Sept. 28, 2025
Pulling Myself Up By My Bootstraps After Getting The Boot: Chapter 5
Send us a text When Oscar-winner Chris Cooper and his wife Marianne Leone called asking me to photograph him for Cowboys and Indians Magazine, I never imagined this assignment would become my emotional salvation. With a broken foot and an even more broken heart, I dragged myself to Plymouth Plantation, determined to deliver exceptional work despite my personal life crumbling around me. The contrast couldn't have been starker – professionally capturing one of Hollywood's most respected actors...
When Oscar-winner Chris Cooper and his wife Marianne Leone called asking me to photograph him for Cowboys and Indians Magazine, I never imagined this assignment would become my emotional salvation. With a broken foot and an even more broken heart, I dragged myself to Plymouth Plantation, determined to deliver exceptional work despite my personal life crumbling around me.
The contrast couldn't have been starker – professionally capturing one of Hollywood's most respected actors while privately enduring the discovery of my boyfriend's infidelity. As I lay on the ground, boot-clad broken foot raised awkwardly in the air, shooting Chris in various Western-inspired poses, I was simultaneously living two realities. One where I was a sought-after photographer whose work would grace newsstands nationwide, and another where I questioned my fundamental worth after betrayal.
It was Chris himself who offered unexpected wisdom that day. When I confessed my relationship troubles, lamenting that perhaps I was "too much" – too creative, too successful – for my boyfriend, Chris responded with words that would become my mantra: "Did you ever think the things that make you too much are the things that make you great? Smart men like smart women." This simple truth from a man whose 40-year marriage to brilliant writer Marianne Leone Cooper showed he practiced what he preached became my north star during the darkest period of my life.
The universe has a poetic way of delivering messages when we need them most. Standing in an Arizona airport, sobbing after learning my boyfriend at the time had emptied our home while I was away, I looked up to see my Cowboys and Indians cover prominently displayed. It was as if the universe whispered: your work matters, you matter, regardless of who fails to see it. A decade later, Chris, Marianne, and I would collaborate again, winning a 2023 Communicator Award for a podcast episode aptly titled "Staying Together" – proof that sometimes we must endure disappointments to find our way to the collaborations and connections that truly honor our worth.
Ready to transform your perspective on love and relationships? Grab a copy of my new book "Shot at Love" on Amazon today and join our community at shotatlovebook.com for exclusive updates on live events and more insights into finding love that celebrates rather than diminishes you.
00:00 - Pulling Myself Up By My Bootstraps
00:54 - Cowboys and Indians Photo Shoot
05:30 - Wampanoags and Western Dating Wisdom
08:20 - Heartbreak and Dark Night of Soul
13:32 - Finding Strength and New Beginnings
15:33 - Shot at Love Book Announcement
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Chapter 5.
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Pulling myself up by my bootstraps after getting the boot.
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Omnama Shivaya is Eric Clapton's favorite mantra.
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This Hindu mantra is commonly used in meditation and is considered to be one of the most powerful mantras in the Hindu tradition.
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It is a Sanskrit phrase that translates to I bow to Shiva, with Shiva being one of the major deities in Hinduism.
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Clapton has spoken about the importance of this mantra in his life and has even incorporated it into some of his music.
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Cowboys and Cowgirls.
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I have to get back into the saddle again and get back on the proverbial horse, I thought to myself as I picked up the phone when I saw Marianne Leone Cooper was calling.
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Marianne Leone Cooper is a writer, actress, and the wife of Oscar winning actor Chris Cooper.
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Hi my dear, she said, followed by Carrie.
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Chris has a new movie coming out, and we want you to shoot the cover for Wait For It, Cowboys and Indians Magazine.
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Isn't that ridiculous?
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How do they get away with that name?
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Well, the publication is in Texas, followed by a sigh.
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Could you come over sometime this week and I'll make lunch and you can talk to Chris to figure out a plan?
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I love to visit Chris and Marianne at Cooperland.
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They are both incredibly kind, encouraging, and beyond talented.
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It's a melting pot of creatives as we sat in their raised ranch decorated with books, manuscripts, memorabilia, and photographs of their son Jesse.
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It's the best arts and crafts styled house that sits quietly on a river filled with love, Italian cooking, and the antics of their two Bishon rescues.
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I had asked Chris where we should shoot that would have a cowboys and Indians vibe, and without a beat, he said Plymouth Plantation.
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I screamed, amazing, I'll let the magazine know.
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I hugged them both and headed off.
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The day before the photography shoot, I walked the Plymouth Plantation property to survey the site and immerse myself in the atmosphere, taking in reverence and paying homage to the people who helped paint America's history.
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I channeled the pilgrim's energy, well, the actors hired, to recreate and resemble life on the plantation.
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While pretending and participating in activities that demonstrated how these early settlers overcame incredible hardships and challenges.
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The imagery of resilience and determination inspired me.
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I looked for ways to hide from the bright summer sunlight and find interesting backdrops that would match the clothes I had ironed and organized that were shipped up from Texas.
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I didn't stay long because of my broken foot, and I needed sleep too, knowing Chris was the ultimate pro and would give me too much to work with tomorrow.
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Chris is excellent not only at reading a character he plays, but he's also very good at reading the room.
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He knows I'm very serious when I work.
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I can shut away my personal life and be laser focused.
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But he was pretty concerned when I explained the story about my broken foot.
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Don't mind me or the boot I laughed upon meeting him at the Plymouth Pots Museum in Plymouth, Massachusetts.
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Not only am I a bad liar, but I don't have a poker face.
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I was too mortified to tell the truth of what was happening to me, so I replayed the incident in my mind.
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I did slip and fall after learning of Giovanni's portrayal.
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After all, our relationship was slipping away, and after that fall, my confidence also took a tumble.
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I quickly pushed my heartbreak aside, focused on Chris, and started shooting.
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The opening song, Lay Down Sally, by Eric Clapton, came into mind in Chris's new movie, August, Osage County, as I lay on my back on a dirt road with my left foot in a boot raised in the air while I held my balance with my firmly planted right foot that rested in a single sockany sneaker.
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As I looked down the barrel of my 70 to 200 millimeter cannon lens and continuously shot rapid fire as his real life brancher from Kansas City, Missouri wrote in hot on this scorching afternoon in August.
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Chris brought the heat in a series of poses that unfolded in front of my camera in the best Western I'd ever seen.
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It's a joy to photograph Chris.
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He appreciates the craft and pays attention to detail as much as I do.
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He doesn't just research the role he's going to play.
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He becomes the part.
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In the Cowboys and Indians piece, writer Wendy Wilkerson wrote these words about Chris.
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He's July Johnson in Lonesome Dove, Robert Redford's younger brother, Frank Booker in The Horse Whisperer, the repressed homophobic Marine Colonel in American Beauty, a sinister CIA official in the Bourne Movies, Racehorse Trainer, Tom Smith in Seabiscuit, Orchid Poacher, John LaRoche, and Adaptation and And Chris won an Oscar for his John LaRoche role and adaptation on a stage he shared with his friend, Merrill Streep, and I was happy to see him join Creative Forces with her again.
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Wampanoags and a Western dating whisperer.
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The movie, August Osage County, wasn't the first time Chris would draw from his rancher roots.
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He has done five sales films, and one of Marianne's favorite performances of Chris is in a role in sales film Lone Star.
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In fact, their friend John Sales wrote the part of the sheriff, with Chris in mind while serving up the script to them over spaghetti.
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Another way this cover story chose to characterize this cowboy was in this descriptive detail.
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Yeah, that's the actor, Chris Cooper, the guy who has become synonymous with Laconic for the many fine roles in which he has played a man of few words, from his first major picture role to his current project.
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Chris was quoted in the article.
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I had the first two weeks of looking at the script.
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I don't know how to explain this.
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I worked myself into her corner, Cooper recalled.
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I just didn't understand the character at all.
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John was using this word I wasn't familiar with.
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The character is very laconic.
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Well, over the years, that's the general term they've used for me and a lot of my characters, but I just couldn't connect with the character.
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So he said he put the script away for a week, and when he came back to it, things started to fall into shape.
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Even an acclaimed actor had gotten lost.
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It was his friend Merrill who helped him find his way by suggesting the hardworking actor should give himself a break and try to have more fun on the job.
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I thought to myself, maybe I should cut myself some slack too, as I fired off the last frame.
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The chute was in the can.
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I knew I had more than I needed, as Chris consistently overdelivers.
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I hobbled back en route to my barn, carrying western clothes and dusting cameras to my car.
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In this uncanny moment I had gone from laying on the ground to laying my troubles down that I kept cooped up until I opened up to coop, which was so out of character for me.
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Still, I was hurting and in such physical and emotional pain, I was grateful to be beside one of the most compassionate people I know.
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God gave him his heart and his humanity so he could give the incredible performances he did.
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I told Chris, I don't think anyone would love me, and maybe I was too much.
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I was too creative, too big of a thinker, and Giovanni had become threatened by my success.
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He didn't want me anymore and was sexting some girl from CrossFit because he was incredibly insecure and at a crossroads with his life.
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Ironically, the dysfunction in Chris's new movie was as bad as my home life.
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Chris took in my words and instantly became confused and upset.
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He said, Carrie, did you ever think the things you say make you too much or the things that make you great?
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Maybe they're the reasons why it makes you special.
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Followed by you're a smart girl.
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Do you know who else is smart?
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Mary Ann.
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Mary Ann is brilliant.
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She reads all of my scripts and chooses all of the roles I play.
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Smart men I like smart women.
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Sometimes it's a car accident, a cancer, or a wake-up call from Chris Cooper, who sent me on a pilgrimage and a new path forward.
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Chris's new movie, August Osage County, highlights the dysfunctional home of Beverly Weston, an alcoholic, once noted poet.
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Beverly's strong-willed and contentious wife, Violet, Merrill Streep's character, who has oral cancer and an addiction to narcotics.
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Shortly after Beverly disappears from the house, Violet calls her sister and daughters for support.
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Beverly and Violet's oldest daughter is played by Julia Roberts.
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In fact, both Julia and Merrill were opt for an Oscar for each role.
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Violet's sister, Maddie Fay, arrives with her husband, Charlie Aiken, Chris's character.
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After five days, the sheriff comes with the news that Beverly took his boat out on the lake and has drowned.
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After discovering that her father has taken his own life, one of Julia Roberts' lines said, Thank God we can't tell the future or would never get out of bed.
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If I knew what was coming down the pike for me would be as harsh as the New England snowy winters faced by the pilgrims and Wampanoags, I would have picked up one of the hotties on the plantation.
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Not only were there two ravishing reenactors forking hay, but the blacksmith was a beauty.
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I'm sure he could bring the heat for something else besides metalworking.
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After that iconic shoot, I became laconic, a character left with no words, as my love life disintegrated in a sinful series of heartbreaking faithlessness that I couldn't even accept, let alone look at in the course of the next several weeks.
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In September, I found out over dinner at the Square Cafe in Hingham that Giovanni was cheating.
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As I held his phone, photographs and text poured in, painting the picture perfectly of the affair.
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I later smashed the phone on the curbside and walked home alone in the dark.
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I was devastated, and Giovanni just thought he wouldn't get caught.
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Like Chris, it seemed I had worked myself into a corner.
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I was so isolated and didn't know how to handle the despair, so I did nothing while trying my best to forgive him.
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On Christmas Eve, tears were shed that were anything but happy.
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I spent the holiday crying after Giovanni gave me a three hundred dollar David Yeerman ring that wasn't even real.
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This little statement piece sure did draw attention and made a statement ringing loud and clear as I realized a ring would never come.
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Giovanni's family said awful things about me.
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I was ungrateful for the gift, and why couldn't I just say thank you?
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I was so hurt that I continued questioning myself while rocking a knockoff that wasn't a your man, it was more of a yo man, or was it an omen?
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In early January, I went to Arizona to the professional photographers of America's annual convention.
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My friend Jeff Lubin was one of the headliners.
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I had lost myself so badly that I decided to go to this photography conference in an attempt to find my old self.
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At the very least, Luby would remind me who I was.
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While I was away, Giovanni drove around my brand new car and used it to empty my house.
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He left me high and dry with no warning, stranded at 1 a.m.
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in a snowstorm at Logan Airport.
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Because he was not a pilgrim.
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He was a coward, not a cowboy.
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Giovanni called me in Arizona right before I had to get on the plane for five hours.
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He said he was gone, that he had moved out.
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I was hysterical.
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I called my friend, psychic healer, Jill Jardine, bawling my eyes out at the airport.
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She said, Carrie, this is the dark night of the soul for you, and the hardest thing you'll probably do, but you will be okay.
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I hung up and walked to the newsstand to get some water and tissues.
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It was not my first time openly sobbing at an airport.
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I looked up at the magazines and there was my cowboys and Indians cover sitting proudly on the wall.
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I had shot for a national magazine and my work made it from Boston to Arizona.
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I thought to myself, and Chris Cooper chose me to be the one to capture him.
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In a male-dominated field, Chris decided a woman would get the job done because he was a smart man and smart men like smart women.
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I took a picture of that display wall on my iPhone to remind myself that I mattered.
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I just needed to stop choosing stupid boys.
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I didn't have to live in dysfunction like life in Osage County, Oklahoma.
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I'm lovable and real love didn't look like a shot up saloon, a broken foot, startling weight loss, hair loss, and even losing myself and my mind.
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Real love looked like Chris and Marianne, or Chris's Academy Award speech when he thanked his wife for her selflessness and unwavering support.
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A woman who put her career aside for him to take care of their disabled child.
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That real love didn't only exist in the movies, it lived just outside Plymouth Plantation in a small town on the South Shore.
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I decided to fire up Eric Clapton's favorite mantra, Omnamashibaya, stop playing, lay down Sally, and look for someone who didn't feel the need to leave so soon.
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Remind myself that I still got the moon and stars above.
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Pull myself up by my bootstraps because I'm a smart girl who knew that brakes heal and that boots were meant for walking.
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To this day, my visits to Cooperland have remained equally inspiring and fun and continue to serve as a creative boost.
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Meanwhile, Marianne's cooking consistently impresses.
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A decade later, Chris and Marianne carry on sharing their wisdom and advice with me.
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Unlike Chris, an Oscar will never be in my future, but the three of us now share an award together.
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We are the proud recipients of the 2023 Communicator Award of Distinction, a recognition we share for a Shot at Love episode titled Staying Together.
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Oscar winner Chris Cooper and Marianne Leone Cooper, actor writer, talk highs of Hollywood, trading off in tough times and being a team.
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An idea we creatives conjured up on their deck overlooking the Jones River ten summers later on a hot August day.
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I'm lucky I have caring friends to thank and proof that Eric Clafton's favorite mantra works as Shiva never disappoints.
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Looking for love, my brand new book, Shot at Love, is out now.
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You can grab your copy today on Amazon.
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If you'd like to stay connected, get exclusive updates, and be the first to hear about Shot at Love live single events, join the mailing list at shot at lovebook.com.
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Don't miss your chance to change the way you see love and yourself.
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