Stealing the Shine: Healing After Narcissistic Abuse with Marisol James

WEBVTT

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We're live Okay, so it is for me 9 a .m And normally

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I don't do podcast recordings, but I wanted to

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meet Mary's Marisol and It is two in the afternoon

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for Marisol and she's not gonna tell you where

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she is But she's gonna introduce herself because

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she's brave bold and beautiful as you can see

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and then let's see if you guys can guess where

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she's from Where is she right now? So Marisol

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welcome Hi, Adrienne. Well, this is going to

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be a bit of an unfair thing because my accent

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does not give you a clue where I actually am

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in the world. But yes, it's two o 'clock in the

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afternoon here, and the hint I will give is that

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it is rainy, drizzly and chilly. So see if that

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helps a little bit. I know. I know. Is it the

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UK? It is. It is the UK. It is. Well done. So,

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but you were born in the UK or were you? So you're

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born? Canada originally. Oh, okay. So the French

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side of Canada? Well, my mother's people are

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from the French part of Canada. My dad's people

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are from the English part of Canada. So I'm one

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of those wonderful hybrid mixes of French and

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English Canadian. Wow. So do you have a Canadian

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passport and an Italian? I mean, like, where's

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your, like, you have a couple? I have a Canadian

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passport and because Canada is a member of the

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Commonwealth, I have got indefinitely to remain

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in the UK. So I can work here, I can buy a house

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here, I can get benefits here if I want, so I

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can vote. So I have all the rights as if I were

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born here, but I've kept my original passport.

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I will never give up being Canadian. Never, never,

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never. I love that. And we're on this app called

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chatter social and a lot of Canadian friends

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on there. And it's so much fun because you can

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go on camera and like show your surroundings

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and show places. And I absolutely love that.

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So very, very cool. All right. So this is cool.

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So your speaker coach writer and tell us like

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about how you got to be because it doesn't like

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you're not like waking up one day going. I'm

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going to be a speech speaker, coach and writer

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today. So tell us your story. Yeah. Okay. I'll

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give you the very condensed sort of Cliff's notes

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version of it. Okay. So I was, I was raised in

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Canada. I went to school in Canada. I have a

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master's degree in international business from

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a Canadian university, but I have lived more

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than half of my life actually outside Canada.

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I've held very high management positions in Eastern

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Europe and in Asia, mostly Hong Kong for five

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years. And I ended up moving to Poland and working

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in management there, marrying a Polish man, having

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two beautiful children in Warsaw. And after I

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got ill, I ended up leaving management because

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I couldn't I was not allowed to continue in that

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job. And I started writing romance books as kind

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of a, it's a long story, but it was kind of a

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joke, kind of a dare, kind of a way to kill the

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time. And by some very bizarre twist of fate,

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I became a best selling romance writer. And I

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wrote 28 best self published, 28 romance books

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in just sort of six years. And then, My husband

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and I went our separate ways. It was a very healthy,

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no, no, it was a very good breakup. We still

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get along beautifully, actually. We get along

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better now than when we were married. Let's put

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it that way. And I fell headlong into a relationship

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with the narcissistic, abusive man. here in England.

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I was still in Poland. He was in England, but

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I was traveling back and forth between Warsaw

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and London because one of my best -selling series

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was being recorded to audiobook in a studio in

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London. So I met this guy, this English guy.

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And after two years long distance, I moved over

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here with my older son who will be 19 next month.

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And my son and myself and this man moved in together.

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And my entire life totally imploded, exploded,

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detonated. The abuse was, I mean, it was mostly

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mental and emotional because of the narcissistic

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abuse. It was also financial. It did become physical

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at one point and my whole life just unraveled.

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I had written 28 books in six years and I lived

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with him for four years and in that four years

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I wrote two books because he sabotaged my writing

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and I was completely dependent on him financially.

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I was working for his company and what ended

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up happening in the end was I was just so completely

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beaten down and exhausted and abused by this

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man and it wasn't until I got out of it two years

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ago that I even recognized what it actually was

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because narcissistic abuse is one of those things

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that you don't know what it is unless you've

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sort of experienced like I would know it now

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but at that time I was utterly unprepared so

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over the past sort of six months I have started

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to refocus, rethink, reframe, rebuild definitely

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and I've decided that I want to work with other

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high achieving women, successful women independent,

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smart women with lots of life experience who

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have ended up in these relationships and are

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recovering. So this is how I've ended up being

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a speaker and a coach now, because I do speak

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on stages about this, but I also coach women

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one on one about it. So that's why I'm kind of

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speaker, coach, writer, sort of all three. Oh,

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and I'm also writing a book about narcissism.

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So it's a torture from what I've done before.

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So. I think it's really hard to find a good speaker

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on the topic. So I think that's important. I'm

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wearing this band right here. It's faded, but

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it's speak it, write it, live it. from a then

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called creative con where, you know, you're in

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your couple hundred speakers, coaches, writers

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with their story. So were you, does a narcissistic

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person groom you? Were you groomed? For sure.

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I mean, that two years that I was still in Poland

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and he was here, I mean, I thought We were exclusive.

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I thought that I was getting to know him. There

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was a lot of traveling back and forth by me and

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by him. So I thought I knew him. And it's one

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of these things where when you're out of it,

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you can just see all of the red flags, you know,

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you can just see all of the behaviors. And it's

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just part of what makes it so hard to recover

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from narcissistic abuse is the absolute betrayal

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that you find out. After so I didn't know that

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he was like You know seeing me and still in contact

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with his ex -girlfriends and like propositioning

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them for sex I mean how would I know that right?

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I thought I was in an exclusive loving Relationship

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with my dream man, which is why I got on the

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plane with my son and brought him here, right?

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Wow. So definitely that two -year period was

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him on his best behavior and it wasn't that difficult

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because we weren't around each other 24 -7. It's

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not easy to be on your best behavior. like one

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weekend a month, right? And in text, it's not

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hard. But once my son and I moved here, it just

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the mask came off, the behavior flipped. We went

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right into COVID right after like my son and

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I moved here in December. By February, we were

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in lockdown. So then we were really trapped.

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I had no support system. So as soon as he got

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us really where he wanted us and where I was

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vulnerable and very much adrift. He had no reason

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to be on his best behavior anymore, did he? He

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was free to bring out the manipulation and the

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gaslighting and the lying. So it is one of those

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things where it is a flip and it doesn't happen

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overnight. It's gradual, but looking back on

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it now, I can see how manipulation started and

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turning my son against me like it was really

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it's a complicated complex type of abuse I mean

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if he just you know raised his fist and hit me

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that would be one thing but it's the psychological

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emotional stuff that you really question your

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reality and you can't figure out how this amazing

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person like where did he go and what have I done

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and It's a very, very traumatic experience for

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sure. So, Marisol, I am the co -host of a true

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crime podcast. We've done 40 episodes. Narcissism

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seems to be a common trait. Like, I've noticed

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that when we're talking about serial killers,

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those that are infamous and the ones that we're

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seeing. recently here in America, the crimes

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here, I'm like, wow. So there is something with

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the personality disorder. I always felt that

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I should never diagnose someone, right? Like,

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I've really tried in my life to not be like,

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oh, that person's such a narcissistic person,

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because like, it's like diagnosing them with

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something that I don't even know that they have,

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right? They could just maybe like the mirror

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every time they walk by and like, who am I to

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judge? But, but I As I'm learning and doing the

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true crime, I'm like, oh my God, this is definitely

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a pattern. And especially the nurse, we did the

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story last night, a baby, a manual hero. You

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probably don't know the story, but it was a seven

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month old boy and the parents claim that, you

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know, that the mother claims that she was punched

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and they took the child. But one of the things

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that you notice is that trait of... I think because

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I'm not a doctor to diagnose or I don't even

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know if you need a doctor. At one point I read

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you don't really need a doctor to diagnose and

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say out loud someone is narcissistic. It just

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feels weird to me. But being able to look at

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the camera and claim that someone else took your

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kid and bring them back when you know that you

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were the one that ended the life of your child.

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That's pretty narcissistic, isn't it? Or am I

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thinking it completely wrong? Well, I think one

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of the, I think One of the reasons why narcissism

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is all over Instagram. It's all over TikTok.

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It's everywhere you turn around. You know, he's

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a narcissist. She's a narcissist. And I think

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it's been overused and I think it's really misunderstood.

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And I also think that as more and more people

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talk about it the way that I do. We have the

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vocabulary now. So I think even 10 years ago,

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what we would have said about my ex was he's

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a cheater. He's a liar. He's a bully. You know,

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these are the things we would say about him.

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But what we have to understand about narcissists

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is there is a pattern of behavior. It is a cycle.

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It is an entire dynamic in the relationship.

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And it's a dynamic and a cycle that is present

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in every relationship that they have so it's

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not like if it were just me and him and we were

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really badly matched and we didn't get along

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and you know what I mean it was just a really

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no communication that would be one thing you

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can say someone's a bad match or a bad boyfriend

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or a bad wife whatever but when someone repeats

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the same patterns over and over and over and

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over and there's no matter who it is you know

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you're dealing with somebody who has some sort

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of personality behavior issue. That's just the

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way it is, right? I don't get along with everybody,

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but I certainly don't behave towards people the

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way that he behaves towards every intimate relationship

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in his life. So it's interesting with narcissism

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that as people use the word more, its understanding

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becomes less. So anybody who's kind of a jerk

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is now a narcissist. which is not the case. I

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mean, every narcissist is a jerk, but not every

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jerk is a narcissist. And if we're talking about

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criminals, I mean, I see some real comparisons

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and correlations between narcissists, sociopaths

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and psychopaths, but only in the sense that every

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one of these personalities is utterly, utterly

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self -absorbed. And they have no real grasp of

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a genuine relationship with the outer world.

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They don't have any integrity. They don't have

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any genuineness. They don't have any empathy

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or compassion. And part of what was wrong about

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narcissists. People think, oh, it's this guy.

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He's a blowhard. He's always talking about his

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money. That's not true. My ex was a covert narcissist,

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which is the hardest one to get a handle on because

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a covert narcissist by definition is very self

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-effacing. They're always being victimized by

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the world. Nothing ever works out for them. Every

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relationship they've ever had somehow, the other

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person was crazy. And so you get sucked into

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them because you have empathy for their struggle,

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their troubles, you wanna help them. And high

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achieving women, we tend to be problem solvers.

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We tend to be fixers. We tend to be good at helping.

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You know, this is part of what makes us successful

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and how achieving is we're capable of supporting

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others, like pulling others, right? And a narcissist

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just plays right into that with like, oh, I'm

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a victim and oh, this hasn't worked out and oh,

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I don't have this and oh, why isn't this working

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for me? And we will work double time to try to

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make them happy. And then we're stuck. Like now

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we're in the dance. Now we're in the dynamic.

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So you have to be very careful when you talk

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about narcissists, because there's at least sort

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of nine different kinds of narcissists. And the

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truth is, my ex would never go to therapy and

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he would never get a diagnosis. But I know, I

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know what he is. There's not a doubt in my mind,

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but... It's hard to diagnose a narcissistic person.

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How hard would that be? in their mind, they're

00:15:39.940 --> 00:15:42.659
totally fine. So like, why are you even wasting

00:15:42.659 --> 00:15:45.320
my time trying to diagnose me when there is completely

00:15:45.320 --> 00:15:48.139
nothing wrong with me? Obviously, it's you, not

00:15:48.139 --> 00:15:52.259
me. Clearly. It's so. Yeah. So that's why the

00:15:52.259 --> 00:15:54.799
numbers on narcissism are impossible because

00:15:54.799 --> 00:15:58.519
I mean, he's never going to go anywhere and declare

00:15:58.519 --> 00:16:02.179
himself a narcissist. But I have studied and

00:16:02.179 --> 00:16:04.679
I have been through help and I have done all

00:16:04.679 --> 00:16:07.820
the research and I've really looked back. on

00:16:07.820 --> 00:16:12.000
our six year relationship. And I know, I see

00:16:12.000 --> 00:16:15.139
it, I know, but he'll never admit it. So that's

00:16:15.139 --> 00:16:17.679
one more narcissist who's not being accounted

00:16:17.679 --> 00:16:21.460
for, I mean, officially, right? No, 100%. Like,

00:16:21.639 --> 00:16:24.179
but I also think from the stories that I've heard

00:16:24.179 --> 00:16:30.179
doing the show since 2020, the parents, mom,

00:16:30.460 --> 00:16:34.580
dad, sibling, brother, sister, family member.

00:16:35.419 --> 00:16:38.139
So it's not just a relationship that you would

00:16:38.139 --> 00:16:42.779
have intimately with a partner. It could be a

00:16:42.779 --> 00:16:45.159
family member. And that's got to be trying too.

00:16:45.220 --> 00:16:46.559
But if you don't mind, I want to switch gears

00:16:46.559 --> 00:16:51.279
slightly and ask you about your son only because

00:16:51.279 --> 00:16:54.919
he was kind of put into the situation. So what

00:16:54.919 --> 00:16:57.389
point did he realize this? And this is a Honestly,

00:16:57.470 --> 00:16:59.389
to me I'm thinking it's a good learning lesson

00:16:59.389 --> 00:17:03.590
for a young man to to be exposed and then to

00:17:03.590 --> 00:17:06.089
understand it and then have like I think it like

00:17:06.089 --> 00:17:09.789
feels all good, right? Like so was this was he

00:17:09.789 --> 00:17:12.630
13 at the time or is this six years ago? Like

00:17:12.630 --> 00:17:16.029
what what did that? We left two years ago and

00:17:16.029 --> 00:17:18.150
we lived with him for four years. We would have

00:17:18.150 --> 00:17:20.609
moved in with him when my son just turned 13.

00:17:20.809 --> 00:17:24.599
Yeah, he's just 13 And not a bad learning lesson.

00:17:24.799 --> 00:17:28.960
I mean, as long as he was safe and didn't experience

00:17:28.960 --> 00:17:32.400
too much trauma watching someone talk to you

00:17:32.400 --> 00:17:35.359
in a way that's probably hurtful. Was it a part

00:17:35.359 --> 00:17:38.240
of anything that your son had? The problem is

00:17:38.240 --> 00:17:44.440
that my ex had no problem abusing my son verbally,

00:17:44.799 --> 00:17:49.029
mentally, emotionally. And he really started

00:17:49.029 --> 00:17:52.750
doing that when I was pretty much beaten down,

00:17:53.029 --> 00:17:55.569
you know, and I was dependent on him financially.

00:17:56.430 --> 00:18:01.009
So as soon as my ex held all the cards financially,

00:18:01.430 --> 00:18:04.930
suddenly my son was fair game as well. And any

00:18:04.930 --> 00:18:07.269
time I pushed back and said, okay, this is it,

00:18:07.349 --> 00:18:09.130
we're out of here. He was like, well, give me

00:18:09.130 --> 00:18:13.200
your phone, give me your son's phone. leave now,

00:18:13.579 --> 00:18:15.779
good luck, I mean you have no money, you have

00:18:15.779 --> 00:18:20.000
no contacts, you have nothing. So it became one

00:18:20.000 --> 00:18:24.200
of these things where my son was either in target

00:18:24.200 --> 00:18:29.059
or he was upon where my ex would be horrible

00:18:29.059 --> 00:18:31.759
to my son and then the next day he would take

00:18:31.759 --> 00:18:34.680
my son out and buy him something really expensive.

00:18:35.289 --> 00:18:39.710
and take him out and my son would be misbehaving

00:18:39.710 --> 00:18:42.329
and I would try to discipline him and my ex would

00:18:42.329 --> 00:18:44.349
say okay ignore your mother it's fine let's just

00:18:44.349 --> 00:18:48.369
go and do let's forget about her. He was using

00:18:48.369 --> 00:18:53.210
my son against me so very often my son was kind

00:18:53.210 --> 00:18:57.509
of thrown between really being afraid and being

00:18:57.509 --> 00:19:01.450
abused and being belittled and hurt swung to

00:19:02.009 --> 00:19:04.769
you know, he's back in my ex's good graces, and

00:19:04.769 --> 00:19:07.369
in order to stay there, he's got to turn against

00:19:07.369 --> 00:19:11.329
me. So you can see how this is confusing and

00:19:11.329 --> 00:19:14.609
horrible for a young man. And it's only been

00:19:14.609 --> 00:19:17.250
since I left. Like I basically said to my son,

00:19:17.349 --> 00:19:19.289
we're leaving, that's it, we're going. I have

00:19:19.289 --> 00:19:21.269
no idea how this is all going to work out, but

00:19:21.269 --> 00:19:24.009
we're not staying here. And my son has watched

00:19:24.009 --> 00:19:26.569
me over the past two years really pull myself

00:19:26.569 --> 00:19:31.299
together. And we've had lots of talks about My

00:19:31.299 --> 00:19:35.440
my ex being a narcissist and my son really really

00:19:35.440 --> 00:19:40.299
just he has horrible guilt now about how he treated

00:19:40.299 --> 00:19:44.279
me With the the go -ahead of my ex like they

00:19:44.279 --> 00:19:46.900
were sort of in league against me and my son

00:19:46.900 --> 00:19:50.400
feels horrible about it and I told him No, don't

00:19:50.400 --> 00:19:52.680
because I feel horrible that I even put us in

00:19:52.680 --> 00:19:55.789
a position with this guy But I didn't know. You

00:19:55.789 --> 00:19:58.150
didn't know. We didn't know what we were dealing

00:19:58.150 --> 00:20:00.890
with. And this is the whole thing about covert

00:20:00.890 --> 00:20:04.690
narcissists that you don't know what you're in

00:20:04.690 --> 00:20:07.970
until you're already in it. And then you're so

00:20:07.970 --> 00:20:12.589
confused. You're so demoralized. You're so just

00:20:12.589 --> 00:20:15.069
I don't understand what's happening. And you're

00:20:15.069 --> 00:20:17.930
so dependent on them by that point. And it's

00:20:17.930 --> 00:20:22.720
a really difficult traumatic experience to pull

00:20:22.720 --> 00:20:26.000
yourself out of in one piece. It's really difficult.

00:20:26.539 --> 00:20:29.960
So my son has been healing for the past couple

00:20:29.960 --> 00:20:33.779
of years as well. Oh Florence, hello Florence

00:20:33.779 --> 00:20:38.799
Esther. So I put it up here, Florence. I'm hoping

00:20:38.799 --> 00:20:41.460
that's okay. I was in a bad marriage with a lot

00:20:41.460 --> 00:20:43.940
of arguing that escalated into domestic violence.

00:20:44.339 --> 00:20:46.519
I did not know that he was a narcissist until

00:20:46.519 --> 00:20:49.200
a couple of years ago. From studying, he is a

00:20:49.200 --> 00:20:53.660
grandiose type or overt. I got involved for the

00:20:53.660 --> 00:20:55.880
last 12 years in a strange relationship with

00:20:55.880 --> 00:20:58.400
a lot of drama, ups and downs, me questioning

00:20:58.400 --> 00:21:00.660
my own reality, sanity. I want to talk about

00:21:00.660 --> 00:21:03.890
that for a second. Including asking myself if

00:21:03.890 --> 00:21:07.490
I was truly was abusing him because he gaslighted

00:21:07.490 --> 00:21:10.549
me to believe that he was oh god Turns out when

00:21:10.549 --> 00:21:12.950
I got injured in a car wreck and next to me made

00:21:12.950 --> 00:21:16.849
it worse. Oh Florence that you're out of it,

00:21:16.869 --> 00:21:21.670
right? What do you have to say? Marisol two things

00:21:21.670 --> 00:21:25.390
three things first Florence I am so sorry to

00:21:25.390 --> 00:21:29.240
hear that because I absolutely This is one of

00:21:29.240 --> 00:21:31.400
these situations that unless you've been in it,

00:21:31.400 --> 00:21:34.079
you actually have no idea at all. People can

00:21:34.079 --> 00:21:36.299
read about it, therapists might be trained in

00:21:36.299 --> 00:21:38.500
it, but unless you are a woman, and it has to

00:21:38.500 --> 00:21:40.279
be a woman with a man because of the physical

00:21:40.279 --> 00:21:43.660
disparity and the physical differences, right?

00:21:44.180 --> 00:21:46.599
So unless you are a woman who's been in a relationship

00:21:46.599 --> 00:21:48.839
with an abusive, narcissistic man, you have no

00:21:48.839 --> 00:21:52.279
idea. So my first thing is I'm so sorry to hear

00:21:52.279 --> 00:21:56.480
that. And the second thing I have to say is it's

00:21:56.730 --> 00:22:01.609
It's really possible for women to go from one

00:22:01.609 --> 00:22:05.450
narcissistic dynamic into another narcissistic

00:22:05.450 --> 00:22:10.210
dynamic because they look different on the surface.

00:22:10.750 --> 00:22:15.130
So you leave a relationship with an overt. grandiose,

00:22:15.130 --> 00:22:18.710
loud, physically abusive man. You find a man

00:22:18.710 --> 00:22:22.569
who's quiet, self -effacing. You know, he's not

00:22:22.569 --> 00:22:25.190
out like, oh, you know, I don't really, the world's

00:22:25.190 --> 00:22:26.970
kind of out to get me and I've had a hard time

00:22:26.970 --> 00:22:29.990
in relationships. And you don't think there's

00:22:29.990 --> 00:22:32.529
any commonality between these men because on

00:22:32.529 --> 00:22:35.769
the surface they are different. But a narcissist

00:22:35.769 --> 00:22:39.349
is a narcissist, is a narcissist. And the cycle,

00:22:39.710 --> 00:22:42.289
you suddenly find yourself in the exact same

00:22:42.289 --> 00:22:45.660
cycle. with a totally different man who looks

00:22:45.660 --> 00:22:48.140
so different on the surface, but it's the same

00:22:48.140 --> 00:22:52.359
guy. And this is why it's so difficult for women

00:22:52.359 --> 00:22:56.180
to break the cycle unless they've had some kind

00:22:56.180 --> 00:22:58.880
of coaching or really support, like the kind

00:22:58.880 --> 00:23:02.339
that I provide my clients because you will kind

00:23:02.339 --> 00:23:05.380
of keep spinning from relationship to relationship,

00:23:05.519 --> 00:23:08.799
unfortunately. And that's why it's so crucial

00:23:08.799 --> 00:23:12.019
to really get the help and the perspective on

00:23:12.019 --> 00:23:14.920
it. And the third thing I have to say is that

00:23:14.920 --> 00:23:18.619
I absolutely believe that if she were injured

00:23:18.619 --> 00:23:21.319
in a car accident or anything that makes you

00:23:21.319 --> 00:23:26.180
physically dependent on them, you are such a

00:23:26.180 --> 00:23:30.440
burden. You are such an inconvenience. And this

00:23:30.440 --> 00:23:33.220
usually shortens the length of the relationship

00:23:33.220 --> 00:23:37.660
pretty dramatically, I have to say. Wow. I want

00:23:37.660 --> 00:23:39.539
to go. And there was something that Florence

00:23:39.539 --> 00:23:41.519
said and that you were talking about that I thought,

00:23:41.900 --> 00:23:45.500
oh, the anger, like the anger that you feel being

00:23:45.500 --> 00:23:49.140
talked to like that, even when you're still dealing

00:23:49.140 --> 00:23:50.960
with it, but you know that nobody should have

00:23:50.960 --> 00:23:53.299
the right to talk to you like that. But yet you're

00:23:53.299 --> 00:23:56.960
kind of allowing it or like your son has experienced

00:23:56.960 --> 00:23:59.019
the anger of looking back and thinking, I could

00:23:59.019 --> 00:24:01.650
have done this. coulda woulda showed us, these

00:24:01.650 --> 00:24:04.829
are learning lessons, but how do you handle that

00:24:04.829 --> 00:24:11.349
just your own internal struggle with anger? And

00:24:11.349 --> 00:24:15.269
sometimes I almost question if it's almost like

00:24:15.269 --> 00:24:17.009
you're trying to tread water, you're trying to

00:24:17.009 --> 00:24:18.250
get out of the pool, but you're consistently

00:24:18.250 --> 00:24:20.710
trying to tread water just to keep your head

00:24:20.710 --> 00:24:24.769
afloat and that it almost feels like you're drowning

00:24:24.769 --> 00:24:27.549
sometimes with all the stuff that's laid on you.

00:24:27.950 --> 00:24:31.839
How do you How do you handle that? Well it's

00:24:31.839 --> 00:24:34.299
interesting because when you're in the relationship

00:24:34.299 --> 00:24:37.079
with the narcissist it is absolutely not safe

00:24:37.079 --> 00:24:40.319
to be angry. It's not safe to show any emotion

00:24:40.319 --> 00:24:46.009
whatsoever because on the one hand they They

00:24:46.009 --> 00:24:49.349
need supply. A narcissist needs supply and it

00:24:49.349 --> 00:24:52.690
has to be external validation and supply. And

00:24:52.690 --> 00:24:55.329
so when you praise them and you love them and

00:24:55.329 --> 00:24:56.930
you tell them, they're the most amazing person,

00:24:57.130 --> 00:25:00.569
that's great. But they will also get supply from

00:25:00.569 --> 00:25:04.190
you being confused, you being upset, you being

00:25:04.190 --> 00:25:07.150
angry, you reacting to things they do. They'll

00:25:07.150 --> 00:25:10.190
push, they'll poke, they'll press your buttons

00:25:10.190 --> 00:25:13.509
and then when you blow, that's supply for them.

00:25:13.950 --> 00:25:18.049
any kind of emotion on your part fills them up.

00:25:18.130 --> 00:25:21.829
It fills up their tank, okay? So what you learn

00:25:21.829 --> 00:25:25.940
is to just not react. I mean, there are times

00:25:25.940 --> 00:25:28.339
you can't help it at all and you just blow a

00:25:28.339 --> 00:25:31.339
gasket, right? You end up apologizing for your

00:25:31.339 --> 00:25:34.160
behavior as well because you're so unlike yourself.

00:25:34.420 --> 00:25:37.099
You're so angry. You're so out of control. You're

00:25:37.099 --> 00:25:39.859
so reactive. Then you apologize to them because

00:25:39.859 --> 00:25:41.880
you've like gone off on them, right? I mean,

00:25:42.420 --> 00:25:44.890
it's one of these very sick dynamics, but you

00:25:44.890 --> 00:25:48.089
reach the point where you are so exhausted you

00:25:48.089 --> 00:25:50.970
can't actually get angry and you learn it's not

00:25:50.970 --> 00:25:56.690
safe to be angry so you push down on a lot and

00:25:56.690 --> 00:25:59.630
when you're finally out of it either because

00:25:59.630 --> 00:26:02.990
he discards you because he is a new supply or

00:26:02.990 --> 00:26:06.009
he's used you up and you're not giving him anything

00:26:06.009 --> 00:26:08.730
anymore you're not even reacting he's not getting

00:26:08.730 --> 00:26:11.009
anything he's got to go find supply from somewhere

00:26:11.009 --> 00:26:16.619
else or as I did my son and I left, suddenly

00:26:16.619 --> 00:26:19.980
all of those feelings that weren't safe to feel,

00:26:20.299 --> 00:26:23.440
they suddenly they have to start rising, right?

00:26:24.099 --> 00:26:27.259
So I actually tell the women that I work with

00:26:27.259 --> 00:26:31.200
that anger is great, like it's perfectly okay

00:26:31.200 --> 00:26:35.299
because you have been abused, you have been mistreated,

00:26:35.500 --> 00:26:38.160
you've been lied to, you've been betrayed and

00:26:38.160 --> 00:26:40.880
it's even okay to be angry at yourself because

00:26:41.789 --> 00:26:44.450
Like I'm a very high achieving woman. I have

00:26:44.450 --> 00:26:47.109
a master's degree. I've lived all over the world.

00:26:47.309 --> 00:26:49.869
I'm the best selling romance writer. I've had

00:26:49.869 --> 00:26:53.349
healthy relationships, you know. And then this

00:26:53.349 --> 00:26:56.849
guy came along and suddenly, suddenly what? He

00:26:56.849 --> 00:26:59.829
was mistreating me and I stayed. Like it's just

00:26:59.829 --> 00:27:01.630
one of these things where you're so angry with

00:27:01.630 --> 00:27:05.849
yourself. And that is okay, but you cannot get

00:27:05.849 --> 00:27:10.640
stuck in. that anger. It will resurface. It will

00:27:10.640 --> 00:27:12.740
come back and you'll move beyond it and it will

00:27:12.740 --> 00:27:15.599
return. You'll find something else out that he

00:27:15.599 --> 00:27:17.859
did. Things will start to click into place. You'll

00:27:17.859 --> 00:27:21.559
get angry about that. So it's okay to be angry.

00:27:21.740 --> 00:27:24.579
What's not okay is to sit in that anger for years

00:27:24.579 --> 00:27:26.980
and years and years because that's just that's

00:27:26.980 --> 00:27:31.650
not healing at all. That's poison to me. It's

00:27:31.650 --> 00:27:33.789
poisoning yourself. A quick question and then

00:27:33.789 --> 00:27:35.950
I want to just go visit your website before we

00:27:35.950 --> 00:27:39.109
close. Florence, thank you for sharing and I

00:27:39.109 --> 00:27:42.430
know that Marisol and I both just want the best

00:27:42.430 --> 00:27:44.450
of you. Marisol, do you have a Facebook group?

00:27:44.569 --> 00:27:48.430
Do you have any groups, places? The best thing

00:27:48.430 --> 00:27:54.539
to do really is to Go to my website and also

00:27:54.539 --> 00:27:57.740
my Instagram. And if you're on LinkedIn, that's

00:27:57.740 --> 00:28:01.259
also great because I tend to do workshops where

00:28:01.259 --> 00:28:03.799
they're live and I tend to do workshops for sort

00:28:03.799 --> 00:28:06.799
of 60, 90 minutes. And even though I'm in the

00:28:06.799 --> 00:28:11.279
UK, I always time them for people in the US and

00:28:11.279 --> 00:28:13.440
Canada, right? And Australia, unfortunately,

00:28:14.140 --> 00:28:15.660
you know, three o 'clock in the morning, it doesn't

00:28:15.660 --> 00:28:17.900
work for them. But I will usually do it sort

00:28:17.900 --> 00:28:20.289
of 10 o 'clock, let's say Eastern time. Right.

00:28:20.869 --> 00:28:23.450
Um, and I will do these workshops live on zoom.

00:28:23.690 --> 00:28:25.910
And that's probably the best way to find me,

00:28:25.930 --> 00:28:29.369
actually. So if you look on my, um, if you look

00:28:29.369 --> 00:28:31.930
on my LinkedIn and you look on my Instagram,

00:28:32.069 --> 00:28:34.069
that's probably the better place to find me than

00:28:34.069 --> 00:28:36.950
Facebook. I find Facebook lately is the algorithms

00:28:36.950 --> 00:28:38.910
aren't really working for me. Unfortunately.

00:28:39.289 --> 00:28:42.329
No, I can totally understand that. Um, okay.

00:28:42.349 --> 00:28:44.289
So I wanted to show your website off. That's

00:28:44.289 --> 00:28:52.359
okay. So I've got it up here and so, okay. So

00:28:52.359 --> 00:28:56.400
I'm just trying to put this together. If I was

00:28:56.400 --> 00:29:00.059
looking in the mirror and asking myself, am I

00:29:00.059 --> 00:29:02.599
narcissistic? Does the fact that I'm actually

00:29:02.599 --> 00:29:07.500
questioning myself mean that I'm not? The short

00:29:07.500 --> 00:29:09.440
answer is yes. And it's actually interesting

00:29:09.440 --> 00:29:11.220
you mentioned that. I was actually going to say

00:29:11.220 --> 00:29:14.059
that earlier and I distracted myself and I forgot.

00:29:14.700 --> 00:29:19.240
One of the signs that you're actually in a really

00:29:19.240 --> 00:29:22.680
unhealthy dynamic is you start Googling your

00:29:22.680 --> 00:29:25.460
partner's behavior and your behavior. You start

00:29:25.460 --> 00:29:28.519
Googling things like, am I a narcissist? Because

00:29:28.519 --> 00:29:31.859
you cannot figure out what is going on in your

00:29:31.859 --> 00:29:34.839
own relationship. And it's actually one of the

00:29:34.839 --> 00:29:38.579
red flags of being in a narcissistic relationship

00:29:38.579 --> 00:29:40.420
is you actually think you're the narcissist.

00:29:40.940 --> 00:29:43.359
My ex tried to convince me I was the narcissist

00:29:43.359 --> 00:29:46.559
and I believed him, because again, as high achieving

00:29:46.559 --> 00:29:52.539
women, we tend to take feedback on board, whether

00:29:52.539 --> 00:29:55.180
from our boss, our co -worker, our partner, our

00:29:55.180 --> 00:29:58.940
friend. If somebody says, listen, you know, I

00:29:58.940 --> 00:30:01.480
really think this about you, we tend to say,

00:30:01.640 --> 00:30:03.160
okay, let me, that's fair, let me think about

00:30:03.160 --> 00:30:05.740
that, right? And we'll learn from it, we'll evolve,

00:30:06.059 --> 00:30:09.779
we'll, whatever. But when a person who is unhealthy

00:30:09.779 --> 00:30:15.920
and unwell and they don't have your best interests

00:30:15.920 --> 00:30:17.660
at heart. When they start telling you things

00:30:17.660 --> 00:30:19.900
like, I think you're a narcissist or I think

00:30:19.900 --> 00:30:22.799
you're crazy or my ex is favorite, I think you

00:30:22.799 --> 00:30:26.740
need professional help and medication. You think,

00:30:27.039 --> 00:30:29.500
oh God, this person loves me and they're telling

00:30:29.500 --> 00:30:34.380
me this, is this true? And it's just handing

00:30:34.380 --> 00:30:39.400
more of your reality to somebody who is really

00:30:39.400 --> 00:30:42.799
bad for you. It's a very unhealthy dynamic. So

00:30:42.799 --> 00:30:46.119
yes, saying things like, am I a narcissist is

00:30:46.119 --> 00:30:49.079
not a great sign for the relationship that you're

00:30:49.079 --> 00:30:53.980
in. Just to be honest, yeah. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

00:30:53.980 --> 00:30:57.119
Wow. Okay. Let's, let's go to your website. Okay.

00:30:57.240 --> 00:30:58.700
Thank you for answering that for me. Cause I

00:30:58.700 --> 00:31:00.819
was always like, all right. So this is Mary salt

00:31:00.819 --> 00:31:03.359
James. You guys are getting to know her. She's,

00:31:03.400 --> 00:31:06.200
I love this. Oh, she was saying who you smurf.

00:31:06.799 --> 00:31:09.119
Who you smirved, I just said, who you served.

00:31:10.799 --> 00:31:13.000
A narcissistic still managed to hijack your life.

00:31:13.220 --> 00:31:14.720
I just think like what, you know, like when you're

00:31:14.720 --> 00:31:16.980
going on, transform and thrive with my program.

00:31:17.500 --> 00:31:19.779
So, okay, you guys, so there's some good articles

00:31:19.779 --> 00:31:22.460
here, five surprising reasons narcissistic target

00:31:22.460 --> 00:31:28.299
high achieving woman. Oh, everyone look. Yeah,

00:31:28.460 --> 00:31:32.059
they're stealing the shine is like a weekend,

00:31:32.380 --> 00:31:35.519
like a two day course. And then if you go down

00:31:35.519 --> 00:31:37.819
a bit, there's my three month course, my six

00:31:37.819 --> 00:31:42.480
month course and my one year, which is about

00:31:42.480 --> 00:31:45.980
the goddess rising. The one year course is all

00:31:45.980 --> 00:31:49.460
about figuring out what happened to you, figuring

00:31:49.460 --> 00:31:52.380
out where you are now and reclaiming yourself

00:31:52.380 --> 00:31:58.500
truly. Wow. Okay, so that so this beautiful so

00:31:58.500 --> 00:32:00.880
what also so start date coming soon you guys

00:32:00.880 --> 00:32:03.099
sign up for that That's so thank you for that.

00:32:03.299 --> 00:32:06.000
That's huge stealing the shine why narcissists

00:32:06.000 --> 00:32:10.200
Target your light. Wow Steel is a two -day immersive

00:32:10.200 --> 00:32:12.740
experience. Wow. Wow. Wow. Are you having other

00:32:12.740 --> 00:32:16.180
speakers? Is this online or in real life? Um,

00:32:16.339 --> 00:32:20.359
it's online, but it's it's life, right? Awesome

00:32:20.359 --> 00:32:22.440
that I would here's the three month program if

00:32:22.440 --> 00:32:26.119
you go down a bed There we go. The five -stage

00:32:26.119 --> 00:32:28.640
wake -up call. That's 12 weeks. It's three months.

00:32:29.099 --> 00:32:32.440
Again, that is a live program that we do together.

00:32:33.359 --> 00:32:35.700
And on top of that, you get some one -on -one

00:32:35.700 --> 00:32:38.680
calls with me as part of the program. Then there's

00:32:38.680 --> 00:32:41.000
the six -month recovery journey, which is about

00:32:41.000 --> 00:32:43.240
reclaiming your self -trust, because that is

00:32:43.240 --> 00:32:46.180
the thing that you really lose. You lose any

00:32:46.180 --> 00:32:48.539
trust in your judgment. And here's my goddess

00:32:48.539 --> 00:32:52.240
program one year. The goddess rises. You know.

00:32:52.779 --> 00:32:57.680
you would do very well on ChatterSocial. It's

00:32:57.680 --> 00:32:59.920
now public. It's an amazing, it's almost like

00:32:59.920 --> 00:33:02.599
if you, it's interactive streaming so you can

00:33:02.599 --> 00:33:06.220
run programs and classes on it. You can take

00:33:06.220 --> 00:33:09.759
money through it. Yeah, chattersocial .io. Here,

00:33:09.839 --> 00:33:12.059
I'm just gonna throw the link in there. I can

00:33:12.059 --> 00:33:16.500
see you and a lot of the UK. So a lot of, you

00:33:16.500 --> 00:33:18.319
know, it's a global. So there's people from all

00:33:18.319 --> 00:33:21.059
over, but globally I would say the UK. has a

00:33:21.059 --> 00:33:24.079
lot of rooms. Is it an app? Yeah, it's an app.

00:33:24.180 --> 00:33:26.099
And it's I'm going to share it right now here.

00:33:26.220 --> 00:33:30.059
I'm going to share on the screen because it is

00:33:30.059 --> 00:33:34.660
because for you, it would be amazing. I'm going

00:33:34.660 --> 00:33:36.119
to just hold on. We're going to go back to your

00:33:36.119 --> 00:33:38.440
site. But let me just share my screen and just

00:33:38.440 --> 00:33:41.720
show you. Okay, because it really is. So here's

00:33:41.720 --> 00:33:45.019
the logo. So if you go to the iPhone or your

00:33:45.019 --> 00:33:47.720
Android, you could download it for free. Here's

00:33:47.720 --> 00:33:50.039
the download. And then what it looks like, it

00:33:50.039 --> 00:33:53.240
kind of looks like this. So this person is speaking

00:33:53.240 --> 00:33:56.039
live. And then you have people in the audience

00:33:56.039 --> 00:33:58.180
that can raise their hand. They can answer. You

00:33:58.180 --> 00:34:00.480
can keep them in the audience. You can run your

00:34:00.480 --> 00:34:04.960
masterclass programs. It's amazing. And then

00:34:04.960 --> 00:34:07.519
it's better than Zoom. I mean, can you record

00:34:07.519 --> 00:34:10.519
on it and everything? You are, recordings are

00:34:10.519 --> 00:34:12.340
coming. Right now, recordings are available for

00:34:12.340 --> 00:34:14.519
like moments, but yeah, like I could do, I could

00:34:14.519 --> 00:34:16.820
have done this on StreamYard and just streamed

00:34:16.820 --> 00:34:19.719
it through Chatter Studio, which is really cool.

00:34:19.800 --> 00:34:22.159
So a lot of new things are coming. The owner

00:34:22.159 --> 00:34:26.969
of the app, there's quite a few of us. All business

00:34:26.969 --> 00:34:29.929
professionals, hundreds of us that just really

00:34:29.929 --> 00:34:35.050
love watching Nelson grow. And so Nelson is the

00:34:35.050 --> 00:34:38.590
founder. He was on a clubhouse and rooms are

00:34:38.590 --> 00:34:40.590
huge. The thing is he really kind of coordinated

00:34:40.590 --> 00:34:43.409
more professionalism. So I'm thinking I have

00:34:43.409 --> 00:34:47.519
not seen anyone really go dive deep in like the

00:34:47.519 --> 00:34:49.400
classes that you're offering, I think you would

00:34:49.400 --> 00:34:51.820
find a lot of people would be amazing. There's

00:34:51.820 --> 00:34:54.900
a lot of men that are running rooms too on narcissism.

00:34:55.400 --> 00:34:57.699
I noticed that they're like offering health rooms

00:34:57.699 --> 00:35:00.099
for other men, which is great. And, you know,

00:35:00.219 --> 00:35:01.820
teaming up with that would be great, but it does

00:35:01.820 --> 00:35:04.880
integrate with blue sky. And then of course you

00:35:04.880 --> 00:35:08.380
can - Instagram. Oh, in Telegram, okay. Well,

00:35:08.420 --> 00:35:11.000
we're on Telegram, like - You've never heard

00:35:11.000 --> 00:35:13.909
of it. Honestly, I've never heard of it. It's

00:35:13.909 --> 00:35:17.070
fairly new. We were public beta for a year. There's

00:35:17.070 --> 00:35:20.469
some very strong celebrities that love chatter

00:35:20.469 --> 00:35:23.190
social. They love coming on. They love like talents.

00:35:23.409 --> 00:35:25.590
There's talent shows. There's all kinds of things.

00:35:25.730 --> 00:35:28.650
I'm doing a two day swap. You know, the strength

00:35:28.650 --> 00:35:32.690
weaknesses and opportunities and threats and

00:35:32.690 --> 00:35:36.050
doing that on chatter social. So just FYI, and

00:35:36.050 --> 00:35:38.289
you can monetize all the things. But going back

00:35:38.289 --> 00:35:40.750
to your site, so I definitely think that you

00:35:40.750 --> 00:35:43.050
could just sign up and it'll be free. But I want

00:35:43.050 --> 00:35:44.809
to share this tab again. I just want to show

00:35:44.809 --> 00:35:48.269
this. So this is beautiful. And then you've got

00:35:48.269 --> 00:35:51.849
your coaching, which I think. Which is my program,

00:35:52.130 --> 00:35:54.429
which is a program beautiful. And there's my

00:35:54.429 --> 00:35:58.150
speaking, which is expanding right now. These

00:35:58.150 --> 00:36:01.929
are some of the topics I've spoken about. These

00:36:01.929 --> 00:36:06.570
are great. Oh, wow. And if you go to my media

00:36:06.570 --> 00:36:09.610
page, actually at the top, yeah, you can see

00:36:09.610 --> 00:36:12.150
some of the podcasts I've been on. You can see

00:36:12.150 --> 00:36:14.889
where I've spoken. And that literally will take

00:36:14.889 --> 00:36:18.269
you to the podcast itself. Chris Voss, congratulations.

00:36:18.769 --> 00:36:20.130
That's great. These are some great podcasts.

00:36:20.909 --> 00:36:23.070
Thank you. And there's my newsletter if you want

00:36:23.070 --> 00:36:25.829
to sign up for my newsletter. So and there's

00:36:25.829 --> 00:36:27.989
all my social media at the bottom. There's my

00:36:27.989 --> 00:36:31.869
Facebook, my Instagram, my YouTube. I want to

00:36:31.869 --> 00:36:34.329
sign up, but I'm getting confused. Love letters

00:36:34.329 --> 00:36:37.690
join, but I don't see the sign up here. So so

00:36:37.690 --> 00:36:42.030
as much. Do you see it? If you do click on that,

00:36:42.090 --> 00:36:46.150
does it not work? Really? Oh, I guess I've, oh

00:36:46.150 --> 00:36:48.170
no, it's probably down at, okay, you know what?

00:36:48.210 --> 00:36:50.630
I don't know why it's not working. That's annoying.

00:36:51.610 --> 00:36:56.030
I don't see it there, testimonials. Yeah, those

00:36:56.030 --> 00:36:58.809
are a couple of testimonials. Look at, sweet.

00:36:59.280 --> 00:37:01.719
I think I'd better speak to my website guy, because

00:37:01.719 --> 00:37:03.960
that is supposed to click to my newsletter. Oh,

00:37:03.980 --> 00:37:06.519
those are just my romance books. Oh, no. All

00:37:06.519 --> 00:37:09.400
right. Yes. Here it says again, the Marisol,

00:37:09.539 --> 00:37:12.820
but it's not. Oh, and your books aren't there

00:37:12.820 --> 00:37:15.340
yet. No, no, no. If you go to my online shop

00:37:15.340 --> 00:37:18.460
and there's my romance books and it actually

00:37:18.460 --> 00:37:20.400
goes to a whole new website. Everybody cover

00:37:20.400 --> 00:37:23.239
your eyes. It literally goes to my writing website,

00:37:23.539 --> 00:37:25.280
which is here's a newsletter that you can sign

00:37:25.280 --> 00:37:29.320
up for this. Where I don't see it. Oh, I haven't

00:37:29.320 --> 00:37:33.179
said right here on your Mary saw romance. There's

00:37:33.179 --> 00:37:38.500
my romance. Yeah Okay So I do want to set it

00:37:38.500 --> 00:37:43.039
for the other one. Oh, I love love to my website

00:37:43.039 --> 00:37:45.659
design guy We made some updates and I think he

00:37:45.659 --> 00:37:48.219
forgot to reconnect my newsletter. So thank you

00:37:48.219 --> 00:37:50.019
for pointing it out You know, there's always

00:37:50.019 --> 00:37:52.059
something that slips through the net doesn't

00:37:52.059 --> 00:37:55.239
it? Oh my god, and I love love love this. I can't

00:37:55.239 --> 00:38:07.130
wait. Let me go try to one dangerous curves I

00:38:07.130 --> 00:38:10.710
have one gay romance that I've written and I

00:38:10.710 --> 00:38:12.909
was really surprised how open my readers were

00:38:12.909 --> 00:38:16.110
to it actually. So I love it. I love the pictures,

00:38:16.309 --> 00:38:18.070
but like, are you buying these pictures? Are

00:38:18.070 --> 00:38:21.309
these your like real photos? No, no, I buy them.

00:38:21.449 --> 00:38:24.030
And then I hire a designer to make them really

00:38:24.030 --> 00:38:27.269
like they add the tattoos or, you know, to make

00:38:27.269 --> 00:38:31.050
them a little bit more personalized. This is

00:38:31.050 --> 00:38:34.610
just really beautiful. beautiful. I love that.

00:38:34.769 --> 00:38:39.289
Go to the top again to the different book series.

00:38:39.710 --> 00:38:42.829
Which one? The Road Devils MC. This is the one

00:38:42.829 --> 00:38:46.010
that I'm writing right now. This is the one that's

00:38:46.010 --> 00:38:48.570
kind of hot right now. Motorcycle Club guys.

00:38:49.170 --> 00:38:51.539
Yeah. There we go. This is my most recent book.

00:38:51.679 --> 00:38:53.659
I published it about three months ago. Girls,

00:38:53.719 --> 00:38:57.159
guys, this is so cool. I used to love, we have

00:38:57.159 --> 00:38:59.079
a Fabio where I lived in maintenance and I always

00:38:59.079 --> 00:39:00.420
have to laugh because I'm like, I used to read

00:39:00.420 --> 00:39:02.539
all those books. I stopped after a while, but

00:39:02.539 --> 00:39:05.820
I love this. I love, wait, wait, and then we

00:39:05.820 --> 00:39:08.340
can read a little bit more here. All right, you

00:39:08.340 --> 00:39:11.480
guys. Time to and then it gives you the links

00:39:11.480 --> 00:39:13.739
because I'm exclusive to Amazon So if you're

00:39:13.739 --> 00:39:17.699
in the US the UK Canada or Australia and pretty

00:39:17.699 --> 00:39:20.800
much everything else is on comm so like India

00:39:20.800 --> 00:39:23.980
or Thailand or whatever is usually on comm so

00:39:23.980 --> 00:39:28.559
so you got to buy one at least and see and then

00:39:28.559 --> 00:39:33.739
and then once you Buy the one I love this. Okay.

00:39:33.760 --> 00:39:36.500
I got to come back and do this wait. Hold on.

00:39:36.559 --> 00:39:39.760
Let me just see look at this Okay, so you're

00:39:39.760 --> 00:39:44.280
on Kindle. Is this just on Kindle or is it actually

00:39:44.280 --> 00:39:46.099
a book? I mean, actually, if you look behind

00:39:46.099 --> 00:39:49.780
me, if you look up here, you can see... I gotta

00:39:49.780 --> 00:39:52.380
get back to you. Okay. Oh, there we are. There's

00:39:52.380 --> 00:39:55.699
my book. But as you can see, it's still a...

00:39:55.699 --> 00:39:58.760
It's a demo copy. Oh, got it, got it, got it.

00:39:58.920 --> 00:40:01.639
Oh, it's really brand new. Oh, yeah, it's your

00:40:01.639 --> 00:40:05.110
author copy. I love it. Yeah. Oh my God, I'm

00:40:05.110 --> 00:40:06.889
so excited for you. If you look behind me, you'll

00:40:06.889 --> 00:40:09.489
see all my books are up there, but they're just

00:40:09.489 --> 00:40:11.630
the demo copies. They're up for resale. They're

00:40:11.630 --> 00:40:14.210
just the ones when you lay them out, you get

00:40:14.210 --> 00:40:16.869
a demo copy from Amazon just to check and make

00:40:16.869 --> 00:40:19.070
sure everything is okay. You know what I see,

00:40:19.250 --> 00:40:21.349
and you may have this already, but I can see

00:40:21.349 --> 00:40:23.530
taking your cover of all your books and creating

00:40:23.530 --> 00:40:28.349
like a piece of artwork with it. Right? Because

00:40:28.349 --> 00:40:30.070
visually they're really beautiful. I don't know

00:40:30.070 --> 00:40:31.710
why, but I have that feeling like that's really

00:40:31.710 --> 00:40:33.949
kind of cool. I love it. I love it. All right.

00:40:34.030 --> 00:40:35.969
Well, is there anything that you want to share

00:40:35.969 --> 00:40:38.349
before I let you go? Anything I need to ask you?

00:40:39.690 --> 00:40:44.590
I don't think so. Just probably what I'm really

00:40:44.590 --> 00:40:49.329
motivated to do now is to just first educate

00:40:49.329 --> 00:40:52.840
people. that high -achieving women are actually

00:40:52.840 --> 00:40:56.000
targeted by narcissists. High -achieving women

00:40:56.000 --> 00:41:02.039
are like very high -priced jewels that make narcissists

00:41:02.039 --> 00:41:05.219
look good, right? So this whole idea that the

00:41:05.219 --> 00:41:08.199
victims of abuse tend to be, what, uneducated,

00:41:08.420 --> 00:41:11.460
and weak, and unsuccessful, total, I mean, it's

00:41:11.460 --> 00:41:14.000
just so, it's wrong, especially if we're talking

00:41:14.000 --> 00:41:17.199
about narcissism. So I really want people to

00:41:17.199 --> 00:41:20.170
know that. companies to know that about their

00:41:20.170 --> 00:41:23.190
female employees. But also I want women to understand

00:41:23.190 --> 00:41:26.849
that you're not a failure because you ended up

00:41:26.849 --> 00:41:28.750
in a narcissistic relationship. There's nothing

00:41:28.750 --> 00:41:30.869
wrong with you. You're not weak. You're not an

00:41:30.869 --> 00:41:34.570
imposter. right? You're not a fake because this

00:41:34.570 --> 00:41:37.329
happened to you. You were probably targeted.

00:41:37.769 --> 00:41:39.949
This is one of those times where your strength

00:41:39.949 --> 00:41:43.510
and your empathy and your success and your shine

00:41:43.510 --> 00:41:46.570
actually worked against you. So this is something

00:41:46.570 --> 00:41:49.929
that I work really hard on when I do my training

00:41:49.929 --> 00:41:52.789
and my workshops, my one -on -one coaching is

00:41:52.789 --> 00:41:58.789
really having women really, truly see that being

00:41:58.789 --> 00:42:03.670
high achieving made them the target. And that

00:42:03.670 --> 00:42:05.289
is something that's really hard to wrap your

00:42:05.289 --> 00:42:08.849
head around in the beginning. Yeah, that is,

00:42:08.949 --> 00:42:10.869
I can see where that would be difficult, but

00:42:10.869 --> 00:42:15.630
the grooming is what takes place. One last question

00:42:15.630 --> 00:42:17.630
I have for you. Let me make sure I still have

00:42:17.630 --> 00:42:20.829
it in my mind because lately I'm slipping and...

00:42:23.889 --> 00:42:27.949
Contacting your company like that I have heard

00:42:27.949 --> 00:42:30.369
where the narcissistic has no problem picking

00:42:30.369 --> 00:42:34.110
up the phone and throwing you under the bus Especially

00:42:34.110 --> 00:42:35.630
if they know that you love what you're doing

00:42:35.630 --> 00:42:37.449
for work, right? They want to take the things

00:42:37.449 --> 00:42:40.329
that you love So is that like you know where

00:42:40.329 --> 00:42:42.309
they can pick up the phone say you know that

00:42:42.309 --> 00:42:46.369
Sally is whatever they try to like harm you where

00:42:46.369 --> 00:42:48.170
it hurts. So they harm you with your money, right?

00:42:48.469 --> 00:42:50.150
If you have beautiful clothes and those clothes

00:42:50.150 --> 00:42:52.449
are special for you, you may find them ripped

00:42:52.449 --> 00:42:54.670
up, right? Like, I just like thinking how they

00:42:54.670 --> 00:42:59.409
go really personal and to harm. Well, his big

00:42:59.409 --> 00:43:01.650
thing, I mean, I remember in the beginning, one

00:43:01.650 --> 00:43:03.909
of the things I told him, this was before it

00:43:03.909 --> 00:43:05.710
all fell apart. We were still in the long distance

00:43:05.710 --> 00:43:09.630
thing. I told him that name calling is a big

00:43:09.630 --> 00:43:14.389
like no for me, like. no name calling and then

00:43:14.389 --> 00:43:17.989
pretty much every time I came to him with anything

00:43:17.989 --> 00:43:20.670
like I would go to him to talk to him about something

00:43:20.670 --> 00:43:23.269
it would instantly ratchet up because of course

00:43:23.269 --> 00:43:26.230
any sort of conversation with the narcissist

00:43:26.230 --> 00:43:29.070
they perceive as an attack so then they go on

00:43:29.070 --> 00:43:32.260
the offensive and they're piling it on. And the

00:43:32.260 --> 00:43:35.400
name calling was unbelievable. And I would say

00:43:35.400 --> 00:43:37.260
to him after I would say, listen, we have talked

00:43:37.260 --> 00:43:39.400
about this. And then every time he would promise

00:43:39.400 --> 00:43:41.639
and then he would carry on because he knew it

00:43:41.639 --> 00:43:45.280
broke me down. Also, he would throw things and

00:43:45.280 --> 00:43:47.320
he would destroy things that meant something

00:43:47.320 --> 00:43:50.500
to me. He would destroy my son's belongings and

00:43:50.500 --> 00:43:53.380
then go out the next day and replace them. So

00:43:53.380 --> 00:43:57.099
they're very destructive people, physically to

00:43:57.099 --> 00:44:01.920
objects, things that you care about. And I am

00:44:01.920 --> 00:44:06.179
very aware that what I'm doing now, putting myself

00:44:06.179 --> 00:44:10.900
out there, my voice, my face, all of it, I'm

00:44:10.900 --> 00:44:15.119
pretty sure he's watching. But I also know that

00:44:15.119 --> 00:44:17.539
the thing that narcissists fear most is any kind

00:44:17.539 --> 00:44:21.940
of exposure. So in order to really call me out,

00:44:22.059 --> 00:44:25.679
he would have to put his hand up and say, I'm

00:44:25.679 --> 00:44:29.019
the narcissist. she's talking about that is just

00:44:29.019 --> 00:44:31.460
about the last thing in the world that he would

00:44:31.460 --> 00:44:37.119
do probably what's actually happening is he's

00:44:37.119 --> 00:44:40.699
keeping tabs on me he's getting enraged about

00:44:40.699 --> 00:44:42.860
the things that i'm saying and doing the way

00:44:42.860 --> 00:44:46.059
i'm speaking openly the women i'm supporting

00:44:46.059 --> 00:44:49.820
and he's taking it out on whoever his new relationship

00:44:49.820 --> 00:44:55.280
is and that's the cycle that he he would he would

00:44:55.639 --> 00:44:58.159
come home so upset about something or someone

00:44:58.159 --> 00:45:00.719
and he would take it out on me and my son. So

00:45:00.719 --> 00:45:03.400
this is the way that narcissists behave when

00:45:03.400 --> 00:45:07.239
they feel called out or they feel exposed or

00:45:07.239 --> 00:45:09.400
they feel insecure. They literally will lash

00:45:09.400 --> 00:45:14.019
out behind closed doors with no witnesses to

00:45:14.019 --> 00:45:16.639
the people they've already beaten down. So whoever

00:45:16.639 --> 00:45:19.179
she is, because there's always, they can't be

00:45:19.179 --> 00:45:21.679
alone. They literally go from one relationship

00:45:21.679 --> 00:45:24.039
straight into another. If not, there's overlap.

00:45:25.380 --> 00:45:29.179
I know whoever she is, if he's seeing what I'm

00:45:29.179 --> 00:45:31.019
doing and listening to what I'm doing, I know

00:45:31.019 --> 00:45:33.239
she's bearing the brunt of it and I can't do

00:45:33.239 --> 00:45:36.139
anything about that. I don't know who she is.

00:45:36.340 --> 00:45:39.139
And the truth is, even if I contacted her and

00:45:39.139 --> 00:45:44.780
told her, she wouldn't believe me because he's

00:45:44.780 --> 00:45:47.860
probably able to turn on the charm and be the

00:45:47.860 --> 00:45:50.340
great guy. She thinks he's the greatest guy ever.

00:45:52.880 --> 00:45:55.199
I turn my hat around. I turn my hat around. I'm

00:45:55.199 --> 00:45:58.800
wearing a baseball cap. I'm going close to the

00:45:58.800 --> 00:46:01.800
camera. Dude, dude, we're talking about you.

00:46:02.480 --> 00:46:05.360
You should know it. I feel bad for your girlfriend.

00:46:05.880 --> 00:46:09.280
And it's not just you, all of you out there that

00:46:09.280 --> 00:46:12.400
are narcissistic. If anyone, if anyone that you

00:46:12.400 --> 00:46:15.019
love has told you you're narcissistic, I think

00:46:15.019 --> 00:46:17.210
maybe you should look into it. because usually

00:46:17.210 --> 00:46:19.530
you know I guess someone could accuse someone

00:46:19.530 --> 00:46:21.110
oh you're so narcissistic you look at the mirror

00:46:21.110 --> 00:46:22.849
and you're so handsome and you know no we're

00:46:22.849 --> 00:46:26.849
talking serious talking serious dude leave Marisol

00:46:26.849 --> 00:46:29.469
alone you got your own problems okay there we

00:46:29.469 --> 00:46:33.329
go carry on with the company that I built up

00:46:33.329 --> 00:46:36.130
for four years for free you know that I worked

00:46:36.130 --> 00:46:38.730
for free that Keith walked off with you know

00:46:38.730 --> 00:46:41.849
carry on with that so yeah worse no it's it's

00:46:41.849 --> 00:46:45.570
the kind of thing where I know he's checking

00:46:45.570 --> 00:46:48.170
in. I know he's keeping tabs. I know he's watching.

00:46:48.829 --> 00:46:52.369
And it's not stopping me. In next month, I'm

00:46:52.369 --> 00:46:55.309
going to London. I'm getting on a huge stage

00:46:55.309 --> 00:46:58.610
for the annual women's leadership conference.

00:46:58.929 --> 00:47:01.489
I'm on stage for 20 minutes. The next month,

00:47:01.570 --> 00:47:03.809
I'm going up to Scotland to do two workshops

00:47:03.809 --> 00:47:10.159
at a leadership summit. Yeah, so come on chatter

00:47:10.159 --> 00:47:11.760
so you can meet so you maybe you could bring

00:47:11.760 --> 00:47:14.820
them to the event I'm not kidding around Nula

00:47:14.820 --> 00:47:17.739
is from Scotland Nula and you have a lot in common

00:47:17.739 --> 00:47:20.960
because Nula also is a writer and a journalist

00:47:20.960 --> 00:47:29.019
and brilliant You'll have to send me Just go

00:47:29.019 --> 00:47:32.679
to chattersocial .io. But I'm going to let you

00:47:32.679 --> 00:47:36.079
go. Amazing, amazing conversation. So this is

00:47:36.079 --> 00:47:38.260
live right now as we know. I'm live on Facebook,

00:47:38.639 --> 00:47:41.460
LinkedIn, and X. And then we are going to go

00:47:41.460 --> 00:47:45.360
directly to podcasts in a little while because

00:47:45.360 --> 00:47:48.639
I have some other podcasts before you. But I

00:47:48.639 --> 00:47:50.820
really appreciate that Florence spoke up. And

00:47:50.820 --> 00:47:54.030
I don't know, we never know. that someone sees

00:47:54.030 --> 00:47:56.030
this and all of a sudden on the blue is like,

00:47:56.090 --> 00:47:58.710
wow, you were speaking to me. So hopefully this

00:47:58.710 --> 00:48:02.170
helps. It's an interesting conversation. And

00:48:02.170 --> 00:48:04.570
if you've never experienced narcissism, then

00:48:04.570 --> 00:48:09.289
I am happy for you. And just it exists, but I'm

00:48:09.289 --> 00:48:11.329
so glad that there are people out there that

00:48:11.329 --> 00:48:14.309
will be listening, women and men, because a woman

00:48:14.309 --> 00:48:17.150
can be narcissistic too, obviously. And same.

00:48:17.559 --> 00:48:20.860
pattern. I mean, I've seen it. So woman could

00:48:20.860 --> 00:48:25.380
be just as emotionally and physically abusive.

00:48:25.420 --> 00:48:29.599
So have a great day, Marisol. Have a great afternoon.

00:48:30.219 --> 00:48:32.300
And I really appreciate your helping. I'll see

00:48:32.300 --> 00:48:34.000
you on chat or social. I definitely feel like

00:48:34.000 --> 00:48:36.940
you should go on there and so we can have you

00:48:36.940 --> 00:48:40.250
meet. And good luck for next month. I love I

00:48:40.250 --> 00:48:43.909
love it. And you got goals for 2026. So I'm excited

00:48:43.909 --> 00:48:48.170
to learn more about that. And I will. I may sign

00:48:48.170 --> 00:48:51.210
up for the class too just because anybody wants

00:48:51.210 --> 00:48:53.829
to work with me just contact me through my website

00:48:53.829 --> 00:48:56.849
or if there's a program that interests you click

00:48:56.849 --> 00:48:59.590
on the program and you can sign up for a call

00:48:59.590 --> 00:49:02.269
with me on Calendly just pick a time that works

00:49:02.269 --> 00:49:04.989
for you we'll get on zoom we'll do a virtual

00:49:04.989 --> 00:49:07.949
call and we'll see if if working together is

00:49:07.949 --> 00:49:10.769
a good fit you know this is really um aerosol

00:49:10.769 --> 00:49:13.349
like helping one person at a time like sometimes

00:49:13.349 --> 00:49:15.869
in life you think you know but in this case it's

00:49:15.869 --> 00:49:18.269
almost like you got to do one person, well, unless

00:49:18.269 --> 00:49:20.250
you're doing a group setting, but helping people.

00:49:20.570 --> 00:49:23.110
So get the help that you need, get, stay strong.

00:49:23.170 --> 00:49:25.449
And I'm going to end the stream. Thank you, Marisol.

00:49:25.570 --> 00:49:28.250
You're brave, bold, beautiful. I love that you

00:49:28.250 --> 00:49:30.349
came on live and you weren't nervous about it.

00:49:30.389 --> 00:49:32.230
A lot of people are like, I don't know. I need

00:49:32.230 --> 00:49:34.809
questions in advance, not Marisol. She knows

00:49:34.809 --> 00:49:37.429
her stuff and she's got the story and she is

00:49:37.429 --> 00:49:40.090
living it. So all right, we are going to end

00:49:40.090 --> 00:49:42.590
right now. Thank you. You're welcome.