The Paradox of Friendship - Episode 122
In this episode, we explore The Friendship Frequency — the paradox of friendship and how not needing friends actually draws the right ones closer. Building on our previous conversation about validation and featuring insights from viral TED speaker Chris Bailey, we unpack why true connection begins with self-friendship, wholeness, and the quiet confidence that attracts the relationships meant for your highest growth.
This week, I want to explore something most people overlook: the paradox of friendship. I wrote a piece for a new podcast episode called “The Friendship Frequency” - The Paradox of Friendship: How Not Needing Friends Draws the Right Ones Closer
Reflecting on the previous conversation on “Validation,” I see a strong correlation between seeking and obtaining friends and the desire for validation. This can get sticky as we find ourselves seeking friends for the wrong reasons, which means getting tethered to the wrong people who not only don’t serve you and your goals and dreams, but also cause conflict and unnecessary distraction. I interviewed an extraordinary guest on my podcast named Chris Bailey who has a crazy viral TED Talk on this topic
We’re taught to find good friends, to look for connection, to build community. But what if the real secret to attracting the right friends isn’t about seeking at all? What if it begins with becoming comfortable walking alone, and realizing that we were never truly alone to start with?
Here’s the paradox: the less we need friendship to feel whole, the more we attract friends who are whole themselves.
The person who doesn’t cling, doesn’t perform, and doesn’t chase — becomes magnetic. It’s the same principle that applies in business and leadership: the individual who leads with calm confidence, who doesn’t exude desperation for clients or approval, naturally draws people in.
So today’s conversation isn’t about loneliness — it’s about wholeness. It’s about understanding how self-friendship becomes the signal that draws in the right people, and how those relationships enrich our lives when they’re built on resonance rather than need.
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0:00 - Intro
3:17 - The Paradox of Friendship
6:55 - Where are the Friendships that last born?
9:57 - The Juice is worth the squeeze with a good friendship
12:38 - The power of learning to walk alone.
15:15 - The Field of Consciousness
19:23 - Warning - The Flow Burglar
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