March 9, 2026
Caregiver To Creator with Debbie Weiss
Send a text Ever carried so much for so long that you forgot what you want? That’s where our guest, Debbie Weiss, once lived: 40+ years caregiving for her father after a stroke, advocating for a son on the autism spectrum, and supporting a husband through mental illness and a terminal diagnosis. The cost was anger, exhaustion, and a quiet belief that life was happening to her. Then a 50th birthday trip cracked the script. If time was speeding up, she needed to claim a response—not just respon...
Ever carried so much for so long that you forgot what you want? That’s where our guest, Debbie Weiss, once lived: 40+ years caregiving for her father after a stroke, advocating for a son on the autism spectrum, and supporting a husband through mental illness and a terminal diagnosis. The cost was anger, exhaustion, and a quiet belief that life was happening to her. Then a 50th birthday trip cracked the script. If time was speeding up, she needed to claim a response—not just responsibilities.
We walk through the small levers that moved mountains. Debbie began with one simple commitment—show up weekly to a meeting—ditched perfection timelines, and built from there. Over three and a half years she lost 90 pounds, but more importantly, she proved that mindset beats mechanics. She reframed self-care from indulgence to necessity, set boundaries that stuck, and used the E+R=O formula (Event + Response = Outcome) to take back agency without denying pain. We get practical about sustainable habits, saying no without guilt, and how stress, cortisol, and comparison sabotage progress if you don’t design around them.
The conversation turns deeply human as Debbie shares writing her memoir while her husband was ill, and how journaling unearthed beliefs she didn’t know she carried. Listeners looking for the “how” will love her second book, The Sprinkle Effect, which pairs stories with exercises on perspective, belief, action, resilience, curiosity, and joy. We also explore an unexpected plot twist: a self-described “math girl” unlocking a creative surge—card decks, journals, and a children’s series—once she honored her voice.
If you’ve been stuck in survival mode, this story offers a way forward you can actually use. Subscribe, share with a friend who’s caregiving or grieving, and leave a review with the one boundary you’ll set this week. Your response can change your outcome.
01:38 - Meet Debbie Weiss And Her Story
02:50 - Caregiving Origins And Lifelong Load
06:46 - Anger, Comparison, And Victim Mindset
12:44 - The 50th Birthday Wake-Up Call
17:10 - Small Steps To Big Weight Loss
22:20 - Rewriting Beliefs And Finding Strength
27:48 - Self-Care As A Non-Negotiable
33:34 - Boundaries, Time, And Saying No
39:33 - Writing The Memoir Through Grief
45:59 - The Sprinkle Effect And Taking Action
WEBVTT
00:00:49.179 --> 00:00:53.579
Hello everyone and welcome to today's episode of On the Spectrum with Sonia.
00:00:53.820 --> 00:00:57.100
Today we have a very special guest, Debbie Weiss.
00:00:57.340 --> 00:00:59.259
She is the author of two books.
00:00:59.420 --> 00:01:05.099
The first one being On Second Thought, Maybe I Can, and the second book being The Sprinkle Effect.
00:01:05.259 --> 00:01:15.019
Her first book, On Second Thought, Maybe I Can is a memoir of her experiences with being a caregiver for her father, her late husband.
00:01:15.259 --> 00:01:23.500
She also had a son who is diagnosed with being on the autism spectrum, and that led to a myriad of other diagnoses as well.
00:01:23.659 --> 00:01:26.379
Her late husband had depression and anxiety.
00:01:26.539 --> 00:01:30.859
And she has a podcast called On Second Thought, Maybe I Can as well.
00:01:31.020 --> 00:01:40.060
And she is here to share her story and give people hope of whom are going through midlife transitions, caregiving, perhaps going through grief.
00:01:40.219 --> 00:01:42.939
And without further ado, Debbie, welcome.
00:01:43.259 --> 00:01:45.099
Sonia, thank you so much for having me.
00:01:45.180 --> 00:01:47.500
I'm really looking forward to our conversation.
00:01:47.819 --> 00:01:50.780
Oh my gosh, Debbie, I'm looking forward to hearing all about this.
00:01:50.939 --> 00:01:53.659
Now you were on the Kelly Clarkson show.
00:01:53.979 --> 00:01:55.020
My claim to fame.
00:01:55.259 --> 00:01:56.860
Your claim to fame.
00:01:57.020 --> 00:02:00.699
Tell me about how that happened first and foremost.
00:02:01.099 --> 00:02:03.419
So it was through a connection.
00:02:03.659 --> 00:02:03.900
Okay.
00:02:04.139 --> 00:02:16.219
Not like I know Kelly, but at the time, I think maybe if I'm being honest, I got lucky because it was the time when there was a writer's strike going on in Hollywood.
00:02:16.300 --> 00:02:20.300
So like all of the stars weren't out and about as much.
00:02:20.539 --> 00:02:26.539
And so I think that they were looking for, you know, human interest type stories.
00:02:26.780 --> 00:02:32.139
And it was November, and November is National Family Caregiver Month.
00:02:32.379 --> 00:02:38.460
And as you already said, I I've been a caregiver for over 40 years to different family members.
00:02:38.699 --> 00:02:44.219
And so I went on the show to briefly share my story.
00:02:44.539 --> 00:02:54.539
It was I didn't get to sit with her in person on that couch, even though I told the producer, you know, I'm right across the river in New Jersey, so I could easily make it there.
00:02:54.699 --> 00:02:57.980
And they just laughed at me and said, no, no, this is a virtual segment.
00:02:58.060 --> 00:02:59.900
So I actually recorded right from here.
00:03:00.140 --> 00:03:02.219
It was a great experience.
00:03:02.700 --> 00:03:04.219
Well, that is so awesome.
00:03:04.460 --> 00:03:11.500
So, Debbie, what inspired you to start writing and to start your podcasting?
00:03:11.900 --> 00:03:19.180
Oh, well, I think there is so much of a backstory that kind of got me to that point, right?
00:03:19.340 --> 00:03:21.260
It was it was a long way.
00:03:21.420 --> 00:03:25.500
And if you don't mind, I'll just give you a brief overview of that story.
00:03:25.659 --> 00:03:32.540
As you already said, my dad had a stroke when I was 17 and he was just turning 46.
00:03:32.780 --> 00:03:38.379
And luckily he survived, but he was permanently disabled and he lived for the next 30 years.
00:03:38.460 --> 00:03:42.700
And so uh my parents were divorced and I was his caregiver for the next 30 years.
00:03:42.860 --> 00:04:00.620
And then when my oldest son was two and he was diagnosed on the autism spectrum, as you and many of us know, that caregiving for any child is caregiving and difficult, but caregiving and advocating for a child with special needs takes it to a whole other level.
00:04:00.860 --> 00:04:07.740
And then later on in life, my husband suffered from a variety of both physical and mental illness.
00:04:08.540 --> 00:04:16.620
And eventually, out of the blue, was diagnosed with a terminal blood disease and passed away six months later.
00:04:16.860 --> 00:04:18.699
So I cared for him as well.
00:04:18.939 --> 00:04:35.019
But before my husband got ill, I was, after let's say those 30 years with my dad, I often found myself extremely irritable, constantly overwhelmed, resentful, and just exhausted, right?
00:04:35.259 --> 00:04:43.420
Because all it was was waking up and starting every day, figuring out who I had to take care of, what I needed to do.
00:04:43.500 --> 00:04:45.099
You know, I work as well.
00:04:45.339 --> 00:04:57.740
So I had to worry about my team members at work and my customers at work and my kids and my husband and my dad and all the things, and no time for myself.
00:04:57.980 --> 00:05:11.660
And when I turned 50, I kind of had an aha moment where I said to myself, wow, 50 years flew by, and the next 50 are gonna fly by even faster.
00:05:11.819 --> 00:05:26.139
And if I don't do something to change the direction of my life now, which by the way didn't mean that I would not care for my family members, but it also meant I had to pay attention to myself too, because this is our one and only life.
00:05:26.220 --> 00:05:31.340
And again, I choose and will choose over and over again to take care of my loved ones.
00:05:31.420 --> 00:05:35.980
But the mistake I made was doing that at the expense of not taking care of myself.
00:05:36.139 --> 00:05:45.900
And so at 50, I started to kind of go through this journey of learning about myself, really understanding.
00:05:46.139 --> 00:05:55.579
And that just led me down a road that was not and has not been a straight path, trying to figure out well, who am I?
00:05:55.740 --> 00:05:56.699
What's my purpose?
00:05:56.860 --> 00:05:57.900
What fills me up?
00:05:58.060 --> 00:05:59.420
What do I need?
00:05:59.900 --> 00:06:05.500
And eventually, nine years later, is when I actually wrote the book.
00:06:05.660 --> 00:06:06.780
So the first book.
00:06:06.939 --> 00:06:10.220
So it was a long journey to get there.
00:06:10.459 --> 00:06:17.420
And it's I'm 62 now, so it's a journey I'll continue on until I take my last breath.
00:06:17.660 --> 00:06:32.860
When you say that you had anger, did you feel like a lot of this anger that you had was because you had lot felt like you lost a lot of time in your life and felt maybe perhaps cheated out of things that you felt maybe other people got to enjoy.
00:06:33.019 --> 00:06:40.939
But here I was so busy being a caretaker for not only my dad, and then now my son, and now my husband, right?
00:06:41.100 --> 00:06:47.019
That it just kind of was like, okay, you were everything everywhere all at once.
00:06:48.060 --> 00:06:50.379
I was so young when I started.
00:06:50.620 --> 00:06:55.340
Like now at this stage, I hate to say it, but kind of you expect it, right?
00:06:55.500 --> 00:07:04.860
Because you expect when you're in midlife that you're gonna be a caregiver and, you know, have to have that role reversal with your parents, but you don't expect it when you're 20.
00:07:05.100 --> 00:07:05.660
Sure.
00:07:06.139 --> 00:07:13.259
And as I watched all my peers go out and enjoy their 20s, you know, carefree, not worried about anything.
00:07:13.420 --> 00:07:20.300
I was learning at 22 what's Medicaid, what's Medicare, what's disabilities, what's social security?
00:07:20.379 --> 00:07:22.540
Like, who knows that as a 22-year-old?
00:07:22.780 --> 00:07:23.340
Right.
00:07:23.579 --> 00:07:29.100
And so year over year, that anger and resentment built up.
00:07:29.259 --> 00:07:43.740
Even though I clearly knew it wasn't my father's fault, you know, it wasn't, it wasn't nobody's fault, but I kept looking at other people, comparing myself, which is the worst thing to do, and thinking, why me?
00:07:43.900 --> 00:07:54.699
You know, it just seemed like I just kept facing one big challenge after another that other people around me were not facing.
00:07:54.939 --> 00:07:55.420
Hmm.
00:07:55.660 --> 00:08:03.420
And that must have been very difficult to watch all these other people living a life that you were like, you know what, that should have been me doing that.
00:08:03.579 --> 00:08:07.340
That should have been what I should be doing right now, not taking care.
00:08:07.660 --> 00:08:08.220
Exactly.
00:08:08.379 --> 00:08:08.939
Exactly.
00:08:09.180 --> 00:08:23.900
And, you know, there was a lot of things that I didn't realize then, but after I turned 50, realized that I had a victim mentality, which I didn't understand what that was, and I didn't see that in myself.
00:08:24.060 --> 00:08:27.900
But I did, I felt that my life was not my own.
00:08:28.060 --> 00:08:37.259
It had been uh led by these situations that presented themselves in my life.
00:08:37.500 --> 00:08:40.299
And yes, I made the choice to care for my father.
00:08:40.539 --> 00:08:44.860
I made, of course, the choice to care for my sons, you know, all of that.
00:08:45.100 --> 00:08:46.620
So what choice did I have?
00:08:46.779 --> 00:08:48.539
Did I really have a choice?
00:08:48.699 --> 00:08:53.019
If it was gonna be, you know, it was either I'm caring or I'm not caring.
00:08:53.179 --> 00:08:54.620
But I did have a choice.
00:08:54.860 --> 00:09:06.459
And I think that when you blame circumstances or people for the outcome of your life, you are giving them your power.
00:09:06.620 --> 00:09:09.740
And I didn't understand, but that's what I was doing.
00:09:09.819 --> 00:09:12.860
It was so easy to say, well, what was I supposed to do?
00:09:13.019 --> 00:09:17.500
This is, you know, this is what life dealt me, the hand I was dealt.
00:09:17.659 --> 00:09:19.500
So I don't have a choice.
00:09:19.740 --> 00:09:22.139
But you always have a choice.
00:09:22.459 --> 00:09:27.899
You choose how you react to life, to these events.
00:09:28.139 --> 00:09:33.819
And I chose to be a victim and to say, well, I didn't have a choice.
00:09:33.899 --> 00:09:35.899
So what like almost to be a martyr.
00:09:36.299 --> 00:09:48.219
And it's very hard to admit that on the one hand, but on the other hand, also then once I started to understand it, found it empowering because now I know life happens to everyone.
00:09:48.459 --> 00:09:51.579
It looks different, it happens at different times.
00:09:51.739 --> 00:09:57.979
You know, that old adage, if you put your problems, everybody's problems, you'd still take your own out, right?
00:09:58.299 --> 00:10:03.979
So it was really the fact that it's empowering because life's gonna still happen to me.
00:10:04.299 --> 00:10:11.259
But I have the power to decide how I'm going to respond to those circumstances.
00:10:11.419 --> 00:10:22.219
And that's empowering because now I know regardless of what happens, doesn't mean that I'm not gonna be kicked down and I'm not gonna be sad, and I'm not, of course, I'm gonna be those things.
00:10:22.379 --> 00:10:24.139
And it's still up to me.
00:10:24.299 --> 00:10:30.219
Am I gonna pick my, am I gonna take that circumstance and am I gonna let it leave me down there?
00:10:30.859 --> 00:10:34.939
Or am I going to rise above it or with it?
00:10:35.259 --> 00:10:39.579
What was it like for you to first realize that you were in victim mentality?
00:10:39.659 --> 00:10:43.259
And what were lessons you learned about yourself in the process?
00:10:43.500 --> 00:10:59.579
Well, like I said, it was a little tough because, you know, when it's it's sometimes so hard to look and be honest with yourself about characteristics that you might not be so fond of when you realize that.
00:10:59.899 --> 00:11:09.099
But it was a sobering realization, and it was also helpful that I knew I wasn't alone, right?
00:11:09.259 --> 00:11:18.699
That this whole idea came from somewhere, I didn't invent it, that so many of us live our lives this way without realizing.
00:11:18.859 --> 00:11:21.019
And it's that awareness piece.
00:11:21.179 --> 00:11:28.939
I think that everything that I've gone through and that I continue to go through all comes back to being self-aware.
00:11:29.339 --> 00:11:32.620
Because I can still get myself in that same mindset.
00:11:32.779 --> 00:11:40.459
It's not like it's cured, but now I'm able to stop myself and say, hey, Deb, you're doing it.
00:11:40.620 --> 00:11:43.099
Watch yourself, get yourself out of there.
00:11:43.259 --> 00:11:44.219
You know better now.
00:11:44.459 --> 00:11:48.779
Was there like a defining moment though when everything changed in that sense?
00:11:48.939 --> 00:11:55.579
Like, was there something that happened where that you came to that realization, like, oh my God, this is where I'm at right now?
00:11:55.819 --> 00:11:59.019
No, I think it was a series of small steps.
00:11:59.179 --> 00:12:00.939
It was turning 50.
00:12:01.339 --> 00:12:08.459
My friends insisted that we go away to celebrate for the weekend, even though I couldn't imagine how I was leaving my family for the weekend.
00:12:08.620 --> 00:12:11.019
They were gonna fall apart, but I did it.
00:12:11.339 --> 00:12:21.019
In in that weekend, that's when I realized that my life was not my own.
00:12:21.259 --> 00:12:29.979
One night when we were chatting over dinner, one of my friends said, So tell me, let's share what our hopes and dreams are for the future.
00:12:30.139 --> 00:12:31.419
And I was stumped.
00:12:31.579 --> 00:12:32.859
Like hopes and dreams.
00:12:33.019 --> 00:12:37.899
I have hopes and dreams for my kids, but my own hopes and dreams, like I'm 50, it's over.
00:12:37.979 --> 00:12:39.339
You know, it's already written.
00:12:39.500 --> 00:12:41.500
My life is, you know, already set.
00:12:41.739 --> 00:12:46.299
And they all kind of looked at me because the other three all had hopes and dreams.
00:12:46.539 --> 00:12:54.379
And that was the moment, I'd say the catalyst that started the idea of something's gotta give.
00:12:54.620 --> 00:12:56.219
I didn't know what.
00:12:56.539 --> 00:12:59.659
I didn't know how do I proceed from here.
00:12:59.819 --> 00:13:01.179
Um, I had no idea.
00:13:01.339 --> 00:13:20.779
So when I came back, I decided that the thing for me at that moment most pressing was my health and more specifically my weight, because I do talk a lot about it in probably both the books, because my whole life I've had a big problem with my weight from the minute that I was born, basically.
00:13:20.939 --> 00:13:33.419
And at 50, I found myself 100 pounds overweight, which was definitely, you know, for me being an emotional eater and using food to soothe myself.
00:13:33.579 --> 00:13:36.539
You know, that tells you where I was at that point in time.
00:13:36.779 --> 00:13:42.620
And so when I came back from that trip, I said, okay, now, don't get me wrong, I've been on a bazillion diets.
00:13:42.779 --> 00:13:45.899
I lost and gained hundreds, probably thousands of pounds.
00:13:45.979 --> 00:13:48.379
It's not like I never lost weight before, sure.
00:13:48.539 --> 00:13:57.179
But I came back and said, you know, Albert Einstein says the idea of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.
00:13:57.419 --> 00:14:03.899
So it was like, okay, I gotta approach this differently, because otherwise, same old, same old.
00:14:04.059 --> 00:14:19.419
And I didn't realize what I was doing then, but I gave myself permission not to be perfect, not to have uh a time-bound goal, because it would always be in the past.
00:14:19.579 --> 00:14:24.939
I have to use lose 25 pounds in three months, or by my birthday, or by the summer, or whatever it is.
00:14:25.019 --> 00:14:27.979
And if I only lost 18, I'm a failure.
00:14:29.659 --> 00:14:35.179
And also that realization of this is not a diet.
00:14:35.419 --> 00:14:39.419
You've gotta, this is you, it's not something you're gonna be on again, off again.
00:14:39.500 --> 00:14:41.339
This is your life here on in.
00:14:41.500 --> 00:14:47.019
Does it mean you're never gonna eat ice cream or pizza or bagels, my three favorite food groups?
00:14:47.259 --> 00:14:48.539
I can eat those things.
00:14:48.779 --> 00:14:50.620
I can't eat them every day, every meal.
00:14:50.779 --> 00:14:55.259
And it took me about three and a half years to lose 90 pounds.
00:14:55.579 --> 00:15:02.620
And I had done it differently because I just broke it down into very small manageable goals.
00:15:02.859 --> 00:15:15.179
And when I saw how I did that, I thought to myself, hey, really, I had done it through Weight Watchers and I've lost and gained weight on Weight Watchers countless times in my life.
00:15:15.419 --> 00:15:17.099
Weight Watchers didn't change.
00:15:17.259 --> 00:15:23.339
The only thing that changed was my mindset of how I was approaching it.
00:15:23.500 --> 00:15:34.219
And if my mindset could change what has been the biggest struggle of my life, how could I then take that principle and apply it to other areas of my life?
00:15:34.379 --> 00:15:43.659
And so that was kind of, even though it wasn't one moment, that whole experience was kind of what opened my eyes to what was possible.
00:15:43.899 --> 00:15:56.539
And I definitely feel like when you have more smart goals and you have it in a way where it's set up more for success because it's something that is more manageable in that sense, right?
00:15:56.779 --> 00:16:03.099
That it's easier then to achieve those goals versus putting like a hard and fast timeline.
00:16:03.259 --> 00:16:16.459
And I feel like a lot of times when people say things like, I gotta lose weight in five weeks because I got this wedding to go to, or oh, by the summer I gotta be down all these pounds, you know, it adds to more stress.
00:16:16.620 --> 00:16:17.019
Yes.
00:16:17.259 --> 00:16:23.579
And as you know, we women especially know when you're under stress, your cortisol kicks in.
00:16:23.659 --> 00:16:25.099
And what does cortisol do?
00:16:25.339 --> 00:16:33.019
Stores everything, builds up your fat, basically, and it goes to all the places that we women hate to have fat go to.
00:16:33.259 --> 00:16:33.819
Yes.
00:16:34.139 --> 00:16:43.579
Yeah, you know, the very first thing when I first started, I said, my only goal is that I am going to go to a meeting every week.
00:16:43.819 --> 00:16:44.620
That's it.
00:16:44.859 --> 00:16:50.620
It doesn't matter what I eat, it doesn't matter if I exercise or I drink a bazillion ounces of water.
00:16:50.859 --> 00:16:51.819
I don't care.
00:16:52.059 --> 00:16:54.620
My only goal is showing up once a week.
00:16:54.779 --> 00:16:56.059
And that's what I did.
00:16:56.219 --> 00:16:57.579
And I didn't lose weight.
00:16:57.739 --> 00:16:58.379
I didn't.
00:16:58.539 --> 00:17:09.420
But it didn't matter because in my mind, I was achieving my goal because I broke it down to really the smallest step that kind of felt like nothing, right?
00:17:09.980 --> 00:17:12.779
But in the end, kickstarted everything.
00:17:12.940 --> 00:17:17.420
And then I just slowly, all right, two, three months going to the meeting every week.
00:17:17.500 --> 00:17:21.579
I like the meeting, I'm comfortable, I like the leader, the people, whatever.
00:17:21.819 --> 00:17:35.259
Now maybe I'm gonna concentrate on what I eat 50% of the time, or you know, and just kept adding on, adding on once the last goal was, you know, kind of incorporated into my routine.
00:17:35.420 --> 00:17:38.539
And it made all the difference, took all the pressure off.
00:17:38.859 --> 00:17:39.740
Absolutely.
00:17:39.980 --> 00:17:47.259
And as you went through that metamorphosis with your body, with yourself, in every aspect of you.
00:17:47.500 --> 00:17:53.740
What were some of like the learning lessons then that came from each of those steps in the metamorphosis?
00:17:53.980 --> 00:18:02.140
Well, I think that I realized that I don't want to say I'm smarter than I thought, but maybe that's not the right term.
00:18:02.380 --> 00:18:33.180
But I think that I learned that I am stronger than I thought, although I had learned that over the decades of caregiving, lived through and did things that never in my wildest dreams did I ever think, because I was a very unconfident child, probably because of my weight, feeling like I was judged all the time, which I was by adults and kids equally when I was a little girl and moving on into my teenage years and adulthood.
00:18:33.340 --> 00:18:36.380
And so I didn't want to be seen and I didn't want to be heard.
00:18:36.539 --> 00:18:40.299
And so I would hide, really, try to hide.
00:18:40.460 --> 00:18:46.539
And so it kind of brought me out of my shell, helped to bring me out of my shell.
00:18:46.620 --> 00:18:53.900
Like I actually, when I'm talking about it, really think about a metamorphosis of a of a flower opening.
00:18:54.060 --> 00:18:57.019
It took 50 plus years, but that's okay.
00:18:57.340 --> 00:19:06.220
So it taught me that just by my thoughts, and I had no idea, I never stopped to examine my thoughts.
00:19:06.380 --> 00:19:10.779
I never stopped to think to myself, is what I'm thinking actually true?
00:19:10.940 --> 00:19:12.539
I just assumed it was.
00:19:12.779 --> 00:19:16.380
The thoughts go through your head and it's like that must be the way it is.
00:19:16.539 --> 00:19:18.860
And I never thought to examine it.
00:19:19.019 --> 00:19:21.259
And that I found so interesting.
00:19:21.420 --> 00:19:25.740
It seemed some like something so obvious, but it wasn't to me.
00:19:25.900 --> 00:19:33.580
You know, your your story, that's a very relatable story for me, because I too, you know, struggled a lot with weight my whole life.
00:19:33.900 --> 00:19:40.620
And I had a binge eating disorder, and it came to a head when I was living in New York for a few years.
00:19:40.779 --> 00:19:43.820
So from 2011 to 2016, I had lived there.
00:19:44.140 --> 00:19:48.700
And I mean, I binge ate before when I was uh in law school.
00:19:49.019 --> 00:20:01.500
I kind of had a history of that in middle school too, but it really came to a head when I was living in New York and I was not happy in my career, and I would knew I needed to change careers because it wasn't fulfilling me.
00:20:01.660 --> 00:20:05.660
And but even before, you know, I'd been judged by adults more so.
00:20:05.900 --> 00:20:12.299
I never remember anyone, any of my peers per se making fun of my weight as they would just make fun of me in general.
00:20:12.380 --> 00:20:17.900
But like weight specific, I had a therapist who used to be quite critical about it.
00:20:18.060 --> 00:20:19.580
And I'm on the spectrum.
00:20:19.740 --> 00:20:34.220
So for him, you know, he used to say one of the things he would say to me at times is when they used to call it back when they used to call it Asperger's, he said, Because you have Asperger's and a mood disorder, everything has to be perfect because then people get away with more.
00:20:34.380 --> 00:20:36.620
And he'd say stuff like, You have a pretty face.
00:20:37.180 --> 00:20:38.140
That's the worst.
00:20:38.299 --> 00:20:42.620
Yes, he'd be like, You have a pretty face, just match it to a body now, or something like that.
00:20:42.860 --> 00:20:43.580
Oh my god.
00:20:45.980 --> 00:20:50.380
But unfortunately, he spoke for what I'm not gonna say all society.
00:20:50.539 --> 00:20:50.940
Yeah.
00:20:51.180 --> 00:20:54.460
But he he was speaking up for what a majority of people think.
00:20:54.779 --> 00:20:55.259
Agreed.
00:20:55.420 --> 00:21:00.460
You know, I mean, not everyone, I'm gonna preface that, not everybody, but a majority of people, yes.
00:21:00.700 --> 00:21:01.820
And a therapist?
00:21:01.980 --> 00:21:04.700
That's what a therapist says of all people.
00:21:05.180 --> 00:21:07.980
Yeah, just because they're in therapy doesn't mean everybody's well.
00:21:08.539 --> 00:21:09.900
That is definitely true.
00:21:10.060 --> 00:21:10.940
Usually it's not.
00:21:11.100 --> 00:21:19.500
That's just a good good example of just because they're the therapist, don't think they're right and go find a therapist that you uh gel with.
00:21:20.220 --> 00:21:20.940
Absolutely.
00:21:21.100 --> 00:21:29.180
And then the one thing I noticed is I feel like the therapists who got me best were people who really truly were in the thick of it themselves in their life.
00:21:29.340 --> 00:21:29.660
Yeah.
00:21:29.900 --> 00:21:42.460
You're helping people now in their own midlife transitions, you're helping, giving them that confidence that spark, you know, like through your writing, through your podcasting, you're helping, giving people that.
00:21:42.700 --> 00:21:54.299
So when you talk to people and hear stories of people going through midlife transitions, grief, caregiving, what is the one thing that you hear is common among people when they share their stories with you?
00:21:54.460 --> 00:22:01.660
And what is something that you really wished somebody would have told you when you were going through it that you want to impart to other people?
00:22:01.900 --> 00:22:04.220
I think maybe my answer is gonna be obvious.
00:22:04.380 --> 00:22:06.220
Self-care is not selfish.
00:22:06.940 --> 00:22:08.299
It is imperative.
00:22:08.460 --> 00:22:24.299
And for the longest time, and that's what got me to that place of being angry and resentful and exhausted and overwhelmed and all the things, because I was not only was I not prioritizing my own needs, they weren't even on the list, right?
00:22:24.460 --> 00:22:26.539
I mean, I never got because I was at the bottom.
00:22:26.700 --> 00:22:31.340
And I thought that if I did prioritize my own needs, well, how selfish is that?
00:22:31.500 --> 00:22:35.180
I have all these other people that I'm caring for and worrying about.
00:22:35.420 --> 00:22:37.340
And that would be so selfish.
00:22:37.500 --> 00:22:48.060
But what I realized was when I did care for myself, then I showed up as such a better person for all of my loved ones.
00:22:48.220 --> 00:22:55.900
I mean, I I think back now, and unfortunately my father passed away the year before I turned fifty.
00:22:56.140 --> 00:22:58.940
So I had not yet had this realization.
00:00:49.179 --> 00:00:53.579
00:00:53.820 --> 00:00:57.100
00:00:57.340 --> 00:00:59.259
00:00:59.420 --> 00:01:05.099
00:01:05.259 --> 00:01:15.019
00:01:15.259 --> 00:01:23.500
00:01:23.659 --> 00:01:26.379
00:01:26.539 --> 00:01:30.859
00:01:31.020 --> 00:01:40.060
00:01:40.219 --> 00:01:42.939
00:01:43.259 --> 00:01:45.099
00:01:45.180 --> 00:01:47.500
00:01:47.819 --> 00:01:50.780
00:01:50.939 --> 00:01:53.659
00:01:53.979 --> 00:01:55.020
00:01:55.259 --> 00:01:56.860
00:01:57.020 --> 00:02:00.699
00:02:01.099 --> 00:02:03.419
00:02:03.659 --> 00:02:03.900
00:02:04.139 --> 00:02:16.219
00:02:16.300 --> 00:02:20.300
00:02:20.539 --> 00:02:26.539
00:02:26.780 --> 00:02:32.139
00:02:32.379 --> 00:02:38.460
00:02:38.699 --> 00:02:44.219
00:02:44.539 --> 00:02:54.539
00:02:54.699 --> 00:02:57.980
00:02:58.060 --> 00:02:59.900
00:03:00.140 --> 00:03:02.219
00:03:02.700 --> 00:03:04.219
00:03:04.460 --> 00:03:11.500
00:03:11.900 --> 00:03:19.180
00:03:19.340 --> 00:03:21.260
00:03:21.420 --> 00:03:25.500
00:03:25.659 --> 00:03:32.540
00:03:32.780 --> 00:03:38.379
00:03:38.460 --> 00:03:42.700
00:03:42.860 --> 00:04:00.620
00:04:00.860 --> 00:04:07.740
00:04:08.540 --> 00:04:16.620
00:04:16.860 --> 00:04:18.699
00:04:18.939 --> 00:04:35.019
00:04:35.259 --> 00:04:43.420
00:04:43.500 --> 00:04:45.099
00:04:45.339 --> 00:04:57.740
00:04:57.980 --> 00:05:11.660
00:05:11.819 --> 00:05:26.139
00:05:26.220 --> 00:05:31.340
00:05:31.420 --> 00:05:35.980
00:05:36.139 --> 00:05:45.900
00:05:46.139 --> 00:05:55.579
00:05:55.740 --> 00:05:56.699
00:05:56.860 --> 00:05:57.900
00:05:58.060 --> 00:05:59.420
00:05:59.900 --> 00:06:05.500
00:06:05.660 --> 00:06:06.780
00:06:06.939 --> 00:06:10.220
00:06:10.459 --> 00:06:17.420
00:06:17.660 --> 00:06:32.860
00:06:33.019 --> 00:06:40.939
00:06:41.100 --> 00:06:47.019
00:06:48.060 --> 00:06:50.379
00:06:50.620 --> 00:06:55.340
00:06:55.500 --> 00:07:04.860
00:07:05.100 --> 00:07:05.660
00:07:06.139 --> 00:07:13.259
00:07:13.420 --> 00:07:20.300
00:07:20.379 --> 00:07:22.540
00:07:22.780 --> 00:07:23.340
00:07:23.579 --> 00:07:29.100
00:07:29.259 --> 00:07:43.740
00:07:43.900 --> 00:07:54.699
00:07:54.939 --> 00:07:55.420
00:07:55.660 --> 00:08:03.420
00:08:03.579 --> 00:08:07.340
00:08:07.660 --> 00:08:08.220
00:08:08.379 --> 00:08:08.939
00:08:09.180 --> 00:08:23.900
00:08:24.060 --> 00:08:27.900
00:08:28.060 --> 00:08:37.259
00:08:37.500 --> 00:08:40.299
00:08:40.539 --> 00:08:44.860
00:08:45.100 --> 00:08:46.620
00:08:46.779 --> 00:08:48.539
00:08:48.699 --> 00:08:53.019
00:08:53.179 --> 00:08:54.620
00:08:54.860 --> 00:09:06.459
00:09:06.620 --> 00:09:09.740
00:09:09.819 --> 00:09:12.860
00:09:13.019 --> 00:09:17.500
00:09:17.659 --> 00:09:19.500
00:09:19.740 --> 00:09:22.139
00:09:22.459 --> 00:09:27.899
00:09:28.139 --> 00:09:33.819
00:09:33.899 --> 00:09:35.899
00:09:36.299 --> 00:09:48.219
00:09:48.459 --> 00:09:51.579
00:09:51.739 --> 00:09:57.979
00:09:58.299 --> 00:10:03.979
00:10:04.299 --> 00:10:11.259
00:10:11.419 --> 00:10:22.219
00:10:22.379 --> 00:10:24.139
00:10:24.299 --> 00:10:30.219
00:10:30.859 --> 00:10:34.939
00:10:35.259 --> 00:10:39.579
00:10:39.659 --> 00:10:43.259
00:10:43.500 --> 00:10:59.579
00:10:59.899 --> 00:11:09.099
00:11:09.259 --> 00:11:18.699
00:11:18.859 --> 00:11:21.019
00:11:21.179 --> 00:11:28.939
00:11:29.339 --> 00:11:32.620
00:11:32.779 --> 00:11:40.459
00:11:40.620 --> 00:11:43.099
00:11:43.259 --> 00:11:44.219
00:11:44.459 --> 00:11:48.779
00:11:48.939 --> 00:11:55.579
00:11:55.819 --> 00:11:59.019
00:11:59.179 --> 00:12:00.939
00:12:01.339 --> 00:12:08.459
00:12:08.620 --> 00:12:11.019
00:12:11.339 --> 00:12:21.019
00:12:21.259 --> 00:12:29.979
00:12:30.139 --> 00:12:31.419
00:12:31.579 --> 00:12:32.859
00:12:33.019 --> 00:12:37.899
00:12:37.979 --> 00:12:39.339
00:12:39.500 --> 00:12:41.500
00:12:41.739 --> 00:12:46.299
00:12:46.539 --> 00:12:54.379
00:12:54.620 --> 00:12:56.219
00:12:56.539 --> 00:12:59.659
00:12:59.819 --> 00:13:01.179
00:13:01.339 --> 00:13:20.779
00:13:20.939 --> 00:13:33.419
00:13:33.579 --> 00:13:36.539
00:13:36.779 --> 00:13:42.620
00:13:42.779 --> 00:13:45.899
00:13:45.979 --> 00:13:48.379
00:13:48.539 --> 00:13:57.179
00:13:57.419 --> 00:14:03.899
00:14:04.059 --> 00:14:19.419
00:14:19.579 --> 00:14:24.939
00:14:25.019 --> 00:14:27.979
00:14:29.659 --> 00:14:35.179
00:14:35.419 --> 00:14:39.419
00:14:39.500 --> 00:14:41.339
00:14:41.500 --> 00:14:47.019
00:14:47.259 --> 00:14:48.539
00:14:48.779 --> 00:14:50.620
00:14:50.779 --> 00:14:55.259
00:14:55.579 --> 00:15:02.620
00:15:02.859 --> 00:15:15.179
00:15:15.419 --> 00:15:17.099
00:15:17.259 --> 00:15:23.339
00:15:23.500 --> 00:15:34.219
00:15:34.379 --> 00:15:43.659
00:15:43.899 --> 00:15:56.539
00:15:56.779 --> 00:16:03.099
00:16:03.259 --> 00:16:16.459
00:16:16.620 --> 00:16:17.019
00:16:17.259 --> 00:16:23.579
00:16:23.659 --> 00:16:25.099
00:16:25.339 --> 00:16:33.019
00:16:33.259 --> 00:16:33.819
00:16:34.139 --> 00:16:43.579
00:16:43.819 --> 00:16:44.620
00:16:44.859 --> 00:16:50.620
00:16:50.859 --> 00:16:51.819
00:16:52.059 --> 00:16:54.620
00:16:54.779 --> 00:16:56.059
00:16:56.219 --> 00:16:57.579
00:16:57.739 --> 00:16:58.379
00:16:58.539 --> 00:17:09.420
00:17:09.980 --> 00:17:12.779
00:17:12.940 --> 00:17:17.420
00:17:17.500 --> 00:17:21.579
00:17:21.819 --> 00:17:35.259
00:17:35.420 --> 00:17:38.539
00:17:38.859 --> 00:17:39.740
00:17:39.980 --> 00:17:47.259
00:17:47.500 --> 00:17:53.740
00:17:53.980 --> 00:18:02.140
00:18:02.380 --> 00:18:33.180
00:18:33.340 --> 00:18:36.380
00:18:36.539 --> 00:18:40.299
00:18:40.460 --> 00:18:46.539
00:18:46.620 --> 00:18:53.900
00:18:54.060 --> 00:18:57.019
00:18:57.340 --> 00:19:06.220
00:19:06.380 --> 00:19:10.779
00:19:10.940 --> 00:19:12.539
00:19:12.779 --> 00:19:16.380
00:19:16.539 --> 00:19:18.860
00:19:19.019 --> 00:19:21.259
00:19:21.420 --> 00:19:25.740
00:19:25.900 --> 00:19:33.580
00:19:33.900 --> 00:19:40.620
00:19:40.779 --> 00:19:43.820
00:19:44.140 --> 00:19:48.700
00:19:49.019 --> 00:20:01.500
00:20:01.660 --> 00:20:05.660
00:20:05.900 --> 00:20:12.299
00:20:12.380 --> 00:20:17.900
00:20:18.060 --> 00:20:19.580
00:20:19.740 --> 00:20:34.220
00:20:34.380 --> 00:20:36.620
00:20:37.180 --> 00:20:38.140
00:20:38.299 --> 00:20:42.620
00:20:42.860 --> 00:20:43.580
00:20:45.980 --> 00:20:50.380
00:20:50.539 --> 00:20:50.940
00:20:51.180 --> 00:20:54.460
00:20:54.779 --> 00:20:55.259
00:20:55.420 --> 00:21:00.460
00:21:00.700 --> 00:21:01.820
00:21:01.980 --> 00:21:04.700
00:21:05.180 --> 00:21:07.980
00:21:08.539 --> 00:21:09.900
00:21:10.060 --> 00:21:10.940
00:21:11.100 --> 00:21:19.500
00:21:20.220 --> 00:21:20.940
00:21:21.100 --> 00:21:29.180
00:21:29.340 --> 00:21:29.660
00:21:29.900 --> 00:21:42.460
00:21:42.700 --> 00:21:54.299
00:21:54.460 --> 00:22:01.660
00:22:01.900 --> 00:22:04.220
00:22:04.380 --> 00:22:06.220
00:22:06.940 --> 00:22:08.299
00:22:08.460 --> 00:22:24.299
00:22:24.460 --> 00:22:26.539
00:22:26.700 --> 00:22:31.340
00:22:31.500 --> 00:22:35.180
00:22:35.420 --> 00:22:37.340
00:22:37.500 --> 00:22:48.060
00:22:48.220 --> 00:22:55.900
00:22:56.140 --> 00:22:58.940