Emotional Needs Driving Overspending Behaviors

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Hi, everyone. OK, so this is the last one of

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the day. So Mary Ann could be a couple hours.

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Mary Ann, I don't know Mary Ann. Mary Ann doesn't

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know me. I think maybe need a guest or one of

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the groups on Facebook. But I'm looking, I'm

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like, Mary Ann, are you a spending coach? Mary

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Ann said, yes. Mary Ann, and I'm not a spender.

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I'm not someone that likes I don't buy myself

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luxurious things. But money. Like I feel like

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I I need to have a better understanding of money

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So I'm really interested in understanding like

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a spending coach what that looks like and I love

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vacation So I notice is like when I go away on

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vacation, I'll say well, it's one time Oh, it's

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just one time and I want to do the best I want

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to spend more money than I could think of so

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Let me just give you the, I can't even, I'm so

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excited. Okay, so everyone, here's Marianne.

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She's gonna introduce herself. I am literally

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gonna be all ears. Go ahead, Marianne, take it

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away. Sure. Well, thanks for having me first

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of all and as was said I'm a spending coach and

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I became a spending coach out of necessity I

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found myself in a tricky situation where I went

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from working full -time to part -time to then

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stay a home mom and then my Part -time job as

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a speech language pathologist. I ended up having

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to stop due to chronic health issues And so during

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this time of two young kids chronic illness,

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depression, OCD, just no family support available.

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It was really, really a trying, difficult time.

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And my coping was spending and shopping. And

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I really got, I wouldn't say addicted, but I

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definitely wasn't in control of my spending.

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And I tried every kind of budget, everything

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out there, and it didn't work. And so I really

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wanted to understand why shopping felt like such

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a need. Why they say, oh, it's either a want

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or a need. And I was like, well, for me, it feels

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like a need no matter what I buy. And so I really

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wanted to understand that. Why for some people

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is overspending and over shopping difficult?

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Why is overeating difficult for people? Like

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what is the root cause of overspending? And when

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I did my own research, I was shocked to find

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that there is a psychology behind spending and

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nobody talks about it, which I think is just

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so sad because we've got to get to the root issue,

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the root cause and solve the problem, not just

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put a bandaid over it. And so that's how I became

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a spending coach, uncovering the psychology of

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why we buy so that everyone can become unshoppable.

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Oh, I like a million and a half questions going

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through my head. I do want to say that when it

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comes to spending, I don't actually like the

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guilty feeling I get when I spend something that

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I shouldn't. So I think I've learned along the

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way at age 61, finally, that I think twice like,

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is this going to make me feel like yucky and

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then I want to return it and I had buyers beware

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and I'm not going to feel proud of myself for

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doing it. And so that does stop me. but it takes

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some talking to do so share with us like like

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how do people even recognize this with themselves

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or is it usually like the partner is like hey

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what is all why am i getting a credit card bill

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that's like thirty thousand dollars what's happening

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here right and it can be a combination of both

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things it for me it was all the things i was

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saying for years and years, oh, I should stop

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spending, I should do better, I should, should,

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should. And nothing ever really changed. My husband

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was so kind and supportive and he would always

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approach it by saying, we need to do better at

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our spending instead of you need to do better

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with your spending. So he was very kind and he

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understood that I was trying. And so for me,

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I just kept trying different budgets and they

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didn't work. And the thing that got me to stop

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because I tried budgeting and it didn't really

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stop my overspending, but it also I almost became

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anti budget because I didn't want to feel restricted.

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I didn't want to feel like I couldn't have something

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because if I feel restricted, I'm going to go

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around and find a ways around it. Like for example,

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I'm on this macro counting calorie counting challenge

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and When I've been on it before it's been like

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no sugar But then I've found like the sugar free

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stuff that's really just added calories or added

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things to substitute for that sugar and so when

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I feel restricted I go around it and I feel the

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same way with budgeting and so I really wanted

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to understand like why it felt like a need so

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that I didn't need to force myself into doing

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anything and What I found was I actually started

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tracking my spending And I it was outside of

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bills outside of your fixed expenses everything

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like that It was just excess spending because

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we were making good money and had nothing to

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show for it So I was like, okay, I want to figure

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out where my money's going and I did I found

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exactly where it was going and it was shocking

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to see all the times I was buying bargains or

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Buying emotionally all the times I was buying

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on impulse And that's when I started wondering,

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are these trends in my spending, are they unique

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to me, or are they unique to all people that

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struggle with overspending? And it turns out

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there's a common habit and trend in everyone.

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There's this drive to shop. Wait, so first, can

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we go categories? Because I hate shopping for

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clothes. I just like that more. The only thing

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that I spend a lot more money on is my daughter

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and food. like i like so you know i go to all

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these but still like i like always buying things

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that are new or oh i have to have the snack yeah

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so what but i am one pure sneaker so i keep saying

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i gotta go shopping for sneakers it's not that

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i don't have the money i just really dislike

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shopping right but i still feel like i i I still

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feel like there's something off with me. There's

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a category for you too. There's what's called

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the necessity spender. The necessity spender,

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they spend most of their money on things that

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are needed for the household and family members

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and close friends, but it's strictly needs. They

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really are clear on this is a need, this is a

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want. It sounds like you are saying, I only need

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one sneaker, so I'm only going to have one sneaker.

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your daughter, you may feel a need to provide.

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And so things are more, you're a little bit more

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forgiving when it comes to like buying things

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for her. Cause it's like, well, it's my daughter

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and she needs these things. And, but you still

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define them in terms of want, does that sound

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pretty accurate? I, I, yes, it sounds accurate.

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And I've always realized that I probably I've

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always struggled with this, because I don't even

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know. So I think for having someone like you

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that really is out there to help us, it does

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make sense. My daughter and I, we kind of pride

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ourselves on being minimalist. So that's one

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thing. But what does that really mean? Because

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I could show you that she's got a lot of things.

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We know that we could travel. We did a four month

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road trip and we were watching our budget, but

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except you know, if I'm in a restaurant and all

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of a sudden I see that they have like a prime

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rib and it's $30 and it walks by me and that's

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not on my budget, but I'm ordering that prime

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rib. I don't care. I'm going to squeeze it or

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somehow figure it out later. Right exactly and

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I really wanted to understand why we buy not

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just what we buy So if we take for example what

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I was really interested in was like clothing

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and accessories and I wanted to buy clothes I

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wanted to buy matching purses. I wanted to buy

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all the things clothing and accessories and I

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but I would realize that I would buy these things

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and then I wouldn't wear them like I wouldn't

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wear all the things I had a lot first of all

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and I just wasn't putting in the effort to get

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ready and wear those things and not to mention

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I was shopping in sweatpants and slippers and

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it just didn't match the person I was buying

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for. And so I really started to think like, what

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is it that makes me so drawn to these items?

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And for me, I had gone from like a high achieving

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personality in my career in grad school, just

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everything to full time stay at home mom, and

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I kind of lost some identity, I kind of lost

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some self worth and I was trying to buy back

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items that gave me that feeling of self worth

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that gave me that she looks good on the outside,

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she must be great on the inside, even though

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I didn't feel that way. And even vacations, I

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heard once that the reason we love hotels is

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because they are minimal, they are clean, they

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are just your basic necessities. And we love

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to escape to that. And people that like to buy

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and vacation, you're wanting that escape. So

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instead of looking at like, why did I buy another

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trip think, well, what am I escaping from? What

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am I vacationing to? Where how can I create that

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life within my day to day, instead of feeling

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like I have to spend thousands and thousands

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on this vacation. How can I replicate that in

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my own life? And I really want people to become

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aware of the little luxuries that they want.

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A lot of the time we say, I want this, but it's

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too expensive. I want a vacation once a year

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or once a month, but it's too expensive. And

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yet I said those same things. I said, oh, I want

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this. I want house cleaning services. I want

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to do spa nights weekly. And I just immediately

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wrote it off as it's too expensive. And yet when

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I looked at my spending, I was spending 10 times

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that amount on things that I didn't care about.

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And so once I saw the hundreds and hundreds of

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dollars I was spending unintentionally on things

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that didn't bring me joy, I was like, this has

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got to stop. I want to fund the life I want with

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the money I already have. And it's still a numbers

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game. So you've got to you can't just say, well,

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I'm spending $2 ,000 over my budget. I'm going

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to just spend $2 ,000 on something. I really

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care about you've got to have a balance and so

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I don't focus on budgeting. I focus on the spending

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part of the budget because I recognized that

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overspending is not a budgeting problem. It's

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a spending problem. And so a budget wasn't working

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because I was spending too much. I didn't have

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any money left over to save. And so you have

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to understand that it's a balance between saving

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and spending. And a lot of the time when we make

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our budget, we just don't think about that. We

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don't think about, all right, I've got $500 to

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last me for the month. How do I spend under that

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to meet that 500? And we need to attach a value

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to it. It's I need to spend $500 on groceries

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so that I can put 200 toward my trip fund or

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so so that I can put 200 toward whatever it is.

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We need to attach a value so that we're not so

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tempted by those things that creep up during

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the month. We don't lose that reason as to why

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we're doing what we're doing with our money.

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Interesting. Interesting. I'm going to just ask,

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if everyone cannot watch this right now, if you

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could turn it down, I just want to share something

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with Mariana. I'd like you not to listen. like

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anyone's gonna do that. But Miriam, so I'm curious

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about, because I'm gonna admit this. When I first

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moved from Connecticut, little town in Connecticut

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to Aventura outside of Miami area, and I was

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at my first event, the woman in front of me had

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a bag and had the initials MK, and I said out

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loud, Mary Kay is making bags? And the guy behind

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me, Oscar, patted my back. He said, oh. she's

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so cute um adrienne's michael course i didn't

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know i've had no fascination i mean i love betsy

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johnson so let me just yes but i don't have that

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like crazy fascination and need that I have to

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have everything be a brand. Now, my mom would

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say, Adrienne, you really, you get a couple pieces

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of something really nice, whether it's, you know,

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my mom loved Nordstrom, so she, you know, the

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St. John's, she loved the St. John's. She said,

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you know, you have one St. John's outfit in that

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last year, her whole life. And I'm thinking,

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my mom's crazy. I could have like 25 outfits

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from Dress Barn. from the one like skirt that

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I'm out like, really mom? But you explained to

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me like, why is it that I have this, you know,

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people like me, I'm sure that other people are

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like me. Why do we either have that craving that

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I have to show everything has to be, you know,

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a name or I'm okay if it's just, you know, it

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doesn't matter to me. I drive a 2005 Honda Civic.

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Really like if anyone says anything and says

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they don't really have that feeling But i'm jumping

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around on the other hand maryann I do understand

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where money is and I feel like that's that half

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the time. I sound very silly You know thinking

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oh like look at me. I don't need money, but of

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course we need money and I need money for my

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future So I need to balance this all so if you're

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on the same train as me press like Absolutely.

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I love that you brought that up because that

00:13:48.179 --> 00:13:50.080
was one of my questions. Why are some people

00:13:50.080 --> 00:13:53.720
driven to buy the luxury brands the Mary Kay

00:13:53.720 --> 00:13:57.139
or Michael course? Why are they driven to buy

00:13:57.139 --> 00:13:59.299
those when for you? That's not important. You

00:13:59.299 --> 00:14:02.279
can buy 10 times that amount for the same price

00:14:02.279 --> 00:14:05.740
and it really comes down to what we value. So

00:14:05.740 --> 00:14:09.960
I found So when I saw these trends and patterns

00:14:09.960 --> 00:14:13.039
in my own spending, I reached out to people and

00:14:13.039 --> 00:14:15.200
said, do you struggle with these same things,

00:14:15.320 --> 00:14:17.960
buying emotionally, buying impulsively? And I

00:14:17.960 --> 00:14:21.779
identified six spending types that that categorize

00:14:21.779 --> 00:14:25.759
or they summarize the main reasons or primary

00:14:25.759 --> 00:14:31.639
drive that we have to spend. And so the the cool

00:14:31.639 --> 00:14:34.179
thing about the spending types is it identifies

00:14:34.179 --> 00:14:38.429
what triggers you to spend each of them. has

00:14:38.429 --> 00:14:43.389
is tied to a basic human need. So we have Maslow's

00:14:43.389 --> 00:14:46.330
hierarchy of need. And the basic is food, water,

00:14:46.429 --> 00:14:49.190
shelter, human relations. And then we have the

00:14:49.190 --> 00:14:52.350
higher needs like love and belonging, self esteem

00:14:52.350 --> 00:14:55.730
and reaching your highest potential. And for

00:14:55.730 --> 00:14:59.750
some that need to be loved and belong to a certain

00:14:59.750 --> 00:15:04.470
group of like high status is very very compelling

00:15:04.470 --> 00:15:07.470
for them that is a need for them more than even

00:15:07.470 --> 00:15:11.470
food even basic necessities and so for them their

00:15:11.470 --> 00:15:15.470
spending reflects buying things that makes them

00:15:15.470 --> 00:15:17.789
feel like they belong or brings them that love

00:15:17.789 --> 00:15:21.149
and admiration from other people. And so when

00:15:21.149 --> 00:15:25.250
we buy that item, we think that we got the happiness

00:15:25.250 --> 00:15:28.350
from the item, but it's actually because we got

00:15:28.350 --> 00:15:32.009
that need met of feeling loved and having that

00:15:32.009 --> 00:15:35.610
belonging. And so that's what I find so fascinating

00:15:35.610 --> 00:15:39.610
is that you can't really argue when someone's

00:15:39.610 --> 00:15:42.230
saying, I don't feel like a need is being met.

00:15:42.620 --> 00:15:46.659
That's when spending is so individual because

00:15:46.659 --> 00:15:49.480
you're spending to fill a need that's not being

00:15:49.480 --> 00:15:53.200
met. And instead of filling it with external

00:15:53.200 --> 00:15:56.980
things, we need to fill it with the internal

00:15:56.980 --> 00:15:59.840
things that bring us that true happiness. For

00:15:59.840 --> 00:16:03.960
me, I realized that I wanted that self worth

00:16:03.960 --> 00:16:07.470
and I wanted that purpose again. And instead

00:16:07.470 --> 00:16:10.190
of putting all that money toward shopping and

00:16:10.190 --> 00:16:12.450
things that I just threw in my closet and didn't

00:16:12.450 --> 00:16:17.059
wear, I decided to put that money toward personal

00:16:17.059 --> 00:16:19.519
development. That's something I love. I love

00:16:19.519 --> 00:16:23.100
learning about what we do and why we act as humans

00:16:23.100 --> 00:16:26.360
and just how to be the better me. But I told

00:16:26.360 --> 00:16:28.379
myself over and over, oh, that's too expensive.

00:16:28.500 --> 00:16:31.120
That's too expensive. And I said, no, I'm going

00:16:31.120 --> 00:16:33.299
to spend less money by doing something that is

00:16:33.299 --> 00:16:36.720
more valuable to me than any one item of clothing

00:16:36.720 --> 00:16:40.820
ever was. And as soon as I switched that perspective,

00:16:41.259 --> 00:16:43.740
it's like my spending almost stopped overnight.

00:16:43.929 --> 00:16:46.389
And I still have issues where, you know, I'm

00:16:46.389 --> 00:16:48.929
tempted. My emotions are out of whack. I need

00:16:48.929 --> 00:16:52.149
I have that need to pick myself up when I'm feeling

00:16:52.149 --> 00:16:55.889
down. We all have those moments. But I realize

00:16:55.889 --> 00:16:59.490
that it's not going to make me happy. It's not

00:16:59.490 --> 00:17:02.070
going to give me lasting happiness, like the

00:17:02.070 --> 00:17:04.769
personal development did. And so for each of

00:17:04.769 --> 00:17:07.769
us, we really have to look not just what we're

00:17:07.769 --> 00:17:11.490
buying, but why we're buying those things. What

00:17:11.490 --> 00:17:14.029
are we escaping from? What are we trying to buy?

00:17:14.130 --> 00:17:16.869
What feelings are we trying to buy externally

00:17:16.869 --> 00:17:21.710
that we should be validating internally? I just

00:17:21.710 --> 00:17:25.609
want to let that breathe for a minute. This is

00:17:25.609 --> 00:17:31.289
a lot of really good information. So someone

00:17:31.289 --> 00:17:33.809
first of all has to identify. You know what?

00:17:34.230 --> 00:17:36.670
I'm like a squirrel dropping around. I love it.

00:17:40.179 --> 00:17:42.700
Sometimes I think, so I have three boys, right?

00:17:43.039 --> 00:17:46.519
So my oldest son is like me. Sorry, Alex, throwing

00:17:46.519 --> 00:17:48.299
you under the bus. He's not great with money.

00:17:48.619 --> 00:17:51.160
He has the same thing like, well, it's my last

00:17:51.160 --> 00:17:53.279
time I'm gonna be here, so let's spend it out.

00:17:53.880 --> 00:17:56.500
Like we're just bad with money and always struggling.

00:17:56.960 --> 00:17:59.339
And then my middle son is amazing with money,

00:17:59.480 --> 00:18:01.640
very careful. I mean, he went down to talk when

00:18:01.640 --> 00:18:03.859
he was 20, but now at 35, he's really, really

00:18:03.859 --> 00:18:07.019
good. And then my 25 -year -old works hard for

00:18:07.019 --> 00:18:09.859
his money, and he's also very smart. And so I

00:18:09.859 --> 00:18:13.380
always wonder, does it come down? I feel like

00:18:13.380 --> 00:18:15.299
I miss the classes that my parents must have

00:18:15.299 --> 00:18:17.059
been teaching my older brother and sister, because

00:18:17.059 --> 00:18:19.599
they're brilliant with money. My other siblings

00:18:19.599 --> 00:18:23.339
are great. I'm not. Did I just not pay attention

00:18:23.339 --> 00:18:25.259
to my parents when they were talking about money?

00:18:26.220 --> 00:18:29.000
That's a good question. Because, you know, I

00:18:29.000 --> 00:18:31.400
grew up in a family that money was always talked

00:18:31.400 --> 00:18:35.220
about. And my, my parents are very financially

00:18:35.220 --> 00:18:38.200
successful, stable. They've got a lot of things

00:18:38.200 --> 00:18:43.279
I admire. And growing up, I took that lesson

00:18:43.279 --> 00:18:45.500
of you need to be good with money by saving.

00:18:45.720 --> 00:18:48.160
You only save, you don't spend. You only spend

00:18:48.160 --> 00:18:50.859
when you're retired. That was kind of the mentality

00:18:50.859 --> 00:18:52.799
I had. I said, if I want to get to the point

00:18:52.799 --> 00:18:55.619
where my parents are, I need to save, save, save

00:18:55.619 --> 00:18:59.750
every dime, every penny. And so I did. And in

00:18:59.750 --> 00:19:01.529
in some regard, yeah, I was good with money.

00:19:01.549 --> 00:19:04.430
But when I got married, so I was fortunate to

00:19:04.430 --> 00:19:06.950
have like scholarships and help from my family

00:19:06.950 --> 00:19:09.349
to go through college and things. And so I didn't

00:19:09.349 --> 00:19:13.230
have that need to buy and afford everything.

00:19:13.650 --> 00:19:16.049
I had that help. And so that's that's something

00:19:16.049 --> 00:19:19.730
that was a very big blessing to me. But when

00:19:19.730 --> 00:19:22.549
I got married, I became in charge of the finances.

00:19:22.769 --> 00:19:26.130
And I saw the money and I was like, can go buy

00:19:26.130 --> 00:19:28.529
fun things now like I didn't allow myself to

00:19:28.529 --> 00:19:31.710
do that before and so I just went the total opposite

00:19:31.710 --> 00:19:35.890
way because I It was like oh I didn't get to

00:19:35.890 --> 00:19:38.150
do this when I was younger like and I could have

00:19:38.150 --> 00:19:42.730
but I chose not to because at the time The security

00:19:42.730 --> 00:19:46.190
of putting money toward future rainy days was

00:19:46.190 --> 00:19:49.470
more important than material things And then

00:19:49.470 --> 00:19:52.630
when I got married when I became a mom it was

00:19:52.630 --> 00:19:55.289
really when I became a mom when I just felt so

00:19:55.500 --> 00:19:59.279
Tapped out so just emotionally drained I really

00:19:59.279 --> 00:20:01.819
wanted that pick me up and I was like this is

00:20:01.819 --> 00:20:04.059
gonna make me happy this item that I'm buying

00:20:04.059 --> 00:20:05.799
is gonna make me happy because it makes me look

00:20:05.799 --> 00:20:09.140
good it makes me feel good and And again, we

00:20:09.140 --> 00:20:11.359
just think that it's the eye objects. We buy

00:20:11.359 --> 00:20:14.619
that brings us that internal happiness, but it's

00:20:14.619 --> 00:20:20.420
not and so it really doesn't there is some some

00:20:20.420 --> 00:20:25.660
Proof to there is a backstory for everyone. If

00:20:25.660 --> 00:20:28.119
you grew up in a very poor household or a very

00:20:28.119 --> 00:20:31.720
affluent household, it really does play a role,

00:20:31.900 --> 00:20:35.819
but it doesn't mean that like your family, your

00:20:35.819 --> 00:20:37.960
siblings all got the right message. You didn't

00:20:37.960 --> 00:20:40.200
get the right message. It just comes down to

00:20:40.200 --> 00:20:44.380
needs and values. And for you, it sounds like

00:20:44.380 --> 00:20:48.519
necessities. You sound like someone that is kind

00:20:48.519 --> 00:20:51.890
of Tell me, tell me if you agree with this. You

00:20:51.890 --> 00:20:55.529
kind of value like you only live once, but also

00:20:55.529 --> 00:20:57.670
like you've got to save and you've got to have

00:20:57.670 --> 00:20:59.990
that money for rainy days. Does that sound like

00:20:59.990 --> 00:21:03.170
more accurate or? Yeah, so my parents were very

00:21:03.170 --> 00:21:05.029
giving. I grew up with money, so that was never

00:21:05.029 --> 00:21:07.289
really the issue. I never wanted for anything.

00:21:08.029 --> 00:21:12.529
And then growing up, I mean, I worked, my parents,

00:21:12.710 --> 00:21:14.589
you know, we had to work and, you know, I was

00:21:14.589 --> 00:21:16.349
given the car and those kind of things, but.

00:21:17.079 --> 00:21:20.619
I used to draw, my house was always a small little

00:21:20.619 --> 00:21:23.180
house with a picket fence and it was never the

00:21:23.180 --> 00:21:26.359
mansion. It was a little tiny home. Looking at

00:21:26.359 --> 00:21:29.279
it now, that's what I wanted. I didn't feel like

00:21:29.279 --> 00:21:31.480
I, and I still feel like I don't, why do I need

00:21:31.480 --> 00:21:33.339
a big house? You can only be in one room at one

00:21:33.339 --> 00:21:35.859
time. So like in my mind, but I will share that

00:21:35.859 --> 00:21:39.619
my parents, where I struggle with is that they

00:21:39.619 --> 00:21:41.500
would take people out to eat and they always

00:21:41.500 --> 00:21:44.279
paid the bill. They always took the bill and

00:21:44.279 --> 00:21:47.210
watching them do that, I saw the pleasure that

00:21:47.210 --> 00:21:48.950
they got. I saw the pleasure that other people

00:21:48.950 --> 00:21:51.569
got. And then it felt awkward for me not to do

00:21:51.569 --> 00:21:55.250
the same thing. So when I go out to eat, if I

00:21:55.250 --> 00:21:57.369
say, Marianne, you and I are out to eat, and

00:21:57.369 --> 00:21:59.630
if I say to the server, oh, we're going to have

00:21:59.630 --> 00:22:02.630
separate bills, know that that takes a lot for

00:22:02.630 --> 00:22:05.210
me. Because normally, I want to grab the bill,

00:22:05.670 --> 00:22:08.289
but then I have things that I can't always do

00:22:08.289 --> 00:22:10.529
that. I realize that that's something awful.

00:22:10.809 --> 00:22:14.829
Really, I am a restaurant spender. I love going

00:22:14.829 --> 00:22:17.069
out because I hate my kitchen. I literally hate

00:22:17.069 --> 00:22:19.529
cooking. I do not like it. I cook, but I don't

00:22:19.529 --> 00:22:23.210
like it. So I go out and that, but sometimes

00:22:23.210 --> 00:22:25.910
I'm very careful. Other times my eyes are bigger

00:22:25.910 --> 00:22:29.269
than my stomach and I want more. And my mom always

00:22:29.269 --> 00:22:32.150
said to me, the one thing she did say is, Adrienne,

00:22:32.190 --> 00:22:36.349
money burns a hole in your pocket. Yeah. Yeah.

00:22:36.750 --> 00:22:42.819
Yeah, that's true. I think the best because everyone's

00:22:42.819 --> 00:22:44.619
different. For you, it's restaurants. I love

00:22:44.619 --> 00:22:48.299
food. I'm a foodie. And I think the best analogy

00:22:48.299 --> 00:22:50.819
is kind of calorie counting, macro counting.

00:22:51.279 --> 00:22:54.220
So I have a certain number of calories that I'm

00:22:54.220 --> 00:22:57.480
supposed to eat a day to achieve the goal weight

00:22:57.480 --> 00:23:01.440
that I want. And I need to stick to that in order

00:23:01.440 --> 00:23:05.109
to achieve the goal weight. Now within that it's

00:23:05.109 --> 00:23:07.690
it's over a thousand calories it's 1200 calories

00:23:07.690 --> 00:23:10.210
within those calories there's different sections

00:23:10.210 --> 00:23:13.390
so there's a section for protein there's a section

00:23:13.390 --> 00:23:18.150
for fat and then so we have protein fat and I'm

00:23:18.150 --> 00:23:21.490
forgetting the other one oh my gosh anyway so

00:23:21.490 --> 00:23:24.750
we have these three areas that we're we're looking

00:23:24.750 --> 00:23:30.950
at and I at first I would plan my day and put

00:23:30.950 --> 00:23:33.960
the meals and then I would put the sweets at

00:23:33.960 --> 00:23:36.740
the end. But I am very motivated by desserts

00:23:36.740 --> 00:23:40.200
and sweets. I am super motivated by those. And

00:23:40.200 --> 00:23:44.019
so once I realized that if I plan those first,

00:23:44.500 --> 00:23:47.259
and then I cut in the areas that I don't really

00:23:47.259 --> 00:23:51.660
care about, that still meets my 1200. It still

00:23:51.660 --> 00:23:58.839
meets that requirement. And I will Compare something

00:23:58.839 --> 00:24:02.019
that I want to those treats. So for me, it's

00:24:02.019 --> 00:24:04.240
those strawberries and cream Lindor chocolates

00:24:04.240 --> 00:24:07.319
They are so stinking good They had them for Valentine's

00:24:07.319 --> 00:24:10.019
Day and I've like ordered some because I just

00:24:10.019 --> 00:24:13.359
love them anyway So I was at a birthday party

00:24:13.359 --> 00:24:16.980
last weekend and they had some cake and I asked

00:24:16.980 --> 00:24:19.119
my husband I said do you think this is a cake

00:24:19.119 --> 00:24:22.160
I would like or do you think I would prefer my

00:24:22.160 --> 00:24:24.119
Lindor chocolates because he just knows how much

00:24:24.119 --> 00:24:26.940
I love those he's like honestly I think you'd

00:24:26.940 --> 00:24:29.380
prefer the Lindor chocolates. It's so -so. And

00:24:29.380 --> 00:24:32.480
I was like, OK. So I waited. I didn't have that

00:24:32.480 --> 00:24:38.019
key, even though I wanted it. I wanted those

00:24:38.019 --> 00:24:40.059
Lindor chocolates more than the cake. And so

00:24:40.059 --> 00:24:41.880
we kind of have to think of that trade off with

00:24:41.880 --> 00:24:44.240
budgeting. We need to think that I have a certain

00:24:44.240 --> 00:24:46.200
amount that I can use today that I can use for

00:24:46.200 --> 00:24:49.180
the month. Do I want this now or do I want this

00:24:49.180 --> 00:24:52.539
other thing later? And we have to have that comparison

00:24:52.539 --> 00:24:55.779
point. Otherwise, we're just going to always

00:24:55.779 --> 00:24:59.339
given in the moment and so for you if you prioritize

00:24:59.339 --> 00:25:02.119
eating out great let's just cut into areas that

00:25:02.119 --> 00:25:04.279
you don't care about it sounds like you don't

00:25:04.279 --> 00:25:06.720
really care about clothing and accessories for

00:25:06.720 --> 00:25:11.140
yourself but and that's fine so find things that

00:25:11.140 --> 00:25:16.339
you can cut costs in so that you can really enjoy

00:25:16.339 --> 00:25:19.400
eating out so it doesn't feel like a sacrifice

00:25:19.400 --> 00:25:22.960
because when we're sacrificing especially with

00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:25.809
money if we say, no, I'm not going to spend money

00:25:25.809 --> 00:25:28.970
on that, that money that we don't spend gets

00:25:28.970 --> 00:25:32.549
lost in checking. And we just see it being spent.

00:25:32.549 --> 00:25:34.609
So it's like, well, why did I give up on something

00:25:34.609 --> 00:25:37.829
that I could have participated in like FOMO?

00:25:37.849 --> 00:25:40.309
Why did I have that when it's just getting spent?

00:25:40.769 --> 00:25:44.720
So we really need to Save that money and be intentional

00:25:44.720 --> 00:25:47.240
about I'm not spending the $40 here so I can

00:25:47.240 --> 00:25:49.519
spend it somewhere else You need to put that

00:25:49.519 --> 00:25:52.519
money either in another account or just keep

00:25:52.519 --> 00:25:55.140
track on like a vision on the paper and just

00:25:55.140 --> 00:26:00.000
say like $40 $80 $20 toward what I really want

00:26:00.000 --> 00:26:03.619
and that way that money is already there That's

00:26:03.619 --> 00:26:06.019
what I really encourage people to do. Otherwise,

00:26:06.500 --> 00:26:08.799
it just gets too hard when you're in the moment.

00:26:08.880 --> 00:26:11.240
You don't want to miss out. No one wants to miss

00:26:11.240 --> 00:26:14.279
out. Well, you know what also gets me is that

00:26:14.279 --> 00:26:18.960
I have to, like if I'm like someone that has

00:26:18.960 --> 00:26:21.740
a GoFundMe account, I feel like I have to donate.

00:26:22.119 --> 00:26:24.180
I'm always trying to support other people because

00:26:24.180 --> 00:26:26.859
I want to. It gives me a lot of pleasure. And

00:26:26.859 --> 00:26:29.480
so there's been times where I'm like, wow, I

00:26:29.480 --> 00:26:31.319
got, you know, I just, I, there's just a big

00:26:31.319 --> 00:26:33.420
need, but how could someone work with you, Mary

00:26:33.420 --> 00:26:35.220
Ann? What does that look like working with you?

00:26:35.420 --> 00:26:39.279
Yeah. So I have a couple of ways. So my spending

00:26:39.279 --> 00:26:41.960
types quiz is free. You can take to identify

00:26:41.960 --> 00:26:45.180
what drives your urge to spend. And that's the

00:26:45.180 --> 00:26:47.940
first step in what I say, becoming un -shoppable,

00:26:48.059 --> 00:26:50.880
how to overcome that urge to shop. And then if

00:26:50.880 --> 00:26:53.720
you want to join my free community, it's the

00:26:53.720 --> 00:26:57.019
money make under community on Facebook. And then

00:26:57.019 --> 00:27:00.400
both with the quiz, you'll get the email results

00:27:00.400 --> 00:27:03.039
of the quiz and you'll get invited to the Facebook

00:27:03.039 --> 00:27:05.920
group. And then I have my course become on shoppable.

00:27:06.200 --> 00:27:08.259
So there's lots of ways to work out with me one

00:27:08.259 --> 00:27:11.180
on one group. But really the most beneficial

00:27:11.180 --> 00:27:13.420
to start with is to just figure out what drives

00:27:13.420 --> 00:27:16.380
your urge to spend so that you can become aware

00:27:16.380 --> 00:27:19.710
of it and go. do I want my money to go toward

00:27:19.710 --> 00:27:21.589
these things that I'm buying or do I want it

00:27:21.589 --> 00:27:25.289
to go to something I value more? Wow, I love

00:27:25.289 --> 00:27:27.490
this. So you're going to send me your headshot

00:27:27.490 --> 00:27:30.109
and send me all this information so I can put

00:27:30.109 --> 00:27:34.119
it out there. Yeah, I mean, this is an interesting

00:27:34.119 --> 00:27:35.960
conversation, but I love that you took it from

00:27:35.960 --> 00:27:39.259
a whole nother level of understanding the psychology

00:27:39.259 --> 00:27:41.759
of where they're coming from, and not just saying,

00:27:41.799 --> 00:27:43.680
you got that, but that's all about your now.

00:27:44.059 --> 00:27:48.680
Thank you for that. I really needed this conversation.

00:27:48.720 --> 00:27:50.660
And I got free coaching, too. So look at that.

00:27:50.740 --> 00:27:53.359
I know. There you go. I love it. I'm so glad

00:27:53.359 --> 00:27:56.079
Mary Ann, you're you're an excellent host. Excellent

00:27:56.079 --> 00:28:00.380
host. You're an excellent guest. I was too. Oh,

00:28:00.400 --> 00:28:02.119
thank you. I'm just being myself. You know what?

00:28:02.259 --> 00:28:04.400
I figured I just might as well be real because

00:28:04.400 --> 00:28:08.200
this is this is truly the situation that I am

00:28:08.200 --> 00:28:11.059
in is, you know, my husband doesn't work. He's

00:28:11.059 --> 00:28:13.880
got leukemia and a traumatic brain injury. So

00:28:13.880 --> 00:28:15.700
I'm part of the money. But then I always say,

00:28:15.900 --> 00:28:17.960
well, you should pay yourself first or you're

00:28:17.960 --> 00:28:19.019
all right. Well, you know, if I don't have a

00:28:19.019 --> 00:28:21.759
vacation, I'll end up burned out. And so I want

00:28:21.759 --> 00:28:24.559
to go away on vacation and like all those little

00:28:24.559 --> 00:28:27.759
things. So, yeah, yeah. Their needs, their needs.

00:28:27.880 --> 00:28:31.829
I totally feel you. I love it. I love it. Thank

00:28:31.829 --> 00:28:33.950
you so much for being with me. Thank you for

00:28:33.950 --> 00:28:36.089
your 30 minutes. It was great. Thank you for

00:28:36.089 --> 00:28:38.130
your patience in the beginning. And thank you

00:28:38.130 --> 00:28:41.849
for ending the seven hour, no, the seven podcasts

00:28:41.849 --> 00:28:45.150
in a row, which I did. I think I can do like

00:28:45.150 --> 00:28:48.170
10 more. That's a huge accomplishment. I want

00:28:48.170 --> 00:28:50.329
to do like the Guinness World of Records and

00:28:50.329 --> 00:28:52.049
do like how many. So I'm going to look it up

00:28:52.049 --> 00:28:54.250
and maybe I'll just do like a weekend marathon,

00:28:54.329 --> 00:28:58.769
right? That's amazing. I'll have you back. Happy

00:28:58.769 --> 00:29:00.309
back and then I could break it up into segments.

00:29:00.309 --> 00:29:03.549
I got some little fruit fly. Anyways, thank you

00:29:03.549 --> 00:29:05.490
so much for being here and I'm gonna turn this

00:29:05.490 --> 00:29:08.029
into a podcast too. We're live and I'll be turning

00:29:08.029 --> 00:29:09.789
it in so I'll get you all the information after

00:29:09.789 --> 00:29:11.609
you send it to me with the show notes. You had

00:29:11.609 --> 00:29:14.250
a lot of good quotes too, so thank you. Thank

00:29:14.250 --> 00:29:16.490
you. Oh, where are you located? I don't even

00:29:16.490 --> 00:29:22.349
know. Oh, Utah. What about you? I'm in Northern

00:29:22.349 --> 00:29:25.130
Utah. What about you? Daytona Beach, Florida.

00:29:25.589 --> 00:29:29.140
Oh, I'm so jealous. I love, we lived in Tucson

00:29:29.140 --> 00:29:30.839
for a while and I just love the mountains. Do

00:29:30.839 --> 00:29:33.559
you have mountains where you are? Yes, gorgeous.

00:29:33.759 --> 00:29:36.099
We live right by the mountains. So yeah, we're

00:29:36.099 --> 00:29:39.079
really lucky. The white cap, it is beautiful.

00:29:39.440 --> 00:29:41.740
I am jealous. All right, my next trip. Oh, you

00:29:41.740 --> 00:29:44.819
know what I do? I started doing trusted house

00:29:44.819 --> 00:29:47.740
sitter and so I could travel. So when I did the

00:29:47.740 --> 00:29:50.380
four months, I did lay out kind of a budget.

00:29:50.680 --> 00:29:52.819
It was easy to write about a budget than doing

00:29:52.819 --> 00:29:55.920
it. But the trusted house sitter, I sat for People's

00:29:55.920 --> 00:29:59.440
Pets for free, my daughter and I. And that really

00:29:59.440 --> 00:30:01.880
made the trip. It was so much fun, but it also

00:30:01.880 --> 00:30:05.099
saved money. And taking care of People's Pets

00:30:05.099 --> 00:30:08.599
was like a gift for us. So I am pretty proud

00:30:08.599 --> 00:30:11.339
of what I did with my 2005 Honda Civic, that

00:30:11.339 --> 00:30:14.579
we drove it and we had a great time, but we did.

00:30:14.880 --> 00:30:18.940
We watched every penny to make sure. Yeah, you

00:30:18.940 --> 00:30:20.619
cut in the areas that you didn't really care

00:30:20.619 --> 00:30:22.920
about so that you could afford that vacation.

00:30:22.980 --> 00:30:25.059
That's great. I love that. I can afford a big

00:30:25.059 --> 00:30:29.880
burger. Hey, that's my type. That's my type of

00:30:29.880 --> 00:30:32.599
way to spend. I'm hungry too. All right. Thank

00:30:32.599 --> 00:30:34.380
you. Have a great rest of the day. You really

00:30:34.380 --> 00:30:38.220
made my day. Thank you. Thank you. This is fantastic.