like to create almost a double meaning.

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So that can mean two different things for people, you know.

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I mean I recently wrote a song called Two-Sided Mirror and it's geared towards people who are struggling with mental health issues on both sides of the mirror.

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So a two-sided mirror, like when you're in a dressing room, right, Like on the other side of that mirror, I picture like almost a dark room or almost like a dark closet where the person who's struggling is sitting behind there they can see out, but they can't get there right, they're kind of on the darker side and they want to reach out, they want to, but they can't seem to where the person who's on like in, like the dressing room side, the bright side, right, they can't see the person.

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So I feel like people who have struggled with mental illness aren't always seen fully, and so it's kind of that metaphor where the person's looking in the mirror and they can see their own reflection, because we always channel, you know, our own experiences through our eyes to try and identify with somebody else, and so we can't always connect that way, but we both want to reach each other and so that's what that song was about.

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But also, at the same time, after I wrote it and you know, all the music came together and I listened to it.

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I'm like this is also a metaphor for people who have lost somebody.

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This is almost like trying to reach on the other side of that thin veil of somebody that we've lost.

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So I like writing where it can have a dual meaning, so whoever's listening to it, either they can identify with the person struggling or the person who's dealing with somebody struggling and trying to reach them and connect.

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So that's my favorite form of writing.

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And that song.

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In and of itself, the way you describe it, it sounds like it's a very powerful song and definitely one that sparked even emotions in me when I heard you describe it.

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And so many people struggle with mental health especially when did you find out you were neurodivergent?

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How did that come into being?

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Oh, gosh, yeah, so it's funny that come into being.

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Oh gosh, yeah, so it's funny like and I think anyone who who realizes their neurodivergent once they have kind of light bulb come on and you realize what it is you go back and you're like, oh, oh, like I had all these moments flashback like that explains so much and I think honestly it's.

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It's been kind of pieces coming to me.

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Some of it was through my daughter.

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So I have a daughter who struggles with mental health.

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She actually did a one story she was one of the first one stories on my women's stage and she talked about her mental health journey and you know how art helped her and we've always known that Jennifer probably was somewhere on the spectrum.

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She's never been tested but you know we knew she struggled with some ADHD and those things.

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But also she's had a lot of really hard life experiences that have, you know, added to her diagnosis and she shares openly so she won't mind me saying, but you know she's borderline personality disorder, so she's had trauma in her past.

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That that's what that stems from.

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And I remember one time she was really at a low and her and I were on the phone for like hours and we were talking about her being on the spectrum.

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I said honey.

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I said you know, I know you've wanted to get tested.

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Maybe it's time.

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You know, sometimes that might just clear up a few things for you.

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And she agreed.

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And so what?

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When you're struggling like she is sometimes sometimes it's even just dialing the number on your phone is a huge roadblock.

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So you can tell someone oh, just make a therapy appointment.

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So there's a lot of steps.

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For somebody who's neurodivergent or on the spectrum, there's a lot of steps that have to happen before you make the phone call right.

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So anyways long story short, that night I said, jennifer and actually I think it was you or it might have been Kristen, who I, who also is a therapist for neurodivergence and autism, had given me these quizzes to take.

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And I said, jennifer, let's do these together, let's just see, you know.

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And I get it's not, it's not a formal diagnosis and all that, but I'm like we'll just take it together.

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And at that point I had never really considered myself.

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I knew I was probably ADHD, but I'm like I didn't think I was on the spectrum at all.

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And so we took this together.

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We talked about every answer.

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We talked about it took us a long time to do this whole quiz and we got done and it tallied up the scores and I actually tested higher than she did on the spectrum.

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I'm like oh.

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And we both kind of had this aha moment around it because I'm like, oh, it was just like this whole like.

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It was almost like you know they say when you, when you like, when you pass away, you have like a life's like rewind and I felt like everything quickly came at me, like so many things suddenly made sense.

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You know it's hard to describe like always feeling like I was so different like life experiences that everybody else alongside me through high school was dealing with.

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It was just like such a different experience for me.

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I felt like why is this so weird for me?

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Why can't I just do the thing everybody else is doing?

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Why is it so, so different for me?

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And so it just it really opened the door for me to kind of dig in and do a little bit more research on it and take some more of those you know type of questionnaires that help you kind of sort through, kind of where you land, and I know they're not perfect, but that has helped me so much kind of embrace who I am and why I feel like why I've always felt so different.

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Yeah, I don't know.

00:14:38.313 --> 00:14:56.621
I can definitely empathize with that, because when I got diagnosed, when I was 20, with having what was formerly known as Asperger's syndrome, now it's just known as autism spectrum, it made a lot of sense for me as well, and I can definitely empathize with experiences being very, very different.

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I know, for me I didn't have any friends, so I was never really able to identify or empathize with people who were going through stuff when I was growing up, because I just didn't.

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I wasn't around it to really understand it, you know, and it kind of felt like I was.

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You know, I was just thinking of this.

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It feels like you're kind of you look at the solar system.

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You feel like you're basically a planet that's so much further away from the major planets, right?

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So it's like you kind of think that that's maybe where you're at in the orbit and and that's it.

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It's like a disconnect somehow and I feel like I've I never thought about and I think you'll understand this but like I, I live in my head, me too, I play things out in my head so much and I have like there's like a whole other world happening in there and I never had words for it, or I thought everybody else was like this.

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Like I feel very, very deeply, but I don't always show it on the outside and I never really realized that.

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And then when I kind of connected the dots, I'm like, oh yeah, like I feel so deeply like love and like attachment with people around me that like my husband but I'm not good at expressing it I'm like I feel like I come off cold sometimes, even though, yeah, it's, it's hard to describe sometimes.

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But just having that realization and that revelation like oh, this makes so much sense now, and even situations where I couldn't explain it either.

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I don't understand people who can pretend to be around people they don't.

00:16:32.770 --> 00:16:35.363
Like there is such a block for me.

00:16:35.363 --> 00:16:38.128
I can't even fake it.

00:16:38.128 --> 00:16:51.488
I just have to separate and I'll be pleasant, but I just I can't fake nice, and it's literally like a wall comes down and I can't and I can't go past that and it's hard to describe to somebody.

00:16:51.488 --> 00:16:55.644
They're like, so yeah, so these things.

00:16:55.984 --> 00:17:02.600
As I dug into it, I'm like, oh gosh, I'm very much about following rules.

00:17:02.600 --> 00:17:05.372
I never understood that either, but that's part of for me.

00:17:05.372 --> 00:17:08.044
Things like as dumb as it sounds.

00:17:08.044 --> 00:17:19.990
We recently we flew to Hollywood and coming back there was some turbulence and so they had the the seatbelt light on and people were getting up to go to the bathroom and I was so bothered by it and like they're going against the rules.

00:17:19.990 --> 00:17:24.683
Like they said you have to sit down, like the seatbelt lights on, like someone's going to get hurt.

00:17:24.683 --> 00:17:27.547
It was so bothered internally by it.

00:17:27.547 --> 00:17:28.867
I'm like how can they break the rule?

00:17:28.867 --> 00:17:29.868
I had to go to the bathroom.

00:17:29.868 --> 00:17:30.769
I'm like I'm not getting up.

00:17:30.769 --> 00:17:36.635
So like things like that kind of makes sense to me why I'm such a rule follower in that way.

00:17:39.440 --> 00:17:47.363
No, I completely understand and I definitely can empathize with living in your own head, but I feel like being neurodivergent is what gives us creativity.

00:17:47.363 --> 00:18:17.093
At the end of the day, this is what makes us creative, you know, and I feel like you know this is, you know, this is a great platform, right to kind of express you know, the get benefits and gifts that can come out of being neurodivergent and you know, and what makes us different is what also makes us different, excel in ways that we wouldn't probably be able to otherwise if we think about it right.

00:18:17.093 --> 00:18:24.213
So I feel like there's, you know, there's a positive spin to it, even though it's difficult now for you.

00:18:24.213 --> 00:18:44.231
You know, going back to kind of your, you know, like things that popped out for you, you said you had this, your, your life just kind of flashed before your eyes when you did these questionnaires that your friend who's a therapist suggested and you had things start to make sense for you.

00:18:44.231 --> 00:18:51.407
Anything in your life, did anything in your life particularly jump out at you when you were going through that?

00:18:53.611 --> 00:18:54.172
flashback.

00:18:54.172 --> 00:18:57.296
Yeah, I think it was relationships.

00:18:57.296 --> 00:19:31.388
I think that was kind of a big thing, that kind of lit up for me, because I'm like you know, I I'm trying to put this in the words, but because I had this realization of how much I live in my head and how much externally maybe I don't show, it made me become more present and more aware of my own self, like, okay, the people that are important to me, I need to show up a little bit differently and a little more on purpose, you know, and call people, because I've always been like, well, I'm not a phone person, but I am a phone person.

00:19:31.388 --> 00:19:35.866
When people call me, I will talk for hours, like my sister, my daughter, my aunt.

00:19:35.866 --> 00:19:38.131
When they call me, we literally talk for hours.

00:19:38.692 --> 00:19:41.545
I'm just not ever the one that initiates for the most part.

00:19:41.545 --> 00:19:47.762
But I started to change that and initiate the phone calls Because a lot of it was well, what if we don't have anything to talk about?

00:19:47.762 --> 00:19:48.683
But that's never happened.

00:19:48.683 --> 00:19:54.372
I've never made a phone call to somebody who I care about and we've never had anything to talk, didn't have anything to talk about.

00:19:54.372 --> 00:20:05.332
So it's making me try and show up more intentionally, you know, and live a little bit more outside my head, so that's a big positive that's come from this awareness.

00:20:05.392 --> 00:20:22.189
Now and when you think about relationships and you know the things that stood out for you in terms of relationships, how do you feel that impacts your?

00:20:22.189 --> 00:20:30.509
Impacts you in getting other people to be vulnerable and share their stories, as well as your songwriting?

00:20:30.509 --> 00:20:37.472
How do you feel, like you know, like the relationship, you know the relationships that have stood out for you being neurodivergent.

00:20:37.472 --> 00:20:42.490
You know how does that all come to play here?

00:20:43.401 --> 00:20:49.314
And I think with especially with the song I'll touch on the songwriting part too is my songwriting has shifted.

00:20:49.314 --> 00:20:54.285
So you know my story and I know you know some of my story coming from you know childhood and domestic abuse.

00:20:54.285 --> 00:20:56.547
You know my story and I know you know some of my story coming from you know childhood and domestic abuse.

00:20:56.547 --> 00:21:01.391
My songwriting at a younger age, even in my 20s, was very dark, very melancholy, very.

00:21:01.391 --> 00:21:03.933
Yeah, you know.

00:21:03.933 --> 00:21:12.931
Going back and reading it now I have a whole binder full of stuff I just want to cry Like I don't even know that girl anymore that wrote those words, like it's so scary to kind of read what a dark place I was in.

00:21:12.931 --> 00:21:17.624
Everything was just you could feel like the hopelessness in it, you know.

00:21:17.624 --> 00:21:18.605
So it's very sad.

00:21:19.007 --> 00:21:41.905
And now that I started writing again, because my life is in such a different place and I'm more aware, I write more empowerment songs now for people to grab onto, but I can also, I feel like it helps me relate, like sharing my journey and even sharing how, when you feel a little bit hopeless, right, so people can connect with that part of it, but also like there is hope at the same time and so the writing can bring that out.

00:21:41.905 --> 00:21:46.853
You know I have a song called you Are Enough, and so I feel like I write for more of an empowerment stance now.

00:21:46.853 --> 00:21:57.566
So my writing really is for mainly for women, you know, like former versions of myself who are just stepping into healing right to help them get over that, the edge of that.

00:21:57.566 --> 00:22:10.568
And so because, because I'm in touch with those places in myself now, I feel like I can make it relatable without making it melancholy or without making it dark, and so it's more encouraging and empowering when I write now.

00:22:10.568 --> 00:22:14.867
So that's, that's a big shift from where I used to how I used to write, you know.

00:22:14.867 --> 00:22:18.268
So it's so interesting to see that kind of full circle.

00:22:18.307 --> 00:22:26.853
But that again is all my experiences and it's always come from, comes from somewhere real, whether it's my own experiences or my relationship with.

00:22:26.853 --> 00:22:31.943
You know, my daughter with mental health that's where the Two-Sided Mirror song came from was from our, from our relationship.

00:22:31.943 --> 00:22:34.292
You know, we've grown so much in our communication, in our relationship.

00:22:34.292 --> 00:22:40.830
We've grown so much in our communication and our relationship and it's just about us always trying to reach each other and we see each other.

00:22:40.830 --> 00:22:50.009
We know we're there, but sometimes it's just hard to make that connection and just trying to let her know I see her, I understand in the way that she's able to communicate with me.

00:22:50.009 --> 00:22:55.951
So, putting those into words in a song I know someone's going to hear it and relate my sister after she heard it.

00:22:55.951 --> 00:22:56.992
She's like Wendy, I'm bawling.

00:22:56.992 --> 00:23:02.582
She's like I don't get choked up telling you this, but she's like because I've been on both sides, sure, you know for her.

00:23:02.622 --> 00:23:24.960
She's like I've been on both sides of that mirror and so like she's like I heard it and she's like I was just crying but in a you know so, yeah, so that means a lot to me when the people that are close to me can see themselves in it, understand that it's coming from a place of love and that I see them.

00:23:24.960 --> 00:23:36.964
Yeah, do you share, you know, like when you're working with people in WEN Stories?

00:23:36.964 --> 00:23:39.996
I know, like also you've mentioned in songwriting, you have shared some of your journey in some ways, bits and pieces, through your songwriting as well.

00:23:39.996 --> 00:23:48.074
But do you also share that piece with people you work for, work with in the when Stories piece to kind of help them become more vulnerable as well?

00:23:48.900 --> 00:23:51.925
Yeah, and it's a delicate balance, right.

00:23:51.925 --> 00:24:05.409
So when people enroll for when Stories, right, it's usually coming from a place of vulnerability, because they want to share this story, something in their life that changed them, and sometimes it's from traumas, and I'll use my daughter as a great example.

00:24:05.409 --> 00:24:15.090
So with my daughter, when she was 18, she was sexually assaulted and she was unconscious when it happened, but the boy you know eventually copped up to what he did to her.

00:24:15.090 --> 00:24:17.064
So we had all the writing and the whole thing.

00:24:17.064 --> 00:24:19.088
Anyways, she struggled with that.

00:24:19.190 --> 00:24:34.785
It was really difficult, obviously, like that sent her down a scary path and so her story was around mental health and healing and using art, and she kept coming to the place where she wanted to talk about what he did and she couldn't seem to get the words out.

00:24:34.785 --> 00:24:36.307
And I said you don't have to say the words, honey.

00:24:36.307 --> 00:24:46.989
You don't have to say sexual assault, you don't have to say those words, you can just say assault or harmed me, and sometimes it's a matter of helping them say the thing without saying the thing fully.

00:24:46.989 --> 00:24:50.603
So when she did her one story, she just said that he had assaulted her.

00:24:50.603 --> 00:25:08.403
But the audience knew because of the way her story was built, and so sometimes it's just a matter of helping someone say the thing that they want to say, sometimes without using the actual words, and that's where the coaching comes in to help them be vulnerable but help them feel safe at the same time, right.

00:25:08.443 --> 00:25:10.167
So, that's the delicate balance.

00:25:10.167 --> 00:25:21.221
They have to feel safe saying the thing, but in a way that they're comfortable but also kind of pushing the boundary a little bit, because that's what connects to other people who are experiencing that.

00:25:21.221 --> 00:25:32.169
And so I just try to like be very gentle in my approach but also ask them, like okay, so what's the kind of, what's the purpose of telling your one story?

00:25:32.169 --> 00:25:44.861
You want to make an impact, so how can we say it in a way that you're comfortable with and feel safe doing, but also kind of pushes the envelope a little bit right, Because I don't want them to get up on stage and crumple and be, you know, re-triggered and re-traumatized.

00:25:44.861 --> 00:25:49.782
So there's just a balance, you know, of finding what works for people to tell their stories.

00:25:50.603 --> 00:26:02.067
Sure, and how do you feel like with you know, in your own personal journey, you know how do you feel like it has shaped you in being vulnerable, sharing your story, sharing your truth.

00:26:03.348 --> 00:26:05.730
Yeah, it's helped me a lot, be a lot more understanding.

00:26:05.730 --> 00:26:10.711
So when I created One Stories, I knew I was going to get on stage and do one of my One Stories.

00:26:10.711 --> 00:26:16.335
Right, I always kind of joke and I tell people my life story should be on the Jerry Springer season, you know, because it's been.

00:26:16.335 --> 00:26:18.496
It's been a wild ride, to say the least.

00:26:18.496 --> 00:26:24.018
So I was like, okay, well, I want to do one of my own one stories and I wasn't sure when the right time was.

00:26:24.018 --> 00:26:37.251
So, as I was approaching the first cohort of the first people who went through the one stories, I'm like you know, maybe, maybe I'll do it this time.

00:26:37.251 --> 00:26:37.784
This way I can kind of walk through it with everybody.

00:26:37.784 --> 00:26:38.354
And I originally picked my.

00:26:38.268 --> 00:26:39.532
I had undergone a mastectomy in 2016.

00:26:39.532 --> 00:26:43.631
I'm BRCA2 positive, which means my body can't fight off certain cancers, and my dad's side is riddled with breast cancer.

00:26:43.631 --> 00:26:47.240
So I knew I wanted to be aggressive with it.

00:26:47.240 --> 00:26:52.510
So I did the prophylactic mastectomy and it was a journey doing that and I'm like I'm going to talk about that.

00:26:52.510 --> 00:26:59.406
And so I started writing my talk and we were about two weeks off from the event and I couldn't.

00:26:59.406 --> 00:27:00.730
I couldn't wrap up my talk.

00:27:00.730 --> 00:27:01.922
I couldn't put the ending on it.

00:27:01.922 --> 00:27:02.202
And I was.

00:27:02.202 --> 00:27:09.163
There was such a block and from speaking for so many years, I knew I'm like, well, if there's a big block, I'm on the wrong path.

00:27:09.163 --> 00:27:16.993
Like if I get stuck, I realize I'm on the wrong path and I and I had this realization happen where I'm like, oh, I have to talk about the hard stuff.

00:27:16.993 --> 00:27:18.214
It just kind of hit me.

00:27:18.214 --> 00:27:18.935
I'm like I need to.

00:27:18.935 --> 00:27:27.454
It's the childhood, you know abuse, it's the first marriage, you know controlling and manipulation and abuse there, and that's the hard stuff to talk about.

00:27:27.454 --> 00:27:38.284
So with two weeks left before the event, I rewrote my entire talk and so now I was going to be as vulnerable as everybody else was going to be on stage because the mastectomy stuff was hard, but it wasn't.

00:27:38.284 --> 00:27:43.623
It's not really burying my soul, you know for, but this other stuff was.

00:27:43.623 --> 00:27:47.695
And so I went through the journey and rehearsal night.

00:27:47.957 --> 00:27:56.373
I remember watching everybody else get up and rehearsal is just a matter of go through your opening statement, which is when everything changed, and then you drop people into that moment, hit a few bullet points and then do your you know, kind of the mic drop moment at the end, which are go through your opening statement, which is when everything changed.

00:27:56.373 --> 00:28:00.289
And then you drop people into that moment, hit a few bullet points and then do your you know kind of the mic drop moment at the end, which are what's your final statement.

00:28:00.289 --> 00:28:01.702
And so everyone got done.

00:28:01.702 --> 00:28:03.308
I'm like, oh yeah, I should probably just rehearse.

00:28:03.308 --> 00:28:04.582
Right, I've been speaking for years.

00:28:04.582 --> 00:28:05.943
This shouldn't be a problem.

00:28:07.667 --> 00:28:08.769
I was so clueless.

00:28:08.769 --> 00:28:18.404
I got up on stage right, I opened my mouth and I got a lump in my throat and the tears just came.

00:28:18.404 --> 00:28:19.968
I couldn't get the words out of my mouth even to start.

00:28:19.968 --> 00:28:23.742
I was like, oh, oh, boy, this is so much harder than I thought it was going to be.

00:28:23.742 --> 00:28:27.757
And so, you know, I struggled through it.

00:28:27.757 --> 00:28:40.513
You know I'm just like, okay, I just got to get through this rehearsal and I told my husband I was like when we get back to cause I hadn't practiced in front of him or he hasn't even, hadn't even heard the talk, and I knew that was part of it, even though he knows my story we got back to the hotel room that night.

00:28:40.513 --> 00:28:41.599
I said, let me just read it to you.

00:28:41.599 --> 00:28:46.425
I'm not going to rehearse it, let me just cause I need you to hear all the words and I don't know why that was important to me.

00:28:47.106 --> 00:29:08.807
So I'm the spots that I really got hung up on that were really emotional for me, like let me repeat this part again, you know, and what it did was I got on stage and I did it and I got emotional a few spots but I didn't like lose it like I did in a rehearsal and then like sharing the story on social media that that was.

00:29:08.807 --> 00:29:17.723
That was scary because I knew there was extended family that may not like me sharing parts of my story that I did right about my parents and my ex and all that.

00:29:17.723 --> 00:29:19.888
So that was really scary journey for me.

00:29:19.888 --> 00:29:21.853
It helped.

00:29:21.853 --> 00:29:32.760
I'm so glad I did that Because now every time I do a cohort that goes through here, I understand exactly what they're telling me when they're like you know, I'm having cold feet about getting on stage.

00:29:32.861 --> 00:29:35.244
This is really scary to share this vulnerable part of me.

00:29:35.244 --> 00:29:37.248
I'm like now I understand.

00:29:37.248 --> 00:29:45.471
So it helped me like really be in their shoes and understand the journey and what I'm asking people to do when they get on that stage.

00:29:45.471 --> 00:29:57.755
Had I not done that, yes, I could be understanding and somewhat empathetic, but I wouldn't fully embrace how scary it is to share your story and be that vulnerable in front of people.

00:29:57.755 --> 00:30:10.262
So it made such a huge difference for me to tell that, to tell my personal and the hard stuff too not the thing that I could tell to you right now and not cry the stuff that is going to bring up some emotion every time I talk about it.

00:30:12.246 --> 00:30:16.333
And that's a really big act of bravery and courage to do that.

00:30:16.333 --> 00:30:20.067
And I've done this before where, you know, I've cried.

00:30:20.067 --> 00:30:25.843
When I gave a speech I remember it was for my dad's I believe.

00:30:25.843 --> 00:30:28.826
It was his 80th birthday.

00:30:28.826 --> 00:30:40.003
We celebrated it in richmond, virginia, with his extended family, and I was giving a speech about my dad and I could not keep it together at all.

00:30:40.003 --> 00:30:41.969
I just let the tears drop.

00:30:41.969 --> 00:30:47.665
You know, just like I just let it roll, and it was definitely very um.

00:30:48.747 --> 00:30:54.846
At the same time, as much as it was hard, it was cathartic and I kind of knew that I was going to get emotional.

00:30:54.846 --> 00:31:03.121
And it's one of those things when you know you're going to get emotional, no matter what right, no matter how much I believe me.

00:31:03.121 --> 00:31:05.009
I wrote things down, I practiced it.

00:31:05.009 --> 00:31:09.484
My friends are just like Sonia just pray about it, you know like he'll.

00:31:09.484 --> 00:31:11.710
You know, just pray that God helps you get through it.

00:31:11.710 --> 00:31:12.992
I've done that too.

00:31:12.992 --> 00:31:22.765
I tried that too, but I think God wanted me to cry at the end of the day.

00:31:22.765 --> 00:31:23.666
So I just like it's one of those things.

00:31:23.666 --> 00:31:32.230
Sometimes it just got to, you got to release, but sometimes the best speeches though in my opinion all right have been ones where you saw emotion from the speaker Hands down.

00:31:32.230 --> 00:31:34.063
I think that makes the best impact.

00:31:34.063 --> 00:31:38.665
If somebody is laughing so hard during their speech, that's amazing.

00:31:38.665 --> 00:31:43.462
If somebody screams and gets angry and shows that emotion, that's also amazing.

00:31:43.462 --> 00:31:47.291
Somebody's crying their eyes out during a speech, that's amazing.

00:31:47.291 --> 00:31:50.566
All of it makes it all that much more memorable, in my opinion.

00:31:50.807 --> 00:31:58.211
Yeah, you're so right, I feel that too and I'm a crier and I always say, like for me, crying is like for some people vomiting, like if you see it, you do it.

00:31:58.211 --> 00:32:03.779
That's how I am with crying, right.

00:32:03.779 --> 00:32:04.221
So it was interesting.

00:32:04.221 --> 00:32:06.242
What you, what you said too, is like it's cathartic and there was like there's like a release.

00:32:06.242 --> 00:32:12.390
So what happened was after I gave my actual one story, for the real deal, the next day, when I came off the stage, I was literally vibrating.

00:32:12.390 --> 00:32:18.726
It was such a release and I started crying and like everyone kind of rallied around and hugged me and stuff, and I just felt all of that.

00:32:19.559 --> 00:32:48.163
So now what I implement now for every cohort is I'm always backstage and I send the speakers out so I mic them up myself and you know, I cheer them on before they go out on stage and then I go out and I watch and then I meet them backstage when they come back, because I know they're going to have most of them will have that release I had, where they're shaky, they're crying, they're like I just did that and so I can just kind of I'll get emotional telling you this, but like helping them through that moment or just being there to kind of grab them when they're just like what a release.

00:32:48.163 --> 00:32:49.405
And just holding them.

00:32:49.405 --> 00:32:50.208
That's.

00:32:50.208 --> 00:32:56.884
I love being that person for them, because it's like a full circle moment and I know what they're experiencing because I went through it.

00:32:56.884 --> 00:33:00.981
To have someone back there to catch you is just, you know, it's.

00:33:00.981 --> 00:33:05.348
It's an amazing place to be yes, absolutely.

00:33:06.289 --> 00:33:06.470
Um.

00:33:06.470 --> 00:33:11.067
What was it like for you, though, too, when you heard your daughter give the speech?

00:33:11.067 --> 00:33:15.882
I must that must have probably brought up a whole different whirlwind of emotions for you.

00:33:16.683 --> 00:33:23.315
Well, and of course so it was her and Vanessa Cook, my daughter and Vanessa and they were the first two kind of guinea pigs with one stories right.

00:33:23.315 --> 00:33:32.509
I knew both of their stories already, and so when they signed up, so I coached them for six weeks and I and I cried through, even even though I knew their stories right, even in practice I cried.

00:33:32.509 --> 00:33:35.297
And so Vanessa was like you're not going to be able to cry even when we give it.

00:33:35.297 --> 00:33:39.428
I said, trust me, that's not going to be a problem Because they both have such emotional stories.

00:33:39.428 --> 00:33:49.963
And so I remember Jennifer getting up there and watching her and she just nailed it, like there was so much pride, but also like I just sobbed the whole time.

00:33:49.963 --> 00:33:51.247
You know, just thinking about it.

00:33:51.247 --> 00:33:58.363
She did such a beautiful job and she held it together and the audience was so drawn to her.

00:33:58.384 --> 00:34:18.309
But also re-hearing the story from her version and knowing the moments that we were there, you know, together, you know when she came to me, and that's that's part of, like, my mother's journey, where I just I feel so blessed because, like I raised my girls in a way where I don't care if we're fighting angry, whatever's going on in life.

00:34:18.309 --> 00:34:19.304
When something happens.

00:34:19.304 --> 00:34:21.605
You come to me Like there's no question.

00:34:21.605 --> 00:34:48.101
You come to me and so, knowing she felt safe, like after that happened to her, she came to us sorry, and she came to my husband and I in the living room that day saying something had happened, you know, and just her being able to say that and then us whoo sorry, and then us being able to kind of help her pick up the pieces and take all the steps right and go to the law enforcement, all the things we had to do, you know that was a huge pivotal point for us.

00:34:48.101 --> 00:34:59.407
And then watching her journey from there and almost losing her you know there were things that happened after that and you know her touching on that stuff was really hard.

00:34:59.407 --> 00:35:26.400
But so I had so much pride in her being able to share it because I had people come up to me and still I still have people that come up to me and saying that hearing her story help them share their story, like it just it was almost like it gave them permission and so like I literally cried through the whole thing, like I was just stopping the whole time I had Kleenex there at the table and she's like I just had to make sure I didn't look your way, mom, because I knew you're gonna be crying the whole time, you know.

00:35:26.481 --> 00:35:35.106
But yeah, she's just an incredible human and you know, mental health is not you don't just get over it right, like so.

00:35:35.106 --> 00:35:36.166
It's a constant struggle.

00:35:36.166 --> 00:35:46.371
And so even watching, even though she had this powerful moment, but then kind of watching her slip back and then come out of it over and over, it's hard, is from a mom's perspective.

00:35:46.371 --> 00:35:46.972
You know so.

00:35:46.972 --> 00:35:58.101
But knowing we have a good relationship because of all the stuff that she's been through and we've worked on our communication styles with her mental health because I don't always know the right thing to say and sometimes I get it wrong.

00:35:58.101 --> 00:36:11.565
And having her say, mom, that yeah, you know, and even it's hard for her to say, to tell me sometimes that's not what I needed, you know, and then I feel like, oh gosh, did I knowing I maybe made it worse?

00:36:12.588 --> 00:36:29.048
you know, and just having that open communication has been so helpful that I can say this is, this is what I think I hear you're saying, and she can say, no, that's not it, here's what it is, or whatever, and then her feeling comfortable around enough to say you know, that's not what I needed, this is what I need, you know.

00:36:29.048 --> 00:36:32.382
I think all of that has been pivotal for us.

00:36:34.467 --> 00:36:35.911
And I'm glad that you know you.

00:36:35.911 --> 00:36:46.161
You were able to kind of grow together through this journey, you know, because there are many people whose parents don't do that Right.

00:36:46.161 --> 00:37:00.130
And I feel like you know, and I'll say this and I've shared it before on different podcasts and on here, you know, I grew up in a culture where, you know it's the mentality was very much don't think about it, always, choose to be happy.

00:37:00.130 --> 00:37:04.126
Uh, you know, if you don't think about it, it, you know, it doesn't exist.

00:37:04.126 --> 00:37:06.780
So don't think about being sad, don't think about this.

00:37:06.780 --> 00:37:13.869
You know, uh, whatever the thing you're thinking about, they say don't think about it.

00:37:13.869 --> 00:37:15.652
You get to choose how you feel every day.

00:37:16.333 --> 00:37:30.070
Well, the thing is, it's easy for people who don't suffer from things like depression, because, as somebody who's on the spectrum and I don't know about you if you've done this or maybe have have you ever been through it?

00:37:30.070 --> 00:37:30.773
Where you've been?

00:37:30.773 --> 00:37:38.835
Get you had bad bouts of depression where you just, every day, it was like oh, my God, my god, can I, am I ever gonna see light at the end of this dark hole?

00:37:39.356 --> 00:37:41.661
or dark tunnel, right yeah, through my first marriage.

00:37:41.661 --> 00:37:47.302
That's where a lot of melancholy stuff that I would write would come from oh, yes, and so you know how it is.

00:37:47.362 --> 00:37:56.909
It's not like you woke up and just chose, like you can choose to what channel to watch, uh on or something, right, yeah, you can.

00:37:56.909 --> 00:37:59.034
It's not like you could do that, you know.

00:37:59.034 --> 00:38:10.998
And for me, I think the most healthy way is like kind of, I love what you're doing, how you're doing it holistically, and that you're allowing people to express themselves.

00:38:10.998 --> 00:38:44.907
You're allowing yourself to be patient with yourself too and growing in the experience, but you're also acknowledging to your own feelings, right, and I feel like this, you know, like with your recent song, the two-sided mirror, I feel like you know it's it's just an example of how you also are holding space for yourself, too, and how you're also going to be, you know, and as you're helping other people be vulnerable and share their stories, it's also helping you too.

00:38:44.929 --> 00:38:49.539
Yeah, you know, and and again, mental health it's a journey, right.

00:38:49.539 --> 00:38:52.675
So, like my daughter I had a conversation last night, we just talked about this.

00:38:52.675 --> 00:38:56.293
So she, where she struggles sometimes, is, you know, my sister and I.

00:38:56.293 --> 00:38:58.239
She's she's best friends with my sister, which I love.

00:38:58.239 --> 00:38:59.713
Like they, they're so close.

00:38:59.713 --> 00:39:07.942
So sometimes when my daughter has these bouts and she really, and it's bad, you know, when she has these episodes, she will text her, we'll try and call.

00:39:08.021 --> 00:39:12.063
She doesn't answer the calls or the texts and we know that something's going on, you know, and of course we're concerned.

00:39:12.063 --> 00:39:16.887
You know she's like it's not that I don't want to respond, and this is what she said.

00:39:16.887 --> 00:39:22.760
She's I am, I'm thinking through it, like I'll even start typing a text, mom, cause I want to tell you, like where I'm at.

00:39:22.760 --> 00:39:35.898
Like like it's bad, but it's not that bad.

00:39:35.898 --> 00:39:37.719
Like she just wants to check in and let me know, but she's like I don't know, in her mind she's overthinking it, right.

00:39:37.719 --> 00:39:41.092
So she's like I want to say the right thing, I don't want to over explain, and then she's like it's so overwhelmed with that that I just don't respond, you know.

00:39:41.092 --> 00:39:44.693
And so something unique happened just last week is she wasn't taking my calls.

00:39:44.693 --> 00:39:46.639
I'm like, okay, something's up.

00:39:46.639 --> 00:39:50.688
How can I connect with her and make it easy for her to respond?

00:39:50.688 --> 00:39:51.650
I just want to check in.

00:39:52.273 --> 00:39:55.619
So what I did was I thought, okay, I'm going to make it easy.

00:39:55.619 --> 00:40:03.103
I basically, in a text message, created a key, so I put pink heart, I'm okay, blue heart it was like I'm tired.

00:40:03.103 --> 00:40:06.092
Um, actually, let me pull up the text for a quick real.

00:40:06.092 --> 00:40:07.155
So I'll tell you what I did.

00:40:07.155 --> 00:40:08.317
So it was so interesting.

00:40:08.317 --> 00:40:11.423
So I'm just like, and she's told me that, she's told me this is how it's hard for her to communicate.

00:40:11.423 --> 00:40:16.119
So I did, or I did like purple heart, bad day, you know.

00:40:16.119 --> 00:40:19.030
Yellow heart I'll call you later Black heart dude, take a hint.

00:40:19.030 --> 00:40:20.371
Basically, like, leave me alone.

00:40:20.371 --> 00:40:36.092
I just gave her like this little key of things bad, but not not that bad and then she just did a thank you, mom, with with a, with a heart, because that's all she needed.

00:40:36.092 --> 00:40:36.474
She.

00:40:36.554 --> 00:41:04.813
It was an easy way for her to communicate what where she was at, without having to write it all out, you know it's a very brilliant idea, you know, and getting somebody who may not be in a place where they can talk, necessarily, but just giving them an option to, you know, just show yourself that you're there for them, but then allowing them that space to be like okay, like acknowledge it and then meet them where they're at for their needs, where their needs are at that time.

00:41:05.416 --> 00:41:09.150
And I think sometimes we forget everybody communicates differently, right?

00:41:09.150 --> 00:41:13.500
So when you know somebody and love somebody, you kind of know their communication.

00:41:13.500 --> 00:41:19.117
And when she was telling me, you know I knew that she struggled with replying to texts, you know.

00:41:19.117 --> 00:41:21.523
So I'm like, okay, so what's the answer?

00:41:21.523 --> 00:41:24.496
You know, how can I make it easier for her to communicate?

00:41:25.038 --> 00:41:29.914
And I think, stepping away from our own feelings right, and we just talked to her and I just talked about this.

00:41:29.914 --> 00:41:34.664
So when she doesn't respond, right, it can trigger me and put me in my own feelings.

00:41:34.664 --> 00:41:38.817
I can feel like abandonment.

00:41:38.817 --> 00:41:41.001
I can feel like, is she mad at me?

00:41:41.001 --> 00:41:47.719
I can feel hurt because she's not responding, right, that's my feelings, but I don't want to project that on her because she's already dealing with her own crap, right?

00:41:47.719 --> 00:41:49.802
So you know we talked about that.

00:41:49.802 --> 00:41:52.067
I'm like, yeah, I can feel hurt, but that's not your responsibility.

00:41:52.067 --> 00:41:59.451
It's not your responsibility to make sure, because I there's intention, there's lots of things that go into it, so it was just a matter of me.

00:41:59.490 --> 00:42:01.353
Okay, how can I make it easier for her?

00:42:01.353 --> 00:42:04.516
She's the one who's struggling, and that's when I came up with this idea.

00:42:04.516 --> 00:42:07.501
I'm like what if she could just kind of check a box to let me know.

00:42:07.501 --> 00:42:10.766
And that's how I came up with the color coded hearts thing for her to pick.

00:42:10.766 --> 00:42:12.088
And she's like no, that was perfect.

00:42:12.088 --> 00:42:17.481
Because when we actually had a conversation then, when she was feeling better and wanting to talk, she's like that was perfect.

00:42:17.481 --> 00:42:18.632
I'm like great, moving forward.

00:42:18.632 --> 00:42:23.233
We know this is an option now, so I shared it with my other daughter who, ironically, is a therapist now.

00:42:23.233 --> 00:42:27.202
She just graduated with her master's, you know, and then my sister.

00:42:51.329 --> 00:42:53.472
So I'm like here's a good way to communicate with Jennifer when she's not responding to you.

00:42:53.472 --> 00:42:53.913
Give her some options.

00:42:53.913 --> 00:42:57.797
She can basically check the boxes, check in, without having to have that long conversation or feel like she has to over explain, because that's her communication style.

00:42:57.797 --> 00:43:00.141
She's always been an open book and when she needs to pull back and set boundaries, that's hard for her.

00:43:00.141 --> 00:43:02.603
So you know, this is just a different way to to help see each other fully.

00:43:02.623 --> 00:43:14.561
Yeah, and it's and I like what you're doing in that sense that you're doing it very, you know, like, once again, very holistically, very you're meeting everybody where they're at right and giving people, you know, still expressing your concerns, but also doing it in a way where you're meeting other people where they're at and allowing them that space, right.

00:43:14.561 --> 00:43:20.985
So it's like, and I just feel like that's such a brilliant and healthy way to sometimes communicate.

00:43:20.985 --> 00:43:29.996
You know, and everybody does communicate differently how have you noticed that your communication changed after having the realization that you're neurodivergent?

00:43:29.996 --> 00:43:30.579
How do you feel?

00:43:30.579 --> 00:43:37.503
Like you know, you also have grown in that sense or tapped into doing things differently?

00:43:38.992 --> 00:43:51.811
I think I really try harder to see things from a different perspective, right, and because, again, when you're in your head all the time, right, sometimes we can get the woe is me's, we can get the you know, the poor me stuff going on in our heads.

00:43:51.811 --> 00:44:05.981
And so if I can step outside of that like intentionally say, okay, how is somebody who I'm talking to, what is their perspective, listen to, really listening to what they're telling me, so my communication can meet them where they are, where maybe it didn't before.

00:44:05.981 --> 00:44:12.442
Maybe that's why we struggled when she was in high school, because sometimes it felt like we were saying the same exact thing but we were butting heads all the time.

00:44:12.442 --> 00:44:18.009
I would say something she'd say that's not what I, that's not it, mom, and she would repeat her stance.

00:44:18.009 --> 00:44:19.070
But I'm like we're saying the same thing.

00:44:19.070 --> 00:44:19.871
She's like, no, we're not.

00:44:19.871 --> 00:44:49.474
So I mean we were butting heads where now I feel like my communication style has shifted so much where I'm like I really have to listen to exactly what she's saying to me and not put my own interpretation on it, right, and see it from my lens, which is hard to describe, but like you have to put yourself in a different, in a different mindset, to listen differently in order to respond differently, and I feel like this has given me a whole new lens of okay, even as far as, like I shared with her.

00:44:49.474 --> 00:45:06.608
I've said now I've gotten on TikTok and now I specifically search out, like borderline personality, so I can get it from a therapist perspective, and other people who struggle with borderline, what it means to them and how their lives, how do they shift through their lives, so I can better understand her.

00:45:06.849 --> 00:45:12.563
Because she doesn't always understand it, and she told me that she's like I understand this is my diagnosis but I don't understand it at the same time.

00:45:12.563 --> 00:45:18.603
So she doesn't always know how to communicate to me or my sister or her sister what she's experiencing.

00:45:18.603 --> 00:45:24.983
So, you know, educating myself helps me respond in different ways.

00:45:24.983 --> 00:45:42.411
So I don't re-trigger her or make her feel isolated or say the wrong thing, because if she's telling me something she's struggling with and I'm a problem solver right, being a mom especially, I'm a problem solver I want to solve the problem, but that's not always what she's coming to me for, you know.

00:45:42.411 --> 00:45:45.385
So sometimes if I give her a solution she knows she's not capable of.

00:45:45.385 --> 00:45:48.713
Now what happens is now she has shame and guilt because she knows she can't do it.

00:45:48.713 --> 00:45:50.394
Now what happens is now she has shame and guilt because she knows she can't do it.

00:45:50.394 --> 00:45:51.094
Now there might be disappointment.

00:45:51.115 --> 00:45:51.556
Mom gave me a solution.

00:45:51.556 --> 00:45:52.577
I know I'm not capable of it.

00:45:52.577 --> 00:46:01.186
That's a more of a downward spiral for her and so being and then it's not walking on eggshells because she's like mom, I don't want you to walk on eggshells, I'm like, it's not that at all.

00:46:01.186 --> 00:46:11.472
I said I want to do the.

00:46:11.472 --> 00:46:12.498
I want to, you know, communicate well with you.

00:46:12.498 --> 00:46:13.322
That's what I'm trying to do, you know.

00:46:13.322 --> 00:46:13.985
So I said I'm just learning too.

00:46:13.985 --> 00:46:17.458
We're just have to learn and get through this together, and the more we know, the better we can do.

00:46:20.431 --> 00:46:21.998
And how does she respond to that?

00:46:21.998 --> 00:46:28.521
When you say that you're trying to grow together, you're trying to learn how to better communicate with her.

00:46:32.070 --> 00:46:33.012
Yeah, I mean she, she points it out all the time.

00:46:33.012 --> 00:46:33.313
She's like mom.

00:46:33.313 --> 00:46:34.556
We have come so far in our relationship.

00:46:35.177 --> 00:46:37.161
You know it's just it's, it's.

00:46:37.831 --> 00:46:42.422
I'm so grateful because what it was like when she was in high school was hard, you know.

00:46:42.422 --> 00:46:46.755
I mean we would get into screaming matches and just you know, she was such a good kid.

00:46:46.755 --> 00:46:48.016
At the same time, like I did not.

00:46:48.016 --> 00:46:56.407
She was not a difficult kid, but our communication because I, I realized now, looking back right, hindsight's 2020.

00:47:02.809 --> 00:47:05.255
I'm a very literal speaker, I literal communicator, where she's a she's more of a what's the opposite of that?

00:47:05.255 --> 00:47:14.829
Not figurative, figurative, yes, and so that's where our communication styles were so different, you know, and there was screaming fights and like we just could not get it together and but we're a lot alike.

00:47:14.829 --> 00:47:16.195
We both want to have the last word.

00:47:16.195 --> 00:47:21.460
We're both, we're both right, right, you know, and so and she'll, she'll say she's like we have come so far.

00:47:21.460 --> 00:47:30.103
So when, even with my sister and my other daughter, like as a whole, as like a family unit, like we've we've come so far in our communication style with one another.

00:47:30.844 --> 00:47:52.722
So when there's fallouts with other sides of the family, like when we just had something this weekend, honestly, with some people who just aren't there, with communication, you know, and with family values, there's just such a such a big gap where you know we're like okay, gap where you know we're like okay, that's, that's what they're, what they're capable of.

00:47:52.722 --> 00:48:04.621
So we're like we're not harmed in the situation, cause we were like well, that's, that's their perspective, like you know, and it's it's changed the game.

00:48:04.621 --> 00:48:10.021
So now, when there's something that happens and it's just it's more distant family, just cousins or whatever, but like and they literally blocked us on social media I'm like but nothing's changed for us.

00:48:10.021 --> 00:48:11.802
Like they didn't communicate with us before.

00:48:11.802 --> 00:48:13.204
Nothing's changed.

00:48:13.204 --> 00:48:16.918
It didn't take us down because we have each other.

00:48:16.918 --> 00:48:17.983
Now we can communicate.

00:48:17.983 --> 00:48:26.239
We know we were in a much healthier space than we were before, where years ago that probably would have taken me off my feet, it would have changed everything for me, and it doesn't now.

00:48:29.331 --> 00:48:30.898
And how do you feel then too?

00:48:30.898 --> 00:48:34.333
Like you said, you started looking at things from different perspectives.

00:48:34.333 --> 00:48:42.215
How do you feel like that has helped you grow professionally and in your songwriting and creativity?

00:48:43.657 --> 00:48:51.280
Yeah, with one story specifically, it's helped me a lot Because I'm not a therapist, right.

00:48:51.280 --> 00:49:12.454
So like when I'm trying to basically draw a story out of somebody, I'm a lot more aware of if they're feeling uncomfortable, if I can just I kind of fine tune into not just listening but watching their body language, and I can see when someone's lit up about something they're talking about.

00:49:12.454 --> 00:49:20.413
Like you can see like they sit up straighter, they light up, they lean in, just virtually you can feel it and like that right there, like I can see like that has to be in your story.

00:49:20.413 --> 00:49:22.760
Look at how much you just lit up, you know.

00:49:22.760 --> 00:49:27.956
So it's not always just about the negative, it's about the positives too, because they want to talk about what impacts them.

00:49:27.956 --> 00:49:56.195
So one stories, we go from the one everything changed moment but we bring the audience through to how that person's making an impact now in the world and what they're, what they're doing in their business, and so we focus a lot more on that aspect and so having better communication skills just through my family with my daughter I'm a lot I feel like I'm more clued into watching body language and the words someone's using and being careful myself not to re-trigger somebody's experience by asking them to share more than they're comfortable with.

00:49:56.195 --> 00:50:08.050
So I just I feel like it's opened kind of a whole new door for me to be supportive as a coach, as a speaking coach, and help push the envelope without pushing them over the cliff.

00:50:08.653 --> 00:50:13.431
You know, and even in my songwriting songwriting is emotional.

00:50:13.431 --> 00:50:15.675
It's a story that you want to evoke.

00:50:15.675 --> 00:50:28.094
For me, especially, if my song doesn't evoke emotion, then I feel like I failed, and so I want to evoke emotion without again pushing somebody too far, and I want them to have a good feeling at the end.

00:50:28.094 --> 00:50:31.260
So I want to take them on a journey through the song of oh gosh.

00:50:31.260 --> 00:50:34.697
I relate to that and I feel that, but also, oh, there is hope.

00:50:36.472 --> 00:50:37.898
So that's what I'm trying to portray in that.

00:50:37.898 --> 00:50:57.483
So I think all of the things that have led up through my life going through abuse, doing therapy myself, personal development, and all the learning that we've done as a family I think is just kind of culminating into everything I'm doing now, and that's why I feel like this space is exactly where I was meant to be, you know.

00:50:57.483 --> 00:51:08.902
So it's kind of cool, like to say it out loud and actually to sit down and think about it like landing where I've landed and why One Stories has been so successful, is because it is where I belong.

00:51:08.902 --> 00:51:15.541
This is the stage that I get to help people share their stories and I'm in a space where I can be supportive for them.

00:51:24.918 --> 00:51:35.510
Yes, absolutely, and recently you won independent music awards uh and uh for the song she was here, uh.

00:51:35.510 --> 00:51:42.795
Can you tell us a little bit about that song, in terms of what uh motivated you to write it and what you were, what?

00:51:42.795 --> 00:51:44.760
What was the message that you wanted people to?

00:51:44.920 --> 00:51:45.762
carry away with it.

00:51:45.762 --> 00:52:18.577
So she was here was interesting because, um, it's directly tied to one stories, you know, and so a lot of the songs I've written, quite a few songs just writing back towards all the different stories I've heard on the one story stage, and I remember sitting down was in May and I was just feeling creative, and I always write in the evenings like nine o'clock and later is when like kind of that idea bug kind of hits me for songs, and I kept thinking about the group that went through one stories in March and you know, I was like gosh, it's like they're they're leaving their mark and like none of us are perfect and we have messy stories.

00:52:18.577 --> 00:52:37.391
Like everybody counts, though, and I kept thinking about and this is such a weird metaphor, but it's kind of in the song if you listen for it but I kept thinking about the woman and that men would write their name on the back of the this is so silly on the bathroom stall door, right, for a good time, call this person, right.

00:52:37.391 --> 00:52:39.958
Just kind of like to trash a woman's name, you know.

00:52:39.958 --> 00:52:46.291
But I'm like she's a person and just because she dated the wrong guy or was doing things that people thought was unfavorable, right?

00:52:46.291 --> 00:52:48.556
The people they called the slut or whatever.

00:52:48.556 --> 00:52:49.699
Right, I'm like she's a human being.

00:52:49.699 --> 00:52:51.425
Favorable, right, the people they call the slut or whatever.

00:52:51.425 --> 00:52:55.853
Right, I'm like she's a human being and she was here and her story counts too, right.

00:52:55.873 --> 00:53:01.469
And so all that was going through my head and I always know when I'm on to when, when a song is going to really connect with people, it comes fast to me.

00:53:01.469 --> 00:53:07.177
I know if it just flows out, I almost don't even feel like it's coming from me, it's almost like it's.

00:53:07.177 --> 00:53:12.043
I know this might be too woo woo for some people, but I feel like I'm channeling something.

00:53:12.043 --> 00:53:17.018
When songs like that come out and I don't even know, I just start like I used to write it like longhand.

00:53:17.018 --> 00:53:19.271
But this I have a notes app now for songwriting.

00:53:19.271 --> 00:53:22.518
I just start typing frantically in there and it just it.

00:53:22.719 --> 00:53:28.858
This song was written, the lyric part of it, and I would say maybe 15 minutes tops.

00:53:28.858 --> 00:53:32.949
That's how quickly it came out of me, you know.

00:53:32.949 --> 00:53:39.143
And so in all the words and so like in part of the song, it says you know, like she was here.

00:53:39.143 --> 00:53:41.297
It's written on the wall, you know.

00:53:41.297 --> 00:53:49.793
And so that's where it comes from, like that bathroom stall, of even the people who have, like, the dirty past that people want to say I'm like every woman who's walked this earth.

00:53:49.793 --> 00:53:57.376
Her story matters and she was here, you know, and so that's what that song means and it goes to all of the stories that these women have stood on the stage and told.

00:53:57.376 --> 00:54:03.293
Right, we all come from a messy background and it matters, right, and so that's part of our story.

00:54:03.293 --> 00:54:17.170
And in the second verse it talks about people wanting to, basically, you know, crumple up in the corner all the you know and people trying to take our stories down and throw our stories away and burn them.

00:54:17.170 --> 00:54:23.231
And it's like we're rewriting the book now, you know, we're stoking the flames of our own stories.

00:54:23.231 --> 00:54:29.733
So, like, kind of, sit back and watch now, like it's our turn to tell our stories, and so that's what that story, or what that song, is all about.

00:54:29.914 --> 00:54:34.400
And it's interesting even how the awards came to me.

00:54:34.400 --> 00:54:44.719
I'm a member of a group called Smash House and it's for songwriters to get there to have like sync licensing and all that, and you can get leads on people looking for songs and whatnot.

00:54:44.719 --> 00:54:51.021
And it was like just a couple days after I wrote that song and the music was done for it and all that.

00:54:51.021 --> 00:54:55.139
And I got an email saying, hey, the Hollywood Independent Music Awards.

00:54:55.139 --> 00:54:59.458
I was looking for submissions, right, and I'd submitted my music for other things before I'd won some other awards.

00:54:59.458 --> 00:55:01.041
I'm like, oh okay, I didn't know too much about it.

00:55:01.041 --> 00:55:02.936
It was like 20 bucks to enter your song.

00:55:02.936 --> 00:55:06.914
I entered it, whatever, because they always have like an administration fee, fee.

00:55:06.914 --> 00:55:10.702
I didn't think too much about it and I didn't realize that it was a big thing.

00:55:10.702 --> 00:55:15.090
I didn't you know.

00:55:15.090 --> 00:55:17.936
I mean, like I entered it but I had never really heard of it, so I didn't know it was a big deal.

00:55:17.956 --> 00:55:22.590
And then in early June, I remember checking their website to see if they had announced them.

00:55:22.590 --> 00:55:24.594
Like I didn't figure I'd get picked anyways, right.

00:55:24.594 --> 00:55:31.465
So I remember checking the website and they had, like there was an early list of nominees that they had.

00:55:31.465 --> 00:55:35.476
It was like 95 names on the list and so I'm just kind of casually scrolling.

00:55:35.476 --> 00:55:37.318
Then all of a sudden I saw Wendy Babcock, she's here.

00:55:37.318 --> 00:55:38.414
Whoa, wait a minute.

00:55:38.414 --> 00:55:42.335
I scroll back to the top and I looked and said, like you know, early list.

00:55:42.335 --> 00:55:43.539
And then I go back down.

00:55:43.539 --> 00:55:44.181
I looked at my name.

00:55:44.181 --> 00:55:45.655
I must have done that 10 times.

00:55:45.655 --> 00:55:51.411
I times.

00:55:51.411 --> 00:55:52.353
I'm like, am I seeing this right?

00:55:52.353 --> 00:55:52.793
I'm nominating.

00:55:52.813 --> 00:55:54.418
I didn't get an email right, so I emailed them the next day.

00:55:54.418 --> 00:55:57.931
I'm like, hey, I saw my name on the list Before I get excited and cry is this real?

00:55:57.931 --> 00:56:00.418
And so their response was yes, it's real.

00:56:00.418 --> 00:56:01.101
You can cry now.

00:56:01.101 --> 00:56:05.210
That was their response.

00:56:05.210 --> 00:56:10.277
I'm like, holy crap, so you'll get your nominee package in the mail, you know, shortly in email.

00:56:10.878 --> 00:56:11.599
And I looked at my husband.

00:56:11.599 --> 00:56:13.822
I'm like this is live in person.

00:56:13.822 --> 00:56:15.085
We have to go to Hollywood.

00:56:15.085 --> 00:56:20.891
Like this is crazy, you know.

00:56:20.891 --> 00:56:22.733
And he we've, he's never been a fan, like we don't really care about Hollywood stuff.

00:56:22.733 --> 00:56:24.434
So we're like it's not a place that was on our bucket list, but put it that way.

00:56:24.434 --> 00:56:28.159
I'm like he's like, oh really, like yep, we're going to fly to Hollywood, we're going to go to this.

00:56:28.159 --> 00:56:31.302
And so I had no intentions or no expectations of winning.

00:56:31.302 --> 00:56:32.804
I was just flabbergasted.

00:56:32.804 --> 00:56:42.101
I was nominated because there was eight of us in my category, and so when they released all the names, I went and listened to their songs and, you know, figured out who they were.

00:56:42.101 --> 00:56:44.510
And one person, one nominee, was an Emmy winner.

00:56:45.391 --> 00:56:45.592
I'm like.

00:56:45.652 --> 00:56:53.103
I ain't got a chance in hell to winning this right, but I'm like, how cool is it going to be just to be in the space with all of these creative people?

00:56:53.103 --> 00:56:56.175
That's what I went for, you know, no expectations.

00:56:56.175 --> 00:57:14.094
And so we were sitting up in the, we were on the second level because I just had a general admission ticket as a nominee and I knew that not everybody would be going to the stage One, which was good, because I I'm like if I do what, I'm going to be petrified.

00:57:14.094 --> 00:57:16.260
I guess I'm a speaker, but that's a different, that's a whole different thing.

00:57:16.260 --> 00:57:25.034
So we're up in the second level and so when my category came up, I had my phone out, you know, recording the screen as they were announcing all the nominees, like, oh, this is.

00:57:25.034 --> 00:57:31.784
And then the guy you know it's okay and the winners are winner is Wendy Babcock, and you can hear me in my video go, oh my God.

00:57:33.789 --> 00:57:43.019
And then I chuck my phone at the husband because I had to run down like three flights of stairs and get my way down there, you know, to accept the award, and I was just a basket case by the time I got to that stage.

00:57:43.831 --> 00:57:47.373
You did an amazing job with your speech, though you really did.

00:57:47.373 --> 00:57:48.478
You pulled it together.

00:57:48.478 --> 00:57:51.536
Speech though you really did, you pulled it together.

00:57:51.536 --> 00:57:52.480
You did not look like a basket case at all.

00:57:52.480 --> 00:57:52.922
You really even know.

00:57:52.922 --> 00:57:54.407
You know, you may have felt like it when I saw your speech.

00:57:54.407 --> 00:57:56.034
I mean, I was the one bawling.

00:57:56.034 --> 00:57:59.146
I was like, oh my God, yes, wendy, go Wendy.

00:57:59.146 --> 00:58:06.398
But now, as we're wrapping up here, though, I just wanted to ask you now where can people find info about when stories?

00:58:06.398 --> 00:58:09.221
Where can people go to find your music?

00:58:09.221 --> 00:58:11.724
Where can people you know what?

00:58:11.804 --> 00:58:12.746
events do you have coming up?

00:58:12.746 --> 00:58:18.655
So for me in particular I have my website is my name wendybabcockcom, that's all things Wendy Babcock.

00:58:18.655 --> 00:58:21.697
And then for when Stories, whenstoriescom.

00:58:21.697 --> 00:58:23.612
I love domains, I'm a domain collector.

00:58:23.612 --> 00:58:26.795
Whenstoriescom it's W-H-E-N.

00:58:26.795 --> 00:58:31.759
Sometimes people think it says One stories or one like my name, like no, I'm not that you know.

00:58:31.759 --> 00:58:32.981
So it's W-H-E-N.

00:58:32.981 --> 00:58:34.123
Like when everything changed.

00:58:34.123 --> 00:58:41.679
And then for all my music you can just go into Spotify, amazon, itunes and just search Wendy Babcock and you'll see all my music there.

00:58:41.679 --> 00:58:43.856
So it's an easy find.

00:58:45.250 --> 00:58:47.851
Well, thank you so much, Wendy, for being here.

00:58:47.851 --> 00:58:52.014
All her information is going to be on the show notes, everyone.

00:58:52.014 --> 00:59:02.623
So please go check her out and listen to her music and get inspired and check out Wen's stories, because I guarantee it's going to be an amazing time.

00:59:02.623 --> 00:59:05.786
Thank you all for tuning in today.

00:59:05.786 --> 00:59:07.967
Remember rate review subscribe.

00:59:07.967 --> 00:59:12.831
Also, don't forget Labor Day is coming up.

00:59:12.831 --> 00:59:15.277
If you need a beach, beach read, you know what book you need to get dropped in a maze.

00:59:15.277 --> 00:59:16.940
All right, thank y'all.