Understanding Neurodivergence: The Beauty in Being Wired Differently with Dr. Kristen Williamson

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We are live with a dog barking in the background.

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So I can't say I don't know Dr. Williamson, but

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I'll tell you what a little bit I know. Very

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smart, absolutely beautiful in person because

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we met at Creative Con, which was amazing. And

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we were sitting together and. Was I speaking

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and you took pictures of me? I can't remember.

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Oh, you were. Yeah. Okay. So you got the pic.

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Oh yeah, because I danced on stage and then.

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Yes, you did. But anyway, so I am very interested

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in all that you have to say. And I know you were

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giving me some helpful tips. So you're not 100

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% no prep needed. Well, I actually didn't do

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any work in asking you questions. But what I

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do want to say is that I'm really excited to

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have you here. I was not doing that great. I'm

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going to tell the dog to stop it. And you introduce

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yourself to the audience of I think I have two

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or three people that watch me. That's fantastic.

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I love the two or three people that watch you.

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My name is Dr. Kristen Williamson. You can just

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call me Kristen. I am a licensed professional

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counselor in the big old state of Texas. Although

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I work virtually most of the time, I'm licensed

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lucky enough in a couple of different states

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and I work with clients who over time has migrated

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to mostly adults who are late diagnosed autism

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or ADHD somewhere on the neuro spicy side or

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parents who are coming in because their kids

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have gotten diagnosed and they're saying, you

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know what? I actually think. That this might

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be me. I do a lot of these things and so they

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come to me to kind of Rewrite their narrative

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of how their life has been going and to say that

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there's not anything wrong with me. My brain

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is just different and it works on a different

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pathway and With all that I have been able to

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do as a therapist I've started coming in and

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branching out and becoming a louder voice for

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the autism world and coming in and just doing

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a lot of advocacy Do you remember what I asked

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you? No. Okay, that's okay. I think I had asked

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you about how important is it to have a diagnosis?

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You did ask me that, and you know, and I'm hopeful

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that my answer did not change to my answer today.

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You know, it's always evolving and ebbing and

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flowing. And I don't know that any adult needs

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a diagnosis. But I tell you what, having the

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diagnosis is almost like you get to let go of

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a breath you didn't realize you were holding.

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And it gives a little bit more of guidance and

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pathways to say, you know what? I was. struggling

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in school. I do have sensory sensitivities or

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I get overwhelmed really easily. That doesn't

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mean that I'm failing. It doesn't mean I'm feeling

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as a mom, as a parent, as a human or a worker

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at whatever place they work at. They're just

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so cute. You did say that. So you didn't change.

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So what happened to the term Asperger's? It got

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moved into the DSM -5 statistical manual five.

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It's the manual that all clinicians use and psychiatrists

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and psychologists and it's how it matches the

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criteria, gives the criteria for getting a diagnosis.

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And with Asperger's, we were learning that once

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people hit 18, they were no longer qualifying

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for autism services. Asperger's, because it is

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a variation of autism spectrum disorder, that

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they lumped it into one so that way the people

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who were getting assistance before, and this

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is to my knowledge of it, and so the people who

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were getting assistance before, especially once

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they turned 18, they still qualified for assistance.

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Oh, so when you, you mean as an adult? Oh, interesting,

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interesting. I was, I was sharing and and I think

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a lot, my daughter is fine with me sharing this,

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I'm sure, is when she was younger, I heard a

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lot, you know, she has Asperger's, she didn't

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speak till she was about six. I brought her,

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I'll never forget, she's so cute, I brought her

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into the doctor and she sat there on the floor

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and there was a big box of toys and Alana had

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no interest in looking in the box of toys and

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she just sat there and listened and the woman's

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like, well, why are you here? And I'm like. Oh,

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my daughter doesn't speak. And she's like, well,

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does she speak at home? And I'm like, oh, yeah,

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100%. And then she said, and she's how old? And

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I'm like, she's going to six. And she's like,

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you need to wait another year or two. Like, it's

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still too early. But there were a few things

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that I recognized with Alana. Like, I noticed

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that when, if people approached her too fast,

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like rushing up, hi, Alana, here's a colored

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book and I need you to... That would be it. And

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also, when I realized playing with the salt and

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the sugar packets. I just naturally, which I

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think like every mother would do. I just before

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we sat down, I just moved everything over to

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another table and took it away from her so that

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she didn't have that distraction and that everything

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was fine. And you know, but like what are some

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of the things that at first? I don't even know

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if that was the right thing to do. And you know

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what appearance do like what? What is how I tell?

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First of all, tell us what you're a doctor of.

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Go back for the beginning. Fair enough. I have

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my doctorate in behavioral health management.

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And then I have a master's in I have one master's

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in clinical psychology and one in counseling

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psychology. And really, I only had to get both

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because Texas didn't tell me that I needed to

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have more classes in order to become a professional

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counselor. So I ended up getting both degrees

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in order to make sure that I had all my courses

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covered. Oh, I love that. It's not anything like,

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yay, I'm fancy. I've got two degrees. No, no,

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no. I needed both of them in order to have the

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course limit. Actually, let's go backwards. So

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nowadays, when you have a child, there's a certain

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age where that child goes through testing, because

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I remember Alana was sticking pencils and poking,

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and I called my doctor, and I'm like, her doctor,

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and I said, I don't think my daughter has empathy.

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And you know what he said to me? He said, get

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dressed and come in right now. And I was like,

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wow, he took it seriously. And he was a cool

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doctor. He would wear the jeans and a regular

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t -shirt. That's awesome. Never wore the white

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coat. Always was comfortable. And then that's

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where he said, OK, let's have you start to fill

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out paperwork. But it was hard because how she

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was at home was so different how she was at home.

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Very, very different from everyone else. OK,

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I'm going to let you talk because I want to be

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quiet now. I want to listen. No, I love it when

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you talk because it pings ideas for I can say

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this. So with Autism Now, they are having assessments

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that you can get for as young as 18 months. Those

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are definitely kiddos, I would say, that have

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maybe higher support needs. So instead of Asperger's,

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they've moved everything into autism spectrum

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disorder, but it used to be, we would say, low

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functioning or high functioning. That's not anything

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that's true because where I might be low functioning

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in certain areas, I am very high functioning

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in other areas. I should also preface this for

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anybody who's Watching and or listening that

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I have been diagnosed on the spectrum and ADHD

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So I could come in with my personal experience

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along with the clinical experience of it. I did

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not get diagnosed until I was 39 Wow because

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females Don't hit the the criteria the criteria

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was created for male cisgendered Caucasians of

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ooh Caucasian cisgendered males of affluence

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So think of it, with women, if we're not meeting

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the criteria of eight -year -old white boys,

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we are not seeing people of color. If you are

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not, if you are meeting that criteria, is the

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bias coming in for something else? For women,

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and I'm actually writing a book on this, it's

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taking far too long to write this book. It is

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for late diagnosed neurodivergent women, and

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to see that almost from coming out the womb we've

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been taught smile look pretty don't cause a ruckus

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you need to be quiet and you need to be okay

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to appease all of those around you so the social

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normative behaviors we were taught because we

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can mask really really really well and that means

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that where we might struggle at home it doesn't

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show outside the house where we have the adhd

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that Oh, that masking, if we want to bounce off

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the wall, we want to talk or we are in our head

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and daydreaming and not thinking about anything,

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but we have to suck it up and push it down. And

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then we come home and just melt down because

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we've been dealing with such sensory overwhelm

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and masking for so long throughout the day that

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a lot of kids will come home and just completely

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fall apart. And then parents will say, what do

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we do? You're falling apart at home, but teachers

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say you're doing fine. You're making A's or B's.

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how is this dichotomous thing happening? And

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then parents are consistently feeling like they're

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failing because they don't know how to help their

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kids. And thankfully we have a lot more awareness

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now than we did 15 years ago, 20 years ago, 30

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years ago. So first of all, something you said

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made me think to myself, this question, I still

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want to go back and talk about like how is the

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diagnosis for an 18 month old. Sometimes I remember

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thinking someone would say that they're an introvert,

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and by the time that they have the day, they

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come home and they're exhausted, so that they

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were able to, AKA function, but then it would

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be exhausting. But could that have been that

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some people that maybe feel that they're introverted

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or socially awkward, which does happen to me,

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anxiety, all of that? It is, right? I mean, there

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seems like, is that under the umbrella? It all

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really depends on who you ask. A lot of people

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come in and say, well, everybody is sort of neurodivergent.

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And yes, it is the idea that we have a spectrum

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or do we have a spectrum with being on the spectrum.

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And it all depends on so many factors in life

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with the anxiety, the social anxiety. Is it?

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Where are you feeling awkward at the introverts?

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Oh my gosh, I I Hear more people consider themselves

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introverted extroverts in I can be drained in

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a group of people My battery is just depleted

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or an uber driver is having small talk conversation

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that just drains the battery but when you're

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in a space where you like stuff like this is

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equally draining and exhilarating because it's

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something that I am passionate and I love and

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it's talking about all these fun things and meeting

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new people but it's putting out energy which

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you have to then watch yourself to see okay is

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this depleting is this are we doing okay have

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we met our needs and with the 18 month old it's

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because that is around the time in which our

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progress starts regressing where you may have

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found that you can you were doing all these things,

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but then it stops at a certain level and then

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you start regressing. And that's where doctors

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come in and start assessing the behaviors. So

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is it really, so what does that look like for

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the assessment? For me, it was a lot of papers

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to fill out, just like it felt like a big questionnaire

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that never ended. It was my alarm. Is that? So

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is it the testing of the child, too? Looking

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in the eyes? Like, you know, walking down the

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road? Oh my gosh, the looking in the eyes. Are

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you walking on your toes? When you play with

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toys, do you line them up? Do you color coordinate

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the crayons? Do you organize cars in a row? Are

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you able to engage in imaginary play? Can you

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come in and connect with other people? If someone

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calls your name, do you meet their eyes? Do you

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look when someone calls your name? For women,

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and I have now read probably just about 200 research

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papers just on women and autism and so much is

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coming across that predominantly we are diagnosed

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first with anxiety or with depression. They don't

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immediately go into neurodivergence unless you

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come in very specifically with I can only attribute

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it to behaviors such as in the movie, Raid Man,

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that, oh, look, you're just a savant. You are

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this or this or need to be in levels of group

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homes, like something that's very much pinging.

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This is not normal for female behavior. So OK,

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so that's where the spectrum is just it can be

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a crime. I mean, it is so long. There are. extremes

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on both sides. With with me coming in, I have

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a doctorate. I'm able to hold a job. I'm able

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to come in and I'd say articulate fairly okay,

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but I also notice with my cadence of speech,

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I will talk and then stop and then talk and then

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stop. And sometimes I have to figure out what

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my words are because it's like my brain is buffering

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trying to figure out the scripts that are almost

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prepared in my head ahead of time. So With your

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kiddo if someone came up to her and caught her

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off guard and said something I wonder if she

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would then just completely fall apart because

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she didn't know what to say or for you if you

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have those moments of someone says oh And it's

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something that You were absolutely not expecting.

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Do you just immediately jump in and go with it?

00:14:14.090 --> 00:14:17.029
That's my ADHD brains. They can just go But my

00:14:17.029 --> 00:14:19.649
autism brains come in with more cognitive rigidity

00:14:19.649 --> 00:14:24.769
and they have a harder time just Having those

00:14:24.769 --> 00:14:29.009
connections and process quicker So the history

00:14:29.009 --> 00:14:32.549
of autism. So when did that diagnose? What was

00:14:32.549 --> 00:14:37.029
the term? Autism. Oh, I'm so glad you asked this.

00:14:37.289 --> 00:14:39.529
I was looking into the history of it recently

00:14:39.529 --> 00:14:42.389
because April is Autism Awareness Month, which

00:14:42.389 --> 00:14:47.809
is. It's great to bring in the awareness, and

00:14:47.809 --> 00:14:50.590
now we are bringing in the acceptance on top

00:14:50.590 --> 00:14:52.970
of the awareness, which is where we're coming

00:14:52.970 --> 00:14:57.320
to. Anyway, that's it. So. between the 1910s

00:14:57.320 --> 00:15:01.879
and 1940s, that is when they had it almost pinned

00:15:01.879 --> 00:15:07.220
as childhood schizophrenia. Because they had

00:15:07.220 --> 00:15:09.879
no idea what autism was. So they're like, okay,

00:15:10.000 --> 00:15:13.059
yeah, no, this is schizophrenic behavior. We

00:15:13.059 --> 00:15:14.879
understand what schizophrenia looks like. We

00:15:14.879 --> 00:15:19.899
didn't know that this is autism. And I think

00:15:19.899 --> 00:15:23.360
his name was Hans Asperger in the 1940s did a

00:15:23.360 --> 00:15:30.240
lot of Well, he did a lot of scienceing out brains,

00:15:30.600 --> 00:15:36.120
but he was not, he was a part of the, I believe

00:15:36.120 --> 00:15:38.159
he was part of the Nazi party. And so a lot of

00:15:38.159 --> 00:15:41.440
people don't necessarily like to associate Asperger.

00:15:42.179 --> 00:15:46.000
But we still say it. We understand what it means.

00:15:46.440 --> 00:15:51.039
And so he studied in the Germany side. He was

00:15:51.039 --> 00:15:56.120
studying children with autism behaviors. And

00:15:56.120 --> 00:15:57.279
I think that's where he really kind of coined

00:15:57.279 --> 00:16:00.639
the name. But also in America, they had Dr. Leo

00:16:00.639 --> 00:16:04.159
Kenner came in and he was studying at Johns Hopkins

00:16:04.159 --> 00:16:08.059
and he was really able to push it on our side.

00:16:08.899 --> 00:16:12.139
I think around the 1950s, they were, they blamed

00:16:12.139 --> 00:16:15.259
the moms. They called us refrigerator moms because

00:16:15.259 --> 00:16:17.679
we were really cold. And they're like, well,

00:16:17.740 --> 00:16:20.940
a mom's coldness is the reason why their kids

00:16:20.940 --> 00:16:23.799
are autistic. because they can't be warm and

00:16:23.799 --> 00:16:25.340
welcoming. And I'm like, well, doesn't that mean

00:16:25.340 --> 00:16:27.179
that they're probably on the spectrum themselves?

00:16:28.340 --> 00:16:30.720
Well, you saw my face, guys. If you're watching,

00:16:30.940 --> 00:16:32.779
listening, I'm like, my mouth has just dropped.

00:16:32.960 --> 00:16:35.299
I don't, I'm just like staring and just like

00:16:35.299 --> 00:16:39.480
amazed. Keep going because I, I'm like, wow,

00:16:39.600 --> 00:16:43.320
that's, wow, I never even knew that the refrigerated

00:16:43.320 --> 00:16:45.379
moms. The refrigerator, because we were cold.

00:16:45.500 --> 00:16:49.159
We were lacking the maternal warmth that causes

00:16:49.159 --> 00:16:56.000
the autism. One of my favorite humans to learn

00:16:56.000 --> 00:17:01.200
about, her name is Dr. Temple Brandon, I believe.

00:17:01.299 --> 00:17:02.720
I almost said Temperance Brennan from the show

00:17:02.720 --> 00:17:05.660
Bones, but that's not the right person. Dr. Temple

00:17:05.660 --> 00:17:07.400
Brandon, she was diagnosed, I believe, in the

00:17:07.400 --> 00:17:11.740
50s. And she has been an advocate, basically

00:17:11.740 --> 00:17:16.059
her entire life, of what autism looks like and

00:17:16.059 --> 00:17:18.799
how it's, her brain thinks in pictures. It doesn't

00:17:18.799 --> 00:17:22.160
think in words. And so she's able to almost 3D

00:17:22.160 --> 00:17:24.220
image everything in her brain more than she can

00:17:24.220 --> 00:17:26.579
find words. She can find these images. And that

00:17:26.579 --> 00:17:28.819
makes her really good at what she does. That

00:17:28.819 --> 00:17:30.660
is really interesting. So wait, let's go back

00:17:30.660 --> 00:17:35.759
and just explain neurodivergent. Neurodivergent

00:17:35.759 --> 00:17:42.099
is, I want to say just that our brains are divergent.

00:17:42.420 --> 00:17:44.460
Our brains think different. Our brains work in

00:17:44.460 --> 00:17:46.769
different pathways. they are developmentally

00:17:46.769 --> 00:17:49.210
different. One of the coolest things I read was

00:17:49.210 --> 00:17:51.450
a research article that came out in I think 2014

00:17:51.450 --> 00:17:55.410
that talks about our brain synopses. Whenever

00:17:55.410 --> 00:18:00.329
we are born we have a certain amount of synopses

00:18:00.329 --> 00:18:02.630
in our brains that kind of help us learn to process

00:18:02.630 --> 00:18:06.869
different things and as we get older growing

00:18:06.869 --> 00:18:08.630
into adolescence our brain starts pruning them.

00:18:08.630 --> 00:18:10.990
Think of a rose and like pruning off the leaves

00:18:10.990 --> 00:18:15.059
so that way we can get to point A to Z way Like,

00:18:15.119 --> 00:18:18.759
straightforward. For a neurotypical brain, they

00:18:18.759 --> 00:18:22.480
prune upwards of 50 % of these synopses. But

00:18:22.480 --> 00:18:25.240
for a neurodivergent brain, our brains, we tend

00:18:25.240 --> 00:18:29.119
to prune only about 16%. So think about that.

00:18:29.279 --> 00:18:31.920
A rose with only one or two leaves on it, you

00:18:31.920 --> 00:18:34.859
can get from the stem to the smelly good part

00:18:34.859 --> 00:18:38.339
way quicker. For our brains, we have rows and

00:18:38.339 --> 00:18:40.460
rows of leaves that we have to go up and down

00:18:40.460 --> 00:18:43.720
every one in order to process different things.

00:18:44.240 --> 00:18:48.819
Oh, that's a good way to explain it. Oh, so when

00:18:48.819 --> 00:18:52.559
they study the actual brain inside of our skull,

00:18:52.619 --> 00:18:56.319
does it look different? It can in different areas.

00:18:56.359 --> 00:18:59.019
And this is where I wish we had the ability to

00:18:59.019 --> 00:19:01.099
measure our brains. I would get my brain measured

00:19:01.099 --> 00:19:04.119
in every capacity that I could because it's like,

00:19:04.240 --> 00:19:05.740
I want to look at my brain. This is awesome.

00:19:06.279 --> 00:19:08.460
I know more about this because Temple Grandin's

00:19:08.460 --> 00:19:10.660
book, she talks about a lot of people just wanting

00:19:10.660 --> 00:19:13.000
to measure her brain. And she's like, cool, I

00:19:13.000 --> 00:19:15.170
can understand that. Let's go see what my brain

00:19:15.170 --> 00:19:16.910
looks like." And they found that parts of her

00:19:16.910 --> 00:19:19.210
brain are more developed. I think like her amygdala

00:19:19.210 --> 00:19:21.710
is bigger or smaller or different areas where

00:19:21.710 --> 00:19:24.430
we process things and other neurodivergent brains

00:19:24.430 --> 00:19:27.289
are too. And that's where some people can come

00:19:27.289 --> 00:19:30.930
in with the easy ability for speech and where

00:19:30.930 --> 00:19:35.250
some can't. All right. I have a question that

00:19:35.250 --> 00:19:39.549
I've been dying to ask. Teachers. Okay. So you're

00:19:39.549 --> 00:19:41.710
a teacher and you've got 24 kids in your room.

00:19:42.259 --> 00:19:45.339
They're all, like how? So they're all different.

00:19:45.460 --> 00:19:47.559
And so one of the things with my daughter, and

00:19:47.559 --> 00:19:52.079
don't be mad at me, Alana. But I mainstreamed

00:19:52.079 --> 00:19:55.779
her because she was able to be mainstreamed.

00:19:55.779 --> 00:19:58.299
She was able to do the work. She worked harder

00:19:58.299 --> 00:20:01.259
than anyone else, but she did it. Perfectionism

00:20:01.259 --> 00:20:04.680
was something that she had that was tougher for

00:20:04.680 --> 00:20:08.559
her. Like she had some different things, but

00:20:08.559 --> 00:20:14.170
I couldn't see. that didn't make sense. My son

00:20:14.170 --> 00:20:16.670
Rudy had speech for a few years. It was always

00:20:16.670 --> 00:20:19.049
like taking out of the class and then bringing

00:20:19.049 --> 00:20:21.970
back in. And then like all of that just seemed

00:20:21.970 --> 00:20:24.390
like so messy and hard and you're learning. And

00:20:24.390 --> 00:20:25.970
now when I talked to my daughter, she said, yeah,

00:20:25.970 --> 00:20:27.910
like she, you know, just having to leave and

00:20:27.910 --> 00:20:30.049
then they're open to bullying and other kids.

00:20:30.329 --> 00:20:33.630
So how does a teacher really handle that? When

00:20:33.630 --> 00:20:36.950
I was the child that I like to watch a video

00:20:36.950 --> 00:20:40.349
and even nowadays I have a hard time with understand.

00:20:40.240 --> 00:20:43.140
My daughter has dyscalculia. And I think that

00:20:43.140 --> 00:20:44.539
maybe I have a little bit of it too. I have a

00:20:44.539 --> 00:20:46.440
hard time with math, always had a hard time with

00:20:46.440 --> 00:20:49.140
math. Now like the whole market and the stock,

00:20:49.460 --> 00:20:51.079
no matter how many times people try to explain

00:20:51.079 --> 00:20:53.279
to me, like I'm a five -year -old, it's still

00:20:53.279 --> 00:20:58.180
difficult for me to really understand. And yet,

00:20:58.599 --> 00:21:01.809
you know, I was only a C student because... I

00:21:01.809 --> 00:21:04.089
didn't learn the way I wanted to learn. Like,

00:21:04.230 --> 00:21:06.490
if they went up and did skits and taught me things

00:21:06.490 --> 00:21:08.250
in a fun way, I will learn everything. And that

00:21:08.250 --> 00:21:10.930
is why, honestly, when I teach, I teach with

00:21:10.930 --> 00:21:14.450
a lot of humor because that's how I learn. And

00:21:14.450 --> 00:21:16.049
so I'm sure that some other people are like,

00:21:16.109 --> 00:21:18.089
my God, just can you be serious for five minutes,

00:21:18.230 --> 00:21:21.430
Adrienne? And I can, but I don't. But you will

00:21:21.430 --> 00:21:23.750
want to. Also, life is too short for being serious

00:21:23.750 --> 00:21:26.170
all the time. And I will tell you, my answer

00:21:26.170 --> 00:21:28.049
for the teachers, I don't have a good answer.

00:21:28.109 --> 00:21:31.089
These teachers, they don't get the amount of

00:21:31.089 --> 00:21:33.950
help. that they need with the administration

00:21:33.950 --> 00:21:36.150
coming in and say a kiddo is having a meltdown

00:21:36.150 --> 00:21:38.970
and they need to teach these 30 other kids but

00:21:38.970 --> 00:21:42.789
they have this one that might really be like

00:21:42.789 --> 00:21:47.069
overwhelmed with sensory or just they're my now

00:21:47.069 --> 00:21:49.250
15 year old and thankfully he doesn't listen

00:21:49.250 --> 00:21:50.589
to these so he doesn't know how much I talk to

00:21:50.589 --> 00:21:53.269
him I talk about him he was diagnosed at eight

00:21:53.269 --> 00:21:57.599
and this poor kid couldn't sit next to the kids

00:21:57.599 --> 00:22:00.619
who were aggressive erasers of their papers because

00:22:00.619 --> 00:22:03.160
it would set his central nervous system on fire

00:22:03.160 --> 00:22:07.240
and he couldn't tune it out. And so then he would

00:22:07.240 --> 00:22:10.400
go into getting really frustrated because he

00:22:10.400 --> 00:22:12.619
didn't have the words to say, I'm getting overwhelmed.

00:22:13.519 --> 00:22:15.740
And so the teacher would just see his frustration

00:22:15.740 --> 00:22:18.859
and think, oh, what a tough kid. Now I have to

00:22:18.859 --> 00:22:25.839
teach with this tough kid. Oh my gosh. I am really

00:22:25.839 --> 00:22:28.119
grateful that I was able to come into this pathway

00:22:28.119 --> 00:22:30.160
and I was like, he is diagnosed. Yes, I have

00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:32.140
a pathway. I can do this. Let's learn everything

00:22:32.140 --> 00:22:34.460
about it. Not every parent steps into that as

00:22:34.460 --> 00:22:38.140
easily. And the stigma is getting reduced and

00:22:38.140 --> 00:22:40.319
that shame is getting reduced. And that's why

00:22:40.319 --> 00:22:41.599
I want to come out here and scream as loud as

00:22:41.599 --> 00:22:43.819
I can. There's nothing wrong with us. We're just

00:22:43.819 --> 00:22:45.819
a little weird, but that's okay. Weird makes

00:22:45.819 --> 00:22:48.940
life more interesting. I was able to talk with

00:22:48.940 --> 00:22:50.299
the teachers and say, if he's having a hard day,

00:22:50.359 --> 00:22:53.670
let me know. I will work. on this at home we

00:22:53.670 --> 00:22:57.329
will help work to find what is helpful and what

00:22:57.329 --> 00:23:00.329
is not and I would sometimes get on a first name

00:23:00.329 --> 00:23:03.730
basis with so many of his teachers and I still

00:23:03.730 --> 00:23:06.150
because he's in ninth grade I go to every teacher

00:23:06.150 --> 00:23:09.910
and say I am his mom I need you to know that

00:23:09.910 --> 00:23:13.049
you are safe to email me to let me know because

00:23:13.049 --> 00:23:17.470
I've got you and teachers don't have as much

00:23:17.470 --> 00:23:19.589
assistance they they don't have nearly the help

00:23:19.589 --> 00:23:23.299
of elementary school kids they I mean, as an

00:23:23.299 --> 00:23:24.920
adult now, I don't always have the words of how

00:23:24.920 --> 00:23:27.299
I'm feeling. I cannot imagine underdeveloped

00:23:27.299 --> 00:23:31.420
brains. And then teachers have to, I don't want

00:23:31.420 --> 00:23:33.140
to say they have to raw dog it, but they're kind

00:23:33.140 --> 00:23:36.539
of raw dogging it out there. I have to say that's

00:23:36.539 --> 00:23:38.200
a pat myself on the back, but let me just pat

00:23:38.200 --> 00:23:40.819
myself on the back a little bit, because I did

00:23:40.819 --> 00:23:44.380
get Alana a speech pathologist and the speech

00:23:44.380 --> 00:23:47.019
pathologist, not that Alana had any kind of,

00:23:47.039 --> 00:23:49.420
you know, speech issues, except that she didn't

00:23:49.420 --> 00:23:52.359
know how to communicate, hey, I want to be your

00:23:52.359 --> 00:23:54.599
friend or do you want to play together? And she

00:23:54.599 --> 00:23:56.720
didn't recognize emotions. So they worked with

00:23:56.720 --> 00:24:01.500
her on the cards to understand. So that was great.

00:24:01.900 --> 00:24:04.259
And then we moved towards that was like kindergarten.

00:24:04.359 --> 00:24:06.079
Then first grade, we moved towards it. Actually,

00:24:06.259 --> 00:24:08.420
I paid for this. or my parents, thanks mom and

00:24:08.420 --> 00:24:10.500
dad. They pretty much paid for the occupational

00:24:10.500 --> 00:24:13.339
therapist that I brought in to the school. But

00:24:13.339 --> 00:24:15.400
the school said to me, if you're gonna bring

00:24:15.400 --> 00:24:17.799
an occupational therapist in, that person has

00:24:17.799 --> 00:24:19.640
to be for the whole class and not just for your

00:24:19.640 --> 00:24:22.339
daughter. And I'm like, that's totally fine because

00:24:22.339 --> 00:24:25.460
Alana got occupational therapy after school too.

00:24:25.680 --> 00:24:28.099
But that was great too, because she realized

00:24:28.099 --> 00:24:30.720
that Alana, like she made some interesting changes

00:24:30.720 --> 00:24:32.380
I wanna share with you. One of them was like

00:24:32.380 --> 00:24:34.599
lunch, right? You eat your lunch and then you

00:24:34.599 --> 00:24:37.319
go out to play. She said to, teachers, why don't

00:24:37.319 --> 00:24:40.619
you have them play first, get their energy out

00:24:40.619 --> 00:24:42.720
and then eat? And then why don't you have your

00:24:42.720 --> 00:24:44.579
daughter because Alana was strong? Why don't

00:24:44.579 --> 00:24:47.400
we have her, you know, like carry in some heavy

00:24:47.400 --> 00:24:49.720
things so that she would be so you'll carry in

00:24:49.720 --> 00:24:52.099
the cooler with the food or carry that like something

00:24:52.099 --> 00:24:54.720
where she was getting like that just being strong

00:24:54.720 --> 00:24:57.470
and being able to sit down and that made a huge

00:24:57.470 --> 00:25:00.630
difference for all the kids. And also they were,

00:25:00.690 --> 00:25:03.009
she noticed that Alana was having a difficult

00:25:03.009 --> 00:25:06.250
time when the students were coming in and leaving.

00:25:06.509 --> 00:25:10.019
So she said, let's put Alana. in a smaller part

00:25:10.019 --> 00:25:12.680
of the area, put the headphones on, and that

00:25:12.680 --> 00:25:14.599
made a difference. And Alana was able to drown

00:25:14.599 --> 00:25:17.539
out all that noise. So there was a lot of things

00:25:17.539 --> 00:25:19.880
that for someone like me that didn't know what

00:25:19.880 --> 00:25:22.720
was going on, didn't have a diagnosis. Though

00:25:22.720 --> 00:25:24.960
weirdly enough, she was seeing the neurologist

00:25:24.960 --> 00:25:29.299
because she did not have a soft spot. So I was

00:25:29.299 --> 00:25:32.160
44 when she was born. Her bilirubin was very

00:25:32.160 --> 00:25:35.920
high. I remember it was like 17. She was on the

00:25:35.920 --> 00:25:38.069
lights and everything like that. it was about

00:25:38.069 --> 00:25:40.190
almost three weeks she was at her Billy Rubin

00:25:40.190 --> 00:25:42.549
was stayed high so they and then the doctor didn't

00:25:42.549 --> 00:25:44.230
even tell me about the soft spot until I moved

00:25:44.230 --> 00:25:46.289
to celebration he's like listen I don't want

00:25:46.289 --> 00:25:48.109
to make you nervous but you need to give this

00:25:48.109 --> 00:25:50.109
information to the doctor she had a little smaller

00:25:50.109 --> 00:25:54.470
head and so she had the neurologist but the It

00:25:54.470 --> 00:25:56.730
all ended up kind of working out together, but

00:25:56.730 --> 00:26:00.630
I noticed those things along with myself just

00:26:00.630 --> 00:26:03.309
doing everything to remove situations from her.

00:26:03.309 --> 00:26:05.069
And then I heard like, well, you know, you're

00:26:05.069 --> 00:26:06.650
making it tough on her. What's going to happen

00:26:06.650 --> 00:26:08.769
when she gets older and blah, blah, blah, blah,

00:26:08.849 --> 00:26:10.690
blah. But I'm like, right now she's like six,

00:26:10.690 --> 00:26:12.910
seven. Why would I, why do I want to go in a

00:26:12.910 --> 00:26:15.450
restaurant and then always have her want to pour

00:26:15.450 --> 00:26:19.430
sugar in her water? And like, so what little

00:26:19.430 --> 00:26:21.670
advice can we give to parents that are maybe

00:26:21.670 --> 00:26:24.380
dealing with this and that maybe haven't gone

00:26:24.380 --> 00:26:29.079
out to get that proper diagnosis, but know something

00:26:29.079 --> 00:26:33.319
is going on. Well, the idea of not going out

00:26:33.319 --> 00:26:34.960
to get the proper diagnosis, and this kind of

00:26:34.960 --> 00:26:36.579
connects back to what we were talking about earlier,

00:26:36.799 --> 00:26:39.000
having a diagnosis as an adult doesn't really

00:26:39.000 --> 00:26:40.859
mean a whole lot. There's not a medication to

00:26:40.859 --> 00:26:44.200
fix. But getting a diagnosis as a kid, if possible,

00:26:44.680 --> 00:26:46.200
can open up a whole bunch of different pathways,

00:26:46.420 --> 00:26:53.210
can get you on to IEPs, can get you on to 504.

00:26:54.150 --> 00:26:59.150
Oh, I'm going to get my words wrong. That's okay.

00:26:59.250 --> 00:27:01.029
You're saying like, so like a lot of hadn't I

00:27:01.029 --> 00:27:03.869
get to get accommodations through the school,

00:27:03.869 --> 00:27:07.789
but a lot of schools. Like I found this out.

00:27:08.009 --> 00:27:11.150
The school wouldn't test my kiddo for autism

00:27:11.150 --> 00:27:13.430
for anything because he was making A's and B's.

00:27:13.430 --> 00:27:16.930
He was doing okay. He was not failing in elementary

00:27:16.930 --> 00:27:20.329
school and not creating that much of a ruckus.

00:27:20.430 --> 00:27:25.470
So I had to argue with insurance for probably

00:27:25.470 --> 00:27:27.710
three years, jumping back and forth with the

00:27:27.710 --> 00:27:30.009
doctor, trying to get all kinds of things. And

00:27:30.009 --> 00:27:31.609
we have fairly good insurance. And so for those

00:27:31.609 --> 00:27:34.309
who don't have insurance, I can only come in

00:27:34.309 --> 00:27:39.089
and say, I understand how much it sucks. Because

00:27:39.089 --> 00:27:42.009
you want to do every single thing you can for

00:27:42.009 --> 00:27:46.529
your kid. And we just are getting hit in different

00:27:46.529 --> 00:27:50.329
areas. or we don't know. We don't know that's

00:27:50.329 --> 00:27:52.529
what ADHD looks like. That's what autism looks

00:27:52.529 --> 00:27:53.950
like. We just think, oh, they're kind of weird.

00:27:54.109 --> 00:27:57.289
They're kind of quirky. They're really shy. And

00:27:57.289 --> 00:28:00.250
it's, I love what you were able to do within

00:28:00.250 --> 00:28:03.809
the school and oh, that just tings all of my

00:28:03.809 --> 00:28:06.750
interest with it. So there is, with speech, there's

00:28:06.750 --> 00:28:09.650
something called pragmatic speech. Pragmatic

00:28:09.650 --> 00:28:12.910
speech is the, hi, hello, how are you? I'm good.

00:28:13.109 --> 00:28:16.579
Like knowing that a time to talk and respond

00:28:16.579 --> 00:28:19.299
to one another and oh look I've been talking

00:28:19.299 --> 00:28:21.759
about dinosaurs for so long this person's eyes

00:28:21.759 --> 00:28:24.279
glazed over that means they're not as interested

00:28:24.279 --> 00:28:27.740
as I am let me see how are you and then you just

00:28:27.740 --> 00:28:30.180
kind of work in that idea of let's talk back

00:28:30.180 --> 00:28:31.559
and forth to one another and then the pragmatic

00:28:31.559 --> 00:28:34.099
speech they're going outside and the playing

00:28:34.099 --> 00:28:37.200
I don't know if you have heard this I learned

00:28:37.200 --> 00:28:39.720
this I don't even know how long ago we have our

00:28:39.720 --> 00:28:44.880
typical five senses taste touch here, those five.

00:28:45.079 --> 00:28:49.140
We have two extra ones, vestibular and proprioceptive.

00:28:49.960 --> 00:28:55.880
Vestibular is how we are able to calm down ourselves

00:28:55.880 --> 00:28:59.279
through motion. Think of it, kids, that kid who

00:28:59.279 --> 00:29:01.220
loved that tire swing who could spin and spin

00:29:01.220 --> 00:29:03.819
and spin and spin and never get dizzy, which

00:29:03.819 --> 00:29:06.059
now as an adult, I'm sitting here in my spinny

00:29:06.059 --> 00:29:08.799
chair and I'm like, yes, I'm moving. It's a vestibular

00:29:08.799 --> 00:29:12.250
sense. That helps to calm down. our central nervous

00:29:12.250 --> 00:29:15.730
system, and the proprioceptive. It's carrying

00:29:15.730 --> 00:29:19.670
heavy things, putting weight on our joints, climbing

00:29:19.670 --> 00:29:23.529
the monkey bars, jumping on trampolines, carrying

00:29:23.529 --> 00:29:26.970
the heavy things in for lunch. It puts pressure

00:29:26.970 --> 00:29:29.490
on our joints, which helps us to regulate our

00:29:29.490 --> 00:29:34.109
emotions. I'm really concerned now. So because

00:29:34.109 --> 00:29:36.410
like here in Florida with the Department of Education

00:29:36.410 --> 00:29:38.869
and I know that there's a lack of like, you know

00:29:38.869 --> 00:29:40.990
teachers and and I don't know what's happening

00:29:40.990 --> 00:29:43.309
with the whole dismantling of the Department

00:29:43.309 --> 00:29:46.960
of Ed But I do, at one point in my life, I did

00:29:46.960 --> 00:29:50.640
go, I got trained by the classroom teacher, CTA,

00:29:50.980 --> 00:29:53.019
Classroom Teachers Association. It was to go

00:29:53.019 --> 00:29:56.619
in and talk to the teachers about how they could

00:29:56.619 --> 00:30:00.339
teach and adding some diversified methods to

00:30:00.339 --> 00:30:03.400
their teaching. So maybe creating a skit, maybe,

00:30:03.400 --> 00:30:05.359
you know, maybe not just that, like plopping

00:30:05.359 --> 00:30:08.200
a video down. I had a hard time with videos too,

00:30:08.420 --> 00:30:11.039
as much as I loved like a good film. But if you

00:30:11.039 --> 00:30:14.160
were trying to do a video and teach me, And I

00:30:14.160 --> 00:30:17.039
noticed that I'm still the same way. I really

00:30:17.039 --> 00:30:20.839
question myself. I could watch a video, and I

00:30:20.839 --> 00:30:23.940
could start to tune out. Or I have this thing,

00:30:24.200 --> 00:30:26.579
Dr. Williamson, I'm not going to watch a movie

00:30:26.579 --> 00:30:28.259
twice. I don't like to watch it. And I'll be

00:30:28.259 --> 00:30:29.819
like, and then maybe I'll get sucked in to watch

00:30:29.819 --> 00:30:32.059
it. I'm like, jeez, I don't really remember watching

00:30:32.059 --> 00:30:34.440
it. The first thing I thought I did was I, but

00:30:34.440 --> 00:30:36.259
sometimes I'm watching, and the next thing I

00:30:36.259 --> 00:30:38.880
know, I'm down a rabbit hole. And I'm like, what's

00:30:38.880 --> 00:30:43.589
going on? My family will pick on me. uh spas

00:30:43.589 --> 00:30:45.470
in particular because when we're watching something

00:30:45.470 --> 00:30:48.309
i'm usually fiddling with something else i have

00:30:48.309 --> 00:30:51.230
to fidget in order for my brain to focus on what's

00:30:51.230 --> 00:30:54.470
on the tv i need something to be activating my

00:30:54.470 --> 00:30:58.190
brain that's the ahd component is our brains

00:30:58.190 --> 00:31:00.490
need to have multiple things going on i learned

00:31:00.490 --> 00:31:01.970
this through occupational therapy where they

00:31:01.970 --> 00:31:04.190
would give kiddos gum and they chewing gum helped

00:31:04.190 --> 00:31:07.150
them work into learning whatever they were doing

00:31:07.150 --> 00:31:09.190
for that day and i'm like what oh our brains

00:31:09.190 --> 00:31:11.519
need to do multiple things and there's nothing

00:31:11.519 --> 00:31:13.400
wrong with that and so with teachers coming in

00:31:13.400 --> 00:31:15.380
and allowing kids to fidget allowing kids to

00:31:15.380 --> 00:31:18.299
squirm as long as it's not interfering within

00:31:18.299 --> 00:31:21.319
the classroom teaching if it's not having other

00:31:21.319 --> 00:31:24.660
kids just paying attention to that one kiddo

00:31:24.660 --> 00:31:26.920
who's got this really cool spinner fidget and

00:31:26.920 --> 00:31:29.319
it's like okay that's interfering but also knowing

00:31:29.319 --> 00:31:32.500
that not everybody learns from videos not everybody

00:31:32.500 --> 00:31:36.920
learns from standing up and teaching i love doing

00:31:36.920 --> 00:31:39.480
virtual counseling and doing these podcasts virtually

00:31:39.480 --> 00:31:42.190
because I have a really hard time with eye contact.

00:31:42.869 --> 00:31:45.890
Here, it's, I can see you and know that we are

00:31:45.890 --> 00:31:47.309
not necessarily looking at each other in the

00:31:47.309 --> 00:31:49.690
eye. I can see your beautiful face on the screen,

00:31:49.690 --> 00:31:53.869
but it's not me saying, okay, it does not cause

00:31:53.869 --> 00:31:56.730
me physical pain for eye contact, but it's the,

00:31:57.049 --> 00:32:00.069
that social norms of, you know what? I need to

00:32:00.069 --> 00:32:01.670
look them in the eye. Have I looked them in the

00:32:01.670 --> 00:32:03.670
eye too long? I need to look away. Oh, look,

00:32:03.769 --> 00:32:05.829
their eyebrow hair is really long. That one's

00:32:05.829 --> 00:32:07.150
turning gray, like something that my brain just

00:32:07.150 --> 00:32:09.599
gets distracted. and then I realize I'm not listening

00:32:09.599 --> 00:32:11.299
to anything they're saying because I'm focusing

00:32:11.299 --> 00:32:15.019
so hard on trying to make eye contact. Yeah,

00:32:15.019 --> 00:32:17.180
it's so interesting to me. I almost think like

00:32:17.180 --> 00:32:19.559
the judging people in the world, those that like

00:32:19.559 --> 00:32:22.079
are always judgmental, though I wonder if that's

00:32:22.079 --> 00:32:23.759
because they're judging themselves and their

00:32:23.759 --> 00:32:26.720
reflection. Because my mom always said what you

00:32:26.720 --> 00:32:28.279
say about other people is probably a reflection

00:32:28.279 --> 00:32:31.660
on yourself. But I, you know, someone I'm talking

00:32:31.660 --> 00:32:33.740
to them and I see their eyes over here or over

00:32:33.740 --> 00:32:35.859
here, I just kind of assume, okay, you know,

00:32:35.960 --> 00:32:37.779
maybe a little, I mean, there's a million things

00:32:37.779 --> 00:32:39.460
I don't figure I don't need to like know the

00:32:39.460 --> 00:32:40.779
diagnosis, but I'm not going to make them feel

00:32:40.779 --> 00:32:42.859
bad, right? I'm not going to be like, Oh, do

00:32:42.859 --> 00:32:45.420
you want to go somewhere? And unless I feel like,

00:32:45.420 --> 00:32:47.279
you know, that maybe they're hurrying and I'm,

00:32:47.420 --> 00:32:50.319
you know, I'll end so that they can go on. I

00:32:50.319 --> 00:32:52.799
just want to be, what was that noise? Was that

00:32:52.799 --> 00:32:57.099
on your end? That's probably my fidget. Oh, make

00:32:57.099 --> 00:33:00.599
a noise. Oh my gosh. It's, it makes a little.

00:33:01.000 --> 00:33:03.619
No, it was like a, it was like a, like a, well,

00:33:03.680 --> 00:33:07.059
that was weird. Okay. It was like a, maybe. Okay.

00:33:07.160 --> 00:33:12.079
But anyway, so that. I mean, I just, I just,

00:33:12.180 --> 00:33:15.519
I just questioned like now at 62. I mean, what

00:33:15.519 --> 00:33:18.259
would a diagnose really do for me? It's not like

00:33:18.259 --> 00:33:21.920
I work for myself. I'm okay. Like, you know,

00:33:22.400 --> 00:33:24.700
maybe, I mean, maybe I could just say like, I'm

00:33:24.700 --> 00:33:26.599
feeling more comfortable now to say, look, I

00:33:26.599 --> 00:33:29.220
am having trouble understanding the stock market

00:33:29.220 --> 00:33:32.279
and understanding when it comes to money and

00:33:32.279 --> 00:33:34.839
finance. It is definitely not like, I would not.

00:33:35.079 --> 00:33:37.380
ever go out there and be like, uh, hi, I'm a

00:33:37.380 --> 00:33:38.799
financial wealth advisor. I don't think I could

00:33:38.799 --> 00:33:41.359
even go through and study and do any of that

00:33:41.359 --> 00:33:43.440
because it's very difficult for me. And listen,

00:33:43.440 --> 00:33:45.519
I'm being very honest. So four people that are

00:33:45.519 --> 00:33:49.140
listening right now being honest, you know, I

00:33:49.140 --> 00:33:51.559
have more of a creative mind, but it's really

00:33:51.559 --> 00:33:53.640
a problem. And today I was in a chatter social

00:33:53.640 --> 00:33:56.259
and I was, you know, like, can you like explain

00:33:56.259 --> 00:33:58.279
it to me? Like, so I understood what was taking

00:33:58.279 --> 00:34:00.940
place right now. And, uh, and they all were very

00:34:00.940 --> 00:34:02.519
nice and everyone did explain and I was like,

00:34:02.559 --> 00:34:05.569
okay, now I'm getting it. But yeah, and then

00:34:05.569 --> 00:34:09.070
even sometimes reading it. What would it do for

00:34:09.070 --> 00:34:12.010
me? Do I need to call my doctor? I mean, I don't

00:34:12.010 --> 00:34:13.550
really understand that. First and foremost, if

00:34:13.550 --> 00:34:15.530
you want to get a diagnosis, if you want to go

00:34:15.530 --> 00:34:16.969
down the pathway, there is not going to be an

00:34:16.969 --> 00:34:18.610
insurance that covers it. It's going to come

00:34:18.610 --> 00:34:20.510
out of pocket because they say you're an adult.

00:34:20.610 --> 00:34:22.289
You've made it this far in life. You're good.

00:34:22.690 --> 00:34:24.389
And so it's deciding if this is something you

00:34:24.389 --> 00:34:26.630
want to go down and know it's going to come out

00:34:26.630 --> 00:34:28.210
of pocket, which comes at a level of privilege.

00:34:29.590 --> 00:34:31.949
And that's where I will fight to the death to

00:34:31.949 --> 00:34:34.090
say you don't need to be officially diagnosed.

00:34:35.189 --> 00:34:37.309
because it's just going to cost us money at the

00:34:37.309 --> 00:34:39.050
end, especially if it's not doing anything that

00:34:39.050 --> 00:34:41.610
you can't commit and advocate for yourself. To

00:34:41.610 --> 00:34:43.909
say, you know what? I'm learning about my brain.

00:34:44.929 --> 00:34:48.949
I am not as good with numbers as other people

00:34:48.949 --> 00:34:51.730
are. Can you break it down? Can I ask you some

00:34:51.730 --> 00:34:55.610
more questions? Can I ask for clarity? I think

00:34:55.610 --> 00:34:57.210
sometimes having the diagnosis or even coming

00:34:57.210 --> 00:34:58.710
in and understanding where your brain is at,

00:34:58.789 --> 00:35:00.530
it gives you that freedom to say, I don't really

00:35:00.530 --> 00:35:02.530
get it. I don't really get it. Can you explain

00:35:02.530 --> 00:35:06.260
it to me? Just like what you said earlier with

00:35:06.260 --> 00:35:07.860
the judgy people, we had this idea that people

00:35:07.860 --> 00:35:10.320
are going to be consistently judging us. And

00:35:10.320 --> 00:35:13.760
I don't know if you've gotten to this point in

00:35:13.760 --> 00:35:15.920
life, but I've gotten to the zero S to give.

00:35:16.179 --> 00:35:17.420
If someone's going to judge me, they're going

00:35:17.420 --> 00:35:20.039
to judge me. I still want to ask my question

00:35:20.039 --> 00:35:22.400
because I don't understand. I don't want to understand.

00:35:23.380 --> 00:35:27.260
Yeah, that makes sense. I think it helps to kind

00:35:27.260 --> 00:35:30.440
of come in and reduce the shame and just that.

00:35:30.670 --> 00:35:33.750
Oh, I am wrong. I've done something wrong. I

00:35:33.750 --> 00:35:37.590
must be lazy because I'm not doing this at the

00:35:37.590 --> 00:35:40.090
same speed of other people. I've heard people

00:35:40.090 --> 00:35:42.329
my whole life. The teachers would tell me that

00:35:42.329 --> 00:35:44.409
I'm lazy or my family would tell me that I'm

00:35:44.409 --> 00:35:46.530
lazy and why can't I do this? And why can't you

00:35:46.530 --> 00:35:49.429
do this? Or why can't you make a decision? I

00:35:49.429 --> 00:35:52.389
will say this is something that communication

00:35:52.389 --> 00:35:56.170
is just incredibly, incredibly important to come

00:35:56.170 --> 00:35:57.869
in with your spouse. You may have a spouse who

00:35:57.869 --> 00:36:01.190
has a different brain pathway than you do. My

00:36:01.190 --> 00:36:03.590
spouse and I certainly do. He steps forward more

00:36:03.590 --> 00:36:05.969
in the ADHD. I step forward more with the autism.

00:36:06.570 --> 00:36:09.050
And so we have that mishmash. He's like you.

00:36:09.070 --> 00:36:10.650
He's that creative brain that can come in and

00:36:10.650 --> 00:36:12.849
do all these things. I thrive in structure and

00:36:12.849 --> 00:36:16.050
organization. And so we do not come in and meet

00:36:16.050 --> 00:36:18.329
and I will be more literal and take things literally.

00:36:18.409 --> 00:36:22.110
And he's had to learn. When I say something.

00:36:22.440 --> 00:36:24.719
he doesn't look for the underlying meanings because

00:36:24.719 --> 00:36:28.360
it's not there. Oh my god that's interesting

00:36:28.360 --> 00:36:31.400
Dr. Williamson. Oh well and think of it if someone

00:36:31.400 --> 00:36:36.239
says whatever it is but if we're missing a tone

00:36:36.239 --> 00:36:39.780
that oh I think the best example I can come up

00:36:39.780 --> 00:36:42.659
with is why'd you turn there? Why'd you park

00:36:42.659 --> 00:36:45.000
there? Why would I like my brain is coming in

00:36:45.000 --> 00:36:47.159
trying to understand why you're doing it. His

00:36:47.159 --> 00:36:51.219
brain hears what have I done wrong? Why are you

00:36:51.280 --> 00:36:54.159
coming in and interrogating me this way. And

00:36:54.159 --> 00:36:59.219
so we've had to do a lot of glorious communication

00:36:59.219 --> 00:37:01.920
gonna be, I think, a never ending. Like, I don't

00:37:01.920 --> 00:37:03.380
think we ever get to a point where we are like,

00:37:03.420 --> 00:37:05.260
this is the best communication possible. No,

00:37:05.659 --> 00:37:08.500
no. You know, I see this too. It's really interesting.

00:37:08.539 --> 00:37:10.820
I see this on chat or someone will say something

00:37:10.820 --> 00:37:13.199
and someone will then turn around and say, well,

00:37:13.199 --> 00:37:15.199
you just said, and it's like completely weird.

00:37:15.219 --> 00:37:17.519
I had that happen to me. I was talking to someone

00:37:17.519 --> 00:37:19.440
and I said, oh, did you read till the end of

00:37:19.440 --> 00:37:22.929
the article? not like a horrible question, right?

00:37:23.050 --> 00:37:25.510
And she came back and she said, why are you questioning

00:37:25.510 --> 00:37:29.110
my comprehension? And I was like, oh, I literally

00:37:29.110 --> 00:37:31.090
am not questioning anything, but just ask that.

00:37:31.150 --> 00:37:33.329
But then I said, I'm gonna argue because I don't

00:37:33.329 --> 00:37:36.650
like to argue. But what I do think and who I

00:37:36.650 --> 00:37:41.329
do believe should understand and have training

00:37:41.329 --> 00:37:44.570
are those that are leaders, managers, and HR.

00:37:45.190 --> 00:37:47.989
Because... inevitably you're gonna have someone

00:37:47.989 --> 00:37:50.750
that you're working with and you know and maybe

00:37:50.750 --> 00:37:52.769
I shouldn't even say well this person is this

00:37:52.769 --> 00:37:55.730
way but all it does for me is allows me to have

00:37:55.730 --> 00:37:59.010
more empathy and understanding so if I know that

00:37:59.010 --> 00:38:00.929
maybe I have a harder time communicating with

00:38:00.929 --> 00:38:04.329
someone or maybe that that that that is I will

00:38:04.329 --> 00:38:07.789
change and adjust or try to understand without

00:38:07.949 --> 00:38:10.269
like pointy fingers, but it does help me to have

00:38:10.269 --> 00:38:13.329
an idea that, OK, but I think isn't that with

00:38:13.329 --> 00:38:15.849
everyone? I mean, I just then I say, oh, my gosh,

00:38:16.170 --> 00:38:18.949
I want to say yes to that. Just up and down.

00:38:19.110 --> 00:38:22.550
Yes. But it's why my husband and I started our

00:38:22.550 --> 00:38:27.510
company, because we saw there is a lack of awareness

00:38:27.510 --> 00:38:30.170
of what autism, ADHD, neurodivergence looks like

00:38:30.170 --> 00:38:34.309
within companies. And imagine being the teacher.

00:38:34.429 --> 00:38:38.380
Now you have an adult who struggles to make it

00:38:38.380 --> 00:38:42.260
to meetings. And you feel like that's such a

00:38:42.260 --> 00:38:45.840
level of disrespect. But what you don't see is

00:38:45.840 --> 00:38:48.860
they have 17 alarms and yet they're still missing

00:38:48.860 --> 00:38:51.699
it. And so it's, how do I work with this person?

00:38:52.179 --> 00:38:54.460
Or if you were one of those coworkers, I was

00:38:54.460 --> 00:38:57.420
one of these coworkers where you would ask 17

00:38:57.420 --> 00:38:59.260
questions after the meeting is done and everyone

00:38:59.260 --> 00:39:00.960
else is rolling their eyes because they have

00:39:00.960 --> 00:39:03.400
inherently got it. But we're still sitting here

00:39:03.400 --> 00:39:05.179
asking the questions because we're not entirely

00:39:05.179 --> 00:39:09.699
sure. What that is and so it's it's coming in

00:39:09.699 --> 00:39:11.400
and teaching different companies and teaching

00:39:11.400 --> 00:39:13.320
people within the companies Okay, this is what

00:39:13.320 --> 00:39:15.320
it can look like. This is how we can work together.

00:39:15.320 --> 00:39:18.659
This is how you can have your employees thrive

00:39:18.659 --> 00:39:22.099
this is how we might not want to say this or

00:39:22.099 --> 00:39:25.199
be straightforward if you come in with an Underlying

00:39:25.199 --> 00:39:27.260
subtext. They're not gonna get it. They're not

00:39:27.260 --> 00:39:29.099
gonna get it and then you're both gonna be upset

00:39:29.420 --> 00:39:32.280
So really, a lot more openness and understanding.

00:39:32.460 --> 00:39:36.619
I knew with Alana, she ended up going and leaving

00:39:36.619 --> 00:39:40.219
high school and going to a school specifically

00:39:40.219 --> 00:39:43.179
for girls. But one of the things was that they

00:39:43.179 --> 00:39:45.280
would say, Alana, you have five minutes to eat

00:39:45.280 --> 00:39:52.150
your lunch. and I'm like, she doesn't says she

00:39:52.150 --> 00:39:56.170
doesn't really g come up with some ways be what

00:39:56.170 --> 00:39:58.789
if I tell a lot o in five minutes, that mean

00:39:58.789 --> 00:40:01.289
What am I gonna do? Then y not ready in five

00:40:01.289 --> 00:40:05.409
minutes with like a lot of 30 min here's what

00:40:05.409 --> 00:40:09.710
we're looking going to be when it hits when you're

00:40:09.710 --> 00:40:15.849
going to go bec And so she really has come a

00:40:15.849 --> 00:40:18.030
long way. I mean, she got her permit. She's looking

00:40:18.030 --> 00:40:21.750
to get her license. She's very much straightforward

00:40:21.750 --> 00:40:24.829
and like when she has a goal, she goes after

00:40:24.829 --> 00:40:28.590
it like amazing. But I found it was just so difficult

00:40:28.590 --> 00:40:31.369
to explain too, because they didn't even understand

00:40:31.369 --> 00:40:33.409
dyscalculia. And I don't even know if they were

00:40:33.409 --> 00:40:36.090
looking to understand how could she not know

00:40:36.090 --> 00:40:37.929
what five minutes is. So I think we all have

00:40:37.929 --> 00:40:46.119
to be more open. With dyscalculia, it's not one

00:40:46.119 --> 00:40:49.300
that is at the tip of our brains. You hear autism

00:40:49.300 --> 00:40:51.719
more than you hear that. You hear ADHD more than

00:40:51.719 --> 00:40:54.860
you hear that, but it's still learning what you

00:40:54.860 --> 00:40:57.079
need. I love where you say that like the five

00:40:57.079 --> 00:40:59.460
minute transitions, they now have these really

00:40:59.460 --> 00:41:02.079
cool timers that when you move it to five minutes,

00:41:02.119 --> 00:41:04.539
it shows in a different color. This is what five

00:41:04.539 --> 00:41:06.760
minutes looks like. This is like 10, 15. It goes,

00:41:06.760 --> 00:41:08.360
I think all the way up to an hour. So you can

00:41:08.360 --> 00:41:11.369
see. You don't have to just come in and focus

00:41:11.369 --> 00:41:14.150
on it. And that's learning where your students

00:41:14.150 --> 00:41:16.869
are at, where your coworkers are at, where your

00:41:16.869 --> 00:41:18.710
employees are at, and what it looks like in the

00:41:18.710 --> 00:41:23.409
home. And it's coming in and understanding that

00:41:23.409 --> 00:41:25.409
not every brain works the same. It did not come

00:41:25.409 --> 00:41:27.730
in and judge. I think you were spot on with the,

00:41:27.829 --> 00:41:29.210
we don't need to come in and judge where the

00:41:29.210 --> 00:41:31.610
other person is coming from. We can take the

00:41:31.610 --> 00:41:37.210
minute and come in with curiosity versus blame.

00:41:37.809 --> 00:41:40.010
The other thing is Alana would then go, well,

00:41:40.050 --> 00:41:41.690
now you're going to go and go in the other room

00:41:41.690 --> 00:41:43.750
and you're going to be like in time out or whatever

00:41:43.750 --> 00:41:45.630
it looks like. But Alana never minded that because

00:41:45.630 --> 00:41:47.610
that was a quiet room. That was a chance for

00:41:47.610 --> 00:41:50.030
her to be quiet and to not have to deal with

00:41:50.030 --> 00:41:53.530
all the crazy, like all of that. And so, so I'm

00:41:53.530 --> 00:41:55.190
like, well, that doesn't make, cause I really

00:41:55.190 --> 00:41:56.969
actually argued with the school a lot. I was

00:41:56.969 --> 00:41:58.210
like, I would, there was a lot of meetings. I'm

00:41:58.210 --> 00:42:01.349
like, I just didn't understand what they were

00:42:01.349 --> 00:42:04.610
doing and why and how they just didn't, if they,

00:42:04.809 --> 00:42:07.219
we never had a student like Alana, well, you

00:42:07.219 --> 00:42:10.639
may tomorrow. So why not learn today, right?

00:42:10.659 --> 00:42:13.519
Like it was a crazy going back and forth. And

00:42:13.519 --> 00:42:16.320
then it was just easier for them to say, oh no,

00:42:16.380 --> 00:42:18.219
she doesn't have it, she's fine. And I'm like...

00:42:18.329 --> 00:42:20.989
And then they were questioning me, too, with

00:42:20.989 --> 00:42:23.469
the diagnosis. What happened was my son Sam,

00:42:23.849 --> 00:42:28.030
who was in China, and so he was doing, maybe

00:42:28.030 --> 00:42:30.989
it was like his sixth or seventh year in Shanghai,

00:42:31.230 --> 00:42:33.590
and he was teaching kids, and he said, Mom, have

00:42:33.590 --> 00:42:35.289
you ever heard of dyscalculia? When I read it,

00:42:35.289 --> 00:42:37.630
I'm like, oh my God, this is a lot, 100, everything

00:42:37.630 --> 00:42:41.389
matched up. I need a doctor to tell me what I

00:42:41.389 --> 00:42:43.809
know, like who knows more? A doctor that's testing

00:42:43.809 --> 00:42:46.539
my daughter. or myself. I think that that's something

00:42:46.539 --> 00:42:50.360
else too. We know, oh, hi, I'm Eamon. Thank you

00:42:50.360 --> 00:42:54.059
so much. We know that this is really important

00:42:54.059 --> 00:42:56.880
like that. I know more about my daughter. So

00:42:56.880 --> 00:42:58.960
yeah, they're going to be asking me questions

00:42:58.960 --> 00:43:01.159
anyway. So I never really did have her tested

00:43:01.159 --> 00:43:05.050
for the dyscalculia because there's There's not

00:43:05.050 --> 00:43:08.130
a doubt. Like she just, sorry, Lana, don't get

00:43:08.130 --> 00:43:10.550
mad at me, but like counting money was very,

00:43:10.550 --> 00:43:13.550
very hard for Lana. Understand money was hard,

00:43:13.829 --> 00:43:15.849
distance. So it's interesting with her driving,

00:43:15.989 --> 00:43:18.130
we have to work harder for her to understand.

00:43:18.590 --> 00:43:20.929
But she did pass her test. She studies like crazy.

00:43:20.969 --> 00:43:23.250
She would get A's and B's. So they would be like,

00:43:23.449 --> 00:43:24.949
well, and I'm like, give it, you don't know like

00:43:24.949 --> 00:43:27.769
what an average of a lot of studying. And I remember

00:43:27.769 --> 00:43:30.190
she had this amazing book that she wrote. It

00:43:30.190 --> 00:43:32.670
was incredible. All the table comments, contents,

00:43:33.030 --> 00:43:35.849
everything. It was so good. And one day I went

00:43:35.849 --> 00:43:38.829
to look for it and she said, no, I deleted it

00:43:38.829 --> 00:43:42.250
all. And she, that night we had a long talk about

00:43:42.250 --> 00:43:44.769
the perfectionism. She just felt like, you know,

00:43:44.809 --> 00:43:46.510
she was that kid. If she was doing something

00:43:46.510 --> 00:43:48.449
and all of a sudden she looked at it and she's

00:43:48.449 --> 00:43:50.909
like, that's not perfect. Boom, it'd go away.

00:43:50.929 --> 00:43:53.030
And we're all like, Alana, it was beautiful.

00:43:53.070 --> 00:43:55.289
Like, what are you doing? I still regret that

00:43:55.289 --> 00:43:58.630
when she pressed the delete. Isn't that awful?

00:44:02.710 --> 00:44:05.530
It's death by a thousand cuts. Like growing up

00:44:05.530 --> 00:44:08.219
hearing, like you're not. you're not doing it

00:44:08.219 --> 00:44:09.739
right, not even hearing from the parents, but

00:44:09.739 --> 00:44:12.179
just from getting that message from teachers,

00:44:12.619 --> 00:44:15.000
from bosses, from everybody that's like, okay,

00:44:15.099 --> 00:44:17.699
well, if it's not perfect, it's not worthy of

00:44:17.699 --> 00:44:21.539
being seen. It's like, no, it's absolutely worthy

00:44:21.539 --> 00:44:25.000
of being seen. My husband taught me this, the

00:44:25.000 --> 00:44:27.659
phrase, good enough for government work. And

00:44:27.659 --> 00:44:30.579
that has lived rent -free in my brain for many

00:44:30.579 --> 00:44:32.019
years now. What does that mean, good enough?

00:44:32.340 --> 00:44:34.500
It means we don't need to be perfect. The government

00:44:34.500 --> 00:44:40.510
far is from perfect. we enough to say we're doing

00:44:40.510 --> 00:44:45.949
okay. That is interesting. I also don't get sarcasm.

00:44:46.989 --> 00:44:49.489
Like people that are really, really sarcastic,

00:44:49.750 --> 00:44:51.989
I'm like, I'm always confused. Like, is that

00:44:51.989 --> 00:44:55.210
real or not? Like I don't seem to understand

00:44:55.210 --> 00:44:58.630
sarcasm as well as I think I should at 62. Like,

00:44:58.670 --> 00:45:01.289
oh, you're being sarcastic, but often I'm confused

00:45:01.289 --> 00:45:03.989
with that. I tell you what, if we continue to

00:45:03.989 --> 00:45:06.530
say should, which is such a shaming statement.

00:45:06.710 --> 00:45:08.489
It's the idea of setting it out there that, you

00:45:08.489 --> 00:45:15.250
know what? I'm behind. I'd suck. Yeah, you're

00:45:15.250 --> 00:45:17.329
right. People, I love thank you to everyone that

00:45:17.329 --> 00:45:19.090
says stop saying things like that. Stop putting

00:45:19.090 --> 00:45:21.590
yourself down, Adrienne. Stop looking at that

00:45:21.590 --> 00:45:23.989
way, because that is... I think it's like a race.

00:45:24.250 --> 00:45:26.150
You're like, I'm going to step backwards. I'm

00:45:26.150 --> 00:45:27.929
going to let everyone else run first, because

00:45:27.929 --> 00:45:30.409
they're the winners. I'm not doing as great.

00:45:31.000 --> 00:45:33.500
I tell you what, I don't understand jokes. I

00:45:33.500 --> 00:45:36.659
miss them most of the time. Really? Oh, yeah.

00:45:37.440 --> 00:45:39.619
Oh, yeah. I have just gotten used to coming in

00:45:39.619 --> 00:45:43.420
and saying, I don't get it. Me too. I was talking

00:45:43.420 --> 00:45:48.769
to a client and he said something and I... I

00:45:48.769 --> 00:45:50.590
didn't understand. I didn't laugh. I didn't even

00:45:50.590 --> 00:45:52.289
know. Then I kind of did like a giggle because

00:45:52.289 --> 00:45:54.530
I wasn't sure. And then that whole night I was

00:45:54.530 --> 00:45:56.989
like, oh my, oh, thank you. I was like, oh my

00:45:56.989 --> 00:45:59.570
gosh. I'm like, is he mad at me? Because then

00:45:59.570 --> 00:46:01.409
all of a sudden his tone changed. I'm like, do

00:46:01.409 --> 00:46:03.849
I tell him I didn't understand it? Is that what

00:46:03.849 --> 00:46:05.150
we're just saying? And then as you're thinking,

00:46:05.309 --> 00:46:07.250
it's like, he's already off the phone. I'm left

00:46:07.250 --> 00:46:10.889
like, what happened there? Or even something

00:46:10.889 --> 00:46:14.019
as simple as. talking about it like my husband

00:46:14.019 --> 00:46:16.039
just drop it like you don't need to like repeat

00:46:16.039 --> 00:46:18.219
it 150 times I'm like I do I need to like work

00:46:18.219 --> 00:46:20.639
it out of my head I need to get I need to figure

00:46:20.639 --> 00:46:23.760
it out so that I can reflect on it and then know

00:46:23.760 --> 00:46:27.119
what I did wrong think of it this way your brain

00:46:27.119 --> 00:46:32.239
has the rose with multiple leaves on it you were

00:46:32.239 --> 00:46:35.199
talking about it you are needing to process through

00:46:35.199 --> 00:46:38.480
every leaf channel in order to get to the beautiful

00:46:38.480 --> 00:46:41.340
smelly good part of understanding I just see

00:46:41.340 --> 00:46:43.900
what she's, I think it's Eamon, right? You know,

00:46:44.079 --> 00:46:47.380
from - Dr. Eamon. Okay, beautiful. I kind of

00:46:47.380 --> 00:46:49.460
can't do something that's not perfect. And my

00:46:49.460 --> 00:46:51.940
level of perfection is hard for a lot of people.

00:46:52.000 --> 00:46:54.340
It's exhausting. We hear that a lot, the exhausting

00:46:54.340 --> 00:46:57.039
part of it. I have a question before I let you

00:46:57.039 --> 00:46:58.940
go. And then I want, before we go, I want you

00:46:58.940 --> 00:47:01.579
to explain like how people can reach you, because

00:47:01.579 --> 00:47:03.840
you have a lot of content out there that's really

00:47:03.840 --> 00:47:08.619
good content. What happens with someone who's

00:47:08.619 --> 00:47:11.780
taking like these disc personality profiles?

00:47:12.079 --> 00:47:15.260
So now you have you're in a company They give

00:47:15.260 --> 00:47:17.699
you a personality profile and you're filling

00:47:17.699 --> 00:47:19.139
it out and now they're telling you something

00:47:19.139 --> 00:47:21.159
about your personality But you're looking at

00:47:21.159 --> 00:47:23.199
and you're like, okay, but that's not really

00:47:23.199 --> 00:47:25.719
who I am or now you're being pigeonholed into

00:47:25.719 --> 00:47:32.659
I think it's doing a disservice to your employees

00:47:32.659 --> 00:47:36.559
you are assessing them in ways that Okay, this

00:47:36.559 --> 00:47:39.380
is how they're reading the questions. But I can

00:47:39.380 --> 00:47:42.219
read a question that says, I don't like clothing

00:47:42.219 --> 00:47:45.320
and or a statement that says I don't like clothing.

00:47:45.320 --> 00:47:47.219
I'm sitting over here. No, I like clothing. I

00:47:47.219 --> 00:47:50.280
like this and this. And I don't take into the

00:47:50.280 --> 00:47:52.320
account that, well, I have weeded out everything

00:47:52.320 --> 00:47:54.079
that's uncomfortable to wear. Everything that

00:47:54.079 --> 00:47:57.340
I wear is comfortable. Wearing blue jeans is

00:47:57.340 --> 00:47:59.440
awful. I won't do it, but they don't have the

00:47:59.440 --> 00:48:01.539
very specific and the semantics. We get hung

00:48:01.539 --> 00:48:04.320
up on the semantics, the verbiage of it. If the

00:48:04.320 --> 00:48:08.519
word is off, I will get stuck on it. And I won't

00:48:08.519 --> 00:48:11.940
answer nearly the same way as other people, because

00:48:11.940 --> 00:48:14.019
I'm like, no, you said this when it should be

00:48:14.019 --> 00:48:17.539
this. And like you said, coming in and that coming

00:48:17.539 --> 00:48:21.079
in, you will talk it to death. It's the idea

00:48:21.079 --> 00:48:23.019
of we just want to be understood. And if we are

00:48:23.019 --> 00:48:24.760
not understood, we're going to continue talking

00:48:24.760 --> 00:48:26.500
about it, because we want so desperately to be

00:48:26.500 --> 00:48:30.940
understood. So this is really, I would love it

00:48:30.940 --> 00:48:34.099
if you did a, like, you have a podcast, correct?

00:48:34.699 --> 00:48:37.239
No, no, I have just been lucky enough to come

00:48:37.239 --> 00:48:40.639
on so many podcasts. Oh, you do. You're so great.

00:48:40.659 --> 00:48:42.400
And you have your own, like where you're talking

00:48:42.400 --> 00:48:44.719
and giving information, because I think that

00:48:44.719 --> 00:48:47.320
that is a great conversation. Because when I

00:48:47.320 --> 00:48:49.760
hear you're going to get another test and funny,

00:48:49.840 --> 00:48:51.940
because like in my life, every chamber has given

00:48:51.940 --> 00:48:54.480
me a diss test. And like, you know, leadership,

00:48:54.599 --> 00:48:56.519
like, it's almost like, oh, you're a leadership

00:48:56.519 --> 00:48:58.960
class, you get a dis profile. And I'm like, why

00:48:58.960 --> 00:49:00.780
is mine always different? Do I change during

00:49:00.780 --> 00:49:03.400
the decades or maybe we do change? every 10 years,

00:49:03.460 --> 00:49:05.719
like, I don't know. Or maybe we've learned something

00:49:05.719 --> 00:49:07.880
or maybe I've learned how to get the answers

00:49:07.880 --> 00:49:12.360
I want to show them. But I wouldn't recommend

00:49:12.360 --> 00:49:14.960
it. I would say, I don't know if there's anything

00:49:14.960 --> 00:49:17.039
else that whatever they need to find, isn't it

00:49:17.039 --> 00:49:18.699
something that they could just talk individually

00:49:18.699 --> 00:49:23.800
to learn more? But you are putting it out there

00:49:23.800 --> 00:49:26.019
that companies are willing to take the time to

00:49:26.019 --> 00:49:30.760
talk to people to understand. And I think That

00:49:30.760 --> 00:49:32.420
is one of the beautiful things that companies

00:49:32.420 --> 00:49:35.360
can do in the future and learn from this and

00:49:35.360 --> 00:49:38.559
say, let me talk to everybody because everybody's

00:49:38.559 --> 00:49:40.179
different. Everybody's unique and they respond

00:49:40.179 --> 00:49:42.280
in different ways. Let's find where you soar.

00:49:42.739 --> 00:49:44.760
Let's find where you thrive. Let's find where

00:49:44.760 --> 00:49:46.559
you don't do so well and maybe not put you in

00:49:46.559 --> 00:49:49.980
that sector. You know, it's funny. I notice on

00:49:49.980 --> 00:49:53.199
chatter and even a real life, I am a hand raiser.

00:49:54.099 --> 00:49:57.059
It allows me to raise my hand. You're going to

00:49:57.059 --> 00:49:59.150
call on me. and I'm going to feel comfortable

00:49:59.150 --> 00:50:03.130
speaking. If I get off mic and just start talking,

00:50:03.329 --> 00:50:05.289
I'm like, and then I start interrupting someone

00:50:05.289 --> 00:50:08.130
or someone else is talking, it's so awkward for

00:50:08.130 --> 00:50:11.389
me. I can't, but so often, I'll raise my hand

00:50:11.389 --> 00:50:12.969
and I'll hear, oh, it's popcorn style. You don't

00:50:12.969 --> 00:50:14.429
need to raise your hand, Adrienne. I'm like.

00:50:14.670 --> 00:50:17.170
I actually do. And I'll say that I go. I actually

00:50:17.170 --> 00:50:19.889
do like it makes me feel better. I think that

00:50:19.889 --> 00:50:22.230
we should all honor that, right? You should honor

00:50:22.230 --> 00:50:24.150
the fact that I am a hand raiser and you're not.

00:50:24.170 --> 00:50:25.750
That doesn't mean I'm ruining the flow of your

00:50:25.750 --> 00:50:29.750
room. It just means that I want to be seen and

00:50:29.750 --> 00:50:32.409
called on so I could feel comfortable and that

00:50:32.409 --> 00:50:34.550
it's my time to speak because maybe it takes

00:50:34.550 --> 00:50:36.550
me a little. maybe it's harder for me to speak

00:50:36.550 --> 00:50:38.929
too, right? Like it's, sometimes it's not so

00:50:38.929 --> 00:50:41.889
easy. And also people that will say, oh, you're

00:50:41.889 --> 00:50:44.050
so outgoing, you're la, la, la, la. And I'm like,

00:50:44.230 --> 00:50:47.369
but that's not so easy for me. Can I share what

00:50:47.369 --> 00:50:49.769
happened? So this happened to me. I was with

00:50:49.769 --> 00:50:52.329
American Cancer Society in Tucson. And I'll let

00:50:52.329 --> 00:50:54.010
you go after this, I'm sorry. But all of a sudden

00:50:54.010 --> 00:50:56.690
I did it after hours. And next thing I know,

00:50:57.329 --> 00:50:59.190
I was like in the corner and they're like, what's

00:50:59.190 --> 00:51:01.789
wrong? And I just, I felt so awkward. And from

00:51:01.789 --> 00:51:05.719
that day, I do not like, after hours. I will

00:51:05.719 --> 00:51:08.340
go to eat with you and I'll go, but if it's a

00:51:08.340 --> 00:51:11.539
group of people in like a bar setting or I'm

00:51:11.539 --> 00:51:13.760
like, no, it's not for me. I don't do well with

00:51:13.760 --> 00:51:16.280
it and I will clam down and I won't speak and

00:51:16.280 --> 00:51:21.519
I get really nervous. So what is that? Masking.

00:51:21.980 --> 00:51:24.119
Masking. It comes in the forms and I'm gonna

00:51:24.119 --> 00:51:26.320
clearly you that I can talk forever about this

00:51:26.320 --> 00:51:29.159
because I will nerd out to the day I die. Masking.

00:51:29.320 --> 00:51:32.059
I see it in camouflaging or masking or assimilation.

00:51:32.320 --> 00:51:35.670
It's the idea of, okay, I'm going to go up on

00:51:35.670 --> 00:51:37.730
stage. Let me put on the theater mask of a person

00:51:37.730 --> 00:51:40.690
who does well speaking on stage. And it's like

00:51:40.690 --> 00:51:42.969
you bring in all this energy to use at that time,

00:51:42.969 --> 00:51:44.730
but that is not sustainable amount of energy.

00:51:44.829 --> 00:51:47.329
And so it's whenever you're done, it's like you

00:51:47.329 --> 00:51:49.630
step into the mask of someone else. We go to

00:51:49.630 --> 00:51:51.429
these conferences at CreativeCon. It was wearing

00:51:51.429 --> 00:51:53.250
the mask. For me, it was wearing the mask of

00:51:53.250 --> 00:51:54.829
I'm going to learn this. I'm going to do this.

00:51:54.829 --> 00:51:56.849
I'm going to be up and bubbly and great. But

00:51:56.849 --> 00:51:58.750
it's not seeing at the end of the day, coming

00:51:58.750 --> 00:52:00.449
back and talking to my husband and my family

00:52:00.449 --> 00:52:03.579
and just completely melting onto the bed because

00:52:03.579 --> 00:52:07.300
no more energy is there. It's just bereft of

00:52:07.300 --> 00:52:08.760
everything because the battery has died because

00:52:08.760 --> 00:52:11.500
I've masked for so long. So for you - Why would

00:52:11.500 --> 00:52:13.440
it just happen all of a sudden? Like I, like

00:52:13.440 --> 00:52:15.679
it was just like one day I'm like in a happy

00:52:15.679 --> 00:52:17.960
hour enjoying myself and then the next I'm like

00:52:17.960 --> 00:52:20.460
I couldn't do it and I won't do it again. Changes

00:52:20.460 --> 00:52:24.449
are you hit your limit. There is - There is a

00:52:24.449 --> 00:52:26.090
theory called spoon theory, which I'm not sure

00:52:26.090 --> 00:52:27.849
if you've heard about this. Oh, yes, I have.

00:52:28.070 --> 00:52:30.190
It's the invisible illness. And every day, we

00:52:30.190 --> 00:52:33.050
have the amount of spoons we can give. Well,

00:52:33.630 --> 00:52:36.710
every day, if we've depleted those number of

00:52:36.710 --> 00:52:38.590
spoons, we will borrow from tomorrow and borrow

00:52:38.590 --> 00:52:40.389
from the next day until we could be 100 % of

00:52:40.389 --> 00:52:43.210
the day, 90, 80, 70, 60. And so these times,

00:52:43.329 --> 00:52:45.349
you might have been 100 % before. And then slowly,

00:52:45.349 --> 00:52:47.210
you were dropping down to where you hit that

00:52:47.210 --> 00:52:48.949
moment. You're like, I can no longer do this.

00:52:49.449 --> 00:52:52.469
I can no longer sustain this. This isn't good.

00:52:52.719 --> 00:52:54.380
for me, and I'm just going to shut down. But

00:52:54.380 --> 00:52:56.099
it's something that you've learned about yourself.

00:52:56.519 --> 00:52:58.179
And now you can come in and you can say that.

00:52:58.500 --> 00:53:00.840
I can do good from here to here. I cannot do

00:53:00.840 --> 00:53:04.079
further. Yeah. Thank you. If you if you let that

00:53:04.079 --> 00:53:06.519
Friday night, Friday night, it's I think Saturday

00:53:06.519 --> 00:53:10.039
night, I I stayed till about 738 and then I was

00:53:10.039 --> 00:53:12.199
like, it was just done. I just, cause I don't

00:53:12.199 --> 00:53:14.099
drink either. And so when everything's flowing,

00:53:14.300 --> 00:53:15.920
I was just like, I'm not, I'm not feeling it.

00:53:16.079 --> 00:53:17.539
But yeah, it's nice to be at an age where I can

00:53:17.539 --> 00:53:19.960
honor myself. I think that that is the beauty

00:53:19.960 --> 00:53:22.420
of life and getting a little older is that I

00:53:22.420 --> 00:53:23.659
can say, you know what? You just go to the room.

00:53:23.800 --> 00:53:25.360
Who cares? Like, like, you know what I mean?

00:53:25.480 --> 00:53:29.079
Do what's best for you. That's just the glorious

00:53:29.079 --> 00:53:31.449
part about learning. how you are and how your

00:53:31.449 --> 00:53:33.750
brain is and like no some people they get so

00:53:33.750 --> 00:53:35.489
jazzed I want to go to after hours I want to

00:53:35.489 --> 00:53:38.670
do this under this other people like I want to

00:53:38.670 --> 00:53:41.130
go upstairs and not wear pants and watch Gilmore

00:53:41.130 --> 00:53:43.889
Girls. You know what I actually thought I really

00:53:43.889 --> 00:53:46.610
was questioning like is it because of how I looked

00:53:46.610 --> 00:53:48.650
and I feel like I was chunky so then I started

00:53:48.650 --> 00:53:50.670
going down that path like oh maybe it's just

00:53:50.670 --> 00:53:52.269
because I'm not feeling comfortable in my own

00:53:52.269 --> 00:53:56.230
skin so now I you know but I I don't know if

00:53:56.230 --> 00:53:58.130
that was it. Nothing had changed in that, but

00:53:58.130 --> 00:54:00.090
that's how I just made it sound right in my own

00:54:00.090 --> 00:54:01.869
mind. Think about that. Your brain immediately

00:54:01.869 --> 00:54:04.690
went to, what's wrong with me? Oh, yeah, you're

00:54:04.690 --> 00:54:08.409
right. You're right. Oh, I love you. I'm so glad

00:54:08.409 --> 00:54:10.949
that we connected. I always think, you know,

00:54:11.230 --> 00:54:13.829
the reason why I just sat at that table, sat

00:54:13.829 --> 00:54:15.710
down next to you, that was a great, that was

00:54:15.710 --> 00:54:19.989
just great. I really enjoyed dancing, getting

00:54:19.989 --> 00:54:21.789
up there and dancing a little bit. And then I

00:54:21.789 --> 00:54:23.929
think I fell down and, you know, I liked the

00:54:23.929 --> 00:54:25.989
actress and like doing that. Like that was a

00:54:25.989 --> 00:54:28.190
lot of fun. I really, really enjoyed that kid.

00:54:28.610 --> 00:54:30.530
And now I always say, I want to be the female

00:54:30.530 --> 00:54:35.789
Ramon Ray, because I loved him. Oh, yeah. Amazing.

00:54:36.389 --> 00:54:38.989
TM Hyman said, you actually were a lot of like

00:54:38.989 --> 00:54:40.949
him. And I'm like, yeah, I love that. Like that

00:54:40.949 --> 00:54:42.269
made me feel good. Just come in and get that

00:54:42.269 --> 00:54:44.880
energy. Yes, yes, yes. And then it's OK if I'm

00:54:44.880 --> 00:54:47.460
tired at the end. That's because you know that

00:54:47.460 --> 00:54:50.420
the energy is for that. Not going to be something

00:54:50.420 --> 00:54:53.420
that you have to be every moment of every day.

00:54:54.239 --> 00:54:57.559
So true, OK, so you have your website. We have

00:54:57.559 --> 00:55:01.980
that up there so people could see it. People

00:55:01.980 --> 00:55:05.340
find you on socials on my social. So honestly

00:55:05.340 --> 00:55:07.739
on the website it has a link to every social

00:55:07.739 --> 00:55:11.219
that I'm on and I try. at least Monday through

00:55:11.219 --> 00:55:15.460
Friday to post some minute or two video on just

00:55:15.460 --> 00:55:18.099
what oxygen looks like, what ADHD looks like.

00:55:18.480 --> 00:55:21.219
I bring in cats way more often than I probably

00:55:21.219 --> 00:55:23.840
would benefit from. I don't know, cats are awesome.

00:55:23.980 --> 00:55:26.880
So they're in. And it's just, it's normalizing

00:55:26.880 --> 00:55:29.929
what life looks like. I like that a lot. Thank

00:55:29.929 --> 00:55:31.710
you so much. Yeah, I have to tell Alana to do

00:55:31.710 --> 00:55:33.650
that. Thank you for your time. So this is going

00:55:33.650 --> 00:55:36.489
to turn into a podcast of all this information.

00:55:36.809 --> 00:55:38.969
Is there anything that you would have wanted

00:55:38.969 --> 00:55:41.230
me to ask that? Like I missed, I didn't ask you,

00:55:41.269 --> 00:55:43.369
but that's important to tell the audience of

00:55:43.369 --> 00:55:45.789
seven now, seven of you are watching. We are

00:55:45.789 --> 00:55:49.829
killing it. I, not a question so much as I love

00:55:49.829 --> 00:55:53.670
to make sure that the world knows that we all

00:55:53.670 --> 00:55:57.829
have value and worth. It is not on you to dim

00:55:57.829 --> 00:56:00.030
your light in order to make sure others shine.

00:56:01.110 --> 00:56:02.710
You are allowed to be there. You're allowed to

00:56:02.710 --> 00:56:05.789
take a space. And not enough people remember

00:56:05.789 --> 00:56:09.429
that. So I'm telling the world. I love that.

00:56:09.610 --> 00:56:12.070
I used to work for Muscular Dystrophy Association,

00:56:12.750 --> 00:56:15.409
and they had a whole program that when everyone's

00:56:15.409 --> 00:56:17.590
different, nobody's perfect. And I remember even

00:56:17.590 --> 00:56:20.210
at that time how important that was. Thank you.

00:56:20.469 --> 00:56:23.429
Thank you for supporting, because that is so

00:56:23.429 --> 00:56:26.309
nice of Iman to come in and always support. She's

00:56:26.309 --> 00:56:27.889
so beautiful. I missed you Thursday morning,

00:56:27.889 --> 00:56:33.239
actually. Thank you so much. Really, with Mary

00:56:33.239 --> 00:56:35.119
Lynn, I think you would do great in a segment.

00:56:35.260 --> 00:56:37.079
So you need to write out. You don't need to do

00:56:37.079 --> 00:56:41.579
anything. Oh, I'm going to do it. I don't know

00:56:41.579 --> 00:56:44.340
if anyone's talking about this, but as an adult

00:56:44.340 --> 00:56:46.639
that thinks, but not going to spend the money

00:56:46.639 --> 00:56:50.099
to diagnose myself. But it's a good feeling to

00:56:50.099 --> 00:56:51.619
know. You know what? It's OK to say it, too.

00:56:51.880 --> 00:56:53.579
It's OK to say I don't get the stock market.

00:56:54.519 --> 00:56:57.050
It's absolutely OK. It really is. And it's OK

00:56:57.050 --> 00:56:59.389
to use ChatGBT and say, explain it to me. Yes,

00:56:59.750 --> 00:57:03.650
it is. It is a tool that helps put us on the

00:57:03.650 --> 00:57:06.949
same line as everybody else. I love that. Thank

00:57:06.949 --> 00:57:09.170
you so much for having me. I really appreciate

00:57:09.170 --> 00:57:11.449
it. Oh my god. Are you kidding me? I appreciate

00:57:11.449 --> 00:57:14.309
you. Thank you. You just gave so much information.

00:57:14.489 --> 00:57:16.429
Thank you for letting me share. And excuse me

00:57:16.429 --> 00:57:21.269
for a second. Alexa, stop. I tried this before.

00:57:21.409 --> 00:57:24.619
She wouldn't do it. Alexa, make me dinner. Oh,

00:57:24.760 --> 00:57:26.940
I wish that wouldn't work. I can't make you dinner.

00:57:28.139 --> 00:57:30.079
Okay, she's reminding me to take the garbage

00:57:30.079 --> 00:57:32.599
out. All right. Have a great rest of the day.

00:57:32.800 --> 00:57:36.340
Thank you so much. This was a great conversation.

00:57:36.599 --> 00:57:38.639
Thank you for watching everyone. We'll see you

00:57:38.639 --> 00:57:41.800
next time. Alexa, stop.