Healing After Psychological Abuse: Divorce Recovery & Reclaiming Your Identity

Welcome to another episode of Bent Not Broken. Heartbreak and trauma may feel like the end of your story, but here it's the beginning of a bold new chapter. I'm your host, Coach Deborah Griffiths, and this is the space where women rise, rebuild, and rediscover their purpose. Remember this truth. You are bent, not broken. Welcome back to this bent, not broken bonus coaching session. I want to take you deeper into the powerful and raw conversation I had with Kristen Crabtree, a certified divorce coach and the creator of the Paramour Paradox. Kristen spent 22 years in a psychologically abusive marriage, and what she shared is something so many of you living through divorce, emotional abuse, or gaslighting will instantly recognize. Today I'm breaking down the biggest takeaways from our conversation and giving you practical coaching insights you can apply right now, especially if you're trying to heal after divorce, rebuild your identity, or simply figure out who you are now. Coaching insight number one, we never fought is not a sign of a healthy marriage. One of the most powerful things Kristen said was this. She thought her marriage was wonderful because they never fought. But the truth was she had learned never to disagree. If you were in a psychologically abusive relationship, chances are you learned how to stay quiet, stay agreeable, and stay safe. Over time that silence becomes automatic, and eventually you stop hearing your own voice. Ask yourself, where did I stop disagreeing to keep the peace? And when did my voice become quieter than my fear? That awareness alone is the beginning of healing. Coaching inside number two, psychological abuse happens in chips, not blows. Kristen explained something so important. Psychological abuse doesn't happen in one big moment. It happens in thousands of tiny ones. Correction, criticism, control, how you speak, how you clean, how you breathe. And over time those chips leave you feeling confused, exhausted, and invisible. If you're struggling to trust yourself after divorce, there is nothing wrong with you. Your nervous system has been living in survival mode. Coaching insight number three. Survival strategies are not failures. You may be carrying shame for who you had to become to survive. But let me be very clear. Survival strategies are not character flaws, they are evidence of resilience. Kristen reminds us that many people confuse survival adaptations with identity, but they're not the same thing. You didn't lose yourself, you protected yourself. And now you get to choose what stays and what no longer serves you. Coaching insight number four. Heal the four bodies after divorce. Kristen teaches a powerful framework based on healing the four bodies mental, emotional, physical, spiritual. And when one is dysregulated, especially after emotional abuse or gaslighting, the others follow. Ask yourself today, which body needs support right now? You don't have to heal everything at once. Start where the signal is the loudest. Coaching insight number five. Awareness begins with one pause. One of the biggest takeaways from this conversation is this. Healing doesn't begin with action, it begins with awareness. And awareness begins with quiet, not a two-hour meditation, not perfection. Sometimes healing starts with one breath. Try this now. Pause. Inhale slowly. Exhale fully. And say to yourself, this can be different. That moment breaks the trauma loop. If you're navigating divorce recovery, healing from gaslighting, or rebuilding your identity after emotional abuse, remember this. You are not broken. You were surviving. And now you are remembering who you are. If you haven't listened to my full conversation with Kristen Crabtree yet, go back and listen. It's a powerful companion to this episode. You may be bent, but you are never broken. Thank you for listening to today's episode of Bent Not Broken. I hope that this episode reminded you that even through life's toughest moments, you are bent, not broken. If this message inspired you, please share, rate, review, and subscribe, as it helps us reach more women who are ready to rise and rebuild. And until next time, keep living bold and walking in your purpose.