Aug. 5, 2025

Escaping Toxic Love with Lindsay Abernathy

Escaping Toxic Love with Lindsay Abernathy

Send us a text Lindsay Abernathy shares her powerful journey through domestic abuse and offers practical guidance for survivors trying to rebuild their lives after toxic relationships. • Abuse can hide behind the appearance of a perfect life with fancy houses and cars • Many victims don't identify their situation as abuse because it doesn't match stereotypical portrayals • Abusers collect vulnerabilities early in relationships to weaponize them later • Warning signs include love bombing foll...

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Season 2

Send us a text

Lindsay Abernathy shares her powerful journey through domestic abuse and offers practical guidance for survivors trying to rebuild their lives after toxic relationships.

• Abuse can hide behind the appearance of a perfect life with fancy houses and cars
• Many victims don't identify their situation as abuse because it doesn't match stereotypical portrayals
• Abusers collect vulnerabilities early in relationships to weaponize them later
• Warning signs include love bombing followed by devaluation, criticism, and control
• Financial abuse keeps many victims trapped with no access to money or resources
• Trauma creates poor decision-making abilities, increasing the difficulty of leaving
• Documentation is crucial both during the relationship and after leaving
• The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when attempting to leave
• Safety planning includes securing documents, building a support network, and having an exit strategy
• Never confront an abuser in person when leaving - get safe first, then communicate
• Strong boundaries are essential after leaving, especially when co-parenting
• Self-worth can't be stolen - rebuilding after abuse means reclaiming what was always yours

For resources and support, check out TheHotline.org, Aimeesays, or join Lindsay's community at BitchIsABadWord podcast. Also, check out her apparel at 2WeeksNotice.com


01:41 - Introduction to Toxic Relationships

11:03 - The Insidious Nature of Abuse

24:49 - Warning Signs and Red Flags

35:23 - Breaking Free Safely

47:40 - Setting Boundaries After Leaving

01:05:36 - Rebuilding Self-Worth and Healing

01:12:53 - Resources and Community Support

WEBVTT

00:00:02.825 --> 00:00:03.685
Hello everyone.

00:00:03.685 --> 00:00:14.805
Just imagine that you fall in love with somebody and you go into a relationship and you think, okay, I found my happy ever after.

00:00:14.805 --> 00:00:18.454
Most people, most of us, envision that right.

00:00:18.454 --> 00:00:23.839
We envision that dream you meet somebody, fall in love, have a happy ever after, start a family.

00:00:23.839 --> 00:00:37.728
Meet somebody, fall in love, have a happy ever after, start a family you know, have great memories, but unfortunately, for many people, that situation doesn't necessarily fit.

00:00:38.930 --> 00:01:01.405
Instead, what happens is there's a lot of toxicity, a lot of pain, and here to help us travel through and understand the journey more and also how to overcome and rebuild after being in a toxic partnership, is here with us.

00:01:01.405 --> 00:01:53.027
Lindsay Abernathy, the host from Bitch, is a Bad Word podcast and she has her own merch company, which I'm super excited about, and she has spoken on this subject very brill and on her own show and has been has a very inspiring and empowering story to share with anybody who may be finding themselves currently in a toxic situation, and she is here to share her story to also help empower and inspire others that they, too, can overcome, they can rebuild themselves.

00:01:53.027 --> 00:01:56.721
So, without further ado, lindsay, thank you so much for being here.

00:01:57.703 --> 00:01:59.287
Thank you so much for having me.

00:01:59.287 --> 00:02:01.753
It's my pleasure to be on your show today.

00:02:02.381 --> 00:02:03.724
Oh, thank you so much.

00:02:03.724 --> 00:02:12.187
Now, lindsay, now I know that you had your own really fair share of trials and tribulations.

00:02:12.187 --> 00:02:14.352
Today you are a thriving individual.

00:02:14.352 --> 00:02:33.635
You have a very successful podcast which I absolutely enjoy listening to and, in fact, actually absolutely enjoy listening to and in fact, actually I've learned a lot just from listening to your episodes because I've shared some with some clients of mine.

00:02:33.635 --> 00:02:51.073
And you know I also because in my line of work I do work with people who find themselves in situations at times or overcome, or who've gotten out of bad relationships and feel horrible about themselves, and you know a lot of my work focuses on rebuild.

00:02:51.073 --> 00:03:09.295
You know I work with a lot of clients on rebuilding themselves and you know I would like to just kind of have you walk us through a little bit of your journey, like what kind of happened along the way in your journey.

00:03:10.740 --> 00:03:45.930
Sure, I share a lot about my story on Bitch is a Bad Word obviously at the beginning, and sort of like how we navigate the road through and out of domestic abuse, toxic relationships, navigating post-separation abuse, what it's like to have to co-parent or parallel parent or whatever parent with your ex, and it's been an amazing journey to arrive here and sort of have some sort of clarity and understanding that I'm not alone in this.

00:03:45.930 --> 00:03:53.633
There are way too many women that are experiencing this and we're just not talking about it enough.

00:03:53.633 --> 00:04:12.332
So I always talk about my story in this way that you know when you're living a life, whether you have a life like I had, which was, you know, we had all the fancy houses, we had the fancy cars, we had the fancy life, we had seemingly had it all on the exterior.

00:04:12.332 --> 00:04:20.350
Internally, the relationship was nothing like we presented.

00:04:20.350 --> 00:04:26.766
And you know when you're speaking to your friends or you're out in the community or you're involved in a private school or whatever.

00:04:26.766 --> 00:04:33.115
However you're living, you are putting on this performance for the people around you because you can't.

00:04:33.521 --> 00:04:34.425
It doesn't make sense.

00:04:34.425 --> 00:04:39.259
Most people don't even understand that they're actually in an abusive relationship.

00:04:39.259 --> 00:04:48.084
They can't imagine the word domestic violence or domestic abuse being part of their internal vocabulary or anything to do with their life.

00:04:48.084 --> 00:04:52.800
Most, some of these women are volunteering at the, at the shelters.

00:04:52.800 --> 00:05:04.002
They're volunteer, they're sending checks to the you know the hotline, or you know they're supporting these, these women that are in these tragic situations and they can't imagine that.

00:05:04.002 --> 00:05:13.173
You know they're not homeless or living on the street or, you know, roughed up by a guy and a wife beater with, like you know, a can of beer in his hand.

00:05:13.173 --> 00:05:26.737
They're living a fabulous life, they have maybe fabulous jobs, they belong to the country club, their kids go to private schools, and so you, you can't imagine talking about it, you can't even imagine identifying you as that woman and you can't imagine talking about it.

00:05:26.737 --> 00:05:49.225
You can't even imagine identifying you as that woman and you can't imagine yourself identifying as a domestic violence victim needing assistance, like a shelter or a place to go, because I say this lightly like I can't drive my Range Rover to a shelter and sit there with, you know, my Gucci bag and think that I need like that.

00:05:49.225 --> 00:06:06.473
I deserve the help that that other, that somebody else may need and when reality is, any woman, no matter what their station in life is, deserves the help that's available to them when they are leaving a domestically abusive or even toxic relationship.

00:06:07.461 --> 00:06:13.233
And I'd like to share on my show enough to say like there's no safety in staying silent.

00:06:13.233 --> 00:06:14.625
So we have to talk about it.

00:06:14.625 --> 00:06:22.468
We have to say, like this is, like, this isn't a comfortable conversation, this is, it's mentally unstable, it's dangerous, it's all the things.

00:06:22.468 --> 00:06:55.951
And the more we say hey, listen, it can happen to you while you live in a gated community or have a gate around your house, or you drive a fancy car or you have all the bags, you, if you're, share my story the more women come out and say, like holy shit, this is exactly what I'm going through.

00:06:55.951 --> 00:06:56.634
But I didn't like.

00:06:56.956 --> 00:07:03.894
I have to say, like some people, they're not even understanding that they're in the relationship I was Googling.

00:07:03.894 --> 00:07:06.180
Is this a domestically abusive relationship?

00:07:06.180 --> 00:07:06.882
Is this?

00:07:06.882 --> 00:07:10.151
My partner says this, is that wrong?

00:07:10.151 --> 00:07:10.612
Is that?

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You know?

00:07:11.214 --> 00:07:22.182
And I know it sounds so foreign and maybe to somebody who, like, is never experienced this or is educated I mean, it happens to educated women too it's not, there's, there's.

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It doesn't matter where you come from in life.

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If you are being abused, you're being abused slowly.

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Most definitely it's not happening where you sit down on the first date and they're punching you in the face and you're like, oh, I can't wait to come back and have dinner with you tomorrow.

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That's not happening.

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You, tomorrow, that's not happening there.

00:07:45.963 --> 00:07:52.644
You know, you're you're sitting down with somebody and they're presenting really well, they are telling you all the things that are, you know, amazing about you and their love bombing you.

00:07:52.644 --> 00:08:00.031
As we know, we, this term now, and you know the abuse is like insidious, it's a slow burn.

00:08:00.031 --> 00:08:10.675
So by the time things get to a point where you're like I am so underwater, I'm so in deep in this relationship, we, you know, we have kids, we have this, we have whatever.

00:08:10.675 --> 00:08:14.769
How am I going to get out of it and how am I going to tell anybody that this is what I've been living through?

00:08:16.281 --> 00:08:26.827
It doesn't because it doesn't add up, it doesn't make sense, and some people, honest to God, they don't want to talk about it, Like I don't want to talk about it, Like I don't want to hear it.

00:08:26.827 --> 00:08:34.048
Uh, you know, most likely those people that don't want to talk about it are like the negative advocate of your abuser and they're like my person doesn't do this, they don't behave that way.

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What did you do for them to behave this way?

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And you know so.

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There's a worst that you know, and then they're, they're flying monkeys, they're going back and like reporting all the shit back to them.

00:08:40.462 --> 00:08:44.306
And then they're, they're flying monkeys, they're going back and like reporting all the shit back to them.

00:08:44.306 --> 00:08:51.269
And then you're like kind of, in this thing that we understand is now this cycle, and so it doesn't happen all at once.

00:08:51.269 --> 00:09:05.780
And or, if it does, if there's and there's always a warning I mean I had all the warning signs Um, we, we see these like pink flags that we think, well, they're not quite red but they're definitely not green.

00:09:06.624 --> 00:09:13.182
So let me think, maybe I can like I'm going to give them another chance, let me see this one again, maybe.

00:09:13.182 --> 00:09:23.206
But I'm already like, I love them, I'm already into it, I'm already like so I'm going to be able to fix them.

00:09:23.206 --> 00:09:26.033
I'm going to let my love will change their behavior.

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It won't.

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I can make all the difference in this, like this person behaves this way with these other people because those other people don't get them, but I get them and my love will change them.

00:09:34.187 --> 00:09:52.813
So you kind of also get into this like fixing mode of these people, pathological people, and you think you know you're the one that's going to make a difference in their life and, all of a sudden, all their bad behavior is going to change and they're going to be the Prince Charming that they presented to you at the beginning of your relationship.

00:09:53.801 --> 00:10:03.725
So when you got into your relationship, when was it that sirens started to kind of ring for you, when, like, what was kind of?

00:10:03.725 --> 00:10:10.692
What were things that like jump out when you like reflect back and you can look back and say, wait a minute, this was not okay.

00:10:10.692 --> 00:10:13.586
Him saying this to me was not okay.

00:10:13.586 --> 00:10:15.270
This, this was not okay.

00:10:16.181 --> 00:10:23.413
I mean personally, like right away, just within the first few times of spending time together.

00:10:23.413 --> 00:10:37.942
But again, I just I, oh, I have learned that I thought it was something I had done, like, well, you know, or I didn't mean he'd like say something, say something really bad, but I didn't mean to say that, or you took it the wrong way, or so.

00:10:37.942 --> 00:11:02.365
There was like a lot of gaslighting early on in my, in the relationship, where I felt like, you know, you're sitting with somebody and you're sharing your most vulnerable experiences and I've talked about being sexually assaulted on my show, I've talked about toxic relationships I've had in my life and I've talked about my childhood that was very traumatic and super toxic.

00:11:02.365 --> 00:11:17.761
So I share, you know, I, I shared those things very early on with this person and you know they were so like, oh my God, I can't believe that this happened to you and, um, I'm going to help you.

00:11:17.802 --> 00:11:30.927
I want to like, I'm safe, and you know, we, we kind of came together on this trauma of like, well, my, his relationship and his life were bad and mine were bad and like, oh my God, we're too.

00:11:30.927 --> 00:11:41.832
We've had these two really fucked up situations in our life and now we can come together and be healing and amazing, and you know, what I learned, though, is that these types of people are just taking inventory.

00:11:41.832 --> 00:11:46.291
They're listening to all of your most vulnerable moments.

00:11:46.291 --> 00:11:54.653
They, you know, they're sort of chameleon eyes themselves into, like understanding exactly what you've been through, and they love all you know.

00:11:54.653 --> 00:11:57.123
They love you, they think you're amazing, as they're valuing.

00:11:57.123 --> 00:12:17.221
They, you know your value is increasing and you're so perfect to like you feel very comfortable exposing yourself and sharing these vulnerabilities, but what they're doing is, when they're taking this inventory, they're packing it away in this narc vault that they're going to use later and weaponize your pain against you for more control and power.

00:12:17.221 --> 00:12:19.004
Right.

00:12:19.044 --> 00:12:20.828
It's like they take your vulnerabilities.

00:12:20.828 --> 00:12:22.253
They want to use it against you.

00:12:22.253 --> 00:12:31.654
They want to break you down so that you feel, basically, more powerless and they gain more control, upper hand.

00:12:31.654 --> 00:12:43.283
This is, I think, a tactic that they use to keep a person under their spell, almost so that they feel like they're always the one in the driver's seat.

00:12:44.585 --> 00:12:52.846
Well, and I always felt very you know, the things that I thought were so cool about me, like the things that I, like I actually liked about myself.

00:12:52.846 --> 00:12:55.461
They were also like that is so cool.

00:12:55.461 --> 00:13:02.647
You know, I was this actress on a big show called the Walking Dead at the time and it was like you know, I lived in this cool.

00:13:02.647 --> 00:13:03.828
I just felt like I lived in this.

00:13:03.828 --> 00:13:08.445
I worked really hard in an industry that's really hard to be in a place.

00:13:08.445 --> 00:13:18.400
That was really cool and during the time I was with this person, they thought it was cool in the beginning and then it was like the worst quality about me later.

00:13:18.400 --> 00:13:29.570
And so what I now know I now know was that that exactly what it is is like they put you on this pedestal and they make you think that you are amazing.

00:13:29.570 --> 00:13:32.081
And, let's be honest, it's okay to feel good about yourself.

00:13:32.081 --> 00:13:34.410
It's okay to think something you do is cool.

00:13:34.410 --> 00:13:38.802
It's okay to think like, oh, I'm fucking rad, I just did this really cool thing.

00:13:38.802 --> 00:13:45.451
And it doesn't make you like a self-centered egomaniac, it's like basic.

00:13:46.251 --> 00:14:04.166
But I had been in this relationship for so long and I had never really had a healthy relationship with like a man before and I, you know, I didn't work on myself before and I had, you know, just had kind of had all these negative thoughts in my head about things.

00:14:04.166 --> 00:14:11.672
So when I finally met this person and felt pretty, I felt confident in a lot of other ways and I felt supported.

00:14:11.672 --> 00:14:17.932
When they started to devalue those things about me, it like put me in a in a spiral, like wait, why is?

00:14:17.932 --> 00:14:24.066
I thought it's very confusing when you're with somebody who thought, tells you you're amazing and then tells you you're the worst.

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In the same breath.

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It is very confusing.

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And so you're in this like this moment of like what, the what is happening right now?

00:14:32.743 --> 00:14:34.386
I don't understand what's happening right now.

00:14:34.386 --> 00:14:41.961
So I must be me, I must be the problem, because they're very good at making you think you're the problem but you're not the problem.

00:14:42.182 --> 00:15:12.830
You're not, and you know what these people, they're very good at wanting to brainwash their I'm going to say survivors I don't like to use the word victim just because, well, I know like it's just part of the practice I'm in in general like I'm going to say they're survivors because you know what, ultimately, people are survivors out of this, you know, and they want to make sure their survivors feel the worst, and they're good at doing this.

00:15:13.000 --> 00:15:14.466
It's just all about that.

00:15:14.466 --> 00:15:31.081
You know, I need to feel special and everybody needs to bow down to me and get down on their knees when I walk into a room and worship me and tell me I'm number one all the time, and that's what it all really comes down to with these kinds of people.

00:15:31.081 --> 00:16:23.835
I think that you know and they and it's so sad when I see you know people and, like you know, I'll get clients that come in and who've left relationships, um, and some of it, unfortunately, had turned into, uh, it there was some physical stuff involved, let's just put it this way and they'd they've been so brainwashed to a point where they were actually starting to feel sorry for the person and and so that, like a lot of that work is, you know, kind of like separating themselves from that situation and saying you know what that's not okay, like yeah, I love that you say that, because I had.

00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:35.875
There was a couple of things that were very physical in our relationship and I remember after one of a very bad physical situations I the next day they were crying.

00:16:35.875 --> 00:16:39.409
I saw a side to them that I had not seen in a very long time.

00:16:39.409 --> 00:16:49.524
The first part, you know the, the vulnerable, you know sweet.

00:16:49.524 --> 00:16:54.476
You know I like this sounds so fucked up because I'm sitting here with very bad physical.

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It was bad.

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I'm in this moment like, oh my God, there he is.

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There's the man that I fell in love with, there's the guy that's like so sweet and so kind and he's okay.

00:17:03.966 --> 00:17:06.372
So he's just been so stressed.

00:17:06.372 --> 00:17:07.693
Life has been so hard.

00:17:07.693 --> 00:17:25.406
He didn't mean to do this and I'm trying, I'm taking care of his needs, his ego, his emotions, while I'm physically hurting, like beyond, and now that I look back with the clearer lens, I'm still doing a lot of work on myself.

00:17:25.406 --> 00:17:37.371
It's like that's the part that makes you feel so fucked up, because you're like the and obviously when they cross the line, they you know I should have left that day done.

00:17:37.371 --> 00:18:13.130
I mean I should have left many times before that, but they're not going to change and even if I spoke to somebody on my show recently and she, she said that an abusive person, like somebody who hits you, for example, somebody who hits you one time because they were, you know, maybe they were intoxicated, maybe they have drug problem, but whatever it is, for whatever reasons, like something altered their, their normal state of behavior and, you know, they did it one time.

00:18:13.130 --> 00:18:21.258
They could go to therapy, you could go to therapy, perhaps together, and they would never do it again.

00:18:21.258 --> 00:18:31.290
Right, they would change the behavior, they would do the thing, they would stop the you know, the drinking or the drugs or the stress or whatever, and they would never do it again.

00:18:31.290 --> 00:18:49.943
She says, though, very clearly you should not stay with that person while they sort their shit out and while they're in therapy, because they cross the line, they're done, they put hands on you, you need to leave, they may never do it again, they may never do it to another person.

00:18:51.386 --> 00:19:11.185
That is, a, you know, a person who who made a bad, like something bad happened, but a narcissist or a pathological person who is consistently in abusing you emotionally, physically, sexually, financially, otherwise, all the everything in the course of control file.

00:19:11.185 --> 00:19:17.892
They're never going to change, they're, you know, and it sure as hell shouldn't go to therapy with them.

00:19:17.892 --> 00:19:23.106
But they are manipulative, they're there and they're going to continue to be horrible to you.

00:19:23.106 --> 00:19:32.073
And what's happening I like and what I love to tell our listeners on Bitches of Bad Word is the first time they throw that flag, that red flag.

00:19:32.073 --> 00:19:36.910
It's it's time to go when they say you know people and I?

00:19:37.170 --> 00:19:40.222
I was called the worst word cunt, bitch, whore, everything.

00:19:40.222 --> 00:19:43.808
I've been called these words and well, I didn't mean it, they're just words.

00:19:43.808 --> 00:19:44.911
No, it's abuse.

00:19:44.911 --> 00:19:59.538
If somebody is verbally abusing you, if someone's like like fucking with your head, if somebody is, you know, using sex as a weapon, money as a weapon, those people are pathological abuse, like habitual abusers.

00:19:59.538 --> 00:20:09.132
They've most likely done it before and they're going to continue to do it again and you need to go Right and nobody should ever be subjected to any of that you know?

00:20:09.660 --> 00:20:11.644
No even one of those things is bad.

00:20:12.286 --> 00:20:15.180
And if you know two of those things is worse, three of those like.

00:20:15.180 --> 00:20:26.153
If all those things are like, and I feel like we're so conditioned as women to think, it's us to think like how did I create this problem?

00:20:26.153 --> 00:20:27.219
I mean, not all women like.

00:20:27.219 --> 00:20:31.030
Women that are have experienced toxic upbringings, right?

00:20:31.030 --> 00:20:36.046
So for someone like me, I have always been conditioned to like well, give them another chance.

00:20:36.046 --> 00:20:41.045
Maybe they didn't mean it Like be just, be nice, don't say anything, just like.

00:20:41.906 --> 00:20:50.307
I'm like grossed out when I say the things that I used to accept and you know like, well, it's just a guy being a guy.

00:20:50.307 --> 00:20:55.971
Or you know all the things that women are told to just like sit down, be nice, don't say anything.

00:20:55.971 --> 00:21:12.605
I'm really trying to and this is a word that upsets some people is like radically change my world views, the way I think and the way I approach relationships.

00:21:12.605 --> 00:21:15.574
And I really want women, especially young women.

00:21:15.574 --> 00:21:17.339
I have young daughters.

00:21:17.339 --> 00:21:24.644
I want you to like you do not have to finish the date with somebody who's made you feel anything other than great.

00:21:24.644 --> 00:21:27.190
You can get up and walk out.

00:21:27.190 --> 00:21:28.952
You don't owe anybody anything.

00:21:28.952 --> 00:21:31.167
There's no more niceness no more politeness.

00:21:31.208 --> 00:21:32.653
Just get the fuck up and go.

00:21:32.653 --> 00:21:34.801
Sorry, done walking your number.

00:21:35.263 --> 00:21:37.172
There's a hundred percent agree.

00:21:37.172 --> 00:21:38.256
I've done that before.

00:21:38.256 --> 00:21:48.615
I remember when I lived in New York for a little bit, um, I went on a date with somebody who, um, he was asking me oh so what do you like to do for fun?

00:21:48.615 --> 00:21:55.828
I go, oh, I like to go and work out, and sometimes I'll go to Central Park and go run, and he'd be like you, work out, I don't think you do.

00:21:55.828 --> 00:21:58.767
You know a very snarky way.

00:21:58.767 --> 00:21:59.830
And he kept drinking.

00:21:59.830 --> 00:22:11.619
Then he tried to, I think, get pity sex, because he talked about how his mom died of a brain aneurysm and his dad had to remarry.

00:22:11.619 --> 00:22:15.003
And then, you know, he got up and went to the bathroom.

00:22:15.003 --> 00:22:16.846
I got up and I ran right out of the bar and everybody cheered me on.

00:22:16.846 --> 00:22:18.049
They were like, yeah, get out.

00:22:18.049 --> 00:22:23.747
But yeah, people laughed, I mean, because he said he was going to try to take a cab ride home with me.

00:22:23.747 --> 00:22:26.211
I said no and he, he kept forcing his way.

00:22:26.211 --> 00:22:28.221
I said no and I left, I ran.

00:22:28.741 --> 00:22:37.972
But that's one thing I definitely will agree with you on is if somebody doesn't make you feel comfortable, you are not obligated in any ways to stay.

00:22:37.972 --> 00:22:40.840
You're not obligated, no matter how.

00:22:40.840 --> 00:22:45.892
You know and I know I grew up in a, in a family where there's a lot of pressure.

00:22:45.892 --> 00:22:58.000
You know I grew up in a family where there's a lot of pressure.

00:22:58.000 --> 00:23:13.136
You know, unfortunately, in this culture I grew up in with, where it's a lot of pressure to get married, a lot of pressure to have a family, a lot of pressure and a lot of times then too it's not accepted right when you're being single and you're being more careful, right, and so it's something I kind of had to kind of try to trailblaze a little bit and I kind of like what you're saying.

00:23:13.136 --> 00:23:27.292
I can kind of get the synergy with the radically changing your worldview, because before I always felt like I had to check that box off and now I honestly am really rethinking, like what is it that I want for me?

00:23:28.800 --> 00:23:30.044
And that's okay, that's like.

00:23:30.044 --> 00:23:31.807
This is the thing, it's like we.

00:23:31.807 --> 00:23:52.597
We it's, I believe, um, in, especially like in the times that we grew up right, we grew up in this Disney culture and one day, your prince will come and he's going to solve all your problems and he's going to sweep you off your feet and you're going to solve all your problems and he's going to sweep you off your feet and you're going to live this fabulous life and everything will be taken care of.

00:23:52.597 --> 00:23:57.548
You will be kept by this prince and that's going to be so amazing.

00:23:58.191 --> 00:23:59.634
I was a kept woman.

00:23:59.634 --> 00:24:01.338
I stopped working.

00:24:01.338 --> 00:24:03.002
I was actually, hold on, I get it Like I.

00:24:03.002 --> 00:24:03.223
Here I am.

00:24:03.223 --> 00:24:03.765
I had to fix something.

00:24:03.765 --> 00:24:04.887
I just said, actually, hold on, I got to like I.

00:24:04.887 --> 00:24:05.288
Here I am.

00:24:05.288 --> 00:24:06.070
I got to fix something.

00:24:06.070 --> 00:24:15.540
I just said I worked at home.

00:24:15.540 --> 00:24:16.021
I raised our family.

00:24:16.021 --> 00:24:17.525
I had the greatest job on the planet, being a stay at home mother.

00:24:17.525 --> 00:24:38.424
My ex could go out and build their career, continue to grow their network, continue to grow their net worth and, you know, build this fabulous life for themselves in their work life, and my job was to be home and support those efforts raising the kids, making the dinners, organizing the schedules, you know, and that is a job.

00:24:38.705 --> 00:24:41.232
If you're not being paid for that job, that's bullshit.

00:24:41.960 --> 00:24:43.584
I'll say this a million times.

00:24:43.683 --> 00:24:48.634
It is a job women should be paid for and we need reform in that department.

00:24:48.634 --> 00:25:00.931
So, anyway, but I was a kept woman and I even remember my ex being like look at your dumb friends paying their dumb bills with their dumb jobs, and their relationships with their husbands are so bad because they're working.

00:25:00.931 --> 00:25:02.565
And why do you like?

00:25:02.565 --> 00:25:10.048
I was even called a child abuser for wanting to work, like women should, whether working or like not taking care of their kids.

00:25:10.048 --> 00:25:10.910
It's so wrong.

00:25:10.910 --> 00:25:11.432
Like this is your.

00:25:12.300 --> 00:25:23.472
And so I subscribed to those things and I put myself in a financial situation where I didn't make the right choices because I was a kept woman and I figured, well, it's all going to work out.

00:25:23.472 --> 00:25:24.843
He's telling me it's all going to work out.

00:25:24.843 --> 00:25:29.234
He's telling me there's nothing I need to worry about, um, ever.

00:25:29.234 --> 00:25:29.977
And.

00:25:29.977 --> 00:25:38.202
But as society, we're saying like we're waiting for these men, these Prince Charmings, to come and sweep us off our feet because Disney's told us this.

00:25:38.202 --> 00:25:43.652
But if you look at any like you look at these Disney movies and you're like, well, hold up.

00:25:43.652 --> 00:25:58.405
Like one of them's sleeping and she's like getting you know he's kissing her without consent, right, one of them's like locked in a tower, the other you know, it's like these women are kept.

00:25:58.425 --> 00:26:03.027
They have no autonomy, they have like, and they're just and you're like, you're beautiful, you seem really smart.

00:26:03.027 --> 00:26:04.069
One of them can sing.

00:26:04.069 --> 00:26:14.000
You know, ariel's changing her entire physical existence for this man, right Like, and then she'll be worthy of his love when she can have her.

00:26:14.000 --> 00:26:19.853
You know, sea legs or whatever, and it's so fucked up because we're bigger than that.

00:26:19.853 --> 00:26:22.121
We have more to offer than that as women.

00:26:22.121 --> 00:26:46.054
But what's happening is that we're meeting these, we're waiting for these Prince Charmings, but when someone's charming you, they're con men, they're conning you, they're wearing a mask, they're presenting as something that you have believed will make all your dreams come true, and we're forgetting to save our damn selves.

00:26:46.753 --> 00:26:52.037
We're forgetting that we are powerful and strong and capable.

00:26:52.037 --> 00:26:57.967
We, we make humans, we are the ones who, like we, can make a human being out of our body.

00:26:57.967 --> 00:27:02.786
And then we think we, we are weak, like we have been conditioned.

00:27:02.786 --> 00:27:13.738
And so I think, when we're conditioned in this way, we put up with bullshit and you know, we put up with things that like, well, we excuse the behavior.

00:27:13.738 --> 00:27:24.909
Well, maybe he just had a bad day at work, or maybe the things that were this, or maybe no, maybe he's just a fucking asshole, like, maybe he's just not a good person, maybe he is abusive, maybe it's like.

00:27:24.909 --> 00:27:40.890
I really want to encourage women and I say this young women in particular stop like maybe being somebody's bad behavior, stop making excuses for people and understand that.

00:27:41.009 --> 00:27:41.892
You know you don't.

00:27:41.892 --> 00:27:45.520
There's no spin stress anymore Like you don't have.

00:27:45.520 --> 00:27:46.746
I had kids in my twenties.

00:27:46.746 --> 00:27:52.721
What the fuck was I doing?

00:27:52.721 --> 00:27:52.982
Having kids?

00:27:52.982 --> 00:27:54.066
I have no idea what I'm doing.

00:27:54.086 --> 00:28:01.185
I don't know anything about like life, you know, but I felt very under pressure that you know like, get married, have babies, be in relationships.

00:28:01.185 --> 00:28:04.973
Like if you're a single woman with a cat, you're a weirdo.

00:28:04.973 --> 00:28:08.210
Now I'm like, dude, I love those single women with cats.

00:28:08.210 --> 00:28:10.780
They own their lives Like hell.

00:28:10.780 --> 00:28:14.371
Yeah, that's amazing, go for it.

00:28:14.371 --> 00:28:15.925
Like I love being a mother.

00:28:16.000 --> 00:28:35.821
It's my favorite, favorite thing on the planet and I support both having a family and not having do whatever you want to do, you know like, but own your autonomy, own be in a relationship and have your emotional autonomy, your financial autonomy, your sexual autonomy.

00:28:35.842 --> 00:28:46.026
Like you need to have built some skills and we like on my show we how I'm building a bestie toolkit and I'm like here's all the tools that I wish I would have known.

00:28:46.026 --> 00:29:06.310
Here's all the things that I think that like we need in our she shed to be baddies and be in a place where we can say, hey, listen, you fucking suck right now and I'm leaving and I'm okay, I can, and I can leave because I have my own money and I can leave because I have my own car.

00:29:06.310 --> 00:29:10.297
I can leave because, even though I have kids, I, I have an ability to work, or you know.

00:29:10.297 --> 00:29:23.496
And so many women stay in really bad situations because they don't have resources and but it comes down to they just don't have their own autonomy and they're being stripped of it.

00:29:23.496 --> 00:29:25.241
So you know, you're powerless.

00:29:26.325 --> 00:29:27.568
It doesn't mean you're hopeless.

00:29:27.568 --> 00:29:31.451
I want to make sure that anybody that's listening to your show right now it's not hopeless.

00:29:31.451 --> 00:29:33.343
You can get out.

00:29:33.343 --> 00:29:38.723
And if you're in a dangerous situation right now and you're not safe, you need to get safe quickly.

00:29:38.723 --> 00:29:41.352
That's the most, and then you'll figure out the rest of the shit later.

00:29:41.352 --> 00:29:47.030
But get safe first and then we'll help you rebuild.

00:29:47.030 --> 00:29:54.492
You know the rest of your life, but if you can start in a position like if I could go back to my younger self, I would.

00:29:54.492 --> 00:29:56.646
I would make different choices.

00:29:56.646 --> 00:30:09.632
Knowing that there's like this big bad wolf on the other side of that fairy tale that you just need to be aware of it doesn't mean that you shouldn't like enjoy the ride, but you just need to be more aware.

00:30:09.632 --> 00:30:11.615
And then what can you do?

00:30:11.615 --> 00:30:20.924
To just set yourself up to be protected, so that you can be the baddie in the bar who leaves and can get in that cab and go Right.

00:30:20.964 --> 00:30:24.412
And I feel like that's, you know, I think, a lot of times too.

00:30:24.412 --> 00:30:39.664
You know, you know, I think what makes it also harder for people to leave is the fact that most people that end up getting murdered in situations, right, it happens along the time around.

00:30:39.664 --> 00:30:52.645
That time where people are trying to leave, right and this is where you know that's the most, um, dangerous zone of when violence can occur is that time when somebody's threatening to leave.

00:30:52.645 --> 00:30:57.082
That also makes people very stuck as well it does.

00:30:57.162 --> 00:30:57.281
So.

00:30:57.281 --> 00:31:01.651
We have a segment on our show called bitch sesh and I.

00:31:01.651 --> 00:31:03.721
I sit down and I speak with survivors.

00:31:03.721 --> 00:31:09.528
They all have the same story, which, which is sad, but I love it, like not saying that they're mundane or boring.

00:31:09.528 --> 00:31:11.246
Everybody's story is the same.

00:31:11.246 --> 00:31:14.429
The pathological person that they're with is the same.

00:31:14.429 --> 00:31:24.229
I have a segment called Texties from the X-Ds and people send me their unhinged text messages downright abusive text messages from their ex and you wouldn't know who the author was.

00:31:24.229 --> 00:31:27.470
They are all reading the same.

00:31:27.859 --> 00:31:45.960
These abusers are all sharing some like dirty abuse mag with each other because they all have the same like playbook, and the women are getting physically abused, strangled, you know, almost unalived, when they tell their partner they're leaving.

00:31:45.960 --> 00:31:56.113
So when I tell you to get safe, I'm telling you you need to get safe and then you need to tell your partner you're leaving.

00:31:56.113 --> 00:32:06.608
You should never and I'm going to say this on you like even in the healthiest of breakups, you don't need to do it in person, like you shouldn't.

00:32:06.608 --> 00:32:11.756
Because think about, like I've broken up with somebody where I'm like I definitely just like I don't like this person.

00:32:11.756 --> 00:32:12.501
It's not working.

00:32:12.521 --> 00:32:13.826
But man, the sex is pretty good.

00:32:13.826 --> 00:32:17.724
So you're going to like have, like let's just have sex one more time, let's.

00:32:17.724 --> 00:32:18.666
And then we'll like let's have.

00:32:18.666 --> 00:32:31.673
Like you're just so, I'm just.

00:32:31.673 --> 00:32:35.006
I'm kind of using this example to say, like even the people who aren't being abused, when the relationship, this isn't working and you want to break up and you're doing it in person, you're kind of like, damn, they're really cute right now.

00:32:35.006 --> 00:32:35.834
Or oh, damn, they're crying or whatever.

00:32:35.740 --> 00:32:59.990
And you're sort of, you're putting yourself distracted, yes, and you're setting yourself up to like maybe go back on what you truly want, and delaying the inevitable, inevitable for a while, and then it's even like tenfold in an abusive relationship, because when the average statistic is that a woman leaves seven times before she successfully like leaves a relationship forever those six other times.

00:33:00.590 --> 00:33:02.624
Maybe she tried to leave when he just said bad words.

00:33:02.624 --> 00:33:06.119
Maybe she tried to leave when he just sort of like pushed her a little bit.

00:33:06.119 --> 00:33:08.424
Maybe, you know, it escalates.

00:33:08.424 --> 00:33:26.892
The person who's saying really bad words to you right now, who is like, if they are truly like a narcissist or, you know, a sociopath or like all like anybody in that category, right, you're their supply, and when you stop reacting to that supply, they have to level up.

00:33:26.892 --> 00:33:32.146
So when the bad words no longer hurt you, they're going to push you.

00:33:32.146 --> 00:33:36.063
When the pushing no longer affects you, they're going to do worse.

00:33:36.063 --> 00:33:51.401
And so you have to imagine that every time, these women and I have so much love and so much sympathy for anybody who's left, and if you're listening right now and you are, you've left and you've come back, and there's no shame in that whatsoever, no shame in staying, no shame in going back.

00:33:51.401 --> 00:33:57.173
There's a million reasons why you've had to do it Right, finally ready to leave.

00:33:57.961 --> 00:33:59.223
You just don't do it in person.

00:33:59.223 --> 00:34:01.368
You get yourself together.

00:34:01.368 --> 00:34:02.632
You, you know you start to.

00:34:02.632 --> 00:34:10.731
You know, if it's if you don't have any access to money, but like, you can go shopping, use your credit card, buy a couple of gift.

00:34:10.731 --> 00:34:12.480
Buy gift cards Every time you go shopping.

00:34:12.480 --> 00:34:15.168
Get you know cash back and like, hide the cash.

00:34:15.168 --> 00:34:19.481
Get your like birth certificate and social security, like all that.

00:34:19.481 --> 00:34:20.445
Get all these things.

00:34:20.445 --> 00:34:25.844
They seem it seems kind of simple, but get these things together in a place, taking pictures of them.

00:34:25.884 --> 00:34:34.043
If you have somebody that you can trust to put you know your valuables or your safe things away and you want to, you know, prepare for leaving.

00:34:34.043 --> 00:34:35.746
You need to be ready to go.

00:34:35.746 --> 00:34:38.672
I didn't do any of those things.

00:34:38.672 --> 00:34:41.965
That's why I have the show and set yourself up.

00:34:41.965 --> 00:34:44.632
Be mentally ready to go.

00:34:44.632 --> 00:34:47.880
Say I'm like you're leaving, but never say it in person.

00:34:47.880 --> 00:34:53.684
And then you leave and maybe it's when they go to dinner, or maybe it's when they go to lunch, or maybe when it's go to work.

00:34:54.346 --> 00:35:04.070
Be like, be prepared to leave and then you don't owe them anything else and you don't have to ask for the relationship to be over.

00:35:04.070 --> 00:35:07.648
You get to tell them I'm done with, like I'm asking for a divorce.

00:35:07.648 --> 00:35:09.423
No, you're fucking telling them, you're getting a divorce.

00:35:09.423 --> 00:35:12.661
I'm telling you I'm done so, but be safe about it.

00:35:12.661 --> 00:35:18.960
So tell them after you've left, because that person's going to react, that person's going to be pissed.

00:35:18.960 --> 00:35:25.088
They, because these pathological and abusive people they want two things from you.

00:35:25.088 --> 00:35:28.494
And abusive people, they want two things from you, only two things power and control.

00:35:28.494 --> 00:35:53.728
Right, when you take that relationship away from them and you've made the decision to leave and it's not their decision you're dangerous because they're going to react in a way that could be completely unhinged and completely violent Because now you've taken their supply, their power, their control and they're pissed.

00:35:53.728 --> 00:35:59.789
Oh yeah, so don't do it in person.

00:35:59.789 --> 00:36:01.032
Get yourself safe.

00:36:02.019 --> 00:36:10.375
I think that you know again, if you listen to anybody talking about you, know how to get safe and how to leave.

00:36:10.375 --> 00:36:18.452
If you can do it safely where you do sort of start to get your ducks in a row before you actually go.

00:36:18.452 --> 00:36:23.025
If you're married and you have kids, you know you start talking to lawyers.

00:36:23.025 --> 00:36:29.442
You know a lawyer, but a trauma informed lawyer, somebody who understands domestic abuse.

00:36:29.442 --> 00:36:35.253
And you know, don't have the like and know your shit's being tracked Like.

00:36:35.253 --> 00:36:36.945
Know your browsing history is being tracked.

00:36:36.945 --> 00:36:42.661
Most likely, if they've given you any gifts they've probably given you, like a phone or a computer, well, they're tracking you on those devices.

00:36:42.661 --> 00:36:44.764
They're looking at your browser history.

00:36:44.784 --> 00:36:54.349
So you have to be like smart Maybe if you can get a burner phone, that's something you know if you've got one friend that you can trust or someplace you can go or go to the library.

00:36:54.349 --> 00:36:59.387
But like, go somewhere and have these phone calls, call an attorney, get a therapist, you know.

00:36:59.387 --> 00:37:07.268
Whatever you can do to sort of pack your go bag before you leave is very important.

00:37:07.268 --> 00:37:17.324
That said, some of us don't have that luxury or have that understanding and you just got to get out when it's safe and you need to do that too.

00:37:18.646 --> 00:37:34.603
Right, you know, and that's one thing that you know, we, because as therapists you know, we we're never um allowed, um ethically, to tell a person they should leave an abusive relationship Actually we're tied in that sense.

00:37:34.603 --> 00:37:39.802
But we, our job, is to kind of help them process and come to that decision themselves.

00:37:39.802 --> 00:37:42.307
And then that's one of the things to me.

00:37:44.251 --> 00:37:45.253
I'll tell them to fucking go.

00:37:45.253 --> 00:37:47.467
I don't have any letters behind my name.

00:37:47.467 --> 00:37:47.827
I don't.

00:37:49.541 --> 00:37:50.965
You know, that's one of the things.

00:37:50.965 --> 00:37:51.867
You know people we don't.

00:37:51.867 --> 00:38:15.764
You know people don't talk about restrictions and therapy enough, but, um, our job then, and then when they do decide to leave, is that's one of the things we learned in our training is then you know, like, for example, helping people like if they don't have people, like if they don't have like okay, where's a way you can start stashing some money?

00:38:15.764 --> 00:38:19.094
Do you have like a safe place you could put things?

00:38:19.094 --> 00:38:32.112
You know, that locate, you know, and also on the phone, do you have that turn on location you can use or a way you can disconnect that eventually, right, like and I have to say this too, and I learned this from dr jamie zuckerman she's the baddie look at her stuff too.

00:38:32.219 --> 00:38:33.967
Like she's got some really good tools.

00:38:33.967 --> 00:38:37.742
But you know, when we say they're tracking you, they're tracking you.

00:38:37.742 --> 00:38:43.360
Believe it, yes, but they're not tracking you because they really give a shit where you are.

00:38:43.360 --> 00:38:46.766
They're tracking you so that you know they're in control.

00:38:47.387 --> 00:38:51.514
Right, exactly so that they can keep their eye and know everything about you.

00:38:55.719 --> 00:38:58.396
And like they may not be like oh no, I don't, I don't know where you are today, I don't care, I don't care where you are, but they, they do.

00:38:58.396 --> 00:39:14.621
They just want you to know and like why they have all the money, why they have all the passwords to the bank accounts, why they have all that it's.

00:39:14.621 --> 00:39:16.467
They're not keep, they're not trying to keep you from having to like do man's work.

00:39:16.467 --> 00:39:17.849
They're keeping you so that they can control you and that is just it.

00:39:17.849 --> 00:39:22.563
And so like again, a controlling person may never put their hands on you Never.

00:39:22.563 --> 00:39:26.592
But if they are controlling every aspect of your life there, that's abuse.

00:39:26.592 --> 00:39:27.494
Never.

00:39:27.514 --> 00:39:29.478
But if they are controlling every aspect of your life there.

00:39:29.478 --> 00:39:29.940
That's abuse.

00:39:29.940 --> 00:39:42.992
They, you know, if you have, you have to ask like for, if you get like an allowance, or you have to ask for money when you know you're in this relationship with somebody, and but like for basic needs, like I have to go to the grocery store today or whatever, that's abuse.

00:39:42.992 --> 00:39:49.063
That's financial abuse and it's like it's all part of this big domestic abuse world that we're hearing so much.

00:39:49.063 --> 00:39:50.568
Thank God about it.

00:39:50.568 --> 00:39:55.186
But the person never has to hit you for it to be an abusive relationship.

00:39:55.186 --> 00:39:58.902
And in fact there's a lot of people who say like I wish you would hit me.

00:39:58.902 --> 00:40:01.329
So then I could say, yep, this is abuse.

00:40:01.329 --> 00:40:09.563
Yep, he did it Cause the psychological shit is so hard because there's no physical bruises, right, no one can see that there's something wrong.

00:40:09.563 --> 00:40:23.750
But it's like I don't know how to tell you to get safe other than you know, or ways that you can't, other than, like what people say, that you know small little things that you can do.

00:40:23.750 --> 00:40:32.125
But the number one thing is like, if you have one person, and even if this person is no longer in your life, because you've pushed them away, because your abuser told you to.

00:40:32.125 --> 00:40:35.900
If you reach out to them, they're ready for your phone call.

00:40:35.900 --> 00:40:37.065
They want to help you.

00:40:37.065 --> 00:40:37.686
They do.

00:40:38.447 --> 00:40:49.844
And so I encourage you listening, make that phone call to the person who you know has nothing to do with your ex, and then just say listen, this is the situation I'm in.

00:40:49.844 --> 00:40:52.150
No, I don't need any judgment, I don't need any advice.

00:40:52.150 --> 00:40:53.681
I just need to know that I can count on you.

00:40:53.681 --> 00:40:57.831
Can I come on, like, can I sit on your couch?

00:40:57.831 --> 00:40:58.773
Can I get safe?

00:40:58.773 --> 00:40:59.721
Can I come to your place?

00:40:59.721 --> 00:41:00.722
Can you help me with the hotel?

00:41:00.722 --> 00:41:01.384
Can you help me?

00:41:01.784 --> 00:41:06.610
You know there's some women that come on my show and they say, like they ask their family, can you I'll?

00:41:06.610 --> 00:41:09.235
I have the money for a lawyer, but I can't let them see that I'm getting a lawyer.

00:41:09.235 --> 00:41:10.262
Can you get the lawyer for me?

00:41:10.262 --> 00:41:33.753
And then I'll, we'll figure out like I'll pay for it later, like just ways getting creative, going onto my show, resources and like and figuring these things out, but just knowing that you're there, you know they're watching you knowing that you're there, you know they're watching you right, right, and that's like the scariest thing to think about and, you know, is knowing like that.

00:41:34.335 --> 00:41:37.003
You know like every move you're making is kind of being.

00:41:37.003 --> 00:41:43.672
You know it's like you're under a close eye all the time because you're just a thing to them.

00:41:43.802 --> 00:41:46.300
yeah, exactly, you're just a thing, and it's just exactly.

00:41:46.300 --> 00:41:48.815
You're just a thing and it's just like it's.

00:41:48.815 --> 00:41:56.222
It's just so demoralizing then too, because you know it feels like you don't have any autonomy, any privacy at all.

00:41:56.222 --> 00:41:57.465
You don't have any.

00:41:57.465 --> 00:42:06.626
You know you might as well just be living somewhere else in the world where women can't go and do stuff, as though just be living somewhere else in the world where women can't go and do stuff.

00:42:06.626 --> 00:42:08.923
I mean, that's basically what it comes down to.

00:42:08.923 --> 00:42:21.186
It's like that you might as well go live somewhere where you know you have to be covered at all times or you can't, you can't go out for anything, right, like well, I mean, that's basically what it is.

00:42:21.367 --> 00:42:26.322
They it's like you are their, their shiny object.

00:42:26.322 --> 00:42:29.969
And you know you're the thing that you're.

00:42:29.969 --> 00:42:32.722
You know that they can just like, they just want to keep.

00:42:32.722 --> 00:42:36.782
And they don't, they don't really, they don't care one way or the other.

00:42:36.782 --> 00:42:39.838
Like, they just sort of, they just want you to show up.

00:42:39.838 --> 00:42:41.000
They kind of want you to shut up.

00:42:41.000 --> 00:42:43.824
They want you to just like be there, be happy, like, and then just.

00:42:43.824 --> 00:42:49.920
But when you leave, you are no longer like.

00:42:49.920 --> 00:42:54.067
You become their like public enemy number one.

00:42:54.067 --> 00:42:58.181
And you know, how dare you You've, like you've, you've.

00:42:58.181 --> 00:42:59.244
How dare you leave me?

00:42:59.244 --> 00:43:04.980
I've given you everything, how like I've done all this for you and this is how you repay me.

00:43:05.121 --> 00:43:08.869
They will manipulate the shit out of you for the rest of any communication.

00:43:08.869 --> 00:43:18.458
So I also say this we are so used to responding immediately when these people send us a message or demand things from us.

00:43:18.458 --> 00:43:20.161
We're so conditioned to respond.

00:43:20.161 --> 00:43:27.664
So I really like, once you're safe, once you've gotten out, you know I love to always give a shout out to the hotlineorg.

00:43:27.664 --> 00:43:28.346
They're there for you.

00:43:28.346 --> 00:43:30.820
Like eight, eight, seven, eight, eight.

00:43:30.820 --> 00:43:33.025
You can just text start to the hotline.

00:43:33.025 --> 00:43:35.476
They've got 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

00:43:35.476 --> 00:43:36.358
They will help you.

00:43:37.360 --> 00:43:48.164
Once you're safe, then you need to start understanding that you are now playing a game of chess and they are five moves ahead.

00:43:48.164 --> 00:43:51.916
So it's all now about strategy protecting your peace.

00:43:51.916 --> 00:43:53.300
And what is your strategy?

00:43:53.300 --> 00:43:57.751
This is, obviously, if you have kids with them, but also, like, even if you don't have kids with them, like block their.

00:43:57.751 --> 00:44:01.684
If you don't have kids with them, block their number, take them out of your phone, never think of them again.

00:44:01.684 --> 00:44:02.715
They ain't changing.

00:44:02.715 --> 00:44:06.824
There's somebody else's problem now and move forward.

00:44:07.326 --> 00:44:24.376
If you have children with them, you now need to get into a position where you are understanding that the manipulation is going to continue, understand that they're super pissed and you're not going to have some dreamy like co-parenting and even that's not even real.

00:44:24.376 --> 00:44:25.822
I mean like you broke up for a reason.

00:44:25.822 --> 00:44:26.985
You're not together for a reason.

00:44:26.985 --> 00:44:27.576
People aren't.

00:44:27.576 --> 00:44:33.681
Like if somebody is telling you that they have this dreamy co-parenting situation, they're working really hard to have it.

00:44:33.681 --> 00:44:39.623
But if you're in a co-parenting relationship with a toxic or abusive person, you'll never have that.

00:44:39.884 --> 00:44:43.840
So just get over that fantasy, and I want to say it just like straight up.

00:44:43.840 --> 00:44:49.661
They're not going to change, so you need to just be like, and they're going to keep using you as an emotional supply.

00:44:49.661 --> 00:45:05.483
They're going to use, you know, financial abuse, litigate, abuse, all the things to continue to try to exert power and control over you so the more you can protect yourself, to say these are now my hard, you've done the hard work, good job, you're a fucking baddie.

00:45:05.483 --> 00:45:06.204
I love you.

00:45:06.204 --> 00:45:08.938
You've left, let's go Now.

00:45:08.938 --> 00:45:12.106
We need to teach you about boundaries and you're going to have a hard boundary.

00:45:12.635 --> 00:45:17.565
You are going to say we are not communicating outside of a talking parents app.

00:45:17.565 --> 00:45:30.170
We are not communicating about anything that doesn't have to do with pickup, like school activities, extracurricular activities, you know, back to school or whatever.

00:45:30.170 --> 00:45:32.719
We're not talking about the relationship.

00:45:32.719 --> 00:45:34.463
We're not working through this.

00:45:34.463 --> 00:45:40.342
We're and we are using an app and the app is going to save your sanity.

00:45:40.342 --> 00:45:58.125
Because I experienced if I had heard a show like mine or had gone and done a little bit more research I would have the year after I left was like so hard and a couple of times I was like maybe I should just go back, it'll just be easier than dealing with this like emotional warfare.

00:45:58.164 --> 00:45:59.248
Thank God I didn't go back.

00:45:59.248 --> 00:46:02.597
It was in life gets better, gets better besties.

00:46:02.597 --> 00:46:15.668
But if I had set myself up to understand that this person now is, just they're even more upset and now it's like they are losing the control and power over you.

00:46:15.668 --> 00:46:21.027
So you just need to have a firm boundary of like I don't want to engage with you.

00:46:21.027 --> 00:46:23.242
I'm not talking about anything else.

00:46:23.242 --> 00:46:27.751
Like in some of these, like we've had the founder of what Amy says.

00:46:27.751 --> 00:46:30.070
It's called Amy says and it's an AI agent.

00:46:30.070 --> 00:46:30.635
It's amazing.

00:46:31.135 --> 00:46:42.456
You can like put all your text messages from your ex in her platform and then it'll come back Like this is course of control, this is this, this is this.

00:46:42.456 --> 00:46:43.139
You don't need to answer this.

00:46:43.139 --> 00:46:43.300
Like.

00:46:43.300 --> 00:46:52.728
It'll literally feed all, pull out all the bullshit that you don't need to respond to and and give you a response to help you.

00:46:52.728 --> 00:46:54.271
So these are like tools.

00:46:54.271 --> 00:47:00.992
It'll craft a response that takes all the emotion out of it and that it's not giving them any hit Cause.

00:47:01.054 --> 00:47:11.842
Remember, you are a supply, you are a narcissist supply and anything else you give them and they like will hyper-focus on like one thing.

00:47:11.842 --> 00:47:14.106
You know, you said one word and that's the hyper-focus.

00:47:14.106 --> 00:47:20.246
It should be as easy as like picking the kids up at six and you just do like a thumbs up on the.

00:47:20.246 --> 00:47:24.539
You know, okay, nothing, you all.

00:47:24.539 --> 00:47:25.221
You want it to be.

00:47:25.221 --> 00:47:26.324
So you like.

00:47:26.324 --> 00:47:27.951
You can feel it.

00:47:27.951 --> 00:47:28.733
You can be upset.

00:47:28.733 --> 00:47:34.277
They're going to send you unhinged, horrible fucking messages about what a horrible person you are, your bad mom or whatever.

00:47:34.277 --> 00:47:35.360
They're going to say all this shit to you.

00:47:35.360 --> 00:47:36.304
You can feel it.

00:47:36.304 --> 00:47:37.074
It's going to feel bad.

00:47:37.074 --> 00:47:38.719
But do not engage with them.

00:47:38.719 --> 00:47:43.748
Do not respond and let them know that they're still affecting you, because they'll move on.

00:47:43.748 --> 00:47:49.668
When you stop giving them supply, they will go find a new supply.

00:47:51.255 --> 00:48:04.121
Right, and that's also a good idea, to also find a way to have those messages If you can print them and keep a file too, you know, and start documenting everything you know while things are happening you know, with the you know.

00:48:04.181 --> 00:48:15.728
And one thing that we also say is, like you know, I was, I was listening to Dr Romney on one of my continuing ed like from PESI.

00:48:15.728 --> 00:48:25.239
I do my continuing ed credits from there and I I still love to like learn anyway, with or without the requirements of continuing ed.

00:48:25.239 --> 00:48:54.708
So, um, and one of the things I remember Dr Romney saying is um, you know for, um, like even documentation for uh, court documents and legalities, like, because a lot of people won't understand the word narcissism, okay, when you go into court, so with your documents, like you know, when you document things you know, try to use as many direct quotes as possible, right?

00:48:54.708 --> 00:49:21.201
So if somebody said something to you where they were calling you names and threatening you in any kind of way, or if they're, you know, if they're saying certain things to you, right, that would fit, having it, needing it to be documented, you know if you can write down the direct quotes you know but do not use the word narcissist in family court.

00:49:21.956 --> 00:49:41.195
No, no, no they don't understand it, because judges don't understand the word narcissism and the legal system still doesn't understand the word narcissism and even that whole idea of any mental just, even mental illnesses in general, right, even mental illnesses in general.

00:49:41.215 --> 00:49:42.659
Right, narcissism, it's considered a personality disorder.

00:49:42.659 --> 00:49:48.378
But just when you look at mental health in general, right, the legal system still doesn't understand it.

00:49:48.378 --> 00:49:54.802
Right, even law enforcement, they still need to be trained with mental illnesses, right, because they don't get it either.

00:49:54.802 --> 00:50:05.775
Right, this is why there needs to be more education in these kinds of other realms, right, it's not even just, you know, just therapists or educators, right.

00:50:05.775 --> 00:50:16.065
I mean, this needs to be kind of something that we need to spread all around, because it affects all different kinds of services and different kinds of work.

00:50:16.065 --> 00:50:22.411
Yeah, services and different kinds of work, yeah, and so that's one thing that you know.

00:50:22.411 --> 00:50:30.320
One useful tip I got from listening to some of these continuing ed, you know.

00:50:30.320 --> 00:50:38.063
So it kind of goes along with what we, you know this, you know about having those boundaries and setting these things in order and being prepared and ready for that.

00:50:38.083 --> 00:50:39.646
Document, document, document, document.

00:50:39.646 --> 00:50:40.938
That's what I'm going to say.

00:50:40.938 --> 00:50:50.365
And also, while you're in it, if you're listening, if any of your listeners are currently in this relationship, um, I really encourage you to journal.

00:50:50.365 --> 00:51:07.463
I really encourage you to find a place, um, that you can, because, let's, for example, you get into an argument or whatever happens, that person is trained and you are.

00:51:07.463 --> 00:51:14.521
You know, you're conditioned to be gaslit and you are being gaslit so much that you start gaslighting yourself.

00:51:14.521 --> 00:51:27.971
So I really encourage people to you know, I say, like, get your bitch Bible out and write your truth, because then you have a place to go back to later and say wait, hold on.

00:51:27.971 --> 00:51:32.603
When they flip the script and when they tell you you're crazy, oh, I didn't mean it that way.

00:51:32.603 --> 00:51:33.786
No, I didn't say that.

00:51:33.847 --> 00:51:43.068
When they're gaslighting you and you're an emotional and you're in a bad like, in that bad moment and the response, you're either going to give up because you're like, oh my God, like they can go all day.

00:51:43.068 --> 00:51:44.110
Right, they can go.

00:51:44.110 --> 00:51:50.208
They're like the energizer bunny and you don't have that Like cause you don't need the supply that they need.

00:51:50.208 --> 00:51:51.918
So you get exhausted out pretty quickly.

00:51:51.918 --> 00:52:02.677
You need a place you can go back to and know your truth, know that it happened, know that you're not crazy.

00:52:02.717 --> 00:52:05.105
And it's not, by the way, for you to say, look, I wrote it in my bitch Bible and therefore it's true.

00:52:05.105 --> 00:52:06.568
Look, I told you right.

00:52:06.568 --> 00:52:08.286
So now you're going to tell me you were wrong.

00:52:08.286 --> 00:52:12.864
They're never going to tell you that they were wrong, they're never going to take accountability, they don't fucking care.

00:52:12.864 --> 00:52:18.728
But it's for you, it's for you to have a place to say okay, I know it happened like this, this is how it happened.

00:52:18.728 --> 00:52:29.172
But it's also to get in the habit of documenting these things so that when you get to the court side or when you get to mediation, or you get to wherever you're going in the next part of your journey.

00:52:29.833 --> 00:52:34.360
You know what happened and we're also living in trauma.

00:52:34.360 --> 00:52:42.597
So we have really poor like we, like we're we're in a trauma response always when you're in a domestically abusive relationship.

00:52:42.597 --> 00:52:44.684
So you're not always making the best decisions.

00:52:44.684 --> 00:52:54.344
You know you're just like kind of shooting from the hip and and so you need to have like a place that you can go back to, that it's like this is and it you're not.

00:52:54.344 --> 00:53:27.677
I mean, even in the best of moments, our memories aren't accurate, so you need a place to go back and say this is exactly how it happened, this is what he did, this is the truth and as you're documenting and there's also like again on something like talking parents, there's all sorts of cool ways that you can document, upload texts, document activities, like this pickup was sideways, whatever all the things that you need to do to just have a place that, when it comes time that you need everything together, you're organized.

00:53:27.677 --> 00:53:39.501
And I hope to God like I really hope to God that, like you're not in family court forever and they move on, and like you know you can move on You're again going back to like you're not a victim forever?

00:53:39.501 --> 00:53:40.623
You're not.

00:53:40.623 --> 00:53:41.286
You've made a choice.

00:53:41.286 --> 00:53:45.125
You can now move on and they're going to move on and your kids are going to grow up.

00:53:45.125 --> 00:53:47.099
So you're not going to be like in this forever.

00:53:47.099 --> 00:53:52.380
Like it may feel like forever right now when your kids if your kids are really young, but eventually your kids grow up.

00:53:52.762 --> 00:54:05.724
So we need to get conditioned into a place where we're like okay, this is the part of my life that's really toxic and abusive and it fucking hard, sucks, but I don't have to think about it all the time.

00:54:05.724 --> 00:54:08.976
I don't need to be living and ruminating in that space because I have.

00:54:08.976 --> 00:54:14.137
I have my little like box for it and this is where I'm going to put all this stuff in my box.

00:54:14.137 --> 00:54:15.681
I'm going to put the documentation in my box.

00:54:15.681 --> 00:54:25.322
I'm going to feel those feelings I have and then I'm going to come over here to my growth and my power and I'm going to feel those feelings I have and then I'm going to come over here to my growth and my power and I'm going to start getting, you know, in.

00:54:25.322 --> 00:54:27.166
I'm going to be in the moment, I'm going to be with my kids.

00:54:27.166 --> 00:54:38.626
I'm going to be the best mom, I'm going to be the safe place for them, and I'm going to just try to be as present as possible and rebuild my life, and rebuild it in such a way that it's so much better than you could ever imagine.

00:54:39.367 --> 00:54:43.079
But you don't have to be sucked back into their vortex every single time.

00:54:43.079 --> 00:54:58.206
And the way that we are able to do that is if we just have these boundaries, and this is like hey, I'm not interested in anything else unless it has to do with pickup and drop off, right, right and that's it.

00:54:58.206 --> 00:55:16.780
And you know, whatever the and they're going to use, they're going to use child support against you, they're going to use all the things and some of these men I mean, it happens with women too, but my show on bitches a bad word is for the bitches and it's like they, they, there's some really evil people that are going to do really bad things to you or try.

00:55:16.780 --> 00:55:39.425
But if you can get in a position where you're like you've surrounded yourself with support, you have a great trauma informed attorney, you have a great trauma informed therapist, you have, you know, all the tools to give yourself the best possible play in that game of chess, then you can do this.

00:55:39.465 --> 00:55:40.228
You can do hard things.

00:55:40.228 --> 00:55:42.596
You've already done the hardest thing Right.

00:55:42.596 --> 00:55:45.320
You've left, so you get your body badge.

00:55:45.320 --> 00:55:47.144
I am so proud of you.

00:55:47.144 --> 00:55:48.266
You're here.

00:55:48.266 --> 00:55:54.106
Now let's keep the peace, let's keep protecting you and let's keep growing, so getting those firm boundaries.

00:55:54.106 --> 00:55:57.126
You know, leaning in learning, I've learned.

00:55:57.126 --> 00:55:59.615
I just did a show this morning about, like somatic healing.

00:55:59.615 --> 00:56:07.547
I had no idea what the hell that meant and now I'm like we all need to be doing that Like there's a lot of things that we could continue to grow, build community.

00:56:08.570 --> 00:56:11.235
You know, I say we are growing this bestie gang.

00:56:11.235 --> 00:56:12.237
On Bitches of Bad Word.

00:56:12.237 --> 00:56:13.639
I'm like come join the bestie gang.

00:56:13.639 --> 00:56:17.003
We've got you, we're like we've all been there.

00:56:17.003 --> 00:56:19.186
There's no judgment, there's no shame.

00:56:19.186 --> 00:56:33.547
We're here to support you, so find your good support system, but just get that boundary built.

00:56:33.547 --> 00:56:33.829
Build a wall.

00:56:33.829 --> 00:56:34.210
Build a fortress.

00:56:34.210 --> 00:56:37.597
Build a damn castle, yeah, build your own damn castle.

00:56:37.777 --> 00:56:38.057
Yeah, come on.

00:56:38.057 --> 00:56:44.764
It's just like, because here's the thing we always are so quick to applaud everybody for reaching milestones.

00:56:44.764 --> 00:56:45.644
Don't get me wrong.

00:56:45.644 --> 00:56:53.592
I'm not saying we shouldn't clap out loud for people who get engaged, get married, have a family, do the things right.

00:56:53.592 --> 00:57:03.018
Ever claps out loud for people who have left abusive relationships.

00:57:03.018 --> 00:57:09.028
And if you are listening to this and you are a person and I'm clapping for you, know I'm clapping for Lindsay right now.

00:57:09.434 --> 00:57:13.123
Okay, I'm clapping for everybody who's survived.

00:57:13.123 --> 00:57:19.909
If you've survived a narcissist, if you've left an abusive relationship, I want you to know I am clapping so loud for you.

00:57:19.909 --> 00:57:25.340
I am giving you a standing ovation and I hope you can hear it and I hope you can feel it.

00:57:25.340 --> 00:57:38.438
These people deserve a big round of applause, okay, because nobody ever, ever, ever stops to think about the hardships that people go through when they're leaving.

00:57:38.438 --> 00:57:41.126
Right, nobody ever stops to think about it.

00:57:41.126 --> 00:57:43.423
If anything, people are so quick to be critical.

00:57:43.423 --> 00:57:47.581
Oh, she's just being dramatic, she's overreacting.

00:57:47.581 --> 00:57:50.478
She must have done something, actually.

00:57:50.478 --> 00:57:56.197
No, actually, that's further from anything that could be true, right, like?

00:57:56.907 --> 00:57:57.494
there are things.

00:57:57.494 --> 00:57:58.097
Why didn't she just leave?

00:57:58.097 --> 00:57:58.661
Why didn't she just leave?

00:57:58.661 --> 00:57:58.961
It was so bad.

00:57:58.961 --> 00:57:59.706
Why didn't she just leave?

00:57:59.706 --> 00:58:00.289
Why didn't she just leave?

00:58:00.289 --> 00:58:00.650
It was so bad.

00:58:00.650 --> 00:58:01.996
Why didn't she just leave Well?

00:58:02.579 --> 00:58:04.186
because it was so simple, right.

00:58:04.186 --> 00:58:05.601
I mean, come on right.

00:58:05.601 --> 00:58:16.257
I mean it's just like you know and that's kind of thing and you know what, and one of the things you know too, going on this, and you know you see this a lot, you know, in certain cultures.

00:58:16.257 --> 00:58:17.239
I could speak about this.

00:58:17.239 --> 00:58:31.547
You know the Indian culture here and I'm glad you know you're coming to having this conversation together because oftentimes too, you know what people don't understand, many cultures kind of.

00:58:31.547 --> 00:58:39.931
Also, it's like you know there's that pressure, right, you know, get married and all this other stuff.

00:58:40.050 --> 00:58:53.530
But if there's any abuse right, of any kind, one thing I've gathered and noticed right is just especially like women are forced to kind of stay and take it.

00:58:53.530 --> 00:59:01.041
There's a lot of family pressure to stay and take it, community pressure to stay and take it.

00:59:01.041 --> 00:59:04.007
People don't talk about this enough.

00:59:04.007 --> 00:59:11.266
But there are also resources for South Asians as well that you know.

00:59:11.266 --> 00:59:19.661
You actually you know I'm going to try to see how I can connect you with them too, because they'd be great resources for you as well, lindsay, for you to get to know.

00:59:20.282 --> 00:59:27.981
Amazing, yes, it's just you know there are, but here's the thing.

00:59:27.981 --> 00:59:29.204
It's like there are people like.

00:59:29.204 --> 00:59:38.507
This happens, right, even within cultural communities, and no one really says anything about it enough and talks about it enough.

00:59:38.507 --> 00:59:50.981
And there needs to be more awareness also in this as well, because just because you grew up in a culture which kind of forces it upon you doesn't mean that it's okay either, right.

00:59:50.981 --> 01:00:02.318
And I just kind of also wanted to put you know kind of tie this in as well and just I want people to feel that they're being heard right now, all people around, right, that everybody's being heard.

01:00:02.318 --> 01:00:24.231
And I just wanted to also bring that aspect in, just because I have heard of incidences and read you know unfortunate news stories that make it about, you know, unfortunately, women who get murdered right from their spouse, unfortunately, women who get murdered right from their spouse.

01:00:24.231 --> 01:00:28.342
You know there are, you know, lots that go on that.

01:00:28.342 --> 01:00:34.846
But you know, I feel like you know, but going to your point earlier, the more people talk about it, hopefully that's also encouraging everybody then too.

01:00:35.474 --> 01:00:37.943
Yes, I say that let's get loud.

01:00:39.356 --> 01:00:40.259
I'll be there screaming.

01:00:40.259 --> 01:00:41.262
I'll come with the bullhorn.

01:00:41.262 --> 01:00:41.864
I'll be like yes.

01:00:43.155 --> 01:00:46.585
Yes, I'm always like let's get fucking loud for the bitches in the back.

01:00:47.434 --> 01:00:52.902
And I have to say this like if you're listening, and I do say bad words, so go to my show and just know that it's not for kids.

01:00:52.902 --> 01:01:13.505
But I say the word bitches and I really, and I you know I I'm wearing a hat that says MILF right now, um, but stands for mothers in litigation forever, and I'm really believe in these movements and I also believe in you know, I was called a cunt all the time.

01:01:13.505 --> 01:01:15.155
I was called a bitch all the time.

01:01:15.155 --> 01:01:32.668
I really say this with love when I say, like the bitches in the back, I want to take our autonomy back, like I, and by saying that, it's like you know when, when our anatomy is being used as a vulgarity, you know bad word being slung in our face, I'm done with that, I am done.

01:01:32.668 --> 01:01:37.478
You know you have your own anatomy that you can mess around with and call people their names.

01:01:37.478 --> 01:01:39.139
But, like I'm saying, you know what?

01:01:39.139 --> 01:01:45.244
I'm a bitch, and it's okay, I'm a, and they're going to call you a bitch when you put that boundary up, just by the way.

01:01:45.244 --> 01:01:52.791
And so, yeah, okay, great, I'm a bitch, I'm a baddie, I'm those things and I'm good.

01:01:53.032 --> 01:02:02.237
Yeah, and I'm a cunt, Sure, great, like it doesn't matter.

01:02:02.237 --> 01:02:03.240
You are powerful, you're beautiful, you're amazing.

01:02:03.240 --> 01:02:04.224
All the things that they tell you are not true.

01:02:04.224 --> 01:02:04.706
I believe you.

01:02:04.706 --> 01:02:05.226
I love you.

01:02:05.226 --> 01:02:06.632
Come join my bestie gang.

01:02:06.632 --> 01:02:10.539
We have such an empowering community of women.

01:02:10.539 --> 01:02:21.168
We've only been on the air for a few months and it's like the growth is huge and the response is amazing and people are like speaking up for the first time.

01:02:22.315 --> 01:02:35.838
You know, and I'm so proud of you, lindsay, I've been so touched by your podcast and listening to things you've had to say and, um, you know, you know, I'm just so proud of all the work you've done, I'm so proud of you.

01:02:35.838 --> 01:02:37.322
I mean, I could start crying right now.

01:02:37.322 --> 01:02:38.947
I'm a crier, but I'm a crier.

01:02:44.775 --> 01:02:45.195
You'll get me.

01:02:45.195 --> 01:02:45.777
No, I'll cry, crying right now.

01:02:45.777 --> 01:02:47.141
I'm a crier, but I'm a crier.

01:02:47.161 --> 01:02:47.420
You'll get me.

01:02:47.440 --> 01:02:47.661
No, I'll cry.

01:02:47.661 --> 01:02:48.222
I know I'm not crying.

01:02:48.222 --> 01:02:48.885
You're crying, I appreciate that.

01:02:48.885 --> 01:02:49.766
I love hearing that I yeah, I, I'm.

01:02:49.766 --> 01:02:50.548
I'm building my confidence back up too.

01:02:50.548 --> 01:02:53.277
So when someone tells me they're proud, I'm choosing to believe it.

01:02:54.478 --> 01:02:55.599
And yes, you are.

01:02:55.599 --> 01:02:57.581
You know I mean, here's the thing it takes time.

01:02:57.581 --> 01:03:10.652
But one thing to remember and this is one piece of like advice I like to give to everyone and anyone who's rebuilding themselves is always remember that you always had self-worth.

01:03:10.652 --> 01:03:15.440
The first thing that gets stripped away when you're in a toxic relationship is your sense of self-worth.

01:03:15.440 --> 01:03:38.978
Relationship is your sense of self-worth because those people know and this is kind of where, right, vulnerabilities get used against you and things like that right, it's because they want you to feel the way you felt, okay, when you were that young little girl, right, when you went through stuff they wanted.

01:03:38.978 --> 01:03:46.769
See, that's the thing they get a thrill, knowing they can put you back to that little, to your inner self, right, that young, younger self, right.

01:03:46.769 --> 01:04:02.507
And a lot of this also goes into you know, and one of the things is you know you always have been Right, a beautiful, powerful, you know, special in your own way kind of person, okay.

01:04:02.507 --> 01:04:08.264
And your self-worth is already innate in you because you are here, you're born right.

01:04:08.264 --> 01:04:09.827
Everybody has that.

01:04:09.827 --> 01:04:10.956
That's not changeable.

01:04:10.956 --> 01:04:16.746
Self-worth is not changeable and that has always been remaining, and that's one thing you know.

01:04:16.746 --> 01:04:38.407
And a lot of self-esteem building is something really to invest in after you've left you know a relationship and are trying to rebuild, because the first thing that needs to rebuild is that sense of self and the self-love and the self-worth and the self-esteem.

01:04:38.407 --> 01:04:44.201
All of that needs to rebuild first, and it can be done.

01:04:44.201 --> 01:04:55.882
You know, and here's the thing, and this is even for people, let's say, even if you've not been in a toxic, abusive relationship, if you've been bullied, right, the same story will apply, because bullies do the same thing.

01:04:55.882 --> 01:05:00.909
Yep, you know, they're like that, they're like that abusive partner.

01:05:00.909 --> 01:05:07.382
In many ways, bullies do the same thing, right, so like, and so that's just basically.

01:05:07.382 --> 01:05:09.144
You know that, you know so.

01:05:10.106 --> 01:05:22.514
So I guess my message to you, lindsay, and everybody else, is you've always been a very special, powerful, unique, beautiful, charismatic, caring individual.

01:05:22.514 --> 01:05:35.983
You've always had all the ingredients in you all along, right, they may have tried to rob it from you, but, believe me, what you have in you cannot be robbed ever, ever right.

01:05:35.983 --> 01:05:42.056
What God has given all of you is never anybody, nobody can rob that from you, right?

01:05:42.056 --> 01:05:44.181
And so that's my thing.

01:05:44.181 --> 01:05:45.543
You know, just get, you know.

01:05:45.543 --> 01:05:46.045
That's the.

01:05:46.045 --> 01:05:47.148
You know, just remember.

01:05:47.148 --> 01:05:55.759
You are, like you say, baddie, right, this is what we say, and also going to that saying, you know, like the word bitch.

01:05:55.759 --> 01:06:02.322
Actually I had a trainer one time tell me in New York like the word bitch, actually I had a trainer one time tell me in New York bitch boss in total control of herself.

01:06:02.322 --> 01:06:04.184
Right, there we go.

01:06:04.365 --> 01:06:14.335
Yeah, that's what she said right, let's fucking go.

01:06:14.356 --> 01:06:14.597
Yes, you know.

01:06:14.597 --> 01:06:15.380
So just remember that you're not alone.

01:06:15.380 --> 01:06:15.641
You know you.

01:06:15.641 --> 01:06:18.030
And also, if anybody needs anything, I mean just please don't be afraid to reach out for help, and that's another thing.

01:06:18.030 --> 01:06:19.637
There's no shame in the reach out for help, and that's another thing.

01:06:19.637 --> 01:06:21.565
There's no shame in the game of getting help.

01:06:21.565 --> 01:06:25.237
There's no shame in the game of getting self-esteem coaching.

01:06:25.237 --> 01:06:36.054
Working with a life coach, working with a therapist you know there's no shame in the game because you know what the strongest people are, the same people that ask for help.

01:06:37.016 --> 01:06:40.702
It is so true, I'm so happy you said that and I'm here for all of your listeners as well.

01:06:40.702 --> 01:06:47.875
I strongly encourage anybody to slide into my DMs, blow it up.

01:06:47.875 --> 01:07:04.681
I answer all of the messages personally and sometimes people just pop in there and then they are able to just put it in words and I think sometimes, when you're able to do that and you know you don't know me, I'm not like, I'm not in carpool with you.

01:07:04.681 --> 01:07:14.583
It's helpful and again, I don't have any fancy letters behind my name, but I have lived and I have like a degree in the school of hard knocks.

01:07:14.583 --> 01:07:21.250
I'm valedictorian and I understand what you're going through.

01:07:21.250 --> 01:07:25.721
So please lean on me and you can find us on Instagram.

01:07:25.760 --> 01:07:30.681
That's kind of where everybody seems to find each other these days, but at bitch is a bad word pod.

01:07:30.681 --> 01:07:35.217
Send me your DMS, send me your texties from your axes, whatever it is you want to send me.

01:07:35.217 --> 01:07:36.422
I will personally reach out to you.

01:07:36.422 --> 01:07:43.135
So I am, you know I'm your, I'm your bestie.

01:07:43.135 --> 01:07:49.208
So please know that we're, we've got you, we got your back, we're here to support you and anything, anything we can do um, resources, whatnot?

01:07:49.208 --> 01:07:49.789
Um, I'm here.

01:07:49.789 --> 01:07:53.760
So please, please, please, know and get.

01:07:53.760 --> 01:07:57.047
Yeah, don't be afraid, get loud, don't be afraid to ask for help.

01:07:58.690 --> 01:08:01.717
And we also have like great resources on our show.

01:08:01.717 --> 01:08:15.110
So, and sometimes it's just like listening If you're, if you're listening right now and you're going through it, if you listen to Thursday's segment, which is called bitch sesh, just listening, for like these women tell their stories, and then they're.

01:08:15.110 --> 01:08:20.163
All of these women have a powerful ending or they're not even ending.

01:08:20.203 --> 01:08:21.365
Yet they have a power.

01:08:21.365 --> 01:08:31.443
They're in their middle, you know, like they have been through the absolute worst and they are rising and thriving, so it's powerful.

01:08:31.443 --> 01:08:34.545
So Bitch is a Bad Word drops on Tuesdays on Apple, spotify.

01:08:34.545 --> 01:08:35.820
Anywhere else you listen to your show.

01:08:35.820 --> 01:08:41.604
Thursdays, we have Bitch Sesh and it's all survivor stories and they share all their experiences.

01:08:41.604 --> 01:08:46.921
And then we have a really cool community on Patreon, which is patreoncom forward slash.

01:08:47.060 --> 01:08:49.546
Bitch is a bad word Super like.

01:08:49.546 --> 01:08:53.082
You can join for free, but there's like little tiers where you can go in and it's.

01:08:53.082 --> 01:08:56.958
We use a private discord server where we check everybody's license.

01:08:56.958 --> 01:09:04.204
So it's like super safe, super private and you can go in there and build communities, share your stories, find your bestie gang.

01:09:04.204 --> 01:09:05.676
You know it's, it's cool.

01:09:05.676 --> 01:09:09.228
And then we drop like merch and all sorts of fun things.

01:09:09.228 --> 01:09:20.065
You know give you little gifts for being part of it, but there's some really cool things happening in there and you know women are meeting each other from all over the world and going holy shit.

01:09:20.065 --> 01:09:21.189
This is a shared experience.

01:09:21.189 --> 01:09:27.145
So I just I think it's cool what's happening over there, as we, you know, we build the best gang.

01:09:27.145 --> 01:09:29.658
If you're in litigation, welcome to the MILF mafia.

01:09:29.658 --> 01:09:30.461
I got you.

01:09:33.268 --> 01:09:35.153
Yes, and it's been such a pleasure.

01:09:35.212 --> 01:09:51.679
Thank you so much for having me on your show and I love you and your messaging and your Instagrams are like when you're running I'm always like, oh my gosh, she's so funny, like I love her and uh, you know you, you're inspiring and I'm so grateful to know you and be part of this journey with you.

01:09:52.340 --> 01:09:54.922
Well, thank you so much, Lindsay, and I'm so grateful to know you.

01:09:54.922 --> 01:09:58.988
I'm so thankful you came on here today to share your messages.

01:09:58.988 --> 01:10:05.305
Also, if you don't mind, could you repeat what is that AI thing that people can use?

01:10:05.305 --> 01:10:08.136
I would also put this all in the show notes by the way.

01:10:08.417 --> 01:10:09.658
Okay, it's Amy Says.

01:10:09.658 --> 01:10:25.780
So it's A-I-M-E-E, so Amy being like A-I-Sayscom, like AI sayscom, and um, yeah, her name is founders and winter hall.

01:10:25.780 --> 01:10:27.567
I can't remember what episode she's on, but you can go back and listen to bitches.

01:10:27.567 --> 01:10:28.009
A bad word.

01:10:28.170 --> 01:10:37.841
She's on there but go, she's got it's, she, it's free, it doesn't record, so, like Amy forgets about you after you put your shit in there and so it's not, it's completely safe.

01:10:37.841 --> 01:10:43.956
But then Amy also can be your bestie and like understand what you're going through and you can like share all these things.

01:10:43.956 --> 01:10:47.185
But, like Amy says, it's a very, very powerful tool.

01:10:47.185 --> 01:10:52.079
And then always, just remember, the hotline is there for you, the hotlineorg.

01:10:52.079 --> 01:11:02.198
And if I'm in Southern California, if you're in Southern California, I have a foundation called the BFF Alliance, so it's bffallianceorg.

01:11:02.198 --> 01:11:08.828
We have partnered with a amazing place called One Safe Place.

01:11:08.828 --> 01:11:27.095
So if you need help I mean if you're in danger, if you need resources you know restraining orders, legal help, um, like if there's been any sexual assault and you need medical assistance One Safe Place, which is in Southern California, is one of our partners and we will connect you with them and they will.

01:11:27.095 --> 01:11:33.609
They have all the resources available to you, free, and they got your back.

01:11:36.135 --> 01:11:37.278
Okay, great.

01:11:37.278 --> 01:11:45.143
Thank you so much for sharing all of that and you know, thank you for all that you do, lindsey, because you are really truly being a change maker.

01:11:45.143 --> 01:11:46.567
You're making a huge difference.

01:11:46.567 --> 01:11:49.560
Also, what is your merch line?

01:11:49.581 --> 01:11:50.884
you didn't tell us about your merch line.

01:11:50.884 --> 01:11:54.698
Oh yeah, so well, I mean we've got, I call out.

01:11:54.698 --> 01:11:56.220
You know we want to be besties.

01:11:56.220 --> 01:11:57.222
We're going this bestie game.

01:11:57.222 --> 01:11:59.927
So I like on my show you can get cool.

01:11:59.927 --> 01:12:12.341
You know, bitch is a bad word, merge but then my company is called Two Weeks Notice, so it's the number two WKS noticecom, and just reach out to me.

01:12:12.341 --> 01:12:17.127
We're just starting this up and I want to help build movements.

01:12:17.127 --> 01:12:21.404
So as a creative, I create really fun stuff for myself.

01:12:21.404 --> 01:12:27.717
But in our show I'm just speaking to so many people now that are like oh, I have this thing I want to do and I don't know how to do it.

01:12:27.717 --> 01:12:29.123
I, I'm your, I'm your girl.

01:12:29.123 --> 01:12:35.140
So we will create your merge and create your movement for you and help you get going.

01:12:35.881 --> 01:12:37.865
Thank you, thank you, thank you, because you know, know what.

01:12:37.865 --> 01:12:42.345
As we are wrapping up, I want to say thank you for everyone for tuning in.

01:12:42.345 --> 01:12:44.432
We'll have all this in the show notes.

01:12:44.432 --> 01:12:47.921
Lindsey, you're doing amazing and absolutely.

01:12:47.921 --> 01:12:54.092
We'll um be in touch with us and um just uh.

01:12:54.092 --> 01:12:56.220
So all the information will be provided in the show notes.

01:12:56.280 --> 01:13:01.701
Please, please, listen to Bitches of Bad Word podcast and subscribe, follow it.

01:13:01.701 --> 01:13:28.845
It's amazing and it's very educational and informative, and, especially if anybody is in the mental health field, I think it's very useful to just hear these perspectives, hear these stories, because you just never know how you know beneficial it can be for someone else, and to pass along and share with other people, share with other clients who can then share it with others, and that's how we make the world go around, right?

01:13:28.845 --> 01:13:31.076
So, all right, thank you all.

01:13:31.076 --> 01:13:40.708
And also, if you haven't already, if you enjoyed today's episode, subscribe, like and review.

01:13:40.708 --> 01:13:58.720
And also don't forget Dropped in a Maze my book is on Amazon, so please, if you haven't already, definitely have it for your good summer reads for the rest of the summer and looking forward to talking to you all again soon.

01:13:58.720 --> 01:13:59.320
Thank you.