Dr. Nicki Monti on Sex, Secrets, and the Psychology of Self-Destruction — and How She Turned It All Into Healing (Bonus Episode 41)

In this episode, Dr. Nicki Monti joins us for a deeply honest and often jaw-dropping conversation about how a life filled with chaos, addiction, sex, loss, and self-sabotage became the foundation for her transformation as a therapist and healer.

From starting a phone sex business to facing addiction, two divorces, and the death of her husband, Dr. Monti has lived through it all, and come out wiser, lighter, and with zero shame about the lessons she earned.

We talk about the dark humor and humanity in her story, what it really takes to grow up emotionally, and how to recognize when you’re still chasing your parents’ shadows in love.

If you’ve ever felt defined by your mistakes or trapped in old family patterns, this conversation will remind you that the most broken stories can become the most beautiful medicine.

🧩 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

🍎 How running a phone sex business unexpectedly led Dr. Monti to a career as a therapist

🍎 Why being a “functional addict” is really just surviving, not thriving

🍎 The truth behind her Friday night “ritual hatefest” and what finally stopped it

🍎 What she learned about love and self-worth through two divorces, risky relationships, and radical self-reflection

🍎 The emotional complexity of her secret abortion before Roe v. Wade — and her mother’s surprising reaction

🍎 How “The Long Goodbye” of her husband’s illness transformed her capacity for compassion

🍎 Why time doesn’t heal all wounds — but emotional honesty does

🍎 How historical trauma becomes the Gorilla Glue that keeps toxic relationships stuck together

🍎 The difference between love that nourishes and love that drains your soul

🍎 How to spot when you’re still trying to earn your parents’ love through romantic partners

🍎 Why seeing your parents as flawed humans can free you from emotional inheritance

🍎 What it means to let go of drama-trauma stories and stop letting pain define you

🍎 How to recognize trauma patterns and begin to dissolve defensiveness — the biggest block to intimacy

Dr. Nicki J. Monti is a private practice psychotherapist and world-renowned teacher, group leader, speaker, television and radio personality, and author of several books, including Stuck In The Story No More: Breaking Down the Defenses that Define You and Bind You, and Our Love Matters: Find it, Fix it or Let It Go. She has long been internationally recognized both privately and on reality TV as therapist to the stars. Dr. Nicki’s main interest is identifying and learning how to dance with the patterns that guide our lives. She's known as a straight-shooting teacher who truly believes that change is a matter of choice, her soon-to-be-released book, The Divine Traumedy of Nicki Joy: A True Grime Tale, is described as a gritty, witty, provocative, dark, sex-drugs-rock-the-boat, cautionary tale about how it's never too late to learn how to love and live.

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Episode Sponsor:

Betterhelp

Going to therapy is a sign of strength, not weakness. My sponsor BetterHelp makes therapy simple, with 10% off your first month to help you get started:

https://betterhelp.com/drsherrie

BetterHelp, founded in 2013, is the world’s largest online therapy platform, offering accessible, affordable, and personalized mental health care.

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MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE:

📌 [Book] The Divine Traumedy of Nicki Joy: A True Grime Tale by Nicki J. Monti PhD - https://www.amazon.com/Divine-Traumedy-Nicki-Joy-Grime/dp/B0FNCD59T8

📌 [Book] Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom: Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing by Christiane Northrup - https://www.amazon.com/Womens-Bodies-Wisdom-Creating-Emotional/dp/0553384104

📌 [Book] Pussy: A Reclamation by Regena Thomashauer - https://www.amazon.com/Pussy-Reclamation-Regena-Thomashauer/dp/1401950248

📌 [Book] Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype by Clarissa Pinkola Estés - https://www.amazon.com/Women-Who-Run-Wolves-Archetype/dp/0345409876

📌 [Book] The Divine Feminine: Exploring The Feminine Face of God Around The World by Andrew Harvey, Anne Baring - https://www.amazon.com/Divine-Feminine-Exploring-Around-World/dp/1573240354

📌 [Book] I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou - https://www.amazon.com/Know-Why-Caged-Bird-Sings/dp/0345514408

CONNECT WITH DR. NICKI:

📌 Website: https://stucknomore.com/

📌 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drnickimonti/

📌 X: https://x.com/DrNicki

📌 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drnickimonti/

📌 Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@NickiMonti

📌 Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@drnickimonti

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NEW BOOK!

You Are Home: Heal from Family Trauma, Establish Boundaries, and Find a Place of Peace and Safety

Available For Pre-Order: https://amzn.to/4npkCPX

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MY TEDx TALK:

📌 TEDx Talk Not All Parents Are Good by Dr. Sherrie Campbell - https://youtu.be/deyHwDkG7oc

BOOKS BY DR. SHERRIE:

⚉ Adult Survivors of Emotionally Abusive Parents: How to Heal, Cultivate Emotional Resilience, and Build the Life and Love You Deserve - https://amzn.to/3UhURWI

⚉ Adult Survivors of Toxic Family Members: Tools to Maintain Boundaries, Deal with Criticism, and Heal from Shame After Ties Have Been Cut. - https://amzn.to/3L3sMuA

⚉ But It’s Your Family…: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath - https://amzn.to/3tuNQEn

⚉ Your Pocket Therapist: Quick Hacks for Dealing with Toxic People While Empowering Yourself - https://amzn.to/3JBql1R

⚉ Success Equations: A Path to Living an Emotionally Wealthy Life - https://amzn.to/3uobd1u

⚉ Loving Yourself: The Mastery of Being Your Own Person - https://amzn.to/36mlXp5

CONNECT WITH DR. SHERRIE:

⚉ Website: https://drsherriecampbell.com/

⚉ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SherrieCampbellPhD

Check out the Sherapy Master Class: The Toxic Family Sherapy Course designed to help people master toxic family members and turn their life around to one of freedom, peace, and empowerment. Click here https://bit.ly/SherapyMasterclass

Get early access to news, insights, and tips straight from your inbox. Subscribe to Dr. Sherrie’s email list, go to https://drsherriecampbell.com/